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dear ... [an open letter]


haptronic

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dear BBB,

i expect an extra gram or 2 for being 17 days late with my order. i had to run an extra 4 miles to the post office and spend 5$ to find out that you guys already cashed in my money order.

you guys are less reliable than usps,

SAC

bouncing bear botanicals? if so what you order. wondering.

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Dear Lucas (room mate, not poster on here)

stop being such a bitch. Seriously. You are the fucking dumbass who got a girl you barely even know to move in with us, and now she doesn't want you because you're an asshole to her. Quit being a crybaby, and quit being an asshole to the rest of us for your stupid fuckup. You are constantly awkward to be around and you snap at no notice. we were good homies when we didn't live together, now I just want to punch you in the face constantly.

In short,

fuck you

Ian

dear Andy (other roommate)

stop playing shitty music so loud, and stop smoking weed in your room, it's right next to mine and that shit stinks. Also, cut your mohwak off, you look fucking stupid.

Sincerely,

Ian

Dear me,

you should have learned your lesson last time, don't move in with other people. Jesus Christ you're stupid

love

ian

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  • 2 weeks later...

dear j,

stop asking me about motorcycle stuff whether it be gear or whatnot. you based your helmet purchase on how cheap it was and i have no idea why you even bought a helmet. you never even finished the MSF course. you have zero motorcycle riding skill and can't even ride a bicycle between cars or through traffic.

stop basing all your wants on an image. you can't even buy pants the right size because you can't spend the extra 5 minutes to find a size 29. i lent you clothing including a pair of imperial dukes that had plenty of life and they even fit correctly. but what did you do? you just threw them in the corner of your room.

and whenever we talk about movies with other people, you automatically say the movie sucks but when i ask you why, you always reply with "oh i haven't watched it but i saw the trailer". what. the. fuck. you can't even torrent it?

and what's with this bullshit about how you love to argue online cause you're so much smarter than everybody. how you make people "contradict each other"? you even agree that you sound like a dick on the internet.

oh, and you said you quit smoking. forever. that's cool but you only did it to pass a drug test and i find out you've been smoking every single night for the past week? stop trying to make excuses for why you're doing it. you just said within the past 5 minutes, "weed is a great destresser and it helps me sleep" followed by "oh no, i'm not going to let it be an escape again". uhh. what?

sincerely,

b.

ps: harden the fuck up. you always work out but you can barely throw a punch without breaking your wrist.

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dear jason,

you were one of my first friends in this city and now you're leaving, i know it's what you need but this city just got a lot less bright and i've lost another friend, leslie before you. i miss you guys.

i hope you find what you guys both need back down south,

love your friend,

scott

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