superconfessional

[lilodxd]

it's great to be back.

[fade to black2]

i'm watching American Idol right now...and i know the audition phase of the show is probably mostly for laughs, but I always find this part the hardest to watch. Some of the personalities that go on there...i can't even laugh, i actually cringe and feel for them. It's surprising how dark and disturbing some of this shit is...

i actually find this show really cruel and sometimes a bit sick. i dunno, y'all can call me a pussy for this or whatever, i stand by my words.

[keri]

FTB2 (haha 2) I get you on that, I actually can't watch that part a lot of the time because I really feel for the people. I do applaud them for having tha balls tho. I know my ass couldn't get up there and do that, I know I'd make it on the tape of people who sing horribly!!!! Yet I still torment my family and friends with my singing, .

[LIVENUDEGIRLS]

It seems so artifical to me. Unless they are completely delusional or retarded they have to know they don't have a chance. I think some of them are just looking for an opportunity to get on tv.

[Tiranis]

It seems so artifical to me. Unless they are completely delusional or retarded they have to know they don't have a chance. I think some of them are just looking for an opportunity to get on tv.

The thing is, most people don't know that they have a terrible voice—because when they hear themselves they think it's perfect. The only way for them to find out is if people tell them—usually doesn't happen—or if they record themselves and listen to their voice.

I've done a voice recording for two of my friends, who have a horrible voice, and they were shocked by how they actually sound.

[lilodxd]

yep, my girl told me that my singing is decent.. so one day i recorded myself.

it was a fucking disaster. sounded like a dead bird. (no offense to dead birds...)

[Thorns]

I've always been the opposite. People used to tell me I had a good voice, but I never believed them until I heard it recorded. For some reason in my head it doesn't sound nearly as good. Whenever I hear my voice on an answering machine i'm like... woah!

[damnIam]

I have been bathing in a sink at a gas station for 5 days. I cut all my hair off so I no longer have to comb it. I feel like Travis Bickle.

"The days go on and on... they don't end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go."

[englandmj7]

I have been bathing in a sink at a gas station for 5 days. I cut all my hair off so I no longer have to comb it. I feel like Travis Bickle.

"The days go on and on... they don't end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go."

Shit man....where the hell are you getting internet access?

[cheapmuthafukr]

confession...

mike501xx creeps me out. now i know how the girls here feel.

[damnIam]

Shit man....where the hell are you getting internet access?

I still have a job, just no house. It is warm in here. Think I will work some overtime today.

"Shit man, I'm just waiting for the sun to shine"

Last night I parked in a apartment complex to sleep, I put my car cover over my car and quietly slipped back under it and into my air matress for a very decent nights sleep. A little cold, but doable. I am going to have to switch it up tonight, don't want to wear out my unwelcome. S501XX, have not had them off in 5 days. No stink.

[englandmj7]

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.

[lil brown brother]

hahahahhahhahahahhahahahhahahha ... omg .. cant stop laughing

[damnIam]

that good stuff. giving rep points for literary prose.

[Darkadious]

omg, i'm going to read that again later.

[Guest Berget__]

Confession: I dont like calling people on the phone. Unless I know them very well I think its really awkward. I literally have to prepare myself for several minutes just to pick up the phone and make a call. I have no idea why though.

[Thorns]

Lately I dispise WAYWT. Except for the people who've been around for ever, I just get more and more aggravated by these AWFUL fits that these "streetwear" kids think look good. Its just not attractive. Sorry. I try my best to be open to different styles and there are those who do it well (sXXe, milspex) but these new guys just look wrong. Some kid in a poorly fitting red long sleeve t-shirt that looks like it was made in walmart and adidas-esque black track pants just got lauded for like a page and a half for how different he is. WHAT THE FUCK!?!

Sorry.

[watchman]

i love jack handy

[englandmj7]

i love jack handy

Word; me too. Ingenious.

[snugglepony]

Confession: I dont like calling people on the phone. Unless I know them very well I think its really awkward. I literally have to prepare myself for several minutes just to pick up the phone and make a call. I have no idea why though.

superconfession:

my brother has the same problem, so when we were teenagers i'd make him pay me to call customer service numbers, &c. for him...

[Chicken]

ahhh, a little jack handy, mr. england...

very nice.

EDIT: doh, watchman beat me to it while i was reading the quotes.

[sidneylo]

I feel like bowing out right now. On some stupid Internet bullshit--should have kept my anonymity. It bites me in the ass and I fee like ftb'ing.

[englandmj7]

I feel like bowing out right now. On some stupid Internet bullshit--should have kept my anonymity. It bites me in the ass and I fee like ftb'ing.

Ha hah. T-shirt wars freak you out?

[Klaas]

I want to sleep with a MILF

[sidneylo]

Ha hah. T-shirt wars freak you out?

Nah...just some random stuff outside of the forum.

[red]

Confession: I dont like calling people on the phone. Unless I know them very well I think its really awkward. I literally have to prepare myself for several minutes just to pick up the phone and make a call. I have no idea why though.

i try to avoid the phone entirely. i dont pick up the phone unless they leave a message. and even then, i only pick it up if its adriana lima or my mistress in vietnam.

[LIVENUDEGIRLS]

Confession: I dont like calling people on the phone. Unless I know them very well I think its really awkward. I literally have to prepare myself for several minutes just to pick up the phone and make a call. I have no idea why though.

plus one, I could survive with 100 minutes a month if I needed to. Text messages have made this so much better for me.

[damnIam]

i try to avoid the phone entirely. i dont pick up the phone unless they leave a message. and even then, i only pick it up if its adriana lima or my mistress in vietnam.

same here, I have 1000 minutes on my plan and I rarely ever go over 100 minutes per month. I absolutely am struck dumb when I have to talk on the phone, it is really difficult for me.

[andewhall]

Yeah the phone thing. I never answer my phones....all my mates tell me I am really hard to get a hold of. I just can't be assed talking on the phone, and most phone calls are to see if I wanna go out on the booze. I used to have one of those answering machines where you could hear the messages, like "pick up asshole, I know your there". I need to get a new one.

[andewhall]

Oh Yeah England, that stuff was so funny man......My fav's were the Skydiving, swimming gag and the hidden meat in the mash potatoes almost made coffee come out my nose. 10+ good buddy