SuperDepressed (support community)

[dovo]

As someone whose battled with depression personally i really like what I see going on in super confessional, however, maybe you guys can keep that discussion going on in here instead. 

 

[redX]

living with this illness/condition has shown me one thing - while i was in the clinic i realized how many different faces depression has. the wide range of how it expresses itself is staggering. some people become introverted and pull back from all contact to other people - others can never stop talking and are super extroverted and want to be liked by everyone and sacrifice themselves for the sake of others. others spend money on thigns they dont really need just to make themselves feel better for a short time (yeah we all know what that feels like )

 

the term "burn-out" is made up by the business world to avoid the word depression. every doctor/therapist i have talked to always confirmed that there is no such thing as a burn-out. the symptoms of a burn-out all get categorized under depression.

 

if you are young and have depression and you realize it consider yourself lucky. many people don't really figure out what is wrong with themselves and keep going on with their lives until they are in their mid 40's to 50's where they finally don't have the energy anymore to keep going and their entire life seems hollow and a waste. so if you can figure out what is wrong with your current situation and seek help at a relatively young age your life will look much brighter in the future.

 

 

there is a heartwarming comic book by Mathew Johnstone

Living with a Black Dog: His Name Is Depression

http://www.amazon.co.../ref=pd_sim_b_1

 

this book illustrates what it is like having a depression. it shows some of the symptoms in a way so that people, who actually have depression but don't want to admit it, might recognzie themselves in some of the illustrations and come to terms with their situation.

Edited January 10, 2014 by redX

[redX]

woopsie

Edited January 10, 2014 by redX

[Schoon]

My girlfriend has been depressed for a few months now.  She's been going to a therapist but she says it isn't helping.  She used to be happy all the time, smile and laugh a lot and was really talkative and loving, and it kills me to see her as a shadow of her former self.  I've tried to talk to her about it and help make her feel better, but she says that there's nothing I can do to help, and that makes me feel powerless.  Our relationship is nothing like what it used to be, we barely speak about anything other than the usual "how was your day" formalities.  I don't know what to do at this point other than be there for her.

 But I still love her and want to stick it out until she gets better, but i'm not sure how much longer I'll feel like that and I'm afraid of what will happen to us if that happens. 

[denimdestroyedmylife]

[cheapmuthafukr]

I'm bipolar with the majority of my symptoms being depressive... Does that count?

[shoreman]

I'm curious, how is a bipolar disorder diagnosed? What are some of the markers to look for?

[cheapmuthafukr]

One of the main things is how you react to antidepressants... An ssri will throw you into a manic or hypo manic state.

Most commonly you would have experienced cycling between depression and mania also... Mania is pretty much like a coke bender... The first day is amazing, you feel like a god, don't need sleep, have tons of energy, etc... And very impulsive behavior.... That quickly turns to agitation and irritability

[herpsky]

Bipolar comes in four different flavors. 

 

Look up the criteria used to diagnose it. Google "DSM IV TR Bipolar I."

[King Tut]

[xerrox]

Man, isn't that accurate. I don't think I've ever been suicidal, but at night it's kind of like "I would be ok if I just didn't wake up."

[herpsky]

Man, isn't that accurate. I don't think I've ever been suicidal, but at night it's kind of like "I would be ok if I just didn't wake up."

no

[ShakeEmUp]

What have your experiences been with alcohol?  I got to visit my best friend in Louisiana this weekend and was in a super good mood and stoked to go out. Drank a ton of whiskey before the bar and I don't remember what point but I had the biggest mood swing and felt super shitty. I don't know if it was the alcohol specifically as far as spiking up my emotions too fast or even negating antidepressants or if it had to do more with that I've been feeling bad lately and finally got to see my friends and then just kind of crashed emotionally. 

 

I've made a lot of progress though as far as dealing with depression/anxiety.  Keeping busy, surrounding yourself with people who are open minded and don't put you down, exploring new interests, forcing yourself to do things that makes you anxious/uncomfortable, reading a lot, writing, watching good movies, and having someone that you can tell everything to are all really helpful, at least for me.  I had a complete loss of all interests, rock bottom self esteem, and anxiety so bad I felt like I was going to mess everything up and I was afraid to do everything.  I still have a ton of progress to make but I feel like I've made myself a lot better the past few months.  What experiences has everyone else had?

Also, Scott Stossel, the editor of The Atlantic has had severe anxiety for a long time and done a ton of cool writing and research about it.  I haven't gotten to read his book yet but I'm hoping too soon.  Here is his article that was in this month's issue and an ama he did for reedit:

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/01/surviving_anxiety/355741/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1utet0/i_am_scott_stossel_and_im_doing_an_ama_about_the/

 

[bfan]

to be frank, I have been 'depressed' since I was like 12, have gone through the whole existentialist to nihilist to hedonist to buddhist cycle and finally come to a strange synthesis of all of these experiences and only very recently feel much more stable. there's no real 'recipe' for 'getting better', simply because these are only words, and they mean different things to everyone. in my experience, one of the deepest things was feeling disconnected with other individuals on every level possible, and it took a lot of time and energy for me to realize that as cliche as it sounds, separateness is the illusion. 

 

one thing I have never used is pharmaceuticals, because much of my depression was founded on a hopelessness towards the institutions which wield power in todays world. the 'aim' of my depression was to unprogram myself from within a defective operating system that forces had conspired to implant in upon my creation. in my opinion, the antidepressant, anti anxiety, etc. medications pumped out by the pharmaceutical industries are really ways to turn yourself into an emotionless zombie, taking the blue pill over the red, so to speak. the brain is a dynamic organ which constantly destroys and creates new connections, your thoughts and behaviors have been shown through epigenetics to actively change your gene expression. so what you think, you actually become*

 

I honestly think if you don't get a little sad every now and then in the face of the inevitability of suffering as part of the human experience, you are mildly sociopathic.

 

"In an artificial word, only extremists live naturally"

 

*http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0002576

[herpsky]

i think u just got dysthymic disotlrder or sumthing

[gettoasty]

Don't know if I'm just stressed or having a break down. Usually I have pretty good self control...but since the beginning of the month I've been spending money recklessly (granted a lot f t on clothes that can be returned). But I feel like I'm really walking a thin line. Stopped going to the gym for 2 weeks now so right about since New Years. Started off te year with a flu that wrecked my body. Been sort of downhill from there. Kind if want to justs say "forget it" and walk away but got obligations. Never was depressed per say but have had a history of being really "emo". Today when the new intern asked me what I do for fun I half jokingly said "go to the gym". He then asked me about my friends and I had to pause really quick then mention a buddy that I haven't seen in 5+ months. That conversation ended really fast and we ate our lunch in silence before taking about the gym again. Derp

[MonsieurUntitled]

[conqueror]

i posted my experiences and advice (from suffering anxiety/depression and also working in mental health) in superconfessional. tldr: reach out for help - its there. in the meantime...

Edited January 16, 2014 by conqueror

[akuma no uta]

On that holding on by a invisible thread tip.

One can have hope, but at some point, hopes gotta run out.

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

edit: teh fuck am I doing here

Edited January 17, 2014 by Just Another XY

[froople]

Anyone go through like a week of complete motivation and then just crash? I was exercising and getting organized and now... nothing.

[sporty]

that's alright, it happens to everyone. I hope u didn't expect straight line to success. just get back on track asap and don't be too hard on yourself.

[shoreman]

^Simple as it sounds, this is pretty much the mindset anyone who has/is dealt/dealing with a degree of depression needs to adopt. 

 

It REALLY helps. That and, obviously, removing triggers. 

[xerrox]

Three people have died at my alma matter since Christmas. One of cardiac arrest, one is still being investigated, and a freshman girl jumped from a parking garage last weekend (sorry, Daily Mail but it's actually the one link that's been continuously updated). As someone who has battled with depression on and off and even lived in the same dorm my freshman year, the last one breaks my heart.

 

If you're still in school (or out, doesn't matter) and depressed, please reach out to someone. You're not alone and your school probably has a ton of free resources that you can take advantage of anonymously. It's not a magical cure (and my experience with CAPS was mixed, whereas other people swear by it), but at least you can talk to someone trained to help guide you down a path. 

Edited January 21, 2014 by xerrox

[yooneunhye38]

^^wow, just read that link and teared up.  can def relate to not being able to live up to your own expectations.  mediocrity can be crippling. pretty, athletic, and smart. way more than i got, although i understand how pointless it is comparing yourself. fuckk

[cheapmuthafukr]

That's the worst part of bipolar.... The feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are intermingled with delusions of grandeur... I at one time felt that I was worthless and had nothing to live for, and at the same time felt that I was the most important and influential member of this site, and was directly influencing worldwide fashion trends.

I'm better now... I only think I'm a little worthless and know I don't influence shit

[akuma no uta]

This weekend I saw Godspeed You Black Emperor and Neurosis under not so ideal circumstances, and the clash of hope and despair between the two bands was beautiful. Godspeed is so full of hope and beauty, it filled my soul with all the possibilities of the universe. During neurosis however, I allowed my inner darkness to fill me, plunging myself into sorrow and swimming freely into it. Very cathartic.

[redX]

if you feel depressed the best way to break the downward spiral is to just do something.

it doesn't matter how small or insignificant it might seem at first. try and learn how to appreciate the small victories in your day to day life. like getting up early and going out for a 10 minute walk around the block to get some breakfast or just the simple act of getting up early. it might sound kind of silly but actually noticing these small things can build up self confidence that most people with depression lack. finding out that you can "actually do things" and finding out they actually aren't as mundane or exhausting as you had initially thought can be an empowering feeling.

granted you won't turn into super productive optimistic person overnight or after completing "10 challenges". Patience is a virtue and when you aim to climb out of your depression because you are literally sick of it then you will need it more than ever.

 

during my therapy in the hospital i learned that simply changing your mindset and outlook on life and telling yourself everything ain't that hard is a near impossible task. while it may be true these thoughts express exactly what is impossible being in the depressive phase. life or social sictuations are really hard because they seem impossible from the start. just telling yourself it ain't that hard will just lead to a negative feedback loop where you find out that it was actually too hard to tackle the social situation (just as an example)

 

so yeah just ask yourself what is fun to you or what seemed fun to you. if you like bikes then go for a spin and get out the 4 walls surrounding you or try something else like drawing a picture, or maybe making pancakes. treat yourself.

[dovo]

someone from the sufu fam who wanted to share their experiences (not me)

 

So for starters, I'm 17. I never really had a hard life, nor did I have an especially privileged life. I was always lower middle class, and there was never really a struggle. Only thing is my dad was never really around during my childhood, and my mom was always working.

 

My entire deal with depression started at the end of my sophomore year of high school. I was just going into the IB Program (International Baccalaureate, AP but more pretentious and international), taking on the full diploma, one of the hardest workloads from what I had heard. My GPA was a straight 4.0, and I was on track to graduate, go to an Ivy League, with a decent scholarship too.

 

But for some reason, during my entrance to the IB program, I lost all the motivation I had. I tried my hardest during my junior year to keep my GPA up, and despite my intentions, my grades dropped to something like a 3.38, right below the cut off for IB diploma. I was kicked out of the program the end of my junior year (after paying a few hundred in testing fees, I got a 5 on my math exam and a 6 on my psychology exam.) Despite that, I was dropped out of the program.

 

That summer there was nothing else I could really focus on... other than clothes, I could only focus on my failure. I got into a variety of different drugs. I mean, I already smoked cigs and weed, but I tried coke, heroin, ecstasy, just about anything I could get my hands on. I knew I didn't want to ruin my life though, I stopped with all of that shit. That entire summer, I only thought of the year ahead. My final year, and I was certain it would go to shit. It's as if I was paralyzed, and I knew that I had SO much shit to do but I couldn't manage to do it. It's almost as if I felt my own regret before my actions took place.

 

My senior year came (this year) and everything just got overwhelming. I've been smoking around 1.5 packs a day now. I know it sounds like I'm just telling you first world problems, because I am. I'm not going to refute that...

 

Anyways, college apps have been due...  and I haven't done any of them. I realized that everything that I had worked for was destroyed, at my own hands. Not even due to laziness, but due to something deeper. I looked back at my last two years, and thought, "I wanted to go to Cornell... what are my only options now? Fucking community college?" My GPA dropped to something like an unweighted 2.9 or 3.0 - not bad by any means but just the disappointment of it was shattering.

 

Two weeks ago, I planned my suicide. It was two in the morning, I had the bath running warm, my will written out, my last words written out. I couldn't stop crying. I was drunk and high and a fucking mess. Just as I was about to commit the deed, my mom walks in. She'd woken up to use the restroom. Her cries are something that I'll never forget. The guilt of it was just fucking terrible. I ended up not doing anything, thank god.

 

After that night, I sought help. I commited myself to a psychiatric hospital, and stayed there for 5 days. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life yet it did end up being beneficial. The kinds of people there were absolutely fucking insane. My room mate was a schizo, but he was actually real cool. The first night I was there, a girl tried to hang herself. He paced about the room (it was about 1 in the morning?) and kept telling me to "go to bed bro, it's alright, don't worry". Anyways it was safe to say that I was the only person there who was... fully there. Even the staff were confused at first, asking if I was "new" there. Couldn't have shoes with laces so I wore raf velcros lol. Anyways those 4 days slapped some damn sense into me. I realized how much fucking worse people were off and why the fuck I was having so much trouble dealing with my depression. I left there with a feeling of schadenfreude and a bottle of prozac.

 

Ever since then, I've been feeling better. Like, a lot better actually. It's a relief from going to thinking about not existing or not waking up or at the extremes, taking your own life every day to actually being happy for once. I couldn't remember the last time I was happy for absolutely no reason. Hopefully this might inspire some people to seek help, albeit hopefully less severe help.

[wahwho11]

great that you're getting better.

 

this reminds me, wasn't there a thread where someone would pm a guy their confession/problem and he would post it on their behalf anonymously? like dovo just did?