dear ... [an open letter]

[yoallanface]

Dear Naomi,

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

[16steps]

sup girl from the gym,

i finally saw you outside the gym. Still not convinved you're 18+. Sad pants fsho,

<3,

Z

[lawless]

dear lawless,

quit being so passive aggressive

sincerely,

lawless

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

Dear Helen.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

And fuck your new white basketball player boyfriend.

Dear Megan.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

And fuck your new Indian doctor boyfriend.

Dear Michelle

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

And fuck your old boyfriend too.

Dear Tiffany

What are you doing drinking every weekend to disaster?

Hope you enjoy your new girlfriend.

this was slightly catharctic.

[sistersuzie]

dear animal,

i want to play with you all the games

out board, and off the hook.

out of our numb brainz

truly yours,

a durnk monkey

[sawn-off chef]

dear dude,

I VANT MY MONEY LEBOVSKI!

i believe in nassing.

sincerely, your nihilist pal,

uli

[yoallanface]

Dear Louie,

You are the best dog, evar

[sophiapark]

Dear Brigitte,

I wish you weren't so bitter and tried looking at this from Christine's point of view.

Dear Lisa,

IF THE BODY SHOP FUCKS UP YOUR CAR, I AM LIABLE. WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?!

Dear Dad,

Stop shutting off the internet at random times at night. this is why i walk down the street to ben's house. Yes, to use his internet.

Dear Bob,

imy meanboy.

[Orion]

Dear Wife, you're cool as all hell. You do my laundry and clean all the time and I kinda make fun of it, which is stupid 'cause you rarely ask me to help and you ARE CLEANING THE HOUSE for fucks sake. You're awesome.

Dear Son, I know being crazy and curious is all part of being 1.5 years old, but give your Mom and I like 1 hour to rest where you're not grabbing the dogs nose, running toward the stairs, or opening cabinets we thought were out of reach and pulling out knives and waving them around. Otherwise I'm putting one of those kid leashes on you or wrapping you in layers of bubble wrap or something.

[samsikle]

always a handle that concept

[Orion]

Maybe the best invention ever. Total necessity. I want one where the tail is like a bungee cord so it can tire him out some too as he pulls against the resistance. A "use physical excertion to tire my kid out before resorting to benadryl" concept.

[whitney]

i think whoever invented that musta been a dog owner before his wife got pregnant and then thought "oh why not just make one for the kid too" but dress it up with a cute cuddly animal backpack instead of having a studded collar.

edit- i came in here thinking to rant and get something off my chest but then i got distracted by that pic and forgot

[ProfMonnitoff]

dear england

fuck u

im out

peace

money tuff

[Osmosis Jones]

Dear People who went to High School with Me.

We were never friends.

Remember how I used to fight you guys?

Remember how I used to cuss and insult you?

I used to laugh at you in your face.

We had class together but I never went.

You tried cheating off my tests but I just drew elephants.

Anyway, you got fat in college and I got tons buffer. Wanna fight now?

[ProfMonnitoff]

dear high school teachers

remember how i placed in the top 2% worldwide on the IB

and yall motherfuckers predicted me a 30?

fuck yall

wasted a year of my life

[Orion]

Dear morbidly obese woman that's been trying to catch her breath on the lightpost out front of my work before heading into the restaurant next door for almost 20 minutes,

You really, really don't need another pizookie. I know ice cream on top of a cookie is good and all, but you can't even make it across the parking lot without getting winded. C'mon now.

- Orion

[Osmosis Jones]

dear spark.

i'm sorry i said all those things and i'm sorry i was so mean to you even if i you didn't tell me. i don't want you to be unhappy and i certainly don't want you to think of me as a bad memory. i'm sorry i have to leave and i'm sorry i never made it easy for you. i don't want to leave and i especially don't want to leave you. however, if i stay with you, i'll never move on with life. i know that i'll spend all my time making you happy or at least trying to. i didn't want to ever tell you but every bone inside my body wanted to tell you so that the healing process could begin. i stayed for you and i wish i could find another reason but i've been waiting for you to change my mind. i want you to find somebody before i leave so i can know that you're being taken care of. i never intended to like you so much, i just wanted to show you that not every guy wanted to use you. i wanted to show you that there are nice people out there. i wanted to show you that you deserved more, that you deserved a guy who would make you smile because seeing you happy meant that everything in the world was right. i don't know what love is really, not after everything i've been through. but when i'm with you i always feel like i'm a good person and that when we're together, that everything will be all right. maybe i fall in love really easily but it's because i like seeing love work. i do love you but i know if i say it, i won't ever leave because all i'll ever want to do is take care of you. we're so alike and everything is perfect that i forget about the rest of the world. all i know is that what's between my arms when i have you means much more than the world to me. maybe one day you'll find this, maybe you never will but at least there's a chance you'll know how i really feel. you were always a bolt of lightning when the rest of the world was a rain storm. i'll always remember you as my little bolt of lightning. please forgive me and maybe we can forget i ever told you anything because i liked it when it was just us and no drama.

goodbye. bobson.

[yoallanface]

Dear Evilcrayon

your name is Bobson?

[Osmosis Jones]

Dear Evilcrayon

your name is Bobson?

it's something like that.

[julzkind]

dear animal,

i want to play with you all the games

out board, and off the hook.

out of our numb brainz

truly yours,

a durnk monkey

deatr druink monkey.,

i wna play with you and wh9oevber you p0lya board games with.

i ruff u guys <3

and mis u

<3 alayws

julskinssd

[sawn-off chef]

dear girl,

you are really cute.

sincerely,

scott.m

[ojjairus]

Dear Brother,

You are one corny ass nigga. You never listen to my advice i understand because i am younger than you. You don't acknowledge that i am very wise and mature in alot of things. We get in to quarrels way to easy for stupid preventable shit. I wish one day i will be able to give you advice and you not blow up at me. I wish i wasnt that type of person to always point out your faults, but its to make you better. Also i wish you didn't have butter fingers, it would make it alot more bearable to have you play basketball on my team always dropping dimes and rebounds cause you can't seem to catch the ball. Admit that im better than you in basketball it would help to progress your game and make you better. Even though you are 3 inches taller than me your height is waste. God should have given me those 3 inches and i would be a fcking pro by now. But some things won't change. I'm glad you moved out the house, now dad is buying me a car and im taking over your room. I hope you succeed in life and end up with a cute non-fob girlfriend. Sorry i just can't stand the accent.

zincerly, Your little bro.

[tac0tron]

Dear E,

That guy you're after seems like a little bitch.

Your Bro,

Chit

[homi29]

dear girl i met last night

i think you look like Giada from everyday italian but younger and way hotter . you're a friend of a friend , too bad we didnt get to talk longer before i had to leave. i'd totally wife you caz you got that tight petite body (small body, firm tits concept) and you seem to be geuninely friendly and apparently u can cook/clean? shit, we might not have that much in common other than that, but thats part of the appeal no?

-R

[iralex]

dear rany

I wish you didn't get a girlfriend, those few weeks were so fun. :/

maybe we can still be friends? haha, I leave in a week and now i have to find a new boi that's just as cute and nice as you. maaaaaaaan, I knew it was coming, i shouldn't have gotten with you so quick after you and sarah-scott broke up. It doesn't help that you told the rest of DLB. It was weird as fuck seeing earl and him knowing about that shit when i don't even talk to him. Same goes for sause. Whatev's, hopefully you'll still buy me liquor and crash at the cary house.

I'll always be available to get down wif u!

- alex

p.s.

I'm glad if i got with one of you, it was the ringleader.

p.s.s.

mina likes jmait hahahah

[sircheesecake]

Dear Towa,

Your smile brightens my day. Your genkiness makes anybody's day a whole lot better. I know you want to be more than friends with me. The truth is, I have a little something something for you as well. I appreciate al the things you do for me to show how much you care about me. But, now is not the time. Hang in there. In due time, everything will align.

-S.

_______________________________________________

To my sister,

I regret growing up and never being all that close to my only sibling. I was never there for you and I am sorry. I hope I can make it up someday. When I am back in CA, lets hang out sometime and talk. About life. About all the boyfriends I never heard about. About Dad. About Anything.

PS Graduating UCLA and getting a respectable job straight out of college eclipses my wandering and money wasting habits and you make our parents super proud. Keep up the good work.

-Your brother

[lawless]

dear brother,

Sometimes i want to repeatedly punch you in the face and tell you to stop getting yourself in debt. For the past 4 year's you've racked up nearly 20 grand worth of debt and have yet to finish your basics. You also constantly ask to borrow money and like the passive aggressive pushover that I am I lend you $20 here and there. All the people that you look up to are constantly in debt, have yet to finish school, and will inevitably settle. When will you realize that you don't have the drive to become an engineer because you think making 100 k will solve all your problems? You and I both know the more you make the more you will spend. Although I've told you this time and time again when will you finally listen to me?

Sincerly,

-your younger brother

[sistersuzie]

deatr druink monkey.,

i wna play with you and wh9oevber you p0lya board games with.

i ruff u guys <3

and mis u

<3 alayws

julskinssd

oh i've been told one day, we would play on a desert shore with fire in our hands!!

you know how much the burning feels good and natural...

all i can think really is:

"i want to go to there".

come with us

<3

[whitney]

if I promise to be on my best behavior may I tag along?

[ojjairus]

Dear Brother

You don't seem to know who your real friends are. i understand being bitter at me but being bitter at your homies is unacceptable. I guess its cause you're so close to them that forces you to act that way but man up and stop being such a bitch. You said you were going to edc but bailed and then you said you don't think you belong in sb anymore? Thats a bitch move, i wish you could see things from others perspective. No one has your back like sb. Next time someone wants to beat you up and you're with your "friends". I'll be anticipating the outcome.

ps:stop being such a pussy.