Superawkward

[tac0tron]

*Driving classmates and I to off-camous lecture*

me: So Lauren, where are you going to get picked up? *referring to a girl in the backseat

*silence*

me: Lauren?

*silence*

friend in passenger seat: Uh, her name is Cassandra.

and I knew her name was Cassandra, but why the fuck was I saying Lauren, another classmate????

Edited March 1, 2013 by tacotron

[merry burger]

A student to my professor today in class: "Have you ever read Joyce's letters? Well, he writes to his friend that he wants to make love to his wife so hard that she farts... continuously."

[Lab]

^ he actually did write that. it's gross.

[e0d9n0b5]

the guy just likes ass music

[bfan]

went for a swim today, when I was on the deck stretching this old dude in the lane next to me was very obviously checking me out. hop in and throughout the swim I notice him looking in my direction while in the water. get into the locker room and he is changing next to me, then before putting his shirt on starts putting lotion slowly all over his body, all the while sneaking glances at me. he will probably be jerkin it to the memory of my chiseled body for the rest of the week. and there's nothing I can do about that

[RRL Stine]

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

[Hocus Pocus]

--------------

Edited June 18, 2013 by Hocus Pocus

[artmajor]

Im 6'3 and it gets linda awkward standing too close to short people lol

When your about to nod off in public and you do that quick snore/grunt and ppl look at you and you try to act like you were coughing

Also when your shoe or whatever makes the fart noise and then youre like "it was my shoe, see" but you cant replicate the sound again and you look like a dumbass just kicking the floor awkwardly.

[Fycus]

fucked this girl at my work a while back. now this guy who is dating her sits next to me. i dont know whats more awkward, the fact that this chick is dating around at work or knowing i boned her and the guy sits right next to me.

[Nov Spur]

He has your powers now.

[wahwho11]

live it up, you're bang brothers now

[gettoasty]

bangbros?

[blm14]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9w514z5OsA&feature=youtu.be

[boy better know]

live it up, you're bang brothers now

eskimo brothers

[timber]

I: I was waiting for a business meeting in a coffee shop yesterday, and I had taken off my jacket because I was warm.

II: A few minutes later I realized it was colder than I thought, and grabbed my coat from the floor where it had accidentally fallen.

III: My meeting pal showed up and we started talking when I felt something weird in my sleeve. Suddenly a large spider crawled out onto the table. My friend didn't notice, so I quickly brushed it to the floor. The girl at the next table saw me do it, and started yelping. I shrugged, and made sort of a 'some people!' kind of expression while she freaked out - and we went back to our meeting.

IV (Epilogue): I discovered it had bitten me, with no adverse effects.

[anno]

I: I was waiting for a business meeting in a coffee shop yesterday, and I had taken off my jacket because I was warm.

II: A few minutes later I realized it was colder than I thought, and grabbed my coat from the floor where it had accidentally fallen.

III: My meeting pal showed up and we started talking when I felt something weird in my sleeve. Suddenly a large spider crawled out onto the table. My friend didn't notice, so I quickly brushed it to the floor. The girl at the next table saw me do it, and started yelping. I shrugged, and made sort of a 'some people!' kind of expression while she freaked out - and we went back to our meeting.

IV (Epilogue): I discovered it had bitten me, with no adverse effects.

[hahapete]

My girlfriend's been continuing on her crusade to get me to become a vegan.

She came over with a fish bowl and a few fish on Monday. She thinks that if I take care of pet fish I will start to like fish and will stop eating fish. I think that's her logic behind her "gift". I don't know, truthfully. The entire time she was explaining the fish thing I was thinking of a way I could give them to my parents or sister.

So last night we go out to eat with her friends and I'm talking to one of them at the table about the fish. I tell her laughing and completely joking that I'm thinking about telling my girlfriend that I eat dogs so that way maybe she'll get me a dog.

One of my girlfriend's friends who I don't really know and was sitting by me interjects with, "You eat dogs? I can't believe you eat dogs. You're disgusting." She starts freaking out and repeats, "You wouldn't eat MY DOG, would you?" a hundred times. She makes this huge scene at this table of twelve where I know two people, maybe. Everyone's looking at me absolutely disgusted and freaked out.

My girlfriend, who was in the bathroom, comes to the table and has no idea what's going on. I try explaining to them that I was joking and I don't eat dogs but they're having none of that so I try to tell my girlfriend what happened but she's preoccupied with all of her friends asking her if I eat dogs.

It finally, thanks to the waiter (s/o him, who was confused as fuck but saved me), died down. Needless to say, I didn't say shit the rest of the time and avoided eye contact with everyone.

After everyone's done and everything's paid for, we all walk outside. Right then a friend walks by with his dog. I said hi to him and bent down to pet his dog. After some chit-chat and some ear rubs for his dog he said something like, "what's with these girls?" and I turned around to see my girlfriend's friends all glaring at me while I'm playing with this dog.

[Fycus]

I'm in China right now and everybody says dog is better than beef, so maybe you're not crazy.

[DJ_Flame]

Pete your girl's friends are wierd.

[okonomi]

One of my girlfriend's friends who I don't really know and was sitting by me interjects with, "You eat dogs? I can't believe you eat dogs. You're disgusting." She starts freaking out and repeats, "You wouldn't eat MY DOG, would you?" a hundred times. She makes this huge scene at this table of twelve where I know two people, maybe. Everyone's looking at me absolutely disgusted and freaked out.

I hate that people think there's some form of moral difference between eating different animals. They are the ones who should be vegan; if you're not comfortable with eating any mammal you should not eat meat.

It's like this outrage about the Ikea meatballs having horse meat in them. What did people expect from a food that's labelled simply as 'meat'? Then they act like it's a health issue, like they're that blind to think that we eat the animals we do for any reason other than because they're the easiest to cultivate. If anything horse meat should be seen as a luxury; it's more difficult to cultivate and I could only imagine healthier than fat and lazy cows and pigs.

Edited March 14, 2013 by okonomi

[abracadabra]

The horse meat thing is totally a health issue though. The whole point of having standards is to know what we are eating so if, say, there is an outbreak of mad cow disease, sellers know where the tainted beef came from and can stop selling other meat that might be tainted. And it's not like the horses that are ending up in IKEA meatballs are raised to be eaten. They are in there as filler because they are cheaper than beef (which should tell you something about the relative quality of the meat from these animals), likely someone's horse from a farm or an old racehorse or something.

Horse meat is eaten in a lot of places, but it's not like the ground beef sellers were giving everyone a bonus by throwing in some old horses.

Edited March 14, 2013 by abracadabra

[ranonranonarat]

tell your girlfriend you eat pussy. she's gonna buy you a ton. problem solved.

[OkayOkay]

I'm in China right now and everybody says dog is better than beef, so maybe you're not crazy.

I ate dog in Mexico a few years back. It was disgusting. Super heavy iron / metallic taste, really sinuey and tough. Maybe it was just a low grade dog, but would probably not eat again.

[Njalle]

Probably a street dog.

[okonomi]

The horse meat thing is totally a health issue though. The whole point of having standards is to know what we are eating so if, say, there is an outbreak of mad cow disease, sellers know where the tainted beef came from and can stop selling other meat that might be tainted.

Valid point which I did not consider.

[OAS1S]

what'd be awkward (for them, anyway) would be for all the dudes here who hailed kreayshawn as the next big thing to come forward and identify themselves today.

[JustPosted]

^^

kreayshawn is/was awful. her hype lasted longer than I thought it would.

[dovo]

what'd be awkward (for them, anyway) would be for all the dudes here who hailed kreayshawn as the next big thing to come forward and identify themselves today.

i made the kreayshawn thread. dont think i ever said she was the next big thing. debbie could still get it tho.

was chillin in the fitting room the other day at work when my coworker walks in screaming OMG "im soo embarrassed" i ask why and she says "i just ran into this guy i knew from when i was younger and hes so hot now and now im ugly and fat." she starts telling me how dudes brother was the cute one but now this one was hotter. then she said "im going to lose weight and have sex with him" loud as fuck as if nobody was in that damn room changing. as shes walking out, i see this dude peak his head out from the curtains, realize she was gone then straight dip the fuck out.

so naturally i tell her he was in there the whole time she was talking and she starts freaking out so i try to calm her down by saying "chill, i can try to help you lose some of all that weight, you can start by eating less". she then tells me shes vegan where i reply without thinking "well damn, you must be doing something wrong" she then stormed out and i havent talked to her since.

at least somebodys got a fuck lined up?

Edited March 20, 2013 by dovo

[Denpatou]

wow, haha

on a side note, i have met a few chubbier vegan girls--simply refraining from the ingestion of animal products definitely doesn't magically transform yr body, these girls need to change their damn eating habits. ya, technically that pirate's booty is vegan but damn girl, the whole bag??

[stink]

I shit my pants my freshman year after I came to class with a stomach ache. It got really weird when I shit on the floor, ran to the bathroom, and asked someone to wipe it up with the towel in my bag.