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doin hood thangs


the_state

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im not one to be doing "hood things"

but i lived on the westside of town and i remember doing laundry and there was a cat fight that literally started by some mexican chick tellin some black chick her weave was whack.

first there was the confrontation that consisted of the usual "OH HELL NAW. BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY??"

then there was the removal of hoop earrings, gold jewelry , etc.

after that some yelling, some cussing.

and eventually one of bitches popped the other bitch upside the head.

i dont remember what happened after that because i was out of detergent.

apparently the black chick lost because her weave was all over the parking lot.

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the removal of hoop earrings, gold jewelry , etc.

after that some yelling, some cussing.

hahahaaa good shit :D

My friends were pretty bad, but not me. I did fence rare "beanie babies" for a while, which was actually a decent racket at its peak. 300-400 for some shitty little stuffed crab?

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got in a 3-3 brawl with some drunken natives in hull, quebec

i got blood on a brand new lrg rugby shirt it sucked

seen literally dozens of garbage bags full of chronic moved but it was in quite possibly the least hood environment you could probably be in in this country

seen some weird stuff man

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got in a 3-3 brawl with some drunken natives in hull, quebec

i got blood on a brand new lrg rugby shirt it sucked

seen literally dozens of garbage bags full of chronic moved but it was in quite possibly the least hood environment you could probably be in in this country

seen some weird stuff man

Claritin's one hell of a drug.

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i drank a couple $2.99 quartets of high life tallboys that I had to wait in life for with the crackheads, went to a bar where some asian americans were having a birthday party and got out of line, then went home to my dorm room freshman year. Got down to my underwear, went to bed, woke up with the hungers, ordered a budget pizza.

Got this steaming hot pepperoni pizza, i'm enjoying it on the balcony with my two jewish princesses in my underwear, smoking some menthols, and then two fat white girls who don't even live on my floor come up to me and do the request-take single move on my pizza.

I am not sure what happened in the following minutes, but it was a lot of 'hell no' and eventually, these 2 girls got on their hands and knees in front of me in the hallway (I was on this mad traditional Asian tip at the time) and I told them to beg me for forgiveness. As soon as I said that, my hand automatically reached out for for the pimp slap and I just had to wop them across the backs of their heads. Every single resident on my floor witnessed, and subsequently cheered on this amazing sight. People still talk about this shit.

30 minutes later, campus police come in, shine a light in my roommates eyes while he is sleeping, ask him if he is me, and he looked at them with disdain and pointed at the top bunk, and they asked me to get down and put my hands behind my back so i could get cuffed. 30 minutes of sitting in student lounge cuffed with my cock hanging out of my boxers, explaining pizza story, missed class the next day because of the police holding me til 5, etc etc. My RA named Cody made me write apology letters to those two girls, I just wrote one in Word and signed 2 copies. Fast forward 2 more years, and those two girls greet me with hug-hellos. White people are stupid.

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your RA sucks.

I would have made a plaque for you and put it up on the floor.

one of my residents golden showered on a bitch and we are gonna host a pizza party just for him

in spite of this, my female co-workers think im an exotic open-minded, feminist homosexual

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one of my most recent hood figga moments:

for some reason i drank a full bottle of cough syrup (i kno, its stupid, but i had never done it). we got into a argument with some dudes, and i put out my ciggarette on his forhead. i ended up getting into a 3 on 3 fight, but the kid that i was paired with was 6'7 about 200+lbs, walk-on on my college football team. i was so fucked up, i thought i could take him even though there was no chance in hell. he ended up knocking me out, i split my chin on the sidewalk. i didnt feel anythign because of the syrup. after i regained consiousness, i got up and went to a party with my friends. i got there acting like i was chill, but i didnt know the my chin was split pretty bad, and i had a black eye, and blood comming out of my ears. i went to the hospital and got like 10 stitches. the syrup was a dumb idea, but it saved me ass that night.

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my best hood figga thang (your choice to believe or not)

i lived in mexico for about 10 years. one of my best friends in mexico was this kid we called Toro. His dad was a big time drug dealer. his family had to move to my city because they were involved in a big drive by (his family got shot at and killed some family members). my parents new somehing was up with my friends family, because body guards would always pick me up and drop me off. i used to do everything with this kid. he lived in a gigantic mansion, but his dad lived in a hidden trailor that was inside a warehouse. everytime i hung out with him, and visited the dad, hed give me and my friend about a $100. also, me and my friend had two personal body guards. they were more like friends than body guards tho. they'd do everything with us, chill with us, take us anywhere, etc. the best was that they always had our back no matter what (the awesome part is that they always packed heat). they were always down to do mischevious things with us, like drive us around while we shot paintballs at shit and people (me and Toro played paintball on the same team). i shot my first handgun when i was like 13 with this kid. his house had tons and tons of guns. when his mom left, shed leave us a gun. in this kids house, there was a huge front door, but right infront of the door, there was a room where all the body guards chilled, strapped to the teeth. basically, me and this kid balled all the time, and never got in trouble because the police were paid off by my friends dad. life was good.

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i will say, maybe the hoodest thing ive done was get my hair braided while friends of the girls babydaddy(who was in prison for selling crack) bagged up about 3 pounds of weed and a qp of coke on the table in the kitchen. 3 guys with 2 guns each on the table. the girls 2 year old son was running around in diapers. chick braiding my hair was pregnant. think i ended up getting a bag that day too.

ahhh.... nothing like the projects in southern VA.

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ooh! i dont know if this was stupid or hood, but i laughed in the face of an israeli solider pointing a rifle right at me.

edit: i had never had a gun pointed at me, so i laughed.

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