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Two Facts About Your Neighborhood


KyleFall

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west berkeley is all factory and then there is 4th street where all the yuppies go to be rich. and 2 blocks away is the bay trail where once a week someone gets raped or killed.

im really happy that i dont live in compton anymore. the bay area is nothing compared to that.

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At School

1) Dead past 7pm and on weekends.

2) The occasional rape/assault/mugging in or around campus

At Home

1) 3$ for a 1/4 of a large pizza and a pop

2) A park where kids resort to spraypainting "bloodz" on trees

Oh, and it's stuck in 1995

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1) The Power Rangers from the 1st season live/used to live in my neighborhood. Film episodes here too. The Green/White Ranger (Tommy) has his Martial Arts studio here And for that, I am very proud. But not really.

2) My town got destoyed in 24, season 6 (and Jack Bauer tends to keep coming to my hood. The terrorist can't seem to stay away!)

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3rd fact:

i live in yuppie central. no ghetto's, no battlefields. amongst the pink frosting and luxury condos, shit is still real in brooklyn.

your location says crooklyn? as a "brooklynite" i'm saddned anytime i see that. but yea, shit is still real in brooklyn.

at school

-astro land and coney island are literally a 5 min walk away

-neighboring school use to come trough on occasion for a good old fight... Schools shut down now and we got all there rejects. *sigh

at home

-nice pier a few blocks away thats awesome to skate at

-owls head park.

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I wrote a poem a while back about my Mom's house in a suburb of Los Angeles called Santa Clarita. I had to stay there one summer and really ended up hating it

These are the statistics of the Santa Clarita Valley

I'll provide the numbers, you keep the tally.

Countless alcoholics, but 1 decent bar...

4 SUV's for every damn car.

Oh yes indeed, 1 diverse population

150,000 white, 50 blacks, and 12 asians

2 fucking legends used to live here in hell

Pee-Wee Herman, and Zack Morris....from Saved by the Bell.

105 degrees every day in the summer

600 Milfs are driving new hummers

2 Home Depots an Osh and a Lowe's,

1 mayor who's too fat to see his own toes

12,000 homes look exactly the same

Only 4 goddamn days, of annual rain

1 public library and 1 sheriff station

And COC, the Crown Jewel of higher education

4 seismic faults, they say are ticking time bombs

Three quarters of adults still live at their mom's

3 of the cops that beat Rodney King down

live here, it's true, I've seen 'em 'round town.

5 dollars at the door, but you know you got screwed

When there's 1 fucking toilet for 300 dudes.

These are the numbers, the math has been done.

Add them together....you get 661.

661 is the area code over there btw...

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at home in toronto:

-one of my neighbours was in the italian mafia and was shot in the doorway of a bakery that was used for money laundering...his widow still lives in the house

-mr & mrs smith down the street have two huskeys, brother and sister...the sister had puppies several years back, and they brought them to the vet to discover that they were half coyote! so sooo cute!

at my student house in hamilton:

-the bums from downtown wander into the student housing hood to steal our empty wine bottles on monday mornings

-apparently hamilton has the highest permanent disability rate per capita in north america (we count how many electric wheelchairs we see when we go downtown, the record is like 18 in a single lunch outing)

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1. The newly formed band across the street that rehearses night and day is called Pork Sword.

2. I came home last week to find firemen washing blood on the street into the sewage drain. Apparently, a shoplifter being chased by the police jumped out the getaway car and his friend (the driver) accidentally ran over his head.

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there is nothing in the town that i live in...the only cool thing is that it's built around a huge golf course which is only cool because you can have small parties (quiet people only) on it at night during the summer

other than that i can't imagine a more boring town ever, really. it reminds me of the place virgin suicides (lame) was set in in except even deader.

wait wait wait i just remembered...a mary kay letourneau type of teacher used to live in my house with some delinquent student she taught.

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at home in toronto:

-one of my neighbours was in the italian mafia and was shot in the doorway of a bakery that was used for money laundering...his widow still lives in the house

-mr & mrs smith down the street have two huskeys, brother and sister...the sister had puppies several years back, and they brought them to the vet to discover that they were half coyote! so sooo cute!

at my student house in hamilton:

-the bums from downtown wander into the student housing hood to steal our empty wine bottles on monday mornings

-apparently hamilton has the highest permanent disability rate per capita in north america (we count how many electric wheelchairs we see when we go downtown, the record is like 18 in a single lunch outing)

The McMaster Campus weirds me out. It's so severe looking, the hospital looks like a nuclear plant. There's a sweet judo dojo in Hamilton though.

My neighborhood: is lame. At least before I had Allen Gardens and the Hooker Harveys to entertain me.

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2) My town got destoyed in 24, season 6 (and Jack Bauer tends to keep coming to my hood. The terrorist can't seem to stay away!)

Wasn't that city Valencia ? (i'm trying to remember the 6th season)

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1. My place is in the flight path of every A-10 returning from the Middle East, and they are much louder than trains.

2. If I try and walk in the gate of this building around the corner I will be shot without verbal warning by a military sniper/security forces.

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here in austin, a duplex being built across the street in a horrrible lot is selling for $369,900. gentrification has been getting stronger since the dot-com bubble in the 90s.

A famous cross-dressing homeless person lived here, but moved to the midwest. He has an imposter now.

7 days a year you can run into J Mascis, Patton Oswalt and A-Trak.

Bikers love ihop here.

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1. If you dont watch where you're going you will step in another mans shit.

2. Its the best example of what happens when you half-ass gentrification. Tons of homeless shelters right next door to million dollar condos. *see #1 (which is about #2's, get it?)*

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1) Dominicans can't parallel park (no racism - just observation)

2) $4 whole chicken with rice and beans is not necessarily a good economic bargain when it involves massive gastric distress

i assume you're in wash heights and new to the neighborhood? dont ever backtalk nucca appreciate the hoodness before it's all gfied like my building is now on thayer st adjacent to Dyckman st.

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when we were living in brooklyn my mom told us we got robbed like 3 times. she got a gun to her face and threatened with a knife too! :(

AND we lived in the asian area!

about where i live now...umm

1. my elementary school is up the street.

2. our community pool sucks ass.

trust me cleveland is much more hood than NYC which is now the safest city in the US. i read some nytiems shit about cleveland heights and the shit right next to it where niggas jsut shooting up the hood for no reason.

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2. depending on mode of transportation and traffic i'm literally ten-fifteen minutes away from downtown sf.. and that is awesome.

same here!

1. there's a senior center down the block, smells like fish everytime you walk by it.

2. only street with a traffic light nearby:confused:

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