Djrajio Dating Thread/Advice Column

[Guest bambam]

i hate pua shit so much. if you need to be TOLD to tease a girl, tell story that make u look like a boss, initiate physical contact etc. nevermind have abbreviations for all that shit ur game is beyond stoops and theres no hope

[Guest jmatsu]

djrajio,

have u ever got with a hostess/kabajo/maiko?

without paying money, buying gifts and minimal douhanz? get them to see you not as a customer, but actually have a personal relationship or just a free (or minimal spending) fuck/suck-session? i have, and have my methods, just wondering how someone from a nonjap perspective does this or how they did.

[6ixes&7evens]

djrajio which type of girl gave u the best fuck of your life?

[ProfMonnitoff]

decided to not pursue it

shes the type of girl im afraid i might catch serious feelings for

and im leaving vienna in a week

so probably not the best idea

[djrajio]

djrajio,

have u ever got with a hostess/kabajo/maiko?

without paying money, buying gifts and minimal douhanz? get them to see you not as a customer, but actually have a personal relationship or just a free (or minimal spending) fuck/suck-session? i have, and have my methods, just wondering how someone from a nonjap perspective does this or how they did.

No I haven't had the luxury of this experience yet. However, I do have a half japanese half white married friend who frequently goes to gotanda/soap land and one deli-heru girl found a fancy for him and one time called him to meet up. He asked her how much it would cost but it turned out that she was into him and wanted to meet him on a non-client basis; I think they still have some sort of relationship but I've never taken the opportunity to ask him. Shame he cheats on his wife so much and they have a kid though...

[jlow]

totes need translations on gotanda and deli-heru

[djrajio]

Gotanda is famous for its red light district.

Deli-heru is delivery service sex girls.

Anyways, an interesting thing happened last Tuesday that I forgot to mention. I macked on this one hottie back in Halloween night last year and tried to get a date and she ignored me several times and finally I gave up and forgot about her. Fast forward to last Tuesday, she e-mails my phone after 9-10 months no contact and asks me out on a date near by place. I accept meet up with her and we just chill. She keeps insisting that she's been busy with work but my gut says she just broke up with a boyfriend and was feeling lonely. Just shot the shit and was chill nothing crazy. Can't say I wasn't disappointed; its nice to have bitches blowing up your phone and asking you out for a change.

Tonight gotz the movie/dinner ish with this girl I met at a BBQ a few weeks ago. Funny thing is my good friend tried to get with her about a month ago and is still trying. He told me he wasn't gonna pursue her anymore but I got a text from her saying he asked her to lunch and to meet up for the weekend. For all I know she might be playing both of us but its a risk you gotta take. I dont wanna blow up the spot cuz my bro gets very jealous so probably gonna play it by ear and she where this takes me.

[Guest jmatsu]

^what movie you gonna watch? what theatre u usually go 2? i don't even take girls to movies no more. archie said that it's good to take bitches to scary movies, while contrarily his rival, reginald claims that romatico shit sets the mood.

anyway good luck.

[djrajio]

Transformers. Haha. But seriously, I could have chosen any movie and this girl would be down cuz she's so into me. She originally had other "plans" which probably was another guy and probably canceled on him to see me. Cuz I insisted I could only do Friday cuz Saturday I'm meeting up with this other chick.

[djrajio]

Yo, J. How many of your good friends are married right now? A handful of my friends who are mid-twenties (25,26,27) have been getting married recently and I've been like WTF? I dont think I could even consider marriage until I'm 30 but many of my friends have been tying the knot right quick. It's kinda freakin me out.

[Guest jmatsu]

Yo, J. How many of your good friends are married right now? A handful of my friends who are mid-twenties (25,26,27) have been getting married recently and I've been like WTF? I dont think I could even consider marriage until I'm 30 but many of my friends have been tying the knot right quick. It's kinda freakin me out.

many. too many. if you're talking about japanese friends, shit only changes outside of japland though. the usual circles i run i with in japland don't even know what adultery means, or they just don't care... neither do i.

most of my jap homeboys living abroad seem to accept the ball and chain. like they took all the crap social baggage of american marital values and just admitted defeat.

[djrajio]

Most of friends that have been getting married are my friends in the US. Like I'm happy for em and shit but for some of them they've only had one long term gf or serious relationship in their lives, so kinda makes me wonder. But I feel you on the Japland tip. It's so ingrained in the culture that no one thinks twice. Dunno if its good or bad but its definitely different.

[bentobox]

Most of friends that have been getting married are my friends in the US. Like I'm happy for em and shit but for some of them they've only had one long term gf or serious relationship in their lives, so kinda makes me wonder. But I feel you on the Japland tip. It's so ingrained in the culture that no one thinks twice. Dunno if its good or bad but its definitely different.

Just had to +1 one this as it mirrors my thoughts of late. The long-term relationship/marriage dynamic is so entirely different here than in the West. I jump back and forth between thinking it is completely fuct or that they are on the right track. Jury is out for sure.

db

[jayrock]

djrajio,

how late is too late to call a girl when she gives you the digits. some girl gave me her number last friday, i tried calling on sunday, no answer or voicemail left. i've been too busy and completely spaced calling her this week. is friday to friday too late to call?

[djrajio]

It's never too late to call. Especially if you made a good impression on her. Think about it. Most chumps call the next day or two and try real hard to get a date as fast as possible. If you're the smooth operator, just be real with her that you've been busy but wanna meet up.

[gettoasty]

so im going to be living with some homies next year

they know ive been out of the game for awhile and are pampering me up to meet girls

perhaps this has been answered, but whats the deal with acting like a jerk? supposedly, that's their plan.

(some mentioned mystery? yeah, the homies i am talking about eat up that kind of stuff) FML

[lawless]

djrajio,

So I used to mess around with this girl a few years ago and we've caught up via text and emails about every 6-9 months but we have not seen each other in years and outta the blue she hits me up. We've exchanged texts for a few days then we met up for some lunch (bbq joint if your wondering) and we catch up and we both had lots of fun. She had to bring her sister along to drop her off at the movies after lunch, I had to go to work so it wasn't a big deal. I didn't wanna test if I was friend zoned infront of her sister so I kept it pretty decent. We're meeting up for coffee next week (hopefully one on one) and imma see if I can get into her head a bit and see if I'm friend zoned. The bad thing is she's going back to school outta town in a month and a half so I've only got that time frame to do my work. My question is do you think I'm friend zoned and how often should I meet with her. I've got a pretty tight schedule with school and work so I've only planned to meet with her once a week. Should I pick up the pace?

[djrajio]

so im going to be living with some homies next year

they know ive been out of the game for awhile and are pampering me up to meet girls

perhaps this has been answered, but whats the deal with acting like a jerk? supposedly, that's their plan.

(some mentioned mystery? yeah, the homies i am talking about eat up that kind of stuff) FML

I've already addressed the "jerk" question before:

Gahh.

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Being a dick for the sake of trying to attract a girl never works because its inauthentic.

A woman can see right through the facade, especially if you're incongruent in what you say and do.

The key isn't about being a dick but living in your own reality, doing things for yourself, but allowing the woman to come along for the ride.

If she asks for a favor and its inconvenient, tell her no or do things on your own terms.

She wants a man with a spine not some "yes" man doormat.

I tend to be the "silent" type and just ignore the noise.

Women have wild imaginations and they'll go crazy trying to figure out "what it all means".

Use passiveness to your advantage.

[djrajio]

djrajio,

So I used to mess around with this girl a few years ago and we've caught up via text and emails about every 6-9 months but we have not seen each other in years and outta the blue she hits me up. We've exchanged texts for a few days then we met up for some lunch (bbq joint if your wondering) and we catch up and we both had lots of fun. She had to bring her sister along to drop her off at the movies after lunch, I had to go to work so it wasn't a big deal. I didn't wanna test if I was friend zoned infront of her sister so I kept it pretty decent. We're meeting up for coffee next week (hopefully one on one) and imma see if I can get into her head a bit and see if I'm friend zoned. The bad thing is she's going back to school outta town in a month and a half so I've only got that time frame to do my work. My question is do you think I'm friend zoned and how often should I meet with her. I've got a pretty tight schedule with school and work so I've only planned to meet with her once a week. Should I pick up the pace?

This is a pretty good question. First off, good job not burning bridges with this girl. You should always leave them better off than when you met them. So kudos to you for that. Also, she brought her sister to judge you and also as insurance that you've haven't gone creppy or something. Girls do this all the time. And when they do, you should ACCEPT the invitation with the friend. Most guys try to get the one-on-one ASAP but you gotta pay a little money to play in the game. Girls want guys that other girls want. So if her sister found you attractive, it automatically amplifies your attractiveness. Just as long as you don't fuck up the meeting. I sort of see it as leverging your position; but it goes both ways.

Regarding the friend's zone. I have no idea because I'm not in the mind of the girl and you've only met once platonically. But I would wager to say that her wanting to meet you again is a positive. But frankly, it shouldn't matter if you get friended or not cuz she's leaving in a month anyways. So I always take the stance that you should always err on the side of the sexual aggressor and have her reject you for being too sexually forward than her reject you as a "friend".

The fact that you have a time limit is a great advantage actually because it amplifies the emotions and situation. Use it to your advantage. Also the fact that you are busy its a HUGE HUGE PLUS. Most chumps will drop everything to be with a HOT girl. It's rare that guys tell HOT GIRLS that they can't meet up to reschedule; most chumps GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to meet the woman. Use the time constraint to your advantage and she'll realize your a busy man with options and things going for him.

Once a week is perfect. Most peoples lives are boring and mundate. So by the third or fourth meet up they have nothing to talk about and the attraction is KILLED. Give her the gift of missing you playa.

[DaBestSpoona]

Yo, J. How many of your good friends are married right now? A handful of my friends who are mid-twenties (25,26,27) have been getting married recently and I've been like WTF? I dont think I could even consider marriage until I'm 30 but many of my friends have been tying the knot right quick. It's kinda freakin me out.

It shouldn't freak you out. Most people get married just because they're totally content with their current situation, or the chick is pregnant. If you're still content with new ass every week why change it?

[djrajio]

Yeah, there still a lot I want to do. MBA, my own business, etc. and I feel a wife and children would make it difficult to achieve these goals right now. I'm definitely happy that I'm single during this current economic crisis. I had a friend that married last year, now has a child, and recently got demoted from his front-office trading position to middle office. He's pretty much stuck there since he has to raise a child now.

[lawless]

...............

yo thanks for the advice.

I think it went fairly well. I mean I frequently included her sister in the conversation as much as I could. She said I was a very shy guy when we met 3 yrs ago so I made it a point to lead the conversation during our lunch encounter. So I'm thinking an hour coffee meet up towards the end of next week should give us enough time to get a good conversation rolling without having it die out. idk we'll see how it goes.

feel free to give your input yo.

[ROYALEFATALE]

djraijio you should write a book with all the knowledge being dropped in here.

[gettoasty]

I think part of the success of Djrajio is that the man is balling. 'Money talks' IMO.

And thanks for the repost of advice. Sums up how i feel about acting like a jerk, just feels so fake!

[ojjairus]

Dj-how do u feel about paying for dates.Lunch,dinner,movies, coffee.

Just pay cause you want to or is it expected? what happens if she asks to pay.

[jayrock]

It's never too late to call. Especially if you made a good impression on her. Think about it. Most chumps call the next day or two and try real hard to get a date as fast as possible. If you're the smooth operator, just be real with her that you've been busy but wanna meet up.

cool. just tried calling again, but no answer. voicemail good idea or bad idea? i wasn't going to leave a message, but i got caught up in the moment. left a short one like, "hey, things have been a little crazy lately but i'm calling to let you know i'd like to meet up again sometime if you're interested. hit me up at xxx-xxx-xxxx." (although she already had my number. maybe she's busy, maybe she's ignoring. who cares.)

would you have left a voicemail in that situation, or just a missed call? i assume txt messages are a no-no? i feel like this may have been a dumb move, because i essentially left the ball in her court, and she can just easily brush it off. but at the same time i don't want to be wasting my time calling her over and over. please, enlighten me with your wisdom.

kthx

[djrajio]

Dj-how do u feel about paying for dates.Lunch,dinner,movies, coffee.

Just pay cause you want to or is it expected? what happens if she asks to pay.

When ur dating someone and in a relationship with someone this is entirely different. So I'll address dating.

I'm of the belief that men should lead a relationship and that includes paying. If you ask a girl on a date, you need to be willing to sacrifice the money and responsibilities that come with the invitation. So that means paying. If you always insist on split dutch, I think psychologically it affect a girl's perception of a guy. I know it might sound bullshit and girls might think I'm crazy but I think the "act of asking a woman to split the check" hurts your sexual aggressor / leading image.

However! It doesn't mean that you stubbornly insist on paying for everything because you are the "man". IT'S WHAT SHE DOES OR SAYS AFTER YOU INSIST ON PAYING THAT SHOWS YOU THE TRUE CHARACTER OF YOUR DATE.

If she insists on paying half or some, allow her to pay. Or say, "Listen I got dinner since I asked you out. How about you cover the drinks at the bar we're going to next?

There are three great things about doing it this way. First, you still are the aggressor in the dynamic. Second, if she insists to pay some or half, you allow her to participate in the dynamic. And third, IF SHE DOESN'T INSIST ON PAYING CONSISTENTLY, YOU KNOW SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER. So you basically screened the bitch out before she even knows it.

So, always take the lead in paying but if she insists allow her to pay some/half/whatever you feel like.

[djrajio]

cool. just tried calling again, but no answer. voicemail good idea or bad idea? i wasn't going to leave a message, but i got caught up in the moment. left a short one like, "hey, things have been a little crazy lately but i'm calling to let you know i'd like to meet up again sometime if you're interested. hit me up at xxx-xxx-xxxx." (although she already had my number. maybe she's busy, maybe she's ignoring. who cares.)

would you have left a voicemail in that situation, or just a missed call? i assume txt messages are a no-no? i feel like this may have been a dumb move, because i essentially left the ball in her court, and she can just easily brush it off. but at the same time i don't want to be wasting my time calling her over and over. please, enlighten me with your wisdom.

kthx

Hey man. No worries. Yes, you just did a rookie mistake. Its always better to keep the ball in your court. By leaving a voice message asking her to call you back, you've basically lost control of the situation. Its ok though. She might call back. But she might not.

Heres the trick with voice mail. You call and say, "Hey its blah blah, I had fun with you at blah blah. *Insert running joke/pun that you had in your meeting before* Seems like I can't get ahold of you. I'll call you again on date/time. Or hit me back! Talk to you soon!"

See how this type of voice message still gives her the option to call you if she genuinely is interested but keeps the ball on your court.

NO TEXTS!

Also, if she doesn't get back to you in 2-3 days, I would a week or two and try again.

[ColdTurkey]

anyone have some ways to get back with a girl who used to be interested in you ? Lately been thinking of her, stupid me back then.

[Ichigo100%]

Sorry to jump in Dj,

but coldturkey I honestly think that once you've let go of her, she's pretty much gone. It'll be extremely difficult to get her back especially after a long period of time has elapsed. She opened herself up to you at that point, so that was your perfect opportunity to go for the gold.

If the two of you still talk, then there's a possibility, however again it's highly unlikely. Women don't tend to cling on for very long unless you give them a reason to.. You can try to establish a fresh start with her, but it's going to be an uphill battle for you.. I suggest you move onto something else..