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Superawkward

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thanks to dovo this thread will never fall off the front page.

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Fuck this thread has been a goldmine over the past few days.

last night i went to this shitty hole in the wall bar packed with frat boys from a nearby college. now i'm walking around minding my own business when i notice a cloud of papers falling from the balcony above when some dude yells down at me, confused, "yeah thats how we do it here." After about a quarter of the second i noticed that he was making it rain with napkins rather than some form of currency. about 5 minutes later the same guy stands next to the bar and orders 'the cheapest beer you've got' for a second he turns, obviously recognizing me, and then quickly walks away without his beer. the bartender comes back around and assumes that I know the guy and demands that i pay for it. rather than trying to explain the situation i hand the guy two dollars and leave.

that's a pretty funny story man. feel like you coulda easily turned that around and got free drinks out of it.

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Posted · Hidden by lolswede, December 4, 2011 - No reason given
Hidden by lolswede, December 4, 2011 - No reason given

When listening to music in public places and they say nicca in the song i feel soo awkward like what if somebody heard that ::S:S:

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at the korean sauna/jjim jil bang, walk into the bathroom, and there's a guy doin pushups leaning against the sink, butt naked, grunting and humping air, giving everyone who enters a nice view of his butt & junk :(

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i was on the megabus (greyhound) alone last week with nothing to do but stare out the window. my only source of entertainment was a dying iPhone on which i browsing the internet reading about psychopathy. about halfway through the trip i am an expert on the subject and having just read a litany of criteria for psychopathy (impulsivity, etc.) i decide that i am bored as fuck and should just go masturbate in the bathroom. this would be my 2nd time ever doing so on public transportation (i did once a plane)

so i make it to the poorly lit bathroom and lock the door, double checking it (always triple check). im finding it hard to stand up as the bus is in motion so i brace myself with my left arm pressed against the ceiling (lol) and pull my pants down JUST BELOW my ass (super awkward, kinda like those kids in elementary school who peed at the urinal in this manner). after about 90 seconds i realize that i'm not feeling this at all and before i can pack it in, i hear someone grab the door handle behind me and crane my neck sideways only to stare dead in the eyes some middle aged blonde lady. what i was doing was obvious.

she tries to mutter something (sorry?), but nothing comes out. meanwhile her eyes have dropped to my exposed ass, and she takes a good long 3 second glimpse, then slams the door shut. i fall sideways against the door pressing my weight against it shut while contemplating my next move. i pull my pants up, flush the toilet and walk out cool as shit.

it wasnt so bad for me, i hope i didnt ruin her life though

Edited by playdisonlyatnight

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shoulda asked her to join

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helped a lady find perfume today.

she was all, "i shouldn't tell u this but i just broke up w a guy n i want a perfume to find a new one"

so i hooked her up w one (tom ford violet blonde, btw) and she started talking about how she left and he won't regret her leaving cause he's cocky and so i told her that him regretting it wasn't the point. the point was her being ok w her decision and respecting herself enough to put her first in a situations.

then she started crying. told her not to cry, smiled, handed her the perfume bottle and told her the register is that way and have a better night.

wtf wtf wtf i dunno what to do when ppl cry. i start stuttering when i try to say sympathetic shit. =/ oh well.

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To be fair I've had a lot of experience (and training) in this sort of thing, and its still hard to react the right way, no matter how you think you will react.

Always remember empathy (open willingness to help someone past something), not sympathy (a wearing emotion that puts strain on both sides and is very forced in these situations)

A hand on the shoulder and let them talk first is the best way sometimes. A lot of the time there isn't anything you can say that doesn't sound inane.

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yeah i mean, i was making it better...the truth is, she won't heal until she respects herself. i think i told her it'll be ok in the end...

and the perfume is sexy so its gna help her love herself more too. lol I'm just rly awkward when it comes to building relationships in general. i suck at making friends cause i don't follow up with them and then they think I'm an asshole but i just forget/dont know how to talk to ppl.

i could've given her a hug but i think that would have been worse cause it'd be forced. i dunno.

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Went to a bar the other night with a friend and we were chillin with these two girls. One girl hands me her phone and is all hey take a pic of me and my friend and I'm all alright cool. So the phone lights up to take the pic I take a nice shot and everything but good ole tipsy me leans over to my friend right after in front of them and says out loud "NIIIIIIICE NOW I KNOW WHAT THIS BITCH LOOKS LIKE."

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read this recently, thought it was appropriate for this thread:

“...in real life I always seem to have a hard time winding up a conversation or asking somebody to leave, and sometimes the moment becomes so delicate and fraught with social complexity that I'll get overwhelmed trying to sort out all the different possible ways of saying it and all the different implications of each option and will just sort of blank out and do it totally straight -- 'I want to terminate the conversation and not have you be in my apartment anymore' -- which evidently makes me look either as if I'm very rude and abrupt or as if I'm semi-autistic and have no sense of how to wind up a conversation gracefully...I've actually lost friends this way.â€

quote is from david foster wallace

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uh met this girl yesterday and conversation was like pulling teeth. i felt pretty awful because she was sweet but her friends were way more interesting so i sort of just left. then i saw a guy get mugged and didn't realize what was happening until after.

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My friend and I decided were going to be "rappers" and make a mixtape.

You'll see why I'm posting this in here soon.

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21st speeches, specially when shit gets real revealing/family is there.

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Julz's story reminded me of something similar that happened to me this summer. I was working returns and a guy came in with 4 full bags of clothes, and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Was there anything wrong with the clothes?

Him: Nope, just want to return them

(I just start scanning stuff in silence like normal)

Him: Yeah, it was for a family friend that was moving into a retirement home. But then he passed away.

Me: ......Ohhh. Sorry to hear that.

Him: No no, it's fine (starts to get choked up)

Me: (scan things as fast as I can in silence)

Then it basically happened again a few weeks later with a woman:

Her: I'm returning these adult diapers because my dad passed away and we have no use for them

Me: K, I can give you a gift card since you don't have a receipt.

Her: I want cash so I can put it toward his funeral.

Me: Sorry, I can't do that.

Her: I guess I'll just...buy stuff...for the wake...(starts tearing up)

Me: Ok, here's your giftcard

Don't tell me these things, I don't know how to react!

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Posted (edited) · Hidden by Emperor Pilaf, December 16, 2011 - No reason given
Hidden by Emperor Pilaf, December 16, 2011 - No reason given

I go to meet with my internship supervisor to get some paper work filled out. When I get to the supervisors' office I notice her door is closed with a security guard outside of it. I pay little mind to the security guard and just leave the office, automatically knowing the big guys are having a meeting. As I leave I see a tech(Ken), escorted by another security guard, walking down the hall way. This guy is always very cheery, and he greets me as usual. Of course I don't make the connection between the office meeting and him walking with a security guard.

Ken - "Hey pilaf."

Myself - "Hey, Ken how's it going?"

Ken -"I'm doing good, you glad to be done? you going to be taking your exams soon?"

Myself - "Yeah, probably going to take them in a month or so."

Ken - "I'm sure you'll do good. Yeah, I just got my walk in."

I have no idea what that means, so I say "Thanks....oh really"

Ken - "Yeah, cya" *shakes my hand*

Myself - "Ok cool cya around"

Was that cold of me?

It didn't hit me until he was already out of site that he just got laid off/fired.

Edited by Emperor Pilaf

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Too good, I probably would've played it off that somebody planted it.

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I was having lunch with this cute girl and the conversation turns to Christmas markets. Very cheerfully she says, "Oh I really liked those white sausages (bratwursts). Well first I though they were a bit weird, because they reminded me of other non-food things, these white sausages, but I really liked the taste!" I sortof mumbled back that bratwursts are nice sometimes yeah.

When did everything start meaning sex? It's all the fault of the internet...

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So earlier in the semester, I'm still trying to un-fuck my sleeping pattern because the new term begins the next day & I've got a 10AM class. So It's almost 4 and I still haven't slept, so I reach for my laptop, fire up good ol pornhub & rub one out ... shit does the trick so I close the lid & pass out.

Woke up, already late for class. Did my morning shit & got going. So I walk into a dead silent lecture hall, shit is already on full swing so I sit at the back to avoid attention & bring out my laptop .. open it up & there goes asa akira moaning at the top of her lungs.

As you can imagine, at this point i'm scrambling to close the page(s) but this is that period straight off of sleep mode when EVERYTHING is unresponsive. So, yeah I became that guy. Contemplated dropping the course but it's a program requirement. What made shit worse, we had tons of group sessions the entire year with rotating groups so it felt like I had to speak to everyone in the class at some point.

This is like my biggest fear. Some mornings I'll plug my headphones in and keep the screen at a really low angle so I can make sure to exit out JUST IN CASE.

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My brother-in-law's future ex-brother-in-law (his sister's soon-to-be ex-husband (ridiculous connection, ha)) called me at 4AM this morning. After a long afternoon and night of partying Breaking Bad, I didn't bother check to see who it was, let it go to voice-mail and continued into my slumber.

I woke up to a very odd voice mail of him asking me where his wife was cause he saw that I hit on her at a wedding. I was pretty surprised he would ask me that. Especially over the phone. To be honest, I did blatantly hit on with his wife but I was also drunk since I was at a wedding that I didn't want to be at and she's quite foxy.

Anyways, he asked me if I was with her, if I had any idea where she was, and if she was talking shit about him. I haven't seen her or him and haven't spoken to either since May. I felt bad about it as it seemed like he had just finished crying or was on the verge so despite what my roommates told me, I called him back.

He picked up on the first ring. I couldn't even say hello before he started crying and telling me about his relationship drama. He would whimper out sentences and burst into tears every two minutes. Getting off the phone was him took ten minutes and a promise that if I heard anything about her I'd let him know.

That awkward moment when a grown-ass man you barely know cries to you on the phone... :wacko:

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its ok Riff, i still want to be you when i grow up lol.

Pissed off from some stupid shit that happened this morning and just hit a wall out of anger. I had no idea the mail lady was on the other side of it.

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