dear ... [an open letter]

[iralex]

dear oak hill academy gold team,

you've had a 15-0 season so far, don't fuck it up! Also, you placed second in the nationals last year, let's go for number one this time.

thanks,

alex

[bfan]

dear alexis,

I'm sorry you think you're too cool to hang out with me. you're kind of superficial but I saw your tongue ring and that instantly had me imagining how awesome getting head from you would be. I'm not really mad, just kind of disappointed I'll never get the chance. plus it's awkward when I see you around school now.

-orientation brian

[sawn-off chef]

dear C,

the date tonight was nice, thanks for the kiss, next time when you say you'll come home don't bail, that was weak. you'll be coming down to brooklyn soon enough.

your date,

scott

[Vampyrvargfesten]

Dear scott.M's grandparents,

Please gift me BoO oxfords for Christmas.

I have been a good boy.

Love,

Vampyrvargfesten

[sawn-off chef]

dear scott.m's drunk grandma,

thanks for the chat tonight about girls and sex and life, you're probably one of my favorite people. i am such a grandma's boy and always will be, you make the holidays worth looking forward to.

[fffffut]

dear ifartvisvim

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?!?!?! I OUTTA RIP THOSE MOTHER FUCKING TALL TEES FROM YOU AND THROW YOU IN A RIVER, THEN WIPE MY ASS WITH THOSE FUCKING UGLY PIECES OF SHIT THAT YOU CALL A TEE SHIRT. FUCK… AND THOSE JEANS. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! DO YOU THINK THOSE LOOK GOOD, YOU BITCHMADE ASS-FUCKERS? THOSE STACKS ARE THE SECOND WORST LOOKING THING IN THE PHOTO- THE FIRST BEING YOUR MOTHEFUCKING SMIRKING ASS FUCKER HOOD MUGS. UGLY ASS SHOES TOO. WALL MART LOOKING AIR MAXES, BITCH. YOU’RE BOTH HOMOASS WANNABE THUGS. YA THINK YOU’RE TOUGH?! FUCK YOU CLOWNS.

HAHAHAHAHA.

I HOPE YOU BOTH HAVE CANCER, SO YOU CAN’T SHOP EVER AGAIN!!!!!

[renski]

Dear Ugly Bitches,

Don’t look at me.

Go fuck yourself,

Iheartvisvim.

Dear Sexy Bitches,

Awww yeahhh.

Sincerely,

iheartvisvim

dear vsvm,

your user name sucks and so does your blog. go back to your old forum immediately.

ren

[duck sauce]

dear ming pai lo

keys open locks, not doors.

sincerely,

[jayrock]

dear christmas wreath,

in what fucked up world is it acceptable for you to be on the hood of someone's car? ...on december 28? what the fuck.

signed,

scrooge

[Vampyrvargfesten]

dear sakevi,

please adopt me

love,

VⒶMP

[HOLY]

Dear penguins,

I would be delighted if you would leave my country,

XOXO

HOLY

[cord13]

dear feminists,

go eat a dick. you're all annoying

love, cord

[inc abs man]

Dear Helen,

Please don’t be startled by this letter. I made it as a way to express all the feelings I have been keeping inside for you. You’re going to find this a little scary but I’ve been sort of following you since last semester (Fall 2009). We were both in the same Microbiology class with Ms. Kauk. I’m pretty sure you got an “Aâ€. You seemed like a smart girl with a strong work ethic. You were logged onto TalonNet all night before the lab final. I wish I had your work ethic so I would have done better on the lecture final and received a higher grade but I didn’t. But the night before the lecture final, I put off studying and decided to write a letter that would never get to you. I rushed through the exam and probably missed no more than 15 questions. I looked everywhere for the Lexus, but I couldn’t find it. Even before the exam, I was looking everywhere, but still nothing. I guess you drove the Camry. It was a bittersweet ending to the semester. I ended up throwing the letter away on that day. I was a bit depressed throughout the break. I would pray that I would get over you and that my studying would not be affected. But then I spotted you in that reading class and so I gave this letter another try. I was going to send it around Valentine’s Day, but I couldn’t wait anymore.

So you’re probably wondering… why am I doing this? And why you? I’ll do my best to answer those questions. First of all, Helen, you are very beautiful. I don’t know what got me attracted to you in the first place. I guess I just noticed your odd-but-cute sense of fashion. You like wearing boots and leggings(haha). You pull it off very well with your physical attributes. Your clear face matched with your soft, sharp eyes and soft lips. Plus you have a small double chin. It got me. Your height, long legs. And your walk. You walk with such confidence. I’ll never forget that day you wore a navy blue skirt with white Chucks and a white hoody. You looked stunning! It’s nice that you like Chucks. I think you have a red pair too. They look good with anything. Your hair and nails were a plus too even though you probably used extensions (I’m not sure). But you’re beautiful and you got me distracted all semester long.

To be honest, as I’m making this letter I feel a bit low and upset. It must be the rain. It’s been raining all week long. I feel upset because I don’t know why I’ve gone through all this trouble to send a letter to someone I’ve never spoken to (ok, maybe just once during lab early on in the semester but you probably don’t remember) and not know much about. The truth is that I’ve been feeling lonely these past two years ever since I entered college. I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl, and I don’t know if I would ever survive in one. I’m too shy…too afraid…too self-conscious. All my friends have gone to different schools and it’s hard to make new friends at the college level. I walk around campus and see everyone in a rush with sad faces. It brings me down. I guess I saw something in you that made me want to do all this. And I don’t usually engage in this kind of behavior.

In you, I see a person that’s filled with hope. From what I can recall, I don’t think English is your mother language, yet I don’t think you’re bothered by that. You seem to do your best in everything you do and I don’t think you are one to easily give up. I like that… I wouldn’t be surprised if you were already taken by another. A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be single. It saddened me when I saw you walking to your car alone in the rain.

But I guess that still doesn’t justify all my actions. I guess the thing that hurts me the most is all this may be temporary. I guess it’s true what everybody else says…letting go is the hard part. I don’t know if my feelings for you are real. It may just be infatuation or the feeling to be needed by someone. I can’t let myself become obsessed with you. I don’t want to end up hurting myself and especially you. And so for that reason, this will be the only letter I will have sent you. As the semester passes I know I’ll keep seeing you and you probably won’t even know it. However, I won’t go beyond that as I know better than to follow others this closely. So no more following you or anything like that. I have to discipline myself and show you some respect.

Thank you, Helen, for reading all of this. I’m sorry if all this has bothered you. I would be too, but I just had to get this off my chest or else I would have gone insane. I just had to let you know that someone was admiring you from afar. This feels right. I don’t think people send letters to each other anymore because of all this technology around us. Letters are nice. They feel more personal. I was going to write this in cursive, but I wasn’t confident that you would be able to read it. So with all that said, I wish you a safe future filled with success, good health, and most importantly, happiness. I just know you will have all those. I’ll even pray for you. No “I love you†in the end, but instead, peace be with you. Take care of yourself.

Peace.

P.S.

If you don’t remember, I filled out your initials twice on the role sheet in lecture. You were always late to class! I didn’t want you marked absent.

Some songs that make me think of you. I hope you like them!

Deep River by Utada Hikaru

Every Time by Janet Jackson

Your Song by Parokya Ni Edgar (popular Filipino rock band)

You look awesome in that “I Love Cute Guys†shirt you have!

I just had to give you something. You were worth all this trouble…

[Lozinski]

Dear size bigger than 32 Diors,

I want to swagsurf witchu 4 ever.

Love, Lozi

[sawn-off chef]

inc abs man is the end result of the KAG threak.

[amardeep]

that "songs that make me think of you part" was the best

the grammar in that post is too good to be a real sufu post

[haploid]

What happened?

[junglejane]

Dear Culo,

Please downsize immediately. Yesterday when I revisited my old ande whall rakers I was unable to put them on and this kind of ruined my day.

[DüM]

dear jj,

cut out the ass cheeks of the jeans

[mrip]

dear jungle jane and jungle jane's culo

don't quit

- sincerely mrip

[narwhal]

Dear Helen,…

yoyoyo wait a sec did you write an anonymous letter to the profesor of the microbiology class AND a student in it? no hate though i like reading posts like these, it's why this thread has its own charm to meunique from superconfessional

[RandR]

Dear Amanda,

you and I sleep together, have mind blowing sex, and pretty clearly love each other. Would you please leave your boyfriend now so that I can date the shit out of you. I promise I will break up with my other girls and pursue your ridiculous self like the questing beast. I just made a camelot reference because your booty made me come a lot.

Love,

RandR

[samsikle]

dear ---,

you continually disappoint me. i'm not quite sure why i'm always surprised when you don't keep your word, i should have stopped expecting you to be different by now. or how were before. it's a shame because you used to be such a gentleman. the one thing i can count on with you is you're always the biggest let down.

fondly,

samantha

[16steps]

dear young girl at the gym,

you talk to other people who i have confirmed are seniors in high school. This makes you either 18 or on the verge of 18. Whats up? You gonna keep lookin forever or do i have to step up?

Zubin

this bitch, as it turns out, is only 16 fucking years old!!

looked way older tho:

[calvinouch]

dear time warner,

Your high speed internet sucks dick

regards,

calvin

[duck sauce]

dear zubin,

set me up

sinserli

[homme.homme]

Dear Ex GF

I don't care that you found that illustration of my current girl shooting you in the head. Everyone thinks it's really funny.

Thanks for nothing (but the laughs)

[mpcec]

Dear V,

Quit sending me such mixed signals, if all you wanted was another casual acquaintance then please leave me alone... the last thing I need is another person pretending to care. I'm looking for a real substantial relationship, not another person to wave hello to.

- M

[artificialsky]

tl;dr

[Hocus Pocus]

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Edited June 18, 2013 by Hocus Pocus