General female insanity appreciation thread.

[OkayOkay]

This is not a misogyny thread. Not at all saying women are any lesser mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. This is simply an appreciation thread for some of the batshit crazy totally understandable things they say or do that make total sense to them, but not to us. 

 

"I think I'll have this $17 drink with dinner"

"sure honey, whatever you want"

*drinks 1/8th of it*

"ok lets go"

 

"you're making us late, your shoes aren't even on"

"ok baby, getting them on now"

*does makeup for another 40min*

 

"I want you to share your feelings with me, I want to be the best gf/wife/partner possible. Tell me what I can do better"

"There's a couple things on my mind..."

*STOP CRITICIZING ME FOR FUCKS SAKE I'M NOT PERFECT"

 

"who do you think is the prettiest celebrity?"

"uh, so and so is aight I guess?"

"oh really? REALLY. So that's what you like then? Sorry I'm not her, sorry you had to settle for me."

 

"baby you look really nice tonight, I love that dress on you"

"you think I'm ugly"

"what? I said you look great"

"I know what you mean by "nice", that's it, I don't want to go out anymore"

 

"I think it's great you're going to go out with your friends, I hope you have a great time"

"ok honey, I won't be back too late"

"all good baby, tell the guys I said hi"

"you sure you don't want to come?"

"no, this is a guys thing, have fun!"

*time passes*

"I really wish you would have invited me, I just sat here and waited for you all night. Why couldn't I have come with you? You're embarrassed of me aren't you? And you're late, you said 11, it's 11:15. Where were you? Who were you really out with? I can't trust you."

"goddamn it"

 

 

gimme your greatest hits, I know there's some good ones out there. 

 

 

[pepper davies]

Fuck.  I love my gf, but every one of those things has happened.

 

A few weeks ago I was trying to figure out one of her friends I could set one of my friends up with.

"Naw I don't think she's cute enough"

"Well who then?"

"Maybe xxx"

"Oh so you think xxx is cute? Why don't you go date her"

"..."

[BearCousin]

"just get me a cheeseburger"

"ok, do you want anything to drink?"

"no, just a burger"

*come back home*

"you didn't get me a drink!?"

[Fycus]

*shopping with gf*

gf: "lets get this cheese, it was Mitch's and my favorite cheese!"

"who's Mitch?"

"my ex boyfriend"

 

"I feel like I can't trust you"

*rifles through my text messages when I'm in the shower then lies about it*

 

*I go on vacation with family for the weekend*

*Text girlfriend once, don't hear back for 9 hours, text again when I go to bed*

"Oh sorry I missed your text"

*Continues to describe in detail minute by minute what she did that day/night, trying to cover her ass*

[BearCousin]

damn du sounds like yall got trust issues more so than her being a pain in the ass

[OkayOkay]

*occasionally chats with girl about totally platonic topics*

"who was that whore, what did she want? I don't want you talking to her"

"you talk to XXX all the time, you get drinks with him often, is he somebody? I don't hassle you about that."

"he's just some guy I used to sleep with, it's not a big deal, why are you questioning me?"

[OkayOkay]

"Do you think this Michael Kors purse is cute?"

"I don't know, I'm not a fan of mall brands really"

"Yea, me either, everyone has that one. I'm gonna get this Coach one instead"

[StrangeLove]

"Go ahead put it in my butthole"

"Ow ow ow take it out"

[donotfire]

Girl I messed around with last summer:
"Why do you smoke weed? You shouldn't"--proceeds to tell me how much she loves doing coke with her friends.

[wesc]

"it really took having a gym in my apartment to finally start going. " 

two weeks later back on couch watching every show possible off her Tivo

 

"wish I had a violin, I would totally play it. I wish I never quit it when i was young. I regret it" 

get her a beginners violin for her birthday.... collects dust. ask her what she did after work. Tivo.

[OkayOkay]

"Ewww oh my God this tastes disgusting, I think it went bad. Here, try it."

[wesc]

(in the morning)

Babe I'm going to go for a run, do you want to come with? It's like a 15-20 min like power walk/ light jog...

"No, I'm like starving..."

Babe that's the point so you can burn fat on a empty stomach...

"NO that's like extreme just go..."

Well can you help prep some ingredients so that we can make omelets when I come back?
"no...."

Don't you want..

"No I'm just going to  have Trader Joe's Os" 

oh... ok....

 

 

Goes for run, comes back she's eating Joe's Os. Prep diced peppers, baby bella mushrooms, beat 4 eggs, makes the omelet...

"Oh is that all for you?"

Yup gotta get my intake in!

 

Finishes, sits down to eat... she goes to make 2 sunny side up eggs herself after I'm done. 

 

But i thought you said..

"I change my mind, I wanted eggs.."

 

(JUST NOT TO PREP AND AID ME/US IN MAKING AN OMELET, WHY SO LAZY) 

Edited May 21, 2013 by wesc

[conqueror]

my girlfriend and i scope babes out all the time together, its great. i did lul at your $17 drink remark as that seems to happen with every single girl in existence (sup generalising).

 

"he doesn't want to fuck me, he's just a nice guy!"

 

yuh, this 36yr old creep dude is friends with your 21yr old dumb ass because he really enjoys your intellectual and stimulating conversation.

 

edit: calling your girlfriend 'babe' or 'honey' (if you're under 50yrs old) makes me want to gag.

Edited May 21, 2013 by conqueror

[tac0tron]

ex: "You never point out girls that look good in front of me, why are you afraid of doing it!?"

 

*days later at the movie theater, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trailer plays*

 

me: "Wow, she looks pretty cool in this movie."

 

ex: *glares, punches my arm, holds that comment against me forever*

Edited May 21, 2013 by tacotron

[MissingNo.]

oh man i have a place to put these things now.. hold up guys, i'm gonna go through all my chat history

[blm14]

Simple solution to this problem: Program into your calendar when she is menstruating. I am married - trust me, it works.

[Stylish Pilot]

Me- "are you sure you want me to go meet up with them?"

Her - " yeah jxxxx and Kxxxx are meeting me at the other bar."

Me- "ok, text me when you want to meet back up."

*proceeds to text me and talk trash about her friends the whole time they're hanging out while I'm off drinking and having fun with my friends*

Her- "guess you just don't like me hanging around with your friends. Do they hate me? Why couldn't I hang out with you guys instead of you ditching me with Jxxxx and Kxxxx (her two best friends)"

[jyoni]

Work is busy, I suck.

Work is slow, I suck.

 

I'm cool on a friend, I suck.

I'm strong with a friend, I suck.

[philosophiliac]

her: "Am I getting fat?"

me: "What? No, of course not! Are you serious?"

"It's ok, you can tell me."

"I'm serious, you're not. If you're so worried about it, why don't you come running/hiking/swimming w/ me next time I go? Or we could start eating healthier. Or we could try for the channel swim next year or something?"

"Nah *generic excuse*"

Proceeds to keep eating shit, coke and juice all the time instead of water or whatever. You're not getting fat, but when your metabolism starts slowing down in a few years...

could almost x-post into haterism.

[SSchadenfreude]

this 1 girl insist that when sexy times i finish in her mouth cause she wanna c how much spunk i shoot out.  if it's not 2 much she accuse me of cheatin on her. regardless if i sleepround, she think im lyin even when i say i recently just fapped (and actually did)

[Fycus]

lmao, my friends ex used to smell his dick or something like that before she blew him because she somehow thought she could tell if he cheated

Edited May 22, 2013 by Fycus

[Vicarious]

I have waited so long to use this in context.

[blm14]

I was just opening up a new window to post that. Natch

[Fuuma]

Is this the thread where sufuers sound like lame standup routines about couples? Yawn...

[wood 666]

my mom is a taoist. i love her so much.

[OkayOkay]

Is this the thread where sufuers sound like lame standup routines about couples? Yawn...

Lets add some racism and fashionably tilted Supreme® Camp Caps to make this thread Fumma approved.

If it gets boring again we can just reminisce about how much cooler Sufu used to be.

[Fuuma]

Lets add some racism and fashionably tilted Supreme® Camp Caps to make this thread Fumma approved.

If it gets boring again we can just reminisce about how much cooler Sufu used to be.

I could be encouraging people to molest children and it would have no incidence on how lame this thread is: my possible lameness and this thread's possible lameness are unrelated.

 

Maybe it's start for you to begin all your posts with: "Don't you hate it when...." or "Take my wife, please!!"

[CASSAVA PIECE]

so what's the deal with ovaltine?

[Mr HaGa]

I was hoping this thread would be about the good kind of insanity, not the annoying kind... Cause I can appreciate some good crazy...

 

"My boyfriend gave me this knife for my birthday. I want you to hold it to my throat while you fuck me."

[wahwho11]

i thought it was a thread about "insanity workout."  the one you see infomercials about at night.  and you post before/after pics of girls or something.  i don't know.

 

Edited May 25, 2013 by wahwho11