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scoki

Superawkward

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when u send ur girl a dick pic and she replies "a more flattering camera angle would help this out a lot" 

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was super stoned today and the lift in my building smelt so badly of fermented cum. someone was getting in as i got out, i turned around and said "sorry, it wasn't me who came"  :huh:

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Yesterday I arrived in Salamanca. While I was on the way to my hotel a group of women approached me, one wearing a deflated sumo wrestler costume. The woman in the sumo costume asked me if I was an American. When I told her yes she asked if she could take a photo with me; feeling conspicuous I asked her why. She answered "In three months I am getting married."

 

So somewhere there's a photo of me looking deeply confused next to a woman in a sumo costume. 

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So I have this male coworker who is gay and likes to take roadtrips throughout the American West. After telling a story about how he had tried rocky mountain oysters on one of his trips, one of my older female coworkers is pretty grossed out by this. When we asked her why she thought rocky mountain oysters were nasty, she says "I don't know, I just can't imagine someone putting something like that in their mouth." To which my gay coworker responded "I mean..." Not so much an awkward story but we were all just dying after that. 

Edited by GMM13

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My gf has blue hair. My mom finally met her.

 

Most awkward handshake I've ever seen (you could see it in my mom's face).

Edited by tac0tron

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My mom is an asian, southern baptist christian in her fifties.

 

"What kind of job is she going to get? Something in the 'Entertainment' industry?"

Edited by tac0tron

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i kinda assumed something like that to be the reality...


but "colorful" hair has been a style for like 40 years. and i do think its odd that its still an issue for many people

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months ago, me and my mate (J) went on a double date with his one month gf im seeing for the first time. i knew him since middle school so everytime we meet up we become loud, lowbrow commentary esl fobs that talk about all the dumbshit we did back then since we're occupied with work and school. on top of that this is his first gf so im very exciting as his "last date" was at a chinese christian alliance meeting with his chem partner. we kind of ignored our gf and it became just homo bonding as we're having a great time talking over some izakaya.

 

coming home, J pulled into a 76 and went to fill his car's tank. now three of us are doing typical convo and somewhere along the lines

"wow do you and J have this much energy when you guys hang out?"

"ahah yeah he's a great guy, i'm always pretty glad to see him. its like my smile doesn't turn off around him."

"cause you know you have that much energy is unusual, it's like you have aspergers."

...

...

"well okay just a little bit of aspergers."

"oh that's --- interesting."

 

now i give the *this bitch and her psych degree* look to my girl and we just kind of talk to ourselves. J is driving home his gf keeps saying "i did something wrong..." and i just laugh it off and was like no no 

 

 

today i try fb message J if he wants to get lunch and I get the *Seen at 1:19* and then at 8pm he replies "sry at work". np, look at the previous messages and its all the same shit. i lost my J. 

Edited by callmeq

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Today I helped spot some guy as he shoulder pressed at the gym. On the last rep he started struggling to keep the weight up. As I helped him lift the bar back up, for some reason, I started unconsciously giggling to myself. Afterwards the dude gave me a look like "The fuck man?"


 


I swear I'm a good person.


Edited by JustPosted

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i had to pass by the city today and the cultural centre by the train station had an arts festival going on so there was a lot of people, more than usual. of the crowd of people i’d passed by, a noteworthy stranger was a newly out of high school adolescent who had head-to-toe raf on - a raf x sterling ruby ‘fathers’ tee on with schoolboy schorts and a pair of those disastrous rafdidas trainers on, colour coordinated with his t-shirt (primary blue, orange, yellow, silver). ironically he was walking with his father and definitely looked like he was shitting himself scared…not so much an awkward story involving me, more the kid but just thought i'd never come across that where i'm from.

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shoulda shouted loudly that his 'dressed by tumblr game is on point' bro

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brought girl over to my place, i put on a playlist inspired by the "R&B took me to loveland" threak on superculture.
Made out for like an hour, she takes off her dress, naughtiest lingerie ever, i take it off with my mouth and proceed to use said mouth, shes wants to reciprocate, but my pal's out of service. first time that's happened, didn't know how to deal with it shit was mad awkward, watched movies.

same girl i passed out with on our first hookup
ill see her back at class on monday, countdown till my whole school calls me "ifeelasleep"

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who cares bruh ive fallen asleep mid dome many a times. all you gotta say is shit so good it put you to sleep.

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Just the thought of someone rushing to the computer and putting on a fucking r&b mix at 3 am after bringing home a girl makes me cringe as fuck. 

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Just the thought of someone rushing to the computer and putting on a fucking r&b mix at 3 am after bringing home a girl makes me cringe as fuck.

Eh? What are you talking about? That's not cringe at all. It's butter smooth.

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^^ I always put on the "Cop" album with Swans, best atmosphere setter.

 

That's a good choice, but there are better imho

 

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