Superawkward

[OkayOkay]

from my FB feed

[funkdoobi]

another washroom story. in my college days, was on my way to class. arrived at the station where I catch my bus to get to school, had to take a major leak.

Go into the washroom, and start using the urinal. out my peripheral vision I see some guy walking in who was waddling.

As the person walks towards my direction, I turn my head to see it's a mentally handicapped kid, rocking track pants, big black rain boots, a dirty blue jays jacket and goggle glasses (like bubbles from trailer park boys). I pay no mind to him, until he decides to piss at the urinal right next to mine...

There's a row of 12 or so urinals and I'm at like, number 9. There was NO ONE else in there, but us. So I'm feeling mad awkward that he has to come next to me.

Now, the cherry on top of the awkward cake was when he started to try and look at my cock. I yell, 'what the fuck man?'

He got shook and ran out, pissing all over the floor because he forgot to tuck his dick back into his track pants.

[Peace-pipe]

Started working retail recently and one of my coworkers is this tall, skinny, model looking french girl. Needless to say I'm totally into her. So the other day at work i was in the back room and decided to quickly try to re-tuck in my shirt as it was kinda coming untucked. So i have my pants and belt undone and am adjusting the front of my shirt when I hear someone coming. I try to do up my pants as fast as i can but its too late and the girl walks in to see me taking my hand out of my pants and doing up my fly. I try to explain what i was doing but she doesn't say anything and just awkwardly laughs and leaves. Just kinda wanted to die the rest of the shift...

[baldy]

my friend fell asleep on my couch once and i was sitting on a chair with my back towards him. i was eating a yogurt and he just happened to wake up while i was furiously mixing the fruit on the bottom and he nervously asked "uhh what are you doing?" lol

[Magsåvningsreserven]

who hasn't furiously mixed their fruit, now and then?

[mr.invincible]

Ugh, almost saw someone die on the 3 train. This belligerent homeless lady kept alternating between nodding off and shouting things like, "Imma fuck you up, you ugly BITCH" to this very obviously foreign tourist family. Then she got up and got in their faces, pointing, and screaming, "OH HELL NO! OH HELLLLL NO! I AIN'T TAKING THIS," and threw open the door and started to ride between the subway cars, holding onto those springy things on each side. From the little window on the door, we all watched as her head ducked lower and lower and lower as she slumped down. She was clearly very close to slipping onto the tracks.

I said in this panicky high voice, "Can someone please help her?" and this burly college kid opened the door, picked her up like a fireman, and put her back into her seat. She flailed her arms and said, "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, GODDAMN YOU SCARED ME, YOU MADE ME PEE," and she just started uncontrollably pissing everywhere.

Glad she didn't die though.

im going to NY in a week and a half. i'm hoping i can witness to something similar to this.

Edited January 14, 2013 by mr.invincible

[burgerking]

sat down next to this cute girl in the library, made eye contact smiled at her, proceeded to open my laptop only to find i left porn up at like medium volume. G_G

[xerrox]

Someone made this facebook account at my school where you can anonymously post secret admirer messages via tumblr for everyone to see. Poor girl.

Edited January 17, 2013 by xerrox

[Kregg]

Took my new gf to a party where she met some of my friends for the first time. I didn't know it was (partially) a black-light party, and she didn't know I got cum in her hair from the pre-party fuck. Whoops.

[yoallanface]

yo so check this. for a couple of days i was in the middle of two friends i just met arguin dere bitter hearts out over an ended relationship. i was literally in the middle each time tryna browse thru sufu superawkward thread high as shit got my eyes fixed on the screen like i seen a dead body. it was like watching a train wreck n i couldnt look away and i coudnt say anything. me and other bz silent as fuck and main girl in argument trying to make jokes trying to lighten thah mood trying to include us in the conversation, buh we aint havin it bitch was alone w this one and i couldnt do anythin tto help her or my other friend just lolin inside and she lolin on thah outside.

Edited January 17, 2013 by yoallanface

[gettoasty]

LOL @ Kregg

I like Valdizno's story more

Porno I'm obssessed

Edited January 18, 2013 by gettoasty

[merry burger]

"New leaf," I thought to myself. It's my birthday this Saturday and I've been depressed about getting fat and old and dying alone, so today I decided to eat nothing all day and get my ass to the gym. Two and a half hours of squats and deadlifts later, my body was a quivering, shitty mess. But I felt great! This was two times in the gym in the past four months! New leaf.

I decided to keep this healthy kick going by getting some groceries. I emerged from Whole Foods lugging a tote bag with all of my school stuff, my bag of dirty gym clothes, a bag with a Uniqlo jacket in it that I didn't have time to return, and three gigantic brown paper bags full of economy-sized packages of carrots and onions, three family-sized packages of chicken wings, five pounds of kale, two buckets of Greek yogurt, and like, Urkel-levels of cheese. Shit was heavy.

It's been so cold in New York that basically if you're not wearing gloves, you may as well chop your hands off. Of course, I left all of my winter gear at my ex's, so I'm staggering home, gloveless, underdressed, hair wet from the gym shower, in high-heel boots, trying to navigate the four blocks from the subway to my apartment, in what felt like 50 mph of icy wind, and my hands were turning from purple to gray. My useless legs were shaking and my knees were buckling from going to the gym and not eating anything. Every half a block, the bags got so heavy I had to stop and put that shit down and rest.

My nose starts running uncontrollably, snot getting in my mouth. My hands are too full and numb to wipe it away. The frosty wind sting my eyes, which start tearing, so I basically look like I'm crying while stumbling home like a drunk with 6 bags in my hands. Then the paper handles on one of the bags decide to tear clean off so I'm then clutching my plastic tubs of kale to my chest with one hand and 5 bags in the other hand. My ankle gives way. I nearly step in what looks like a giant pile of human poop studded with peanuts on the sidewalk.

A man with a pit bull off the leash decides this is the perfect time to shout, "HEY GIRL, anyone ever tell you got some sexy legs? HEY Oriental girl! You hear me? HEY!" The giant pony-sized dog comes over and immediately shoves his snout directly into my crotch and starts making whuffling noises into it. I try to put down my bag of groceries to pet the dog and get its nose out from my ladyparts, the bag completely tears in half, and the pit bull runs away with my $7 block of New Zealand cheddar looking extremely pleased with himself. My nose is still running into my mouth and the man is still yelling at me about being a sexy Oriental girl, and sorry the damn dog took your cheese, girl. I'm actually crying at this point, it's no longer an illusion. Two more blocks to go. Can I kill myself now? Fuck winter.

[wahwho11]

Happy birthday merry burger

[Northwest]

Merry burger, if we ever meet, I feel like I would give you a blanket and lots tea because you have so many stories where I feel like these would be of use afterwards.

So I work retail like I am sure others on here have, and one of the things about this job that either makes you or breaks you is seeing the full variety of humanity and trying to sell clothing to all of them. Today we were helping a customer with an upcoming wedding. We often rent out tuxedos, and if we are helping someone rent one we prefer to take the measurements ourselves. This story begins yesterday, when my coworker explained to the bride that someone had measured her brothers arm length incorrectly. Upon an explanation of how an arm length should be measured (from the middle of the tag on the back over the top of the arm and all the way down to the wrist) she sent her off. She then calls this afternoon with a measurement of 29 in. Thinking, "Okay, he's probably a short guy," I go off and find our sheet of measurements.

Our sheet of measurements, completed by this nugget of information, has now created some sort of short-armed (29 in), long torsoed, massively body-building man (44L coat) with the enviable waist size of 32 in. Here is who we are supposedly fitting for a tuxedo.

But with shorter arms.

We now know that every single measurement on here is useless. Upon calling the customer back and talking to her brother, he discovers the magical piece of clothing knowledge that denim does indeed stretch if called upon to do so. His waist size is not 32" as listed on the pant, but 38". He would be making a trip to an established clothing business for the other measurements.

[DaBestSpoona]

cheese, and lady parts. you made that dog's day.

[jbanger]

merry burger = female dovo

[andrewisdope]

twas time for my daily poop in the office. Walk into the bathroom and see a really tall man who looks like david hasselhoff with black hair. He was pissing at a urinal when he turns his head around, sees me, and rests his arm on the urinal divider like the fucking cool dog.

He keeps eye contact with me the entire time it took me to get to a stall all while taking a piss. The stall was only 5 steps or so away from the door but this fool's smug piss stare was like an awkward tractor beam that made the distance seem like a mile.

[eequalsmcbrill]

"smug piss stare"

[broken_dubz]

Staring blankly into space out of a cafe window. Make eye contact with dude walking by who thinks I'm checking him out.

Edited February 1, 2013 by broken_dubz

[Einzelkind]

Not as bad as checking yourself out in a car window only to notice that someone is sitting in it.

[dimmak]

So I go to these student-led study groups for bio, since I'm awful at anything science. This beezy that took it last sem leads all these sesh's, and she's always on my jock, but I'm not feeling it. I'm in class today, a 400+ person lecture hall, and she's announcing one of these sessions going on the next day, and in the middle of her preso, she spots me in the middle of the hall and is all "HEY DIMMAK!!" Everyone stops and looks around to see who this crazy girl is talking to, and I just sorta half-wave and sink into my seat. Kill me.

[ilurkaround]

full on hispanic girl at a japanese supermarket, working the cash register and talking with a high pitched FOB japanese girls voice...

[Krackrox]

Japanese people find it rude if you don't assume mannerisms. She would probably have to commit seppuku if she did otherwise.

Edited February 1, 2013 by Krackrox

[fobsquad]

are you sure shes not malaysian?

[Peace-pipe]

I was at the cash helping a customer at work the other day when out of nowhere I feel that I'm starting to get a nosebleed. Before i could do anything a drop of blood falls onto the key board and blood starts running down my face. The customer didn't realize at first and I awkwardly just froze trying to not draw attention to what was going on. Luckily my coworker was there and took over as i made a run for the back room while everyone is staring at me. After I find out that my coworker didn't see the blood on the key board and got it all over trying to finish up at the cash.

[noobedloser]

Went to the drive thru at jack in the box, I always have coins that I try to use as much as possible. So when I pull up to the window, I hand the dude the cash and decide to pour the coins out of my hands into his and they all just completely miss his hands and drop to the ground. I dont know how I missed even though his hand was like an inch away from mine but I picked them up after

Edited February 5, 2013 by noobedloser

[lotek01]

not sure if awkward but i met the most hilariously negative stereotype of a hipster. it was this guy i met once when i was looking for a drummer years ago, and he's got the glasses, the neckbeard, the flannel, the drummer in dreamy electropopstep band, the working at a peasant 'high street' label store so i'm qualified to give my friends styling tips etc

but anyway met him at a shlohmo x jackmaster gig and while smoking outside he started dropping these amazing false truth bombs on me like he was giving a lecture:

1. asked me what bpm range i produce/dj at and when i said i try it all he's like 'NO BPM ... LIKE BEATS PER MINUTE' while making drumming actions

2. i mentioned 150-160 bpm stuff (trap etc) and he's like 'that's such a weird bpm no way you know what you're talking about that's like drum n bass or double time hip hop or something i'm a drummer i know these things'

3. (referring to shlohmo) 'it's like this stuff is so 3 years ago man, took long enough for them to bring him here'

4. (somehow linked shlohmo to dubstep) 'nah man skrillex...'

5. (after i said by og dubstep i refer to the original uk dmz stuff) 'what nah man it started way before that in like 2003 with a japanese guy called akira kiteshi'

who by the way is neither japanese nor og dubstep

so yeah constant stuff like this, and after i showed him the wikipedia article and he went 'psshhh are you really referencing wikipedia' i stopped talking and starting really observing and looking at this moron make a fucking fool of himself while i grinned, stunned and in awe of this amazing example of a human being only existing on the internet in memes come to life. but i couldn't tell if he was trolling so i felt weirded out and he must've realised my crazy smile but never stopped educating me like i was begging for it so this went on for probably 20 mins

Edited February 8, 2013 by lotek01

[wahwho11]

friend him on facebook if he hasn't "went off the grid" yet.

[mr fluffernutter]

sorry that was me

[e0d9n0b5]

yeah you can get pretty aggressive about your dubstep history