Superawkward

[noobedloser]

There's this one bathroom I always go to at school because its a lot nicer and usually empty. I go in to take a dump, notice that no one is there, so im just chillin as I do my thing. About like 10 mins later, I start hearing some noises to the stall next to me and realized there was a dude next to me the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME being as quiet as possible. Thats when I finished my business and left.

Edit: While I was taking my final, my stomach was grumbling so loud that everyone in the entire room could hear it( about ~40-50 people). SO embarassing

Edited December 13, 2012 by noobedloser

[abracadabra]

^ was it gettoasty?

[Spaghettini]

some of y'all are highly uncomfortable with your bodily functions. for therapy i suggest eating three mcgriddles and drinking two cups of coffee, walking into the executive bathroom while the ceo is in there and having the loudest fartiest dump of your life. then stride out confidently and declare "everybody poops"

[fads]

im the guy who gives people like gettoasty traumas

banging on the door n throwing wet tissues ^o^

[fads]

after all its a man-eat-dog world either i do it or someone will strike me instead =[

[StrangeLove]

this girl let off this really loud/long fart when she came , we didnt know each other that well.

Edited December 13, 2012 by StrangeLove

[lorem3k]

There's this one bathroom I always go to at school because its a lot nicer and usually empty. I go in to take a dump, notice that no one is there, so im just chillin as I do my thing. About like 10 mins later, I start hearing some noises to the stall next to me and realized there was a dude next to me the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME being as quiet as possible. Thats when I finished my business and left.

once I walked into a bathroom and saw a special needs kid standing in one of the stalls pissing, door wide open, pants all the way down. i tried to ignore him and then he turned his head and tried to talk to me.

[evisu 2000]

that's happened to me before but with regular co-workers and the type of dudes who stand like 5 ft away from the urinal too

[caid]

I was eating a burger at Wendy's and as I finished it buddy I was eating with gagged and said "I can't believe you ate that hair". Up until then I hadn't realised there was hair in the burger, but I guess he noticed and decided to let the situation play out.

Edited December 14, 2012 by caid

[lmk1995]

edit

Edited January 19, 2022 by littlemike

[fads]

it was during high school and my friend and i would do stupid shit like play spider solitaire or clean up startup folder on his new family hp. somehow ended up in my pictures and we found full spread nude of my friend's ginger sister who worked at pac sun. shit got weird and i didn't say anything bc i wanted to be nice n get etnies hookups from her.

[Champion champs]

There was a little dinner party at my apartment recently. There's always a party of some kind here. This one was chill — just a few of my roommate's closer friends cooking and eating, and then doing some painting. Anyway, they all sat down at the dining room table, and I joined, even though I had already had my pizza, just to be sociable. Conversation is pretty casual, you know, school, work, random hookups. Then one of the guests says she's full, and my roommate offers to take the remains of this chicken and mashed potato dish for herself. It's early on, and everyone else is still eating.

My roommate lifts the chicken breast onto her plate, as she begins to joke about how much she can eat (she's tiny, btw, 5'2"). She recalls that it must be genetic, because she has this fat cousin. The other diners are now a little more intrigued, because there seems to be an anecdote coming on. I know where this is going, I've heard the first part of the story. I see the oncoming train, but get out of the way.

"Yeah, I've got this super fat cousin. Like you know those people who can't even walk? She's so fat she can't walk. She must be what, like 5-600 pounds," she says, turning to me. I don't know, I've never seen her. "Yeah, she's so fat that she's dying. Like she's got a couple weeks to live or something, because her organs are shutting down." By this point the pace of eating has noticeably slowed. Some guest are glancing at each other, wondering what they should say.

But my roommate goes on. She begins to reminisce about her fat grandma. She remembers how her grandma never ate any vegetables, just potatoes and well-done meat. My roommate laments that her grandma is not there. OK? Everyone is still listening, not sure what is going on. Presently, my roommate reveals that her grandma is dead. One guest expresses her condolences, but they aren't acknowledged. My roommate keeps talking, saying how, considering that her grandma is dead, she would probably smell really bad, if she was there. Now, there is some agitated shifting in the seats, and someone expresses a nervous "Oh." But my tactful roommate quickly amends the situation by clarifying that her grandma has been dead for a year, and being in the ground that long, she might have decayed enough to be a little less repulsive.

A heavy silence falls upon the room. The guests and I just sit, looking awkwardly around the room, or down at the table. Some people fiddle with napkins, others suddenly clear their throats. I nod to myself, appearing to contemplate a pithy idea, with a falsely concentrated face. Do you know? I'm rather glad I had eaten earlier.

[kelleydenham]

Didn't mean to neg ya dude! Also:

HOLY SHIT. What is wrong with your roommate?

[snahfu]

There's this one bathroom I always go to at school because its a lot nicer and usually empty. I go in to take a dump, notice that no one is there, so im just chillin as I do my thing. About like 10 mins later, I start hearing some noises to the stall next to me and realized there was a dude next to me the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME being as quiet as possible. Thats when I finished my business and left.

Today some guy in the bathroom stall would hold his poop in until he heard me leave, so I turned on the faucet to sound like I was washing my hands, pulled a few paper towels, stomped toward the exit, opened and shut the door, then stood in silence for like a minute. He started doing ridiculously nasty-sounding drops and even made some sighs of reliefs and groans. Then I turn on the faucet and and you could almost hear him gasp.

[OkayOkay]

I let a "cuddle buddy" borrow an ex-boyfriend's sweater one breezy evening. he still has the sweater, and he ran into my ex last night while wearing it.

sigh.

What is a "cuddle buddy".

[Dropt]

[OkayOkay]

I feel like the idea of a "cuddle buddy" is a bullshit construct females put in place to appease their need to feel wanted and desired and get their emotional needs met, all while not having to think about having to suck a dick for it...the whole time the male partner is thinking "just a little more of this bullshit and I'mma kop a solid BJ"

[fang]

i think "cuddle buddy" was probably a coy euphemism for "fuck buddy"

Edited December 27, 2012 by fang

[Kregg]

I walked into one of those public bathrooms with the motion sensor lights. When the lights came one, dude in the far stall says "Oh thank God, finally! I've been in here for almost a half hour because my lock is broken and the lights went off." I used my card to jimmy the lock and set him free.

Poor guy sat in an empty bathroom for 30 min cause he took too long to poop.

[djrajio]

Thought provoking. Tell me more!!!

[hellogoodbye]

i cried. thanks for sharing.

[OkayOkay]

"Didn't read lol"

[merry burger]

A friend asked me if she could sleep over at my place last night because there was a mouse in her room. I said yes, of course. I have a queen sized bed that's nice and comfy, and she's been a good friend for a long time.

She wants to talk until 4am and also laid in the middle of the bed with a pillow on her other side so she's super close to my face. She thrashed all night like Tina in Bob's Burgers,

and when she finally fell asleep, she rolled over and her mouth was on my hair and I could feel and smell her gross, hot, milky breath penetrating my scalp. Then she started farting.

This morning, she tells me that she would've stayed at her boyfriend's apartment, except he's left to see his parents for the holiday, and oh yeah, she got bit by bed bugs there. I try to stay calm while explaining to her that this may mean that she brought bed bugs into my new apartment and into my new bed and on my new sheets. She leaves my apartment (of course leaving my apartment door wide open in the process), while I'm on my hands and knees frantically searching for bugs and bites and eggs and bed bug poop. I buy $100 worth of bed bug protectants/sprays at Bed Bath and Beyond. I haven't found any bites yet, but everything itches just thinking about the possibility that I am now infested because of my friend's carelessness. She later texts me saying that if it makes me feel any better, I could use a hair dryer to kill the bed bugs.

I'm never letting any person -- man, woman, or otherwise -- into my bed again.

Edited December 20, 2012 by merry burger

[Layne]

Were y'all chugging milk before bed?

Close quarters lactose farts.

[wahwho11]

i forgot about that show

[Spaghettini]

A friend asked me if she could sleep over at my place last night because there was a mouse in her room. I said yes, of course. I have a queen sized bed that's nice and comfy, and she's been a good friend for a long time.

She wants to talk until 4am and also laid in the middle of the bed with a pillow on her other side so she's super close to my face. She thrashed all night like Tina in Bob's Burgers,

and when she finally fell asleep, she rolled over and her mouth was on my hair and I could feel and smell her gross, hot, milky breath penetrating my scalp. Then she started farting.

This morning, she tells me that she would've stayed at her boyfriend's apartment, except he's left to see his parents for the holiday, and oh yeah, she got bit by bed bugs there. I try to stay calm while explaining to her that this may mean that she brought bed bugs into my new apartment and into my new bed and on my new sheets. She leaves my apartment (of course leaving my apartment door wide open in the process), while I'm on my hands and knees frantically searching for bugs and bites and eggs and bed bug poop. I buy $100 worth of bed bug protectants/sprays at Bed Bath and Beyond. I haven't found any bites yet, but everything itches just thinking about the possibility that I am now infested because of my friend's carelessness. She later texts me saying that if it makes me feel any better, I could use a hair dryer to kill the bed bugs.

I'm never letting any person -- man, woman, or otherwise -- into my bed again.

you are never allowed in my apt again

[Handlethevibe]

Today some guy in the bathroom stall would hold his poop in until he heard me leave, so I turned on the faucet to sound like I was washing my hands, pulled a few paper towels, stomped toward the exit, opened and shut the door, then stood in silence for like a minute. He started doing ridiculously nasty-sounding drops and even made some sighs of reliefs and groans. Then I turn on the faucet and and you could almost hear him gasp.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=148879303&page=1

I don't understand people who steal stories from the internet and post it as their own...

Also pretty sure I've also read this on reddit also.

[xcrunchx]

thats true, but it is a common thing lol. You see the stall locked, but dead silent.

[merry burger]

A little while back, I was at a birthday party in Williamsburg at an outdoor beer garden. There was a line to the one girl's bathroom that was at least 30-40 deep, this unbelievably long, winding line that wrapped around the entire place. There was an enormous 6'5", 400 pound, jacked bouncer that looked like something out of Marvel Comics standing about two feet away staring straight ahead with his arms folded, so I tried to make some small talk to take my mind off the fact that I may pee in my pants. "Hey, starting your own line over there, huh?"

He stared at me through his sunglasses and didn't say a word, his expressionless face didn't move at all. I thought he hadn't even heard me. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he slowly rolled over to me and said, "Come with me," in like a Matrix voice and grabbed me by the elbow. I was terrified. Was I getting thrown out? Maybe I had inadvertently made some kind of offensive joke about him being enormous? Then he took me to the very front of the bathroom line and said, "Go right ahead," and let me cut in front of all 40 of these angry girls.

When I got out, I offered to buy him a drink for this act of kindness.

Him: "Thank you - I'll have whatever you're drinking."

Me: (trying to think of something fun and festive to drink) "Hennessy?"

Him: "WHY?" (folds arms)

Me: "Uhh..."

Him: "BECAUSE I'M BLACK??"

Me: (mind racing) "Uh, hey man, I'm Asian and I drink Hennessy... What are you, some kind of RACIST?"

(30 seconds of silence, everyone staring)

My new bouncer friend and I got so shitfaced that night.

Edited December 27, 2012 by merry burger

[junglejane]

my boss very nonchalantly sends me emails from the bathroom in the mornings. I feel so gross opening them ç_ç