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denimdestroyedmylife

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best worst feeling in the world. dive in, friend.

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i buy a ton of shit all the time and the nice stuff i just keep Brand New In Box and shit but wear the crappy old stuff all the time. fuck is wrong with me?

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best worst feeling in the world. dive in, friend.

It's seriously been 4 years since I've felt this way, I'm so floored by it that I can't even begin. I guess after striking out so many times you gotta knock it outta the park once in a while.

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it sounds like you have a bunch of 'fires' burning and you need to get some under control, some put out, and need reinforcements for the rest. You can't be expected to have all the tools to deal on your own with mounting problems. So if at all possible don't.

Thank you, for real. Same to the few others that PM'd or messaged me, I really appreciate the support. I'm super reluctant to ever be the one to admit to being overwhelmed or to talk about my problems, but it's finally reached mass critical where there's just too much for me to attack on my own.

There's a few that are completely out of my control, and I know I can't fix the situation...so it's just sad, but there are others that I'm hopeful I can identify and work through. I think you're totally right tho, I need some outside support ...someone to help me look at each one and set a plan to get past it, or at least not let it consume me. I think I'm gonna start one of those online diary/journal things...just give myself access so I can write it out and see it all in front of me, and maybe let a couple people I trust in a bit down the road to get advice. Also calling in to schedule a Dr appt to refer to a therapist. Kaiser's psychology/psychiatry dept was really disappointing when I checked it out before, but def gonna give it another shot. I'm almost more terrified of actually saying all the shit that's going on out loud to some one than the actual problems.

One big one that's been really tough is my Dad got diagnosed with dementia (Pick's Disease), and it's progressing rapidly. He's tipping into becoming detached from reality completely, but bounces back every now and then. I know it's not gonna be long till he's gone. He's starting to get aggressive and physical, and it's just my Mom there with him. I'm considering moving back in to take care of him and hopefully intervene if anything gets out of hand. If there's anyone on here that's been through this before, I'd be stoked to talk and get some insight. His version (FTD/Picks) is pretty rare, so finding other people that have dealt with it is difficult.

Anyhow, gonna get started on the day. Hoping to end this one further ahead than the last. There's so many great things going in my life also...can't remember who on here said it to me before, but "it's hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes" I guess.

edit: reformatted to make it easier for Funkdoobi. Considered double spacing, but didn't want to take up the whole page.

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some of my M shirts don't fit me anymore

in the stomach area specifically.

i might need to cut back on the beer and burgers

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lost my passport, it has my carte de sejour on it, it was my only piece of valid id, no checks, wire transfers. will have to go to the cops tomorrow, get an emergency passport, pray i get it before my december 18th flight to mexico and it doesnt cost both of my nuts. i dont know how the fuck i will renovate my carte de sejour that expires in february. fuuuuck.

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im fucking tired of seeing my brother being such a waste.

being sick cause too high on morphine

just smoked freebase in my face and puke again

drinking liquor and puking.

i mean i ain't no angel, i do smoke weed everyday and drink a bit most of the days. i'll get super drunk on the weekends and do some drugs, but i always enjoy it and it's always for fun, and i'm never sick

but him it makes him cry, get sick and get useless. what,s the fucking point of doing something that feels so bad???

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for some reason I feel like talking to my ex girlfriend whom I literally haven't communicated with at all for a year and lives probably 10 hours from me right now. It's not like I have feels, just kind of wondering how she's doing and stuff.

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you sure there's no feelings? Sometimes "curiosity" is disguised. If you think you could catch feelings be careful, you might find out info you don't want to know...ie: she's happy with someone, etc...sometimes the opposite is worse, that things are super tough for her in some way. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

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The first week in a new job is hard, especially when its long hours and stressful and you feel like you know jack shit when you should just know certain shit inside out by now. Makes you feel stupid and useless.

Worst thing is now my gf is an ex, I don't have anybody to share the troubles with. (We do the same thing, so she gets what I'm on about)

I still love her. I wish we were back together.

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for some reason I feel like talking to my ex girlfriend whom I literally haven't communicated with at all for a year and lives probably 10 hours from me right now. It's not like I have feels, just kind of wondering how she's doing and stuff.

this is the worst idea ever.

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I have finally come to grips with the fact that I am one weird ass motherfucker. I think im just going to go with that for awhile.

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i wish i had better control of my mood. i go from confident and upbeat to insecure and shitty like 20 times every day.

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i wish i had better control of my mood. i go from confident and upbeat to insecure and shitty like 20 times every day.

Does it happen only during a week in the month?

Also.. m/f?

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22. there is a lot going on atm for me.. a lot has changed in my life socially and otherwise in the last few months. basically everything i used to spend my time doing (weed, videogames, internet, girlfriend, frat) has either disappeared or is no longer enjoyable so i'm scrambling to find stuff to replace those activities with.

i can usually stay above water mood/depression wise if i'm dancing everyday but i hurt my ankle a couple days ago so that's a no go. need to meet new people but that's not something i ever really spent effort on so it's a slow process.

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yea man, I know where you're at. It's not at all unusual. I didn't really get all settled emotionally till later in my 20's, and I still bounce around a bit. I think people in their early 20's kind of have a lot on their plate these days, maybe moreso now then ever. If I can recommend anything is to go travel. Even on your own. Get to know yourself, to rely on yourself. You'll come out way more balanced and with a clearer head.

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Happiness comes from within, not from what surrounds you.

On a side note..

I hate people that suddenly become EXTREMELY happy when they fall in love, when they were otherwise 'depressed' (I use the term very loosely).

That type of person puts so much pressure on the other to keep them happy. It's so gad damn annoying.

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you can't be happy without activities or friends unless you're on that Tolstoy/ghandi/Jesus tip

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22. there is a lot going on atm for me.. a lot has changed in my life socially and otherwise in the last few months. basically everything i used to spend my time doing (weed, videogames, internet, girlfriend, frat) has either disappeared or is no longer enjoyable so i'm scrambling to find stuff to replace those activities with.

i can usually stay above water mood/depression wise if i'm dancing everyday but i hurt my ankle a couple days ago so that's a no go. need to meet new people but that's not something i ever really spent effort on so it's a slow process.

Come rock climbing. Get fit, meet chicks and do really awesome things.

apKvJME8bpw

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I've been dating this girl for a little while now, little bit more than half a year now.

And before you all start, it's a different chick.

In anycase, the relationship is pretty great, the girl is marvelous, she's totally head over heels in love with me, treats me right. I felt the same way, but lately... I dunno. I've got this feeling in the back of my head like I want out.

Theres no concrete reason for it, like I said the relationship is great. But for some reason I feel like at 20 years old I shouldn't be in a serious, committed relationship, that I should be enjoying myself. In a way I guess this kind of builds resentment for the other person over time.

But on the other hand, I feel like if I do break up with her, i'm potentially missing out on something great.

Just feel really conflicted, don't know what to do.

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