today's news

[_ironman]

Man who ejaculated in co-worker's water bottle ordered to pay restitution

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/08/man-who-ejaculated-in-co-workers-water-bottle-ordered-to-pay-restitution.html

[x2br00tal4ux]

Anybody recognize the fellow on the right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/14/miami-truck-filled-with-animals_n_898148.html

A car filled with goats, roosters, pigeons, guinea pigs and ducks led to animal cruelty charges against two men in Miami on Monday.

Police responded to a call that noises, sounding like baby cries, were coming from a parked car. There wasn't any child inside, but cops found animals "in distress," including four goats "tied up inside plastic bags," CBS Miami reported.

One of the goats died, but eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, a duck and the other goats were taken into custody by animal control, CBS said.

Almost an hour after police discovered the traveling and cruel menagerie, James Arroyo Jr. and Raul Armenteros returned to the vehicle and were busted according to TV station WPLG.

Miami-Dade Police charged each man with 22 counts of animal cruelty with intent to injure or kill and held them on $110,000 bond.

that dude with the big dick in pornography?

[blm14]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44207105/ns/us_news/#.Tk_4GjuWLM0

PITTSBURGH — A Pennsylvania judge has been cleared of violating judicial conduct standards after he gave two women hollowed-out acorns containing unwrapped condoms, an official said on Friday.

Only on msnbc.com

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Hello! My name is: Great white shark

Magisterial District Judge Isaac Stoltzfus was attending a continuing education program in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, in September when he handed the acorns to the women who worked for the state health and welfare department, court documents said.

"They make a nice afternoon snack, try them," he told them, according to the documents. "I'll be here tomorrow, let me know what you think."

The women discovered the acorns had been hollowed out and unwrapped condoms placed inside. They contacted police, explaining that Stoltzfus had been wearing a name badge that identified him as a judge.

Stoltzfus told police he gave the women the acorns as a joke and did not intend to offend anyone, the complaint said.

In a ruling issued on Wednesday, a panel of judges dismissed the case, saying Stoltzfus' actions did not constitute a violation, said Chief Counsel Joseph Massa of the Judicial Conduct Board of Pennsylvania.

"We must say that (Stoltzfus') purpose here and his preoccupation with acorns is mystifying to the court," the judges wrote.

"It is not funny and we strongly disapprove of this conduct. Although it does not rise to a violation, it certainly lacks good judgment and must not be repeated."

[Chicken]

Sunday, Aug. 28, 2011

Iwate local train hits bear, then goat

MORIOKA, Iwate Pref. — A local train in Iwate Prefecture collided with a bear Saturday morning and, after restarting, ploughed into a serow goat, East Japan Railway Co.'s Morioka office said.

No passengers were injured, but the accidents proved fatal for the two animals, the JR East office said.

The disruption to services caused two rapid trains on the line to be canceled, affecting about 220 passengers, it said.

The two-car train plowed into the bear around 7:20 a.m. inside a tunnel in Kamaishi and stopped temporarily for a safety check. After restarting, it collided 45 minutes later with the serow in Tono.

[_ironman]

Boy shot by crossbow

A boy was shot in the abdomen by a crossbow bolt Monday after he and another boy were throwing rocks at a passing car in Linda Vista, San Diego police said.

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/aug/29/boy-shot-crossbow/

[broneck]

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20099187-504083.html

Calif. dad throws 7-year-old son overboard during fight on tour boat, cops say

"Sloan Briles, a Southern California father, was jailed on Monday for allegedly slapping his 7-year-old special needs son aboard a tour boat and tossing him overboard into Newport Harbor."

Jsut a fucking totally upstanding father here.

[blm14]

http://globalgrind.com/news/police-officer-caught-having-sex-hood-car-photo

A New Mexico State Police officer was caught having sex on camera while on duty in full uniform.

Photos and surveillance show the unidentified officer having sex with a woman on the hood of his car in late July at the turnoff to the Santa Fe Canyon Ranch.

[scientifick]

http://www.goupstate.com/article/20110830/ARTICLES/110839978/1051/sitemaps

Spartanburg woman thinks she buys iPad, turns out to be block of wood

l o l

[chubby]

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20099187-504083.html

Calif. dad throws 7-year-old son overboard during fight on tour boat, cops say

"Sloan Briles, a Southern California father, was jailed on Monday for allegedly slapping his 7-year-old special needs son aboard a tour boat and tossing him overboard into Newport Harbor."

Jsut a fucking totally upstanding father here.

Holy shit, I saw this happen.

Dude needs to be thrown off a boat himself.... about 150miles off the coast.

[_ironman]

blast from the past

An official says seven people were killed when a World War II bomb they found in a river exploded in western Myanmar.

http://news.yahoo.com/world-war-ii-bomb-kills-7-people-west-113107771.html

[akuma no uta]

21 foot crocodile captured alive in the philipines.

http://m.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep/06/giant-crocodile-captured-philippines-bigger?cat=world&type=article

[madstaxbro]

Wacko in Carson City, NV shoots up an IHOP with AK-47.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44410882/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/dead-six-wounded-shooting-nevada-

restaurant/?GT1=43001

[blm14]

http://news.yahoo.com/jordan-woman-killed-hospital-over-pregnancy-004531381.html

A Jordanian man was charged on Sunday with killing his 24-year-old widowed daughter in hospital after she gave birth to twins, a judicial official said.

"Amman's criminal court prosecutor charged the man with premeditated murder after he confessed to shooting dead his daughter on Saturday," in Deir Alla in the Jordan Valley, the official told AFP.

The official quoted the suspect as saying "I was shocked that she was pregnant. I was enraged and shot her dead because she did something shameful."

The woman has been a widow for four years.

"The man claimed he wanted to check on the condition of his daughter ... then he shot her in the head," said Ahmad Hwarat, head of the hospital where the killing took place.

Murder is punishable by death in Jordan but in so-called "honour killings" courts can commute or reduce sentences, particularly if the victim's family asks for leniency.

Between 15 and 20 women died in such murders each year in the Arab kingdom, despite government efforts to curb such crimes.

[wrong_move]

Man fined for depriving wife of sex

does this mean you can sue your wife for not putting out

[chantheman]

San Diego boy throwing rocks hit by arrow

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=%2Fn%2Fa%2F2011%2F08%2F30%2Fnational%2Fa080626D99.DTL

[clover]

Dozens killed as Russian plane carrying hockey team crashes

terrible terrible...

http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/europe/09/07/russia.plane.crash/index.html

[sybaritical]

Hope people aren't going to get out of joint if I say I think some of the more recent posts are wandering off the brief :

i did a little search but couldn't find a thread to showcase not-so-serious but interesting news.

Mean, we all know where the regular and depressive news channels that are full of doom & gloom are ...

[tweeds]

And now back to our regular programming:

Gordon Ramsay Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger

U.K. tabloid Sunday Sport recently introduced the world to Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire because an observant production assistant had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. But just as Foster was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.

[_ironman]

shit tweeds, can't even come close to topping that one

Four-month sentence given to UK internet troll

An “internet troll” in Britain has been sentenced to 18 weeks in jail after posting derogatory statements about dead people. Sean Duffy, 25, was also banned from using social networking sites.

didn't know you can get imprisoned for it

[_ironman]

why attend a cockfight when you can attend a horse fight?

[tweeds]

Oral Sex May Cause More Throat Cancer Than Smoking in Men

You wish this was theonion.com.

[zenii]

Oral Sex May Cause More Throat Cancer Than Smoking in Men

You wish this was theonion.com.

Sounds more like you have an increased risk for throat cancer if you're a man giving oral, not receiving it.

Which is not nearly as bad as the other way around.

[redX]

so homosexual men are like a sub-human race?

[_ironman]

Three charged with chaining handicapped adults in cellar

Three people were charged Sunday with holding four mentally handicapped adults chained in the cellar of an apartment house for weeks in an alleged scheme to steal their Social Security checks.

crazy world

[DüM]

this happened in my county

Fremon Seay, Yelm 'Renaissance Dad,' Arrested For Forcing Teen Daughter To Wear Armor And 'Joust' Him As Punishment

According to Elwin, on Saturday night Seay found out that his daughter had gone to a party in Puyallup, and he drove there in a rage and picked her up and took her home.

Once at home, Seay allegedly told another girl, his stepdaughter, to go out in the yard and gather up several "willow switches" and bring them to him "so he'd have his choice of weapon." Seay then supposedly beat his daughter on the rear end and legs for quite a while.

"He forced her down, sat on her back--the dad is about 300 pounds so she was unable to get out from under him--and proceeded to strike her on her backside and legs," Elwin tells Seattle Weekly.

After beating the girl, Seay supposedly upped the ante when he told his daughter "now that you're 16, we can fight. Go put on your armor."

The girl and the father then each donned a set of "homemade renaissance armor" and "jousted" in the yard from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m.

"During this, he's beating his daughter with wooden broadsword," Elwin says. "When she finally comes in she collapses and can no longer stand. She's beat all over her body; her head, arms, legs all suffered extensive bruising. Lots and lots of welts."

[_ironman]

i like the image that accompanies the article, and that it is called "medievel nerd01"

[conqueror]

shalit is out...whilst i feel for him and his family, it has to be the worst trade in the history of bad trades.

[blm14]

I give 50/50 odds that stockhold syndrome has taken over and he's become a muslim

[_ironman]

Exotic animals lay siege to Ohio town

ZANESVILLE, OHIO—Schools closed and motorists were warned to stay in their vehicles as officers with assault rifles patrolled a rural area in eastern Ohio Wednesday, a day after police killed dozens of escaped animals from a wild-animal preserve, where the owner was found dead.

The animals' cages had been opened and the farm's fences had been left unsecured, police said. It was “very possible” that Thompson left the cages open, Lutz said.

Close to 30 of the 48 animals were shot and killed on Tuesday.

The preserve in Zanesville, about 88 kilometres east of Columbus, had lions, tigers, cheetahs, wolves, giraffes, camels and bears.

lucky no one got hurt so far shit is crazy

[Baeyer-Drewson]

I only wanted a size 14½! Missed decimal point sees slipper ordered from China returned as size 1,450... big enough for owner to sleep in

When the 27-year-old ordered a special monster-design slipper to fit his oversized left foot, he was sent this size 1,450 one – because manufacturers failed to spot a decimal point.

He had requested a 14.5, as well as a smaller size 13 for his right foot. The pair cost £15.50.

However, manufacturers in China misread the measurement and accidentally made the whopping seven foot-long slipper, which was shipped to him along with the correct smaller size.

Now 6ft 7in Mr Boddingham, who wears custom-made shoes because of the different sizes of his feet, will sell it on eBay.

‘It was sent directly from Hong Kong and measures 210 x 130 x 65cm – the same length as a grizzly bear or a family car,’ said Mr Boddingham, from Ilford, Essex. ‘I must be the owner of the biggest slipper in the world.

‘I’m going to sell it online, and if I can make a few quid out of it then all the better.’

Online slipper company Monster Slippers – which is based in Dunmow, Essex, and has the motto ‘for the animal in you’ – apologised to Mr Boddingham and has not charged him any extra. A spokesman explained the mistake occurred because of a ‘translation error’.

‘We are making him a replacement slipper of the right dimensions,’ he added.

Apparently workers in the slipper factory assumed his giant order was for a shop window display.