Superawkward

[rxtim]

it aint awkward yet, go fix that shit

[merry burger]

This morning, a tiny middle-aged Latina woman on the 5 train looked at me with wide, shocked eyes, and proceeded to jab her pointer finger into her chest repeatedly. I thought she meant, "It's me! Don't you remember me??" so I shrugged and mumbled, "Omigod, crazy person, sorry," but when I later looked down I realized she was trying to tell me that my shirt buttons had popped open and I was basically nude.

[lorem3k]

We're having a party at our place this weekend. I was going through facebook inviting everyone to the facebook event from the area. mindlessly invited my roommates ex girlfriend. his new girl from another school is visiting this weekend. fuuuuuuuu

just take her straight to the bedroom and away from him and his girl

[djrajio]

We're having a party at our place this weekend. I was going through facebook inviting everyone to the facebook event from the area. mindlessly invited my roommates ex girlfriend. his new girl from another school is visiting this weekend. fuuuuuuuu

Threesome is in order.

[djrajio]

This morning, a tiny middle-aged Latina woman on the 5 train looked at me with wide, shocked eyes, and proceeded to jab her pointer finger into her chest repeatedly. I thought she meant, "It's me! Don't you remember me??" so I shrugged and mumbled, "Omigod, crazy person, sorry," but when I later looked down I realized she was trying to tell me that my shirt buttons had popped open and I was basically nude.

Lesibian sex.

Edited October 12, 2012 by djrajio

[e0d9n0b5]

lol grow up rajio

[Mauisnake]

we have to at least be mutual friends

I think you need to look up how to use this word.

[DaBestSpoona]

This morning, a tiny middle-aged Latina woman on the 5 train looked at me with wide, shocked eyes, and proceeded to jab her pointer finger into her chest repeatedly. I thought she meant, "It's me! Don't you remember me??" so I shrugged and mumbled, "Omigod, crazy person, sorry," but when I later looked down I realized she was trying to tell me that my shirt buttons had popped open and I was basically nude.

You need your own separate thread.

[Champion champs]

My roommate had a party at our apartment a little while ago. It was sort of a girls only thing, but I was invited to stay. That in itself was slightly awkward, because I felt like I was intruding. Anyway, I have a few drinks and partake in the merriment. Later in the evening, I have to excuse myself. I don't like using the bathroom, while people are over, because it's right next to the main living area, and it has no insulation. If anything it is like a soundbox. But my bowls called for immediate attention. So I'm thinking that it could be awkward. The bathroom is occupied, but as I walk over, one of the girls leaves, giving me a slightly shifty look. I make nothing of it. I also make nothing of the fact that she pulls the door mostly shut (she always does this, when she's over).

I'm a little tipsy, so my perceptive senses are not very alert. I go sit down. Suddenly, I notice something by my feet: there is a turd on the floor. Not even a full one, but like a partial one, which has been moved a bit, excavated, and then abandoned. I am in shock, and I completely forget any cares I had about my own presence in the bathroom. What has happened here? Did that girl shit on the floor? How do you miss the toilet? Well, as I am the first to discover this travesty, I know that anyone going in after will blame me for it. I guess I will have to tend to this mess, after my own. Gross. I turn to grab some toilet paper, but my fingers catch only air. All the toilet paper is gone. All the kleenex is gone. The towels are in the wash (not like I could walk past everyone with a shitty towel à la Spud). I'm thinking, "What would Jesus do?" Then I'm thinking, "What would Macgyver do?" Then I'm thinking, "Why do they have to be so useless?"

There is no easy way out. I go in unprotected. It is the longest, most foul minute of my life, but I survive. Then I flush the toilet, with my one clean hand, but it has clearly been previously clogged. In my drunken despair, I cry out, "OH YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" I fiddle around for a moment and fix the toilet. Then I flush again. I wash my hands of my horrible deed. When I open the door, everyone is staring at me, and I cannot explain the horrors I have lived. I just give that girl the evil eye. She knows. Now we are secret enemies.

[baldy]

was seeing this girl and i was trying to be a gentleman and not pass gas in front of her. so i hold that shit. then the first time we were having sex all that built up gas throughout the night decided to come out

[e0d9n0b5]

re: champ champ

sorry but the only correct play in that situation is, as soon as you notice something is amiss, you run back out into the party and exclaim "WHO WANTS TO SEE THE TURD THAT *name* LEFT ON THE FLOOR? QUICK COME LOOK!"

Edited October 15, 2012 by e0d9n0b5

[merry burger]

You need your own separate thread.

Funny that you say that, I've often thought that there should be a separate thread for 99% of the posts here called Super poopoo peepee fart stories.

[Champion champs]

re: champ champ

sorry but the only correct play in that situation is, as soon as you notice something is amiss, you run back out into the party and exclaim "WHO WANTS TO SEE THE TURD THAT *name* LEFT ON THE FLOOR? QUICK COME LOOK!"

Is this advice based on a previous experience, or is just common sense? haha. Live and learn

[BearCousin]

Threesome is in order.

only ballin ass dudes who fuck japanese flight attendants in horse stance on top of 17k couches can pull that one off though

[djrajio]

I never have sex on my couch.

Had to get the upholstery completely replaced after my crazy ex-gf slashed it with a knife (long story).

It's cream white.

Needless to say I wouldn't recommend ANA flight attendants.

The last three have been pretty annoying/major players.

[DaBestSpoona]

Funny that you say that, I've often thought that there should be a separate thread for 99% of the posts here called Super poopoo peepee fart stories.

I would rate that a 5star thread.

BTW Did you ever find a good boxing gym?

[sawyer]

only ballin ass dudes who fuck japanese flight attendants in horse stance on top of 17k couches can pull that one off though

nah you just have to be in the right social cirlce

j ust hit up the local bdsm bar if u want to have a mff threesome as like some kind of life achievement. pretty shallow imho but to each their own.

[sawyer]

like "i read maxim magazine on a regular basis" level shallowness

[Layne]

Just went to FedEx to ship a package. French lady in front of me is rambling about how she's opening a female-only restaurant up the road (and near my apartment).

I'm kinda buzzed, so I jokingly ask her if I can come because I feel like a woman inside. The store of like 10+ people goes silent and everyone looks at me. The French lady proceeds to tell me that I'm not too old to start a relationship with Jesus... And everyone in the store nods their heads in agreement.

I then sit in silence with most of those people for the next ten minutes until it's my turn in line.

[djrajio]

Just went to FedEx to ship a package. French lady in front of me is rambling about how she's opening a female-only restaurant up the road (and near my apartment).

I'm kinda buzzed, so I jokingly ask her if I can come because I feel like a woman inside. The store of like 10+ people goes silent and everyone looks at me. The French lady proceeds to tell me that I'm not too old to start a relationship with Jesus... And everyone in the store nods their heads in agreement.

I then sit in silence with most of those people for the next ten minutes until it's my turn in line.

God bless Texas.

[merry burger]

While on the train this morning, I watched as the dozing older man sitting across from me started slowly slumping more and more forward towards me. The train lurched to a stop, and he was suddenly propelled into my chest, which he of course put both hands on. He tried to act all natural, straightened up, grabbed the bottle of sparkling water I had next to me, and tried to act like he was inspecting it carefully, holding it like an inch away from his face.

Him: Now, where did you get this??

Me: Whole Foods.

Him: Whole.... Foods?

Me: Yes.

Him: Does it taste just like 7-Up?

Me: IT IS SELTZER.

When we finally got to the last stop, I got up to leave, and he grabs onto my arm with both hands, lifts himself up out of his seat, gets really close to my face, looks into my eyes intently, and says, "Whole Foods."

[abracadabra]

sometimes i feel kinda creepy about staring at girls on the subway or something, but then i read one of merry burger's posts and i realize i'm probably ok.

[lorem3k]

Just went to FedEx to ship a package. French lady in front of me is rambling about how she's opening a female-only restaurant up the road (and near my apartment).

I'm kinda buzzed, so I jokingly ask her if I can come because I feel like a woman inside. The store of like 10+ people goes silent and everyone looks at me. The French lady proceeds to tell me that I'm not too old to start a relationship with Jesus... And everyone in the store nods their heads in agreement.

I then sit in silence with most of those people for the next ten minutes until it's my turn in line.

this is why i don't socialize

[Denpatou]

stories of poo and pee and merryburger's boobs

[xcrunchx]

@champ if your toilet is audible from the outside put a bit of toilet paper in before you take your dump. However it could become a lose lose situation as it could clog it all up and... Well then that'll take superawkward to another level.

[xcrunchx]

@champ if your toilet is audible from the outside put a bit of toilet paper in before you take your dump. However it could become a lose lose situation as it could clog it all up and... Well then that'll take superawkward to another level.

[Champion champs]

I would have to run a series of controlled experiments in secret. Even being found to be experimenting with relative toilet paper acoustics to turd consistency and volume would be super awkward. I don't think it's worth the risk.

[kenzie]

^ sounds like something that could win an Ig Nobel

[playdisonlyatnight]

merryburger once that old dude grabbed your tits you shouldve started hitting him and not stopped. especially if he was really old

[xcrunchx]

I would have to run a series of controlled experiments in secret. Even being found to be experimenting with relative toilet paper acoustics to turd consistency and volume would be super awkward. I don't think it's worth the risk.

Successful scientists take big risks.

I can picture it now:

Dr champ champ, submitted his thesis on toilet paper acoustics whist avoiding situations of superawkwardness