RandR Interpersonal Relation Advice Thread/Colum

[shufon]

Dude what are you doing in Huntsville? And why did you drive? I just did Nashville -> NYC a couple months ago and that drive really sucks.

[RandR]

Dude what are you doing in Huntsville? And why did you drive? I just did Nashville -> NYC a couple months ago and that drive really sucks.

My company works in aviation in Huntsville. It's...interesting.

I drove down because my boss wanted his old company car down there. 13 hours in a nice lexus is okay, really.

[shufon]

Damn son, you must've been flying to make that in 13 hours, I don't even think I could do NYC to Nashville in 13.

[dissident]

roommate just broke up with his gf cause things weren't the same anymore. By that I mean she couldn't operate with him on a level beyond just being friends. She's not the type of girl to fuck shit up and they're way past the point of trying to impress each other all the time, maybe that's part of the problem? i mean they've been together for just under two years, and she is a nice girl and all but part of me just wants to tell him to just get over it and get with another beezy.. He's fuckin' depressed about this shit, advice?

[ROYALEFATALE]

FUCK YO SARCASM ROYALE.

i'mow rape you

no sarcasm intended bro

[RandR]

roommate just broke up with his gf cause things weren't the same anymore. By that I mean she couldn't operate with him on a level beyond just being friends. She's not the type of girl to fuck shit up and they're way past the point of trying to impress each other all the time, maybe that's part of the problem? i mean they've been together for just under two years, and she is a nice girl and all but part of me just wants to tell him to just get over it and get with another beezy.. He's fuckin' depressed about this shit, advice?

he has gotta move on. if you want to help him, just try to be around - the worst part of a break like that is the loneliness of not having that other person there, and frankly having anyone else around makes it so much easier.

the thing is that he can't change her at all, but he can still change himself. he needs to realize that this girl is not the only source of love in his life. He has friends and family, and perhaps he'll start to remember that he has himself as well. You're a good friend/roommate to even help him at all, and that's commendable.

Seeing as how a lot of people on sufu seem to have been going through this recently(including myself), you could also tell him to read this thread, the official break up thread, and the djrajlo thread as well for more words of advice, encouragement, and everything else.

In the end he is the interdictor of his own happiness. He needs to remember this, and stop trying to be happy - life is a beautiful thing when viewed without the distorting lens of "what could be" or "what should be". He'll get there in time - just do your best to keep him on track.

[Yardsale]

What are your thoughts about a girl who blogs about everything she does, including how her dates go, etc.

I understand we're both single and dating other people but is it just me or does it seem unfair and frankly awkward for anyone to see all these intimate details? Should I bring it up?

[fobsquad]

it's probably a good thing because you can get clues on what you/others did well/wrong on the date. unless that's what she's hoping you would do. in which case i would purposely stop reading her blog. if you're already talking to her about what's good, no need to read about it also. but if it bothers you that much, just tell her. if she's real, she'll probably take it into consideration.

then again, you've got way more internet fame at stake than i do.

[RandR]

What are your thoughts about a girl who blogs about everything she does, including how her dates go, etc.

I understand we're both single and dating other people but is it just me or does it seem unfair and frankly awkward for anyone to see all these intimate details? Should I bring it up?

number one: that's some straight attention whoring bullshit.

number two: you should definitely bring it up. Trust is built between two people because there's a foundation of shared intimacy between just you two. If her entire life is an open book, then what does it matter if you're writing on a page when everyone else can read it?

If she wants to keep you, she needs to treat you with respect and trust as well. If she can't do that, it means her online persona is more important to her than you are. Do you value yourself to that extent, or more than that? Is that what you want from this relationship or not?

A lot of times the regularity of sex and "friendship" is enough to keep us from asking ourselves these questions. Don't let that happen, so that you get fucked in the end. Talk to her openly and honestly and bring up your reservations. If it doesn't work out, you just dodged a bullet, you know?

Good luck. Hope things work out.

[Appleseed]

PS: post her blog Yardsale

[jooky]

alright I need some advice.

Recently I've bumped into an old friend and we've been hanging out a bit. We had a short thing back in high school (like 7-8 years ago), nothing major. We we friends after, always cordial, we just lost touch during college.

Anyway, since we've been hanging out again, I have a lot of the same feelings for her that I did before. I guess it could be described as a schoolboy crush, butterflies-in-the-stomach type thing.. It's just anytime I'm around her she makes me happy.

I want to tell her how I feel but I just worry about hurting / ruining the friendship that we have. I just don't want to be in a position where I don't have her friendship at all, and that's what worries me. At the same time, I feel I'll regret it if I don't say anything. Should I just man up and tell her?

[RandR]

I want to tell her how I feel but I just worry about hurting / ruining the friendship that we have. I just don't want to be in a position where I don't have her friendship at all, and that's what worries me. At the same time, I feel I'll regret it if I don't say anything. Should I just man up and tell her?

short answer: yes.

long answer: yes, because what do you have to lose?

the only problem here is that you still have a schoolboy crush that might be mostly just transference. Perhaps the feelings you have for her are really more of "I wish I had dated her back then, and now I can fulfill that wish I had like 8 years ago". If it's some serious crush action though, just tell her.

Friendships get lost when people start trying to hurt each other, not when the pain is unintentional. That's how I lost my ex's friendship, by maliciously finding ways to hurt her(that's in her words not mine). In your case if the girl says she's not interested in dating you but still wants to be friends it's on you to let your feelings settle at a different place than where they are now.

Regardless, the sweet anxiety of not knowing is not that wonderful. Just talk to her privately, explain how you feel, and see where she is too. Good luck.

[redX]

so one of my gf's exes is/was this World of Warcraft addicts and now she's super paranoid about computer gaming. when i turned on the pc this morning wanting to play a quick round of counterstrike she almost lost it... i don't even play regularly, in the last couple of months maybe once or twice. i made that clear to her

now all i wanna do is play some CS while she's at the gym ... what's wrong with me?

[RandR]

camp with the AWP in her room and taunt her over ventrilo the next time she says something.

In reality, just talk to her about it. explain that CS is not like WoW, because playing CS means you are not a bitchass, unlike playing WoW. Subconsciously you are maybe rebelling against her controlling behaviour...I don't know man.

Just talk to her about it, tell her that you feel this way now, and that you don't want to fuck with her like that but the compulsion is there.

[redX]

yeah i'll talk to her some more about it (i already managed to calm her down and alls good in that respect), girls been thorough some fucked up shit in her life so she's got her paranoia.

in the end i didn't even feel like playing when i was on the server. logged off after a couple minutes, couldn't do it with a clean conscience and felt bad about it. i'm better off not playing videogames anyway and the sex is just way too good, so i don't wanna fuck this up.

[TTM]

wait let me get this straight... you're banging a girl who has had a videogame addiction, and you feel bad about casually gaming around her? Like, a dont shoot up around a recovering heroine addict concept? (0)

[redX]

no, one of her psychotic ex-boyfriends was a gamer nerd

[MharcI]

This forum has seen my trials and tribulations with my girl, all that shit.

So what the fuck is wrong with me, when after everything, and now i'm fine, I know I love her so much, and I know she loves me more than anything, and is absolutely perfect...that for some reason I feel like blah, I dont feel like being in this anymore.

Ive heard it said that love isnt enough, maybe thats the case? I really do love her a lot, and she is head over heels with me, and treats me wonderfully, but I just feel off...

Am I just fucked up, I wanted to solve all of these problems to leave a clear slate to leave her, am I that fucked up that I wanted everything to appear great before I left her and broke her heart?

At the same time, I feel like if i leave her, I will regret it so so much, and I know she isn't the type of girl to just come back, if I leave, I think it's over.

What the fuck, do I just want a change. Going out on Halloween without her, and seeing all these girls, and having opportunities to sleep with someone else presented kind of made me just want to do it. Could I be that stupid?

[Yardsale]

PS: post her blog Yardsale

no

and update to how it went down:

she actually brought it up when we were talking about writing (she's a copywriter) and it's all good. I think I'll keep seeing her and see how it goes...

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

no.

why not?(10)

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

This forum has seen my trials and tribulations with my girl, all that shit.

So what the fuck is wrong with me, when after everything, and now i'm fine, I know I love her so much, and I know she loves me more than anything, and is absolutely perfect...that for some reason I feel like blah, I dont feel like being in this anymore.

Ive heard it said that love isnt enough, maybe thats the case? I really do love her a lot, and she is head over heels with me, and treats me wonderfully, but I just feel off...

Am I just fucked up, I wanted to solve all of these problems to leave a clear slate to leave her, am I that fucked up that I wanted everything to appear great before I left her and broke her heart?

At the same time, I feel like if i leave her, I will regret it so so much, and I know she isn't the type of girl to just come back, if I leave, I think it's over.

What the fuck, do I just want a change. Going out on Halloween without her, and seeing all these girls, and having opportunities to sleep with someone else presented kind of made me just want to do it. Could I be that stupid?

RandR we got a flat liner, need your help STAT!

MHARCL...HOLD ON...HOLD ON!!!

....

...

....

its too late...

[Magsåvningsreserven]

bleeeeeeep

?

[RandR]

Ive heard it said that love isnt enough, maybe thats the case? I really do love her a lot, and she is head over heels with me, and treats me wonderfully, but I just feel off...

Mharci, the thing is that those problems are gonna exist with anyone you are with. Everyone has something that you are going to hate about them - that's just a fact. A lot of times it seems like something that you can't deal with, like in your case this girl has a lot of drama/sorrow associated with her, so when you think about her you think about those problems and it makes you think, a new person is gonna be better.

There's no guarantee that's true though, really. The only real constant in your life is going to be you - and at times like this you need to take some time and contemplate, alone, what it is exactly that you want.

I went through a long period of fucking random women, and only recently have I reached a point where I am more interested in settling down and committing my love to just one girl. It's not to say that fucking a ton of women was wrong - more that it was right at the time and that time has passed.

In your case I can't say what's in your head. If you really want to move on and have that new, fresh love feeling, then you should pursue that. If you really love this girl and think that hell, there's entirely amazing depths of love you couldn't have imagined right around the corner, then you should pursue that. The real thing here is not what you THINK you should do, but rather what you KNOW you should do.

A lot of times we get bored with our situation once love becomes a daily habit, and at times like that we start to want, as Chris Rock calls it, "new pussy". The fact that you spent time without her during Halloween(which is like going to a strip club, except everything is a strip club) probably doesn't help your thought process. Just take some time and do some self introspection and be honest with yourself. Just remember not to make a decision you will regret - if you decide either way, trust yourself, if nobody else. Trust that you can decide to do what you really want to do.

Good luck man.

[RandR]

no

and update to how it went down:

she actually brought it up when we were talking about writing (she's a copywriter) and it's all good. I think I'll keep seeing her and see how it goes...

do some wacky shit just so it ends up on her blog if she notices it. Like read books upside down once in a while.

Nothing crazy, just...nonsensical in a good way. let whimsy pull the cord through which your actions speak.

[MharcI]

Always comin with the solid shit, its like you take the jumbled pile of exactly what im thinkin, and sort it out so it makes sense.

Like you said what I really need is some time for myself, and self introspection. Ideally a "break" but I really don't want a break for multiple reasons...thing is, I feel like if a temporary break is a time when I go out and get laid, why wouldn't she? Not so much because she needs it want its whatever, but feels hurt and feels like I may not come back.

And if that isn't the case, I don't want things to be different between us when I do come back. She really is absolutely perfect, and I don't want her to change.

But otherwise, its really hard to have my space, how do I do that when shes used to having a phone call from me every night, texts during the day, me usually orchestrating the plans to see each other since we usually work around my schedule. You know, if I stop doing these things as much she'll notice, and from there it can be weird, she might bring it up like "oh whats changed..."

Bottom line is she will definitely notice if im not myself, or at least acting like myself, cause being like this isnt myself im just covering it up well.

It feels a little cramped, I cant find my space, and like I said I really dont want a verbalized break.

I think it is some sort of itch after not being single for a minute, when that is what i'm used too.

Im just wondering if its merely an itch that can go unscratched, and ill realize I am much better off staying with this girl, which is what my gut is telling me, or if its something thats true and I need to bounce.

I just think I know very well that I will regret it if I leave, shit is weird.

I dont know if I say it now, cause I havent done it, but im not so sure that I would feel a lot of guilt or bad if I just cheated on her. But thats before the fact, after the fact I might be guilt ridden and shit will crumble cause of me, then Ill realize the dipshit mistake I made. Blahhh.

Maybe I just want my cake, and too eat it too...

[MharcI]

And haha magnetic and fade, aint gonna do nothin drastic just yet

[Analog]

So what the fuck is wrong with me...

You fucking suck.

Maybe I just want my cake, and too eat it too...

No, you just fucking suck. Stop your crying, grow a dick, and go find someone to stick it in. What the fuck.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Hey fuck off analog. Stop being so negative. What did he ever do to you?

[Analog]

Hang in there Mharcl – don't listen to all the haters !! Love can be a bitch, but it's worth it !!!

you !!

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Hey man that's the spirit this is a non negativity zone only