superconfessional II: the sequel

[brother teresa]

I think howl is an idiot...

[brother teresa]

I'm also eating peanuts from five guys

[SSchadenfreude]

Last week in Tokyo I was shitfaced and acted a fool as usual.

Was riding the metro with the son of a right wing nationalist. There was a gaijin whose ethnicity/race I won't mention. It was really dumb but I kept yelling at him to go back to where he came from and that he smelled like shit in jap.

Too my surprise he replied in perfect jap "do I really stink that much?"

Right wing son of nationalist told him in broken english "yes u smell many badly."

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

I think howl is an idiot...

 

naw he's just 21

most people just naive at that age 

[CASSAVA PIECE]

naw he's just 21

most people just naive at that age 

 

how old are you

[e0d9n0b5]

hes 22

[Landadel]

I'm having way too much fun blasting Eurobeat at 3 in the morning in my 24 hour gym

 

How about this?

[dovo]

You ever get to a point were you've been depressed for so long that you just get tired of it? I think i'm there now. Not in a suicidal way but i feel like i can't really get any sadder at this point. For some odd reason i've found happiness in that. I laugh at jokes on the tv again, i bump my head to songs on the radio, i've got my appetite back and i'm dreaming about the future again. 

 

I know some of that is little shit but honestly it was the little things i missed the most. hopefully this lasts. This is going to last. 

[cheapmuthafukr]

I've been on lithium for about a year now, and am more stable than I've ever been in my life. It's made me realize how bad off I was for most of my life... Like when I was spending 9 hours a day at work on Sufu, and obsessively buying things at thrift stores. At one point I had a pile of clothes and shoes that I didn't wear that we're piled in the hallway outside of my apartment about 3 feet high. By the point that the dd+1 project was going on I thought I was famous, and personally directing denim and fashion trends. I was working a job that had random drug tests and I was smoking weed everyday thinking that I would never get tested, even tho I did, and failed. I would go from being so depressed that it took everything that I had just to get out of bed and go to work, to raging at the bar till 2 am in the space of a day.

I've been dealing with this since 4th grade, when I got depressed, stopped doing my school work, mad stopped participating in class. I was put In a class for kids with behavioral problems, which I always felt I didn't deserve to be in, especially since I was also getting piled out to go to the gifted class.

Honestly, I just thought that everyone went thru what I did, and I just wasn't as able to handle shit as well as other people. I thought that my depression was just from the stress inmy life, which was always significant. I thought that everyone was super obsessed about anything they were interested in. I thought that the intrusive thoughts that were swirling thru my head like a cat 5 hurricane were totally normal.

Now I know better.

On lithium, I can handle shit. I have a 3.4 gpa in my second year of college. I don't fight with my wife or yell at my kids over little annoyances that would have set me off before. I'm not as obsessive about things. I still get a little depressed sometimes, and I still have some slightly manic times too, but I'm not controlled by it. I'm able to get out of my head enough to realize what is a symptom and what is just the stresses of life.

Is my life perfect now? Of course not. I'm broke as fuck now... Enough that my inlaws are paying our bills so I can stay in school. My son has bipolar and generalized anxiety, and has been hospitalized a few times. It still takes everything I have to be able to keep up with my responsibilities, but the amount that I can keep up with has risen greatly.

So yeah, psych meds are great if you need em, and you get the right ones.

[tac0tron]

I gotta take a break from weed.. Last night I took a joke seriously out of paranoia and I think I might have fell asleep while on the phone with my gf..

[dovo]

 

Edited October 11, 2014 by dovo

[dovo]

I think sometimes. I hold people in too high of a regard. To the point that when they say things to me in certain ways i clam up and feel like there is a hole being stomped into me. 

[SSchadenfreude]

alota posts in this thread conjure images of this guy

Edited October 5, 2014 by SSchadenfreude

[frasier oiseau]

I thought that everyone was super obsessed about anything they were interested in.

 

Wait, this isn't normal? I thought it was autism if anything, not some sort of affective disorder. 

[FatCook]

pretty sure someone's mentioned this/something along the lines before either in this thread or the last

 

My fairly recent interest/obsession with clothing, how someone dresses, being fit, etc is most likely a thin veil trying to cover deeply rooted insecurities. Used to be that chubby nerdy kid, quiet in class. Grew out of it but social skills can use some improvements.

 

Also, no superficial attempt I make will most likely give me the validation I crave beyond anonymous image boards and random forums with complete strangers.

 

Gotta say writing all that down is kinda enlightening, feeling pretty good actually.

[MJR]

Smoked a cigarette for the first time ever while drunk last night. 

[Fycus]

Smoked a cigarette for the first time ever while drunk last night.

[thefuture]

Smoked a cigarette for the first time ever while drunk last night. 

thoughts

[Kregg]

Spontaneously thought to myself, "I'm really starting to like this guy that I'm becoming" today.

 

That's a first in awhile. 

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

hes 22

 

goddamnit i wish; go back in time and punch younger me in the fucking face about the really cruel and stupid shit i did later on 

[tac0tron]

I gotta take a break from weed.. Last night I took a joke seriously out of paranoia and I think I might have fell asleep while on the phone with my gf..

after another paranoid filled night, I'm starting my break today.

[01100011]

I get bored of things / people as soon as I feel they've given me a form of validation, as soon as a female begins to like me I can't be bothered, same with friends. I think that's why I'm not bored of fashion forums (nor my parents, lol), because there'll always be someone to criticise you or not give me validation. It's really sad / autistic. 

[thefuture]

I get bored of things / people as soon as I feel they've given me a form of validation, as soon as a female begins to like me I can't be bothered, same with friends. I think that's why I'm not bored of fashion forums (nor my parents, lol), because there'll always be someone to criticise you or not give me validation. It's really sad / autistic. 

i'm sure a lot of people feel the same, all the build up to get a girls affection, soon as u got it ur bored haha. 

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

i'm sure a lot of people feel the same, all the build up to get a girls affection, soon as u got it ur bored haha. 

 

when a relationship of 7 years ended, she was never more beautiful than when she was telling me to fuck off.

weird, right?

[wahwho11]

when a relationship of 7 years ended, she was never more beautiful than when she was telling me to fuck off.

weird, right?

damn.....

[cheapmuthafukr]

i'm sure a lot of people feel the same, all the build up to get a girls affection, soon as u got it ur bored haha.

I've never really tried to get a girls affection. Most of the girls I've dated were random meetings at the bar or club or some shit... And usually I wasn't even thinking about approaching them. I met my wife in 1999 at a drum and bass night at a club in gainesville... From the moment we met we've been inseparable... except for the years we were divorced...

[wrong_move]

Almost got into a collision last night cause this kid in an all black drapey outfit on his AIAIAI headphones strolled through the crosswalk (it was on "don't walk") without a care in the world. I wish I just ran him over

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

A friend of mine just got engaged to his girlfriend. The kid is in grad school but his parents are extremely wealthy, and all his life he's been lavished with money, receiving an M3 in highschool, and just having access to capital a 35-year-old would envy.  Instead of being happy for him, or for her, I just...I don't know. I just responded with this horrible, terrible bitterness and kept talking shit about the ring (huge fuckin ring), the girl, the lifestyle...and rightfully got called out for it.

 

It doesn't help that I'm working my ass off at 28  and know that he's just started his program and doesn't have the cash to finance his lifestyle and it's all his parents' money that's allowing him to live this life that I've been working for these last 5 years.  I know it's jealousy, but... jesus, I didn't know I had that kind of bitterness rooted so deep in my heart. 

 

I moved across the country to a city I don't particularly think is all that great for school, gave up potential careers and just wasn't available for my family or friends most of the year and I feel that life is passing me by as I spend most of it studying or working.  I probably just need to talk to a shrink about this but #yolo. 

 

edit: and honestly I don't know why I'm telling you fucks about this, but thanks for putting up with a wall of bullshit alcohol-fueled miasma. 

Edited November 17, 2014 by lola swagpoodle

[aso2004]

Well, you know where it's coming from..

If you are 28 and still in school that's a choice you made to get a higher education that will hopefully pay off in the end and will get you to do something that you love.

Now go and apologize to the groom to be.. He is making  a choice. Be happy for him and at that age he will probably need you in 10 years time ..

Edited November 17, 2014 by aso2004

[kH0yA Sw@Gp0o]

girl i knew from high school who was moderately cute but largely unassuming has somehow become a "fashion enthusiast" blogger with 9k followers on instagram + obv looks much better now, too. (while she dresses painfully trendy and all that and very "counter sufu" i can't really hate as we were on okay terms and she was nice, intelligent girl)
weird what occurs in the interim of disconnection

confession here is a lackadasical "she could totally get it" if my life were in a different place right now. as in. but it has me feeling all sorts of wrong 'cause it's tough to reconcile with my high school memories of her.

carry on