RandR Interpersonal Relation Advice Thread/Colum

[RandR]

Gave up....GG

sorry man. It doesn't always work out, but that's okay. Just remember that the relationship between a girl and your life is like the relationship between your tie and your suit. Sure, having a nice tie really enhances the overall effect, but if you're wearing a nice suit anyways it's not a make or break situation. Be happy with who you are first and I promise you the sexy women will follow. Good luck.

[Dropt]

Damn, that metaphor is brilliant, would rep but must spread...

[munkyballz]

this prolly work on white girs but not fobby azn girs

indifference works on all girls to a certain extent. although i will agree that with very fobby or traditional azn girls, you do have to show some signs of interest and be more pro-active than others.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Sitting next to a fairly attractive white girl. In math class.

Never approached a white girl before, what to say?

[american_hearts]

Ask her a question, then ignore her when she answers you. God, I can smell the pussy juice from here.

[RandR]

Sitting next to a fairly attractive white girl. In math class.

Never approached a white girl before, what to say?

dude, it's just like talking to any other human being. start by introducing yourself. "Hi, my name is ___". Then have a conversation as if she were not just someone you were trying to fuck.

That's pretty much it, honestly. Again, treating girls like they aren't just a pussy with other body parts attached is generally the best way to approach these things.

I never understood the problem that dudes have approaching girls of a different race. It's not like they think in a different manner than any other girls - it's just that maybe you are psyching yourself out into thinking they do. It all becomes moot if you act like a normal human being talking to another human being. At that level of respect, race doesn't really factor into the equation.

[zOmnia]

My vote goes to a RandR story time thread. ahah

It was good seeing you tonight man!

[sawn-off chef]

If you pretend that they are interesting, you can trick them into fucking you, just like in the movies.

Ask her a question, then ignore her when she answers you. God, I can smell the pussy juice from here.

Dude you are on fire.

[deleted20333]

Ask her a question, then ignore her when she answers you. God, I can smell the pussy juice from here.

lol'd hard

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Don't shit up this thread

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

Sitting next to a fairly attractive white girl. In math class.

Never approached a white girl before, what to say?

Don't shit up this thread

Sorry, you're doing a great job by yourself.

[RandR]

My vote goes to a RandR story time thread. ahah

It was good seeing you tonight man!

word. i ended up eating tacos at snackshack or something and running into parked cars on that girl's bike. hope your evening went well.

in related news I'm not sure how useful i am in this thread, seeing how I got dumped and can't completely disengage because I am apparently a fucking pussy. I'm talking "crying at a wedding last weekend in pittsburgh" pussy. that's bad.

Good luck to everyone.

[Augustus]

Ended up fucking on the first date, but we havent spoken to each other since (last Fri). Will giving her space (no text etc) until the weekend rolls through again be too late? Dont want to come off too clingy.

[RandR]

Ended up fucking on the first date, but we havent spoken to each other since (last Fri). Will giving her space (no text etc) until the weekend rolls through again be too late? Dont want to come off too clingy.

nothing wrong with clingy. Giving space is all well and good, but it's really about giving some emotional space rather than actual time and distance.

If you want to see her, then see her. If you want to call her, just call her. Don't let an outside perception (i.e. other people seeing you as clingy) affect how YOU see things, you know?

[lak]

coming in for a second(third/fourth/nth) opinion here:

i fucked this chick a couple weeks back and we've been sorta flirty ever since. she had just broken up with her long term boyfriend about a week prior. i vaguely know the dude (we've hung out maybe 3 times in the last 2 years) and it's only through the mutual acquaintanceship of a dude i'm not too fond of.

so this same guy is staying over at my best friend's place for the entire month (for reasons that need not be explained) and he tells her that he has a problem with me and that i should broach the subject of fucking his ex with him and apologize.

the fuck? i don't owe this guy shit, but i don't want to feel mad awkward every time i go over there (which is a lot). how to handle.

[Desi]

i can't rep but i love the suit metaphor.

[CUTUP]

They were done, and if he is too much of a damn pussy to confront you himself, let him cry alone

I cant stand little pussies like this. On principle I would refuse to apologize to such a cockless man, At least grow a pair and approach you if he has an issue.

Question, did the girl have a thing for you when they were going out?

If thats the case there is nothing you can say or do that will stop him from being a dickwad, its a combination of jealousy and being butthurt from the breakup. That and he might even think shit happened between you 2 when they were together

If he cops you attitude, full out tell him you feel for him, and that it just kind of happened, that it wasnt personal. Make him understand you did nothing wrong, and that its not like you really know this guy very well.

Make it sound like you dont really give a shit about what happened, like it was no big deal, If he feels you might have just been a quick rebound ect, he wont take it so personally. If you make it a big deal, he will assume it was a big deal...yafeelme

[Phyziks]

Okay, so I've been friends with this girl for 3 years now. We always had a little thing between us, but we were never single at the same time so nothing ever happened. Around Christmas of last year, she ends up hooking me up with one of her friends, and I dated her for around 4-5 months before calling it quits.

About 1 week after this, my friend and I start hooking up. We've been sleeping together and spending tons of time together, but we're not in an official relationship. At first, we both agreed it was just sex and that our friendship comes first. Now, we both admitted to having much deeper feelings and not just the physical. I would honestly say we're doing everything that people in a normal relationship do, but we just haven't made it official.

The reason why, is because I dated her friend. She is afraid to lose this friend and the mutual friends they share. Do you think this is a legitimate reason, or is she holding off on being in a relationship for a different reason and is using this as an excuse to keep fucking?

Advise.

[RandR]

The reason why, is because I dated her friend. She is afraid to lose this friend and the mutual friends they share. Do you think this is a legitimate reason, or is she holding off on being in a relationship for a different reason and is using this as an excuse to keep fucking?

Advise.

could honestly be both. she could be scared as hell to lose her friend, especially if she knows better than you that her friend was in love with you. she could also be trying to keep it at a sex level, but it seems unlikely.

I think you should talk to the girl and consider that maybe the next step forward is you telling the ex that you are now with this girl, it wasn't her intention to step over any lines, etc etc. In all honesty, friends are friends, but love is something else entirely and your new girl needs to remember how true that is.

You'll be okay. Just make sure that if you are going to start a relationship, that it's based on a foundation of honesty and openness. This includes telling friends that you are boyfriend/girlfriend. Courage is the "mot juste", for her and for you.

[MharcI]

How the fuck do I get over the fact that girl who I love, and want to be with so much slept with 12 other dudes before me.

You bitched me out in the other thread, it helped out somewhat. You should do it again.

[RandR]

How the fuck do I get over the fact that girl who I love, and want to be with so much slept with 12 other dudes before me.

you just have to work at it. it's a process that takes time, and like all things that are worthwhile, the value of a strong relationship is proportional to the amount of effort you put into it.

I bitched you out(I didn't mean to be so cruel) because you are with the girl you love and she loves you, and the thing you were stuck on was the past. The future for both of you is so much more bright, that no matter how dark the emotions that her past conjures up you should be blinded by the future. You should be blinded by the joy of growing old together, and having cute kids, and knowing when you go to sleep with her at night that the drumbeat of her heart is chasing your fears away. You should be realizing, more than anything else in the world, that she loves you. She loves you with the entirety of her soul and though some other men may have tastes the sweetness of sex with her, they never found a way to leave even a thumbprint on her soul. It's pure and golden, and intertwined with your own, and that's something beautiful that nobody can ever take away from except your own self.

I am going through a breakup that is staggeringly difficult. It's difficult because the girl and I love each other, but she feels that she can't trust me. She is miserable because she wants to be as open and honest with her love as possible, and part of her won't let that wall down for her to be that way at all. She is miserable because she loves me and yet she can't make herself want to kiss me, or be intimate with me because I hurt her so badly in the past. We don't have the kind of relationship that you do. You should recognize how amazing your relationship is, how rare it is that all the parts are there and in working order, and be goddamn grateful.

That's how I would move on, I guess. I don't know - what works for me probably won't work for you. But if you are serious about the love you feel for her, and she is too, then make it work, for everyone else's sake if not for your own.

[american_hearts]

the fuck? i don't owe this guy shit, but i don't want to feel mad awkward every time i go over there (which is a lot). how to handle.

Correct. You don't owe him anything. But for the sake of your own peace of mind, you might consider just talking to him. Get it out in the open -- he obviously wants it there, but is too much of a bitch to do it himself (he tells your friend that he wants you to broach the subject with him?).

You're clearly dealing with a child. No need to get stubborn about what's fair or what's right, because you'll just give yourself a headache. It'd be like explaining your principles to a colic baby.

"It's not right for you to be waking everyone up at this hour with all this screaming. It doesn't even seem like anything's wrong here."

If I were you, I'd tell him, hey, my friend tells me you're bothered by what's gone on between me and your ex. Do you want to grab a beer and talk about it?

Then the ball's in his weird, jealous court and he can do whatever he wants with it.

[lak]

How the fuck do I get over the fact that girl who I love, and want to be with so much slept with 12 other dudes before me.

You bitched me out in the other thread, it helped out somewhat. You should do it again.

not bothering to read the previous responses in the other thread, so forgive any overlap, but dude, you need to get your ego in check. you sound massively insecure and utterly self-absorbed at the same time.

from time to time, people tend to fuck eachother, it happens. the fact that your girl did this all before knowing you even existed negates any right you have to even feel shitty, feel me?

is she the only girl you've ever fucked? it sure reads like it. and if she isn't, then the hypocrisy of the situation should be enough to shut you up.

you may subscribe to some romantic notion that sex and love are impossibly intertwined, but they aren't - not always. what your girl did in the past does not reflect on your current relationship. a friend of mine fucked over 70 dudes during her younger years, which is a hell of a lot more than 12, and she's been dating the same guy for the last three years - never have i seen two people love and care for eachother more.

in summation, stop whining, you have it so much better than the vast majority of people in relationships.

[lak]

]

If I were you, I'd tell him, hey, my friend tells me you're bothered by what's gone on between me and your ex. Do you want to grab a beer and talk about it?].

dude is straight edge. (0)

[american_hearts]

Replace "grab a beer" with "sit around listening to In My Eyes records," and the rest still applies.

[RandR]

Replace "grab a beer" with "sit around listening to In My Eyes records," and the rest still applies.

your name should also be in the title of this thread. fuckin' In My Eyes, man? Brilliant.

[shufon]

is she the only girl you've ever fucked? it sure reads like it. and if she isn't, then the hypocrisy of the situation should be enough to shut you up.

^ this.. I had forgotten about your situation, but the fact that you brought it up again makes me wonder as well if she's the only girl you've ever fucked. Dude, seriously, just appreciate what you've got and don't get hung up on bs like this.. it's in the past and can't be changed, and it doesn't matter at all anyway.

As for your situation lak.. I would just bring it up with the guy to get it out in the open and try to smooth the situation out.. and if he still acts like a bitch, just tell him to fucking grow up and get over it because he doesn't owe you shit.

[MharcI]

Shes the 3rd girl i've slept with.

[Phyziks]

Honestly Mharcl, it's only human nature to be bothered by this. Of course we all wish the girl that we love has never seen a dick other than yours, but this will never happen, especially if you're both at least in your late teens. It really doesn't matter who she has been with because she is with you now, and that's all that should matter. I think this quote was already posted in here, but it, along with what RandR has told you, should outline exactly how these things are:

" You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. " - Bob Marley

RandR, you're extremely insightful and you're 100% correct. I understand it from her point of view, and it can't be easy for her to tell her friend this. The shittiest part is how she is the one that hooked us up, and now it's causing these problems. Also, I hope everything works out for you man.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

Shes the 3rd girl i've slept with.

!!!!!

The one ex that is comparable to yours slept with 16 guys before me and she was my 3rd as well!

Yeah, since then I bumped up the number quite a bit, just to be prepared and on an equal level with any new girls I'd be with...