Superawkward

[zenii 73,396]

thanks to dovo this thread will never fall off the front page.

[CSK 37,035]

Fuck this thread has been a goldmine over the past few days.

last night i went to this shitty hole in the wall bar packed with frat boys from a nearby college. now i'm walking around minding my own business when i notice a cloud of papers falling from the balcony above when some dude yells down at me, confused, "yeah thats how we do it here." After about a quarter of the second i noticed that he was making it rain with napkins rather than some form of currency. about 5 minutes later the same guy stands next to the bar and orders 'the cheapest beer you've got' for a second he turns, obviously recognizing me, and then quickly walks away without his beer. the bartender comes back around and assumes that I know the guy and demands that i pay for it. rather than trying to explain the situation i hand the guy two dollars and leave.

that's a pretty funny story man. feel like you coulda easily turned that around and got free drinks out of it.

[lolswede 18]

When listening to music in public places and they say nicca in the song i feel soo awkward like what if somebody heard that ::S:S:

[jebeebus 340,261]

at the korean sauna/jjim jil bang, walk into the bathroom, and there's a guy doin pushups leaning against the sink, butt naked, grunting and humping air, giving everyone who enters a nice view of his butt & junk

[andrewisdope 222,858]

i ordered take out sushi one night. Right after I hung up, I decided I ordered too much for myself and cancelled one of the rolls. The girl who was helping me sounded kind of annoyed that she had to change the order after she put it in but she was cool about it cuz it was her job and what else could she do. So when it comes time for me to pick up my order, it turns out the person who was helping me was a girl I knew. She was one of those friends that you barely know and you kinda only talk to when your mutual friends are there. So we're kinda making awkward small talk while she's ringing me up and one of her coworker passes by and she says to that person, "hey this is 'bitch'" and the other person kinda gives a restrained laugh thinking like "wtf are you doing?!" and she said "it's cool I know him." It turns out she put me in the order name as "bitch." She showed on the computer screen and everything too in case I didn't believe her or something. After that it got reaaaaaally uncomfortable standing there waiting for the receipt to print out.

It's funny because I know that if I was a stranger then she wouldn't have mentioned anything about it and nothing would have happened. I don't know what possessed her to suddenly be really honest about it and I think she realized it too. I think she did this because she was desperate to make our encounter casual but ended up failing really really bad. She tried to make up for it by telling her coworker that she was gonna give me the student discount which was also awkward because they give the discount to all students and it was like she wanted to make it known without telling me directly even though I was standing right there. This just made me more uncomfortable and I left as quickly as I could.

the sushi was good though.

[eggshell 94,447]

damn, you are dope

[playdisonlyatnight 156,925]

i was on the megabus (greyhound) alone last week with nothing to do but stare out the window. my only source of entertainment was a dying iPhone on which i browsing the internet reading about psychopathy. about halfway through the trip i am an expert on the subject and having just read a litany of criteria for psychopathy (impulsivity, etc.) i decide that i am bored as fuck and should just go masturbate in the bathroom. this would be my 2nd time ever doing so on public transportation (i did once a plane)

so i make it to the poorly lit bathroom and lock the door, double checking it (always triple check). im finding it hard to stand up as the bus is in motion so i brace myself with my left arm pressed against the ceiling (lol) and pull my pants down JUST BELOW my ass (super awkward, kinda like those kids in elementary school who peed at the urinal in this manner). after about 90 seconds i realize that i'm not feeling this at all and before i can pack it in, i hear someone grab the door handle behind me and crane my neck sideways only to stare dead in the eyes some middle aged blonde lady. what i was doing was obvious.

she tries to mutter something (sorry?), but nothing comes out. meanwhile her eyes have dropped to my exposed ass, and she takes a good long 3 second glimpse, then slams the door shut. i fall sideways against the door pressing my weight against it shut while contemplating my next move. i pull my pants up, flush the toilet and walk out cool as shit.

it wasnt so bad for me, i hope i didnt ruin her life though

Edited December 8, 2011 by playdisonlyatnight

[Scais 191,496]

shoulda asked her to join

[julzkind 384,388]

helped a lady find perfume today.

she was all, "i shouldn't tell u this but i just broke up w a guy n i want a perfume to find a new one"

so i hooked her up w one (tom ford violet blonde, btw) and she started talking about how she left and he won't regret her leaving cause he's cocky and so i told her that him regretting it wasn't the point. the point was her being ok w her decision and respecting herself enough to put her first in a situations.

then she started crying. told her not to cry, smiled, handed her the perfume bottle and told her the register is that way and have a better night.

wtf wtf wtf i dunno what to do when ppl cry. i start stuttering when i try to say sympathetic shit. =/ oh well.

[72virgins 107,266]

damn gurl, you fucked up...

[andrewisdope 222,858]

hahaha so you basically crushed her denial and then sold her the perfume anyways

[heyheyhey 49,964]

To be fair I've had a lot of experience (and training) in this sort of thing, and its still hard to react the right way, no matter how you think you will react.

Always remember empathy (open willingness to help someone past something), not sympathy (a wearing emotion that puts strain on both sides and is very forced in these situations)

A hand on the shoulder and let them talk first is the best way sometimes. A lot of the time there isn't anything you can say that doesn't sound inane.

[julzkind 384,388]

yeah i mean, i was making it better...the truth is, she won't heal until she respects herself. i think i told her it'll be ok in the end...

and the perfume is sexy so its gna help her love herself more too. lol I'm just rly awkward when it comes to building relationships in general. i suck at making friends cause i don't follow up with them and then they think I'm an asshole but i just forget/dont know how to talk to ppl.

i could've given her a hug but i think that would have been worse cause it'd be forced. i dunno.

[dovo 931,309]

Went to a bar the other night with a friend and we were chillin with these two girls. One girl hands me her phone and is all hey take a pic of me and my friend and I'm all alright cool. So the phone lights up to take the pic I take a nice shot and everything but good ole tipsy me leans over to my friend right after in front of them and says out loud "NIIIIIIICE NOW I KNOW WHAT THIS BITCH LOOKS LIKE."

[sawyer 551,095]

read this recently, thought it was appropriate for this thread:

“...in real life I always seem to have a hard time winding up a conversation or asking somebody to leave, and sometimes the moment becomes so delicate and fraught with social complexity that I'll get overwhelmed trying to sort out all the different possible ways of saying it and all the different implications of each option and will just sort of blank out and do it totally straight -- 'I want to terminate the conversation and not have you be in my apartment anymore' -- which evidently makes me look either as if I'm very rude and abrupt or as if I'm semi-autistic and have no sense of how to wind up a conversation gracefully...I've actually lost friends this way.â€

quote is from david foster wallace

[rapdancin 61,549]

uh met this girl yesterday and conversation was like pulling teeth. i felt pretty awful because she was sweet but her friends were way more interesting so i sort of just left. then i saw a guy get mugged and didn't realize what was happening until after.

[dovo 931,309]

My friend and I decided were going to be "rappers" and make a mixtape.

You'll see why I'm posting this in here soon.

[akuma no uta 275,919]

Do it. You might end up getting famous.

[jaac 314,118]

21st speeches, specially when shit gets real revealing/family is there.

[nixon 216,834]

Julz's story reminded me of something similar that happened to me this summer. I was working returns and a guy came in with 4 full bags of clothes, and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Was there anything wrong with the clothes?

Him: Nope, just want to return them

(I just start scanning stuff in silence like normal)

Him: Yeah, it was for a family friend that was moving into a retirement home. But then he passed away.

Me: ......Ohhh. Sorry to hear that.

Him: No no, it's fine (starts to get choked up)

Me: (scan things as fast as I can in silence)

Then it basically happened again a few weeks later with a woman:

Her: I'm returning these adult diapers because my dad passed away and we have no use for them

Me: K, I can give you a gift card since you don't have a receipt.

Her: I want cash so I can put it toward his funeral.

Me: Sorry, I can't do that.

Her: I guess I'll just...buy stuff...for the wake...(starts tearing up)

Me: Ok, here's your giftcard

Don't tell me these things, I don't know how to react!

[Emperor Pilaf 49,312]

I go to meet with my internship supervisor to get some paper work filled out. When I get to the supervisors' office I notice her door is closed with a security guard outside of it. I pay little mind to the security guard and just leave the office, automatically knowing the big guys are having a meeting. As I leave I see a tech(Ken), escorted by another security guard, walking down the hall way. This guy is always very cheery, and he greets me as usual. Of course I don't make the connection between the office meeting and him walking with a security guard.

Ken - "Hey pilaf."

Myself - "Hey, Ken how's it going?"

Ken -"I'm doing good, you glad to be done? you going to be taking your exams soon?"

Myself - "Yeah, probably going to take them in a month or so."

Ken - "I'm sure you'll do good. Yeah, I just got my walk in."

I have no idea what that means, so I say "Thanks....oh really"

Ken - "Yeah, cya" *shakes my hand*

Myself - "Ok cool cya around"

Was that cold of me?

It didn't hit me until he was already out of site that he just got laid off/fired.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Emperor Pilaf

[pattheroux 76]

So earlier in the semester, I'm still trying to un-fuck my sleeping pattern because the new term begins the next day & I've got a 10AM class. So It's almost 4 and I still haven't slept, so I reach for my laptop, fire up good ol pornhub & rub one out ... shit does the trick so I close the lid & pass out.

Woke up, already late for class. Did my morning shit & got going. So I walk into a dead silent lecture hall, shit is already on full swing so I sit at the back to avoid attention & bring out my laptop .. open it up & there goes asa akira moaning at the top of her lungs.

As you can imagine, at this point i'm scrambling to close the page(s) but this is that period straight off of sleep mode when EVERYTHING is unresponsive. So, yeah I became that guy. Contemplated dropping the course but it's a program requirement. What made shit worse, we had tons of group sessions the entire year with rotating groups so it felt like I had to speak to everyone in the class at some point.

[trevorplease 47]

i laughed

[Fycus 304,599]

Too good, I probably would've played it off that somebody planted it.

[chion 18]

I was having lunch with this cute girl and the conversation turns to Christmas markets. Very cheerfully she says, "Oh I really liked those white sausages (bratwursts). Well first I though they were a bit weird, because they reminded me of other non-food things, these white sausages, but I really liked the taste!" I sortof mumbled back that bratwursts are nice sometimes yeah.

When did everything start meaning sex? It's all the fault of the internet...

[xerrox 23,939]

So earlier in the semester, I'm still trying to un-fuck my sleeping pattern because the new term begins the next day & I've got a 10AM class. So It's almost 4 and I still haven't slept, so I reach for my laptop, fire up good ol pornhub & rub one out ... shit does the trick so I close the lid & pass out.

Woke up, already late for class. Did my morning shit & got going. So I walk into a dead silent lecture hall, shit is already on full swing so I sit at the back to avoid attention & bring out my laptop .. open it up & there goes asa akira moaning at the top of her lungs.

As you can imagine, at this point i'm scrambling to close the page(s) but this is that period straight off of sleep mode when EVERYTHING is unresponsive. So, yeah I became that guy. Contemplated dropping the course but it's a program requirement. What made shit worse, we had tons of group sessions the entire year with rotating groups so it felt like I had to speak to everyone in the class at some point.

This is like my biggest fear. Some mornings I'll plug my headphones in and keep the screen at a really low angle so I can make sure to exit out JUST IN CASE.

[hahapete 1,757]

My brother-in-law's future ex-brother-in-law (his sister's soon-to-be ex-husband (ridiculous connection, ha)) called me at 4AM this morning. After a long afternoon and night of partying Breaking Bad, I didn't bother check to see who it was, let it go to voice-mail and continued into my slumber.

I woke up to a very odd voice mail of him asking me where his wife was cause he saw that I hit on her at a wedding. I was pretty surprised he would ask me that. Especially over the phone. To be honest, I did blatantly hit on with his wife but I was also drunk since I was at a wedding that I didn't want to be at and she's quite foxy.

Anyways, he asked me if I was with her, if I had any idea where she was, and if she was talking shit about him. I haven't seen her or him and haven't spoken to either since May. I felt bad about it as it seemed like he had just finished crying or was on the verge so despite what my roommates told me, I called him back.

He picked up on the first ring. I couldn't even say hello before he started crying and telling me about his relationship drama. He would whimper out sentences and burst into tears every two minutes. Getting off the phone was him took ten minutes and a promise that if I heard anything about her I'd let him know.

That awkward moment when a grown-ass man you barely know cries to you on the phone...

[riff 3,528,129]

So a few times a year, we get together with a bunch of friends to catch up on life/universe/etc. This year we're all crazy busy, but managed to pull together a last minute dinner yesterday evening.

I get to the place with my bag of gifts, takes me half an hour to find a parking spot, then fight my way through the 30 or so people waiting in line at the restaurant, and find the friend who made the reservations standing there. She tells me that the restaurant somehow "lost" the reservation, but were going to make it right, and throw in a few free appetizers to boot...

Finally, we're led to our table for 8, and she & I order a couple of drinks, and a big plate of nachos for folks to dig into when they arrive. We're drinking, eating and yakking it up, when we realize that it's almost an hour later - and nobody else has shown up.So we start texting folks, and sure enough: one is trapped in a meeting, another has a sick kid, and so on...

There we are, two people at a table for eight, while the waiting area is bursting at the seams, and no one else in our party is going to make it.

Finally we call the waiter over and explain that the rest of our group wasn't coming - maybe they might want to move us to a smaller table and free up some space... Awkward moment #1...

We get seated at a smaller table, look at the menus, and realize that after wading through most of the nachos, there isn't a whole lot of room to eat more. Awkward moment #2... We split a garden salad.

Slink out of restaurant.

Now officially in grinch mode.

Fuck.

[dovo 931,309]

its ok Riff, i still want to be you when i grow up lol.

Pissed off from some stupid shit that happened this morning and just hit a wall out of anger. I had no idea the mail lady was on the other side of it.

[t3hcoke 98,030]

its okay, i bet she found that rage hot.