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in what way? curious, as i've pretty much abadoned my parents

I hate when they give me the exact opposite reaction than what was in my head. I dwell too much on it and from it I extract a majority of my self-confidence issues.

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I dont understand facebook. I dont give a fuck that the entire internet is....tired...or hungry...or hasnt done their homework?

damn that means if i died nobody would care because that's all i am all the time.

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I know several Japanese girls from school, even though I don't go anymore. They all still go to class and want to hang out with me in their free time. Most of them are varying levels of nasty, except there was one cute one and then a decent looking older one. Most of them are on the older side, above 30. The cute one was like 20. I usually hang out with them like once every couple weeks, and I can't fuck any of the decent looking ones because they roll as this motley crew of japanese women of assorted ages and shapes and live across town so they come and leave together.

Last night I went over to their neighborhood and called them out for some K-BBQ. I don't ever really know which ones are going to show up, so I get there and there's 3 of them. One is 19 and not cute, one is 40 and completely hideous, and one was a decent looking older lady who I didn't the age of, but had always thought she was nice looking for an older lady.

We go to dinner, we eat up, I pay the bill cuz it was like $25 for 8 servings of meat and beers, fantastic deal. I decide I want to drink some more and see if i can talk to the only decent looking one, but of course the two nasties have to come along too, I can't just cut them out of the deal in the middle of the street.

We go up to this bar, and I'm getting hammered while talking to this older lady and I finally ask her how old she is, we do the run around, it eventually comes out that she's 41. Looks really good for 41, she could pass for 31 if she had to, I think. Somewhere around there. I rest my hand on her leg and she doesn't move it away so I figure I am in. Unfortunately the two nasties are looking at me lovingly and I know they aren't gonna let me just take the decnet looking one home right in front of them, so I had to figure out a way to lose them.

I just keep drinking, thinking of a plan, and eventually, I'm like 'ok! we're going home.' and then the really hideous one doesn't want me to go... so I get pretty irate and I'm like 'fuck! akiko, just go home!' and I say this about 3 or 4 times. Then I apologize for being a dick and then say 'go home please'

The two nasties eventually get the point that I'm done with them for the evening, and the older decent looking lady who I'm resting my hands on says 'should I go?' and I say 'nah, you stay here with me' and she says 'ok!' and 'see you two later'... haha. So I finally get my way and the two nasties go home (they live in the same dorm, and my girl lives alone, so it was under the pretense that we were all going our separate ways, I was just going to finish my beer with the lady first)

Not 2 mins after the nasties left, I say 'ok, let's go to my place' and she says yes. We walk outside and i see the nasties up the street walkin home, and we go the other way. Get into a cab, I enjoy myself with her, it was a fun ride home.

We get home, she takes her clothes off on her own (I guess she was wearing some weird layers or something that she didnt want me to really see, it's mad cold over here right now)... she's down to her undies and a tee shirt with no bra, and I take off her shirt..... I am confronted by the most amazing looking pair of tits I've ever seen possibly. I was like, 'how is this possible? they look like they belong on a 20 year old' and I reach in and grab one, they're fake. I had NO idea and didn't see that one coming at all. I have seen this woman several times at school and wouldn't have imagined there was a pair of insanely perfect C cup fake tits lurking inside her shirt, and there was no flab on her body, she showed REALLY well for her age, even girls half her age would have a hard time getting their body to look this sexy. So I enjoy that and we make some bacon, I'm mad tired after all the drinks so I finally just quit and lay down to sleep, and she strokes my hair and watches me pass out. I tell her we're gonna fuck in the morning and then I'm out cold.

I wake up at like 4 or 5 in the morning and kinda feel around for her in the bed, and realize she's gone. I look and her stuff has disappeared, and I walk around my house all naked looking for her, she'd bounced out, but I was so tired and had something important today so i just back to bed and forgot about it.

When I woke up this morning, I was still puzzled about her disappearance, and I look down at my dick and it looks a little dry and dark down there... and then I look at my left hand and it's all caked in blood, and I go.... 'OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' and it all dawns on me. I guess she was embarassed about getting her guts all over me that she'd bounced out in the middle of the night.

I had to ask around for her number today, and we're cool now. I just don't know how to say 'so.... wanna fuck?' in Korean or Japanese yet with the same kind of nuance, so I will have to figure that part out.

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i went to Japan for a little while, sat in the bathhouses with some form of American insecurity of nudity around other men. Other people were walking around casually with their penis (not)hanging so I gave it a try.

What a confidence booster. Glad that I know my penis is bigger than 96% of Japanese people that lounge in bathhouses.

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goddammit. i just did some research on a school i'm planning to study in and the figures of the school fees is just killing me. i don't know if i should be driven by this to work and earn the money to go there or just "give up" the idea. i really want to go over which means i have to work a few years longer here before i can actually fly over. time is such a fucking bitch.

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Today's high temperature in Chicago is supposed to be -3 degree's Fahrenheit, which it has not yet reached (currently -6). Due to wind chill, the "feels like" temperature is around 20-30 below zero. This is too cold to have gone to work, and yet, here I sit, "working". Fuck.

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i went to Japan for a little while, sat in the bathhouses with some form of American insecurity of nudity around other men. Other people were walking around casually with their penis (not)hanging so I gave it a try.

What a confidence booster. Glad that I know my penis is bigger than 96% of Japanese people that lounge in bathhouses.

so you were all masturbating is what you're saying?

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I researched into doing a 2 year MA at an art college in NY and it was gonna cost $25,000 a year in fees and you had to show $25,000 in cash in your bank account each year to get a visa!!

exactly my point.

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I basically gave up on the idea, I could never justify spending $100,000 for 2 years of studying in NY because I'm certain it would cost $25,000 a year in expenses since I wouldn't legally be allowed to work. I can study an MA in the UK for about $10,000 a year in fees and work during that time.

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Today's high temperature in Chicago is supposed to be -3 degree's Fahrenheit, which it has not yet reached (currently -6). Due to wind chill, the "feels like" temperature is around 20-30 below zero. This is too cold to have gone to work, and yet, here I sit, "working". Fuck.

Fuck this shit. I haven't even left the house for food. I've had ramen and iced tea all day.

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In context of the recent gay sex discussion, I find it weird not more gay guys come on to me. Or is it because I dont go to any gay places, and gay flirting is more subtle in the straight/mixed world?

You aren't that pretty. If you were prettier, you'd have no trouble with the guys.

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One of my e-pastimes is to look up high school gfs fb pages' and e-stalk their hotter friends.

Maybe I'm just lonely.

And I hate school and all, but I can't wait to start my post-grad studies. Like I'm dying to go back to school.

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