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scoki

Superawkward

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^^ I always put on the "Cop" album with Swans, best atmosphere setter.

 

That's a good choice, but there are better imho

 

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man i'm almost 28 now, so i'm super comfortable saying what i'm into/not into and have a low tolerance for shitty bj's. if it's bad, just jerk off into their mouth and put on some dino jr or something until you peacefully fall asleep. j mascis took me to snoozeville (no diss, i love him).

 

edit - playing massive attack's 'mezzanine' LP and just being natural about it is gonna get your dick way harder than doing mad corny shit like taking her "naughty" lingerie off with your mouth (hilarious) + fumbling around a badly compiled playlist of random r&b-esque joints that you discovered via dudes checking out other dudes shoes on the internet. i remember being young once, so i guess if you wanna hold hands afterwards then that's cool too.

Edited by conqueror

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When you realise its your boss your tailgaiting home on a long narrow stretch.

Edited by Lukenstein

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o alright if we were goin in that direction ...

didn't know the scope of what we were talkin about

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man i'm almost 28 now, so i'm super comfortable saying what i'm into/not into and have a low tolerance for shitty bj's. if it's bad, just jerk off into their mouth and put on some dino jr or something until you peacefully fall asleep. j mascis took me to snoozeville (no diss, i love him).

 

edit - playing massive attack's 'mezzanine' LP and just being natural about it is gonna get your dick way harder than doing mad corny shit like taking her "naughty" lingerie off with your mouth (hilarious) + fumbling around a badly compiled playlist of random r&b-esque joints that you discovered via dudes checking out other dudes shoes on the internet. i remember being young once, so i guess if you wanna hold hands afterwards then that's cool too.

 

Always put on a live record, that way no matter how well it goes, you always receive applause. 

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was describing the sex noises i heard from my flatmates room last night to one of my friends in uni today. was doing really high pitched yelping noises and saying shit like "ooooh yeee" in the style of randy savage when a large group of people walked round the corner laughing. it turns out future first year students were having a guided tour of the studios by the principle

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You´re getting a brand new oven – he is a doll after all, isn't he?

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Word... Dont want to come off like that.

Shit was awkward tho since im married.

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was at work the other day one guy i don't like so much whistles in the corridor, I try to whistle the same thing and realise I don't like him and he's not feeling my whistling. I turned into the first room I found on the right.

last time I invited a good acquaintance for a party but then kind of forgot about it and didn't go, forgot to tell her. then I saw her last weekend and kind of froze when she said "hey I couldn't find you at that party".

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CEO is in town for business. I tripped and splashed him with some coffee. oops

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driving to a nice restaurant for gf's bday. the day was cold or my bladder was weak so i ask the waitress to show me to the bathroom immediately. she guides me down this super-long food hall and into an elevator. i'm dying already. and then this old guy walks up so we hold the door open for him. by the time the elevator gets to the floor where the bathroom is i'm on the absolute verge. since the old guy came in last he got to go out first. there's only one fucking urinal so he takes it. i see two shitters with the doors closed and feel okay with my chances. nope. both were occupied. old dude was just standing over the urinal and i knew he was gonna take a long time. tried talking to him so i could go first. (priorities right?) he either plain ignored me or had hearing problems. i think about just shoving him aside so i can go, but i remind myself this is a civilized place. i look around and see if i can do it in the sink. it was too awkward of an arrangement to execute 'smoothly'. so panic starts to set in, and then mother nature decided to do its thing while i'm just standing there. i curse to myself repeatedly. i think the old guy can hear me now. so too the fellas behind the closed doors in the shitters. the ones i banged on moments earlier. nonetheless, it was a mixture of shame and relief. i go back up the lift and walk across the dining hall, ask the valet for the keys as i had a change of clothes in the car. lucky i drank plenty of water that day and it didn't smell, and lucky the pants were black so it wasn't obvious. happy birthday bae. and sorry that the meal was average. 

Edited by Quiver

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i appreciate u not capitalizing the words like a cool sufu but

 

(1) u made this too long

(2) u made an edit four minutes after posting

(3) was it this long before the edit

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(1) brevity sometimes isn't my strong point. follow me on twitter. pls. 

(2) typos were made

(3) yes

 

welcome to supertrash

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ugh TOO long! And You Didn't Capitalize Every Word! TLD:R; Didn't Read

wait ... I dont think i got that right

Edited by mr fluffernutter

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Wait, so she's wearing a jacket and sweater while this is happening? why can't she simply take it off? 

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why do we have to call her patty?

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Wait, so she's wearing a jacket and sweater while this is happening? why can't she simply take it off? 

 

because shes

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