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superconfessional II: the sequel


SSchadenfreude

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Found these pictures going through my hard drive recently. Haven't shared this publicly, save for a few friends, and I'm confident enough time has passed to where I won't face any repercussions. I was at university in a one way parking garage, waiting, with my signal on to turn left into a spot that someone was about to vacate. Out of nowhere, a heavyset girl zoomed up from behind me, cut me off, then proceed to jack my spot. I rolled up and told her I was waiting for that spot and had my blinkers on. She acted like I was invisible. This is at 10:30am in the morning, when it's just about impossible to find a spot, even if you paid for the $200 permit. I was already late for the class, so I said fuck it, drove back to my apt, grabbed a knife, came back and stabbed all 4 of her tires.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

almost as entertaining as the burglar stalking posts!  :P

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I was young, lost my cool and got irrational. I wouldnt do the same thing today. I do feel bad thinking back but I still think it's a funny anecdote.

No. No regrets bro. U went about it in the proper way. I kno people who'd have pulled out their 9 irons or putters. who'd not only have killed her car but mighta gave fatty coronary thrombosis. U were cool and rational in that u waited , wore gloves, etx and didn't get up in her fat grill right then and there

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I come from a mixed race, immigrant background but ostensibly I look completely white. while this has probably conferred a net-positive set of advantages, it has also resulted in a lifelong identity crisis and a persistent sense of self-loathing. 

 
I left college deeply frustrated with myself, my achievements, a failed relationship, and the impression I had left on my school and my classmates. I dealt with this frustration simply by running away to the opposite side of the country, severing many of my friendships and contacts. this is my most common way of dealing with difficult problems. 
 
I have a high-paying job in a field that is widely disparaged for its social irresponsibility, a sentiment I actually mostly agree with. this contributes to my self-loathing.
 
I've been financially independent since leaving high school, and even before then (the primary impetus for me seeking said high-paying job). throughout my life, and even now, I've always felt that I've had to work 2x as hard to achieve equal (read: slightly less) status with my peers. I have never had a reliable support system to fall back on. 
 
even if I had one, I probably wouldn't make use of it. I'm independent to a fault. I've wasted a lot of time, money and effort trying to do things entirely on my own, when things could have been easier had I stopped to take a deep breath and reach out to the people that care about me.
 
I find myself low-key looking up to personas and picturesque lifestyles that are ultimately unrealistic. I have severe FOMO. I spend too much of my income chasing a lifestyle that I think I've always wanted but one that is selfish and financially insensible. I sometimes feel that this lifestyle doesn't suit my true character.
 
I'm afraid of asserting and expressing myself--socially, creatively, whatever. hate almost everyone because I can see the parts of myself that I don't like in them. 
 
after dealing with the aforementioned failed relationship, I was dating a girl who I found mostly uninteresting but who I stuck around with because she was nice to me and because I didn't want someone who would damage my ego.
 
I loathe chaos but I am fundamentally disorganized. I am compulsive and yet somehow lazy. I rarely improve or motivate myself without the arrival of some kind of personal or external hardship. I needlessly gravitate towards struggle.
 
the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that the universe does not give a fuck about this pettiness. 
 
my other superconfessional is that I deleted my OG account and went into sufu exile in college because I got neg repped into oblivion and severely ripped on by woogle for saying some dumb shit in superawkward, lol. 
Edited by nah_bruh
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I could write an essay in a minute, ask anyone

end of day all that matters is if ur happy

always a struggle, even if they don't show it outwards

things have always been easy for me to grasp

but you know that people place me w/higher level of expectation because of it.

even though by nature I'm lazy, they don't understand I finish it fast because I rather spend the rest of the time in leisure and I do it correct so I won't have to redo it again. so I can chill and do stupid things

grass is always greener.

I think everyone should have a near death experience, it really pops u out of a bubble & puts things into perspective

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^^^


“Now those psychedelic years seem far away; I neither miss them nor regret them.  Drugs can clear away the past, enhance the present; toward the inner garden, they can only point the way.  Lacking the temper of ascetic discipline, the drug vision remains a sort of dream that cannot be brought over into daily life.  Old mists may be banished, that is true, but the alien chemical agent forms another mist, maintaining the separation of the “I†from the experience of the One.â€


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doesn't sound like you are sad, sounds like you are depressed.  there is a big difference.  sadness is a feeling that works towards an end and will resolve itself productively if you let it run the course.  depression is a lack of proper emotional expression.  people think depressed kids have to be sadboys but it is actually more like feeling lost, hopeless, or immobilized.  unlike sadness, depression will not run the course by itself.

 

sometimes you can get depressed when a large childhood trauma is working its way out of your psyche,  your brain shuts down a lot of facilities because it can only handle so much data at once.  sometimes a depression is your body's way of telling you to get your act in gear and cut some of the bullshit in the way of the only two things that matter, which are pursuing your desires and forming deeper human connections.  i would relate it to taking a really constipated shit.  dovo, i hope you get through this bowel movement in a safe and timely manner.  or take your time, whatever.  you know you have a lot of buddies here

Edited by cameron-
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dovo i aint gonna come at u with advice, just best wishes buddy hope things look up for u soon and u can revel in the success u earned

 

edit: i just wanna plus rep the world

Edited by haploid
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