Superawkward

[CASSAVA PIECE]

damn if ronnel posted in other threads he'd probably be aight

[goki]

he's not awkward

you are

regardless, didn't I successfully fulfill this thread's required awkward quota or am I missing the point of the thread? :c

[DaBestSpoona]

Took my dog out for a long walk with my wife. My dog was really thirsty from playing all afternoon, so we stop by Aesop on the way home because they have a bowl of water in front of their shop, he drinks like half the bowl. We didnt want to be rude and just use their dog bowl, so we decided to walk in, and look around.

A sa comes up to us and asks if we are looking for anything, I tell her my wife needs some body lotion, and as soon as she takes one down to show us, my dog starts puking(prob drank way too much water) all the treats, dog food he ate that day. So try to pull my dog out of there, but he resists me pulling him, and pukes round two on the shops door mat. The two other SA tried their best to maintain straight faces while we apologize, but I could tell they want to kill us. They bring out the bleach and buckets, start cleaning the floor and door mat. My wife feels like shit so buys the larger body lotion without checking price($95 ouch) because she felt so bad. Oh yeah it was probably like 30 minutes before closing time. Sorry for being a asshole retail customer.

Edited April 30, 2013 by DaBestSpoona

[freecat]

Checked out a car parked outside on my street (which has a few Bulgarian bars known for shady activities) for a few minutes because I have the same one and liked the wheels on it. Then I just waited around, catching glances at the car every now and then.

Suddenly I realized 2 Bulgarians where looking at me weirdly :/

Although I was waiting for someone I just walked towards... somewhere.... I hope those guys don't mug me or something next time.

Edited April 30, 2013 by freecat

[hahapete]

On Monday I left my phone at my place and from work I emailed my girlfriend asking her if she could swing by with it later in the day or whenever it was convenient for her to drop it off. She said sure and a few hours later she sent me an email telling me she was outside and didn't want to come in. I walked out and found her parked in the parking lot. I walked up to her car window, chatted with her for a bit, thanked her, got my phone, said goodbye, and started walking back in when I saw a dude I work with walking through the parking lot as well. I said hi and he said, "Secret parking lot rendezvous for left behind objects?" and I replied telling him I had left my phone at home and that my girlfriend came by to drop it off.

 

He goes, "Don't you love it when they go out of their way to make sure it was untraceable and everything's back in its place?" I asked him what he meant and he said, "Oh, you know... left behind phones... wallets, glasses, you know... just stuff you don't have a proper explanation why you have or don't have when you're asked." I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and he tells me, "I had a girl return my wedding ring once. I spent the entire morning dreading the moment my wife would see I wasn't wearing it. Thankfully the girl returned it and my wife never noticed."

 

Oh, dude was talking about cheating on his wife.

 

I told him that the girl he saw in the parking lot was my girlfriend and he said, "Yeah, you could say the girl who had my ring was my girlfriend, too! But really, I won't tell. She was cute, though, I wouldn't hide her! You're not even married!"

 

We split ways back inside the office. 

 

Tuesday night there was this company dinner I was invited to and I brought my girlfriend. We had RSVP'd last week and Monday afternoon my girlfriend had gotten a haircut (which is where she was on her way to after she dropped off my phone) going from a bit longer than shoulder length hair to chin length. We showed up to this dinner and the coworker who I had spoken to in the parking lot saw me and said hi before introducing me to his wife. I introduced him to my girlfriend and he smirked at me before lightly elbowing me in the arm. 

 

My girlfriend walked off and my coworker said, "Hey! I knew you were a lot like me. Man, you don't have to keep those kinds of secrets from me." I told him I was with the same girl he saw the previous day but that she had gotten a hair cut and he's like, "Don't lie to me about trivial things like that. I don't judge you. We all have vices and coincidentally we have the same one. We love women... various women."

 

I tell him again that it's the same girl but he won't have it. I had told my girlfriend what he had said before we went to this dinner and she thought it was hilarious. I guess she decided to play into it because when she came up to me I said to her, "Hey, remember how I told you he thought you were my side-piece?" And my girlfriend turns to me and starts yelling at me about how she doesn't play around with relationships and can't believe that I'm seeing another girl at the same time. I'm caught by complete surprise cause I had no idea she was going to do that and my coworker is just staring at me with wide eyes and his mouth open for just narcing on myself.

 

Half the bar in this restaurant is looking at us in complete disbelief. The three of us are just standing there and one of my coworkers who knows my girlfriend comes up, says hi to us, comments on my girlfriend's hair cut telling her it looks great, says hi to my coworker who cheats on his wife and leaves his wedding ring behind, and walks away. My coworker picked up his drink and said, "I don't understand you guys at fucking all." and walked away.

 

This random dude, trying to white knight my girlfriend, who is standing at the bar next to us comes up to me and is like, "Fuck you, man! You're a piece of shit for cheating on her, you pig." Dude turns to my girlfriend and is like, "Are you okay? You wanna get out of here?" My girlfriend erupts in laughter and is like, "Noooooo, he's my boyfriend." He's like, "No, he's cheating on you. He admitted it." She just kept laughing and we walked away.

 

The rest of the night my girlfriend and I got the funniest looks from random people in the restaurant and confused glares from my coworker. His wife tried to talk to us a few times while we were eating but I couldn't handle it. I felt bad for her, assuming dude actually cheats on her. 

 

 

edit: i love my girlfriend lol

Edited May 2, 2013 by hahapete

[JustPosted]

^^this made my day

 

Saw an old friend on the street the other day, so I ran over to say hi. Turns out he was in the process of being arrested.

[the shivman]

testing testing 1,2,3, testing.

[ninetynine]

regardless, didn't I successfully fulfill this thread's required awkward quota or am I missing the point of the thread? :c

 

It just seems sad

 

you should've been more enthusiastic with him, for his sake

[okonomi]

I accidentally followed okonomi while my girlfriend's tumblr was still logged on instead of mine and he hit on her

meet me outside uniqlo motherfucker

HAHAAHA oh dear. I'm always anonymously hollering on Tumblr. Forgive me.

Edited May 6, 2013 by okonomi

[sawyer]

^^no. there is no redemption on superfuture. the memory of your transgression is forever etched into the superfuture collective conscious. your best option is probably suicide.

 

people here need to understand the importance of manicuring every detail of one's online persona. there is no room for error. even the most slight slip spoils the entire image. when you die, a st peter will have documentation of everyone's online presence, and only the immaculate pass through the heavenly gates. on one side is begavningsreserven, bouwnt, and possibly ddml; everyone else is consigned to eternal damnation.

 

in this hell, you will watch america's funniest home videos/tosh.0 style syndicated television programs, but instead of other people fucking up its just replays of your own mistakes and imperfections. the host and members of the audience will be people you love, respect, and admire. when it starts to get unbearable, you will hover your cursor over the video, hoping to see you are close to the end of the video, but the time remaining is always approximately 18 minutes.

[Vicarious]

^

beats walking into a packed mcdonalds with friend, both our faces drenched in blood. we went to clean ourselves up but they didn't have any paper towel so we grabbed a bunch of mcdonalds applications to wipe the blood off

we were really drunk tho so it wasn't awkward to us, but maybe to the employees

Did you guys get the job?

[dovo]

Forgot lady was in fitting room. Thought I was alone. Had to fart so bad but it was one of those farts that you hold so long it goes back in but you know its there. Squat down to get things moving before any customers came in and let loose lady walks out of dressing room while I'm farting and scurried back in. She came out a little later and had to hand me the clothes and ran into a force field of stench. I would have sprayed the air freshener but I thought we were both playing it off.

I hope she held her breath because it was one of those pre shit cart warning shots. The good news tho is that I made it to the bathroom. Which explains why I have time to write this

[CronutEh]

The prodigal son returns

[1 9 9 3]

little furry Filipino man with giant glasses who gave off this really frenetic, horny, sweaty vibe - smiling with too much teeth showing, laughing hysterically like a crazy person over nothing, hands jammed in his pockets too tight as though holding onto sanity for dear life/furiously pushing down a nervous boner.

 

me 2.

[conqueror]

hahahaha i got a call at work from a sex shop called club x to tell me that my harness, 'slave leash' and leather gloves came in. sadly, i have never been to that store and am not that heavily into s&m.

[demonator]

was soo fuckin awkward when i saw this girl i hooked up with and lied on too so could fuck her. i told her my then gf left me so i was lonely and all and kindda depress. and yeah it worked. fuck man. really odd . when i saw int he malll a couple of weeks back i swear i could still hear her moaning with my man mouth on her pussy. i swear. and i know how her pussy and pubes look like. you know that feeling?. likeive see you cum. so ive seen it all of you.

[tween_spirit]

it's raining outside (Minivan Fuck)

Any femmale wants to fuck in my minivan or if you dont want to Can i eat your pussy and finger pop u until u cum. Its raining outside but it is dry inmy minivan so waht do u say. Ever got ur pussy sucked by a man that sucks mangos for a living

[ninetynine]

with my man mouth on her pussy

[tac0tron]

While alone, I let a huge fart out in the elevator seconds before it reached the floor I wanted to go to.

 

Elevator doors pop open, my boss is there to take it.

 

I walk out, and just knew she was gonna smell something.

[merry burger]

Walking past a homeless man to get to the subway the other day - he glares at me and spits in my direction.

 

Then he shouts, "Yeah, you feel that? Next time that's gonna be my cum on dat pussy!"

 

 

[merry burger]

One of the last times I went to my local bar, I was followed halfway home by a Jamaican drug dealer who was hollering my name while trying to repeatedly smack me on the butt with a grocery bag filled to the brim with weed, and eventually grabbed me by the wrists and shouted in my face that we should "drink a 6-pack and get high" in his car. Soooo I took a few months off from going there and I've been much more careful about being too friendly with strangers generally. 

 

A week or two ago, I decide to give it another try and am having a peaceful drink alone when this blonde dude - who isn't really that bad-looking but is radiating these unmistakably strong #dressedbytheinternet/desperation vibes - turns around and starts telling me about how cool his AllSaints jacket is. I just politely smile and nod while quietly observing that he actually has no idea how to dress himself. Soon the conversation turns into, "I want to take you to AllSaints and buy you a leather jacket tomorrow!" and "We need to get you a pair of Supras like mine, they are the coolest sneakers!" (ugh) which then turns into "I have lots of frequent flyer miles because of my job, let's go to Barcelona this week!" and "I really, really like you, you're really sweet" - which is coming from basically nowhere since I haven't really said a single word the entire time. I'm sure this sort of weird super over-the-top-complimentary, "let me buy you shit" act works on some girls but I really want absolutely none of his bullshit, so I politely tell him to please slow his roll. 

 

He seems to get the idea for a while and notices that I'm watching the Knicks game and tries to change the topic to basketball. I mention to him that I got to meet the Knicks last season through my ex and this really offends him. He scoffs bitterly, rolls his eyes kind of angrily, and says, "Oh, well, I know Dave Matthews Band and like, Kings of Leon, no big deal or anything." I start laughing as soon as he says "Dave Matthews Band" until I look up and see he's completely serious about how impressive he thinks this is. "Oh... coooool..." 

 

I excuse myself to hit the ladies' room and when I come back I notice he's picked up my phone and has already taken the liberty of calling himself from it. I make him delete my number and leave immediately, but later that night I somehow still get a slew of texted photos of himself: 1) ~in Korea "omg I eat so much bulgogi hehehe"~ 2) wearing a panda sleep mask "I'm a panda! (Is this sexy? I have no idea what I'm doing)" 3) making a duck face "Hi - Aren't I cuuuute?" as well as approximately 20 text messages consisting mainly of Emojis and references to how much he loves Korean culture. And an inexplicable text at like 3am that simply said, "I'm not a loser."

 

I run into him again a few days later, and I politely have a chat with him. He then invites me to come over to his apartment and "watch Netflix on his iPad mini," and at this point I'm pretty drunk, so I laugh and say that is probably the last thing in the fucking universe I want to do with a complete stranger and tell him to cut it out. He suddenly goes completely silent, and looks away with his fist crammed against his lips, which are pressed together into a little white line. I glance at him and see that his eyes are all shimmery and he's wiping away big tears in a really dramatic way to make sure that I notice. He then slams his glass down and everyone at the bar is staring at us. His voice cracks, and says, "You know, you're really being a downer right now. I was going to introduce you to Dave Matthews Band, too." Then he starts silently sobbing into his fist.

 

I get up and quietly leave.

 

I don't think I'm ever going to this bar again.

[kH0yA Sw@Gp0o]

^the amount of insane shit that happens to you/within your life is staggering 

or maybe my life is just really boring.

[wahwho11]

i love that if you just look back at the wall of text, all you see is the bold Dave Matthews Band

[andrewisdope]

Dude at a bar wearing some margiela sneaks and RO sweats noticed my jawnz and came up to say wassup. Son started talking to me about clothes so I asked if he was from the future. He said "i wish." After that no other words were spoken. 

 

never again. 

Edited May 22, 2013 by andrewisdope

[Inkinsurgent]

or maybe my life is just really boring.

Want me to introduce you to dave matthews band? Edited May 22, 2013 by Inkinsurgent

[DaBestSpoona]

Merry Burger and Dovo should get together

[sawyer]

^the amount of insane shit that happens to you/within your life is staggering 

or maybe my life is just really boring.

 

i assume its a gender difference. women i've dated and friends--women, trans--all have stories like this. unfortunately the stories fequently go past awkward into stalking, assault, battery, and worse. i've seen this kind of weird shit happen in real time too.

 

EG this friend of a friend who seems to invite himself to all the parties in this one social circle i was a part of through my ex. rollerblades everywhere, wears a bandana. wire rim glasses. always had stubble; never a beard nor clean shaven. he once showed me his pocket knife apropos of nothing. i always saw him at parties asking to braid some womans hair he had met and known for 15-20 minutes, as in this must have been his pickup strategy. i can't imagine what else this guy must have tried for that to be the approach he settled on.

[mr fluffernutter]

Merry Burger and Dovo should get together

our earth cant handle that sht

[PHAT HEAD CAMEL TOEZ]

Firstly, why didn't you just tell the guy to politely fuck off? or were you just juicing with him to get free drinks? Secondly, a little naive of you to leave your phone with him, especially as you've classified him as a complete stranger. Thirdly, how do you get into a situation where some guy is grabbing your wrists and shouting at you? I'd have kicked the guy in the balls and run off if he had laid a finger on me. Then again if he was repeatedly banging his shit against my booty I'd be walking as fast as I can to get away from him.

 

You do put yourself in some pretty odd and dangerous situations... 

[demonator]

 

Walking past a homeless man to get to the subway the other day - he glares at me and spits in my direction.

 

Then he shouts, "Yeah, you feel that? Next time that's gonna be my cum on dat pussy!"

 

 

 

merry burger did this turn you on? seriously girl are all these real with you?