I had the joy of visiting A&E recently after i was in a hit and run with a black cab.. i'm too tight/northern to pay for parking so i left my car in one of the nearby 'disadvantaged' neighbourhoods.. in other words, rough as fuck!.. I got to the entrance and there is some young workman in hi-viz pacing up and down bleeding from a bandaged hand wound.. i got in there and it was packed! I checked in and sat down on one of the few remaining seats.. after an hour or so some dude walked in and pushed himself to the front of the queue demanding they give him the results of his blood tests.. they informed him that his results would go to his GP which caused him to flip and he started shouting at the top of his voice that Jesus Christ will bring armageddon onto the reception staff (i'm not sure what passage from the bible he was quoting) unless they gave him his results.. they said "we don't have your results.. you need to go to your GP" so he flipped out again and said that Jesus would bring the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse to reign terror upon A&E... this went on for a good 1.5hrs (it kept me mildly entertained) until he looked at his watch, said he had to be at his brothers by 12.30 and he'd be back for his results tomorrow..
Next.. some dude called Piers (fucking Piers!) came in and explained that he was a student from darn sarf studying in Sheff, he was renting a flat above a kebab joint and some kebab smoke had escaped through the vent into his bathroom making him feel unwell (fucking millennials!) he had a petition to have the kebab shop closed down and a letter from his father ... i though he'd just come for a moan but they rushed him straight through and he came back with a BP monitor and an oxygen mask.. wtf!.. I'm sat here with a broken wrist!
Next a farmer turned up with a bag of pears, crook in one hand and two spaniels running loose.. A&E was packed, the dogs were jumping on the charis, they jumped onto some terminally bewildered old woman in a wheelchair... he started trying to give the bag of pears away.. "i've got too many pears" he kept saying.. "i've brought them here to give to people" but he also looked like he'd recently shit himself with a big brown smear around his arse, he might have sat in a cowpat (i like to think he had) i've since found out that's it's almost impossible to give perfectly good pears away while you're covered in excrement.. he couldn't give them to reception because they were behind glass so he tried giving them to the woman who was mopping up the blood from the previously mentioned workman..eventually leaving them on a chair..
Next a young girl came in with her parents.. it was really upsetting to watch.. i'm not sure what was wrong with her, possibly a neurological condition or a complete breakdown.. she looked like any other 12yr old girl but she was fighting invisible demons (both mentally and physically) the staff couldn't calm her down, she thought the nurses were in cahoots with the demons.. i've seen friends flip out in a similar fashion through substance abuse but she was 12 and from a traditional muslim family, i'd be surprised if she was allowed out after 8pm nr' mind indulging in recreational drugs on a school day.. i hope she's ok.
The bleeding workman went to be stitched up and the seat at the side of me became free.. a chap in one of those white v-neck cricket jumpers asked if he could sit down, he asked if i was ok?.. (by this point i had been there for 5hrs and he'd been there for 6.5) I said yeah and I started to explaine what had happened...
He said "tell you what i recommend... Haldi Doodh!.. he went on to say.. "Pfft!.. y'know.. this modern medicine has been around for what? 200yrs.. these traditional medicines have been used for 2000 and they work just as well" the irony of him being in A&E was probably lost but i was charmed, he said he used to play professional cricket in Pakistan and suffered from a lot of hand fractures.. he would drink Haldi Doodh (sip it, slowly and don't get the milk too hot) and after a good nights sleep he'd be as right as rain, the fractures miraculously healed.
Eventually after 7hrs and 20mins it was my turn, i was x-rayed, referred to the fracture clinic and released.. when i got back to the car the previously deserted street of terrace houses was heaving with close to 100 people, Romanians of all ages clustered in family groups (i appreciate, a different social culture) behind my car was double yellow lines and a Skoda with its hazard lights flashing.. i walked up to my car and one stocky dude whistled to some other dude down the street and i was instantly surrounded by folks giving me grief... for what i don't know? they was speaking Romanian.. i can only assume that i'd parked in someone's spot for the last 8hrs and they'd taken offense to it.. last thing i wanted was to be in a fist fight with 100 Romanians.. at least not while both wrists were in splints.
Huf! what an exhausting day.. i'm glad i don't venture out very often..
Anyway... Stay safe out there super-peeps!