Superawkward

[dovo]

Went out last night. being the shy bitch that i am, i didn't even attempt to talk to any bzs. All of a sudden i realize these two kags were circling my friend and i like vultures. they approach us, get us to dance with them and take us back to their circle of harlots. So i start dancing with this chick and it starts to get a ll raunchy i guess. I look up and theres this fuckin guy holding a girls jacket just staring at my friend and i dancing with these girls. I try to turn around and get my back to this guy but the girl wasn't havin that. she kept turning back around. I couldn't figure out this dudes deal so i stopped and introduced myself to him thinking that maybe that would ease some of the tension. Nope. He was just standing there with his head back and to the side just moving his eyes back and forth. I don't know if he was one of their brothers or what but it was pretty fuckin weird so i just shook.

Sucks, they were pretty hot too. fuck it doe.

[boy better know]

^ i need to go to la and hang out with you du no homo

[weinfeld]

superawkward meetup.

I'd like to say that would be cool but I know in real life I'd be awkward about meeting people from the internet.

[andrewisdope]

Today I entered an elevator behind a middle-aged asian woman. She picked her floor as I was walking in, and then scooted back maybe a few inches. As I leaned in to pick my floor, she said, "you know, there's a set of buttons on the other side." Then she felt stupid because I used a proximity card required to access the floor I was trying to get to and there was only one sensor located next to the buttons on her side. She scooted back a little more and didn't say another word. The fact that the elevator was going up 20 floors made it worse.

[snahfu]

you need your own thread dovo

super awkward dovo edition

superconfession dovo edition

dating thread/advice column dovo edition

[snahfu]

you need your own thread dovo

super awkward: dovo edition

superconfession: dovo edition

dating thread/advice column: dovo edition

[TheNorthern]

nahh not superawkward , she is just a bitch.

Today I entered an elevator behind a middle-aged asian woman. She picked her floor as I was walking in, and then scooted back maybe a few inches. As I leaned in to pick my floor, she said, "you know, there's a set of buttons on the other side." Then she felt stupid because I used a proximity card required to access the floor I was trying to get to and there was only one sensor located next to the buttons on her side. She scooted back a little more and didn't say another word. The fact that the elevator was going up 20 floors made it worse.

[redX]

this seasons ervel model in the online shop

[lmk1995]

I buy so much stuff off amazon prime that the people at the school mailroom know me by name. Now I'm embarrassed and don't want to order anything else online.

[lwkeung]

^ Lol. Me too. And the girls that work in my mailroom aren't even cute.

[freecat]

Teacher in marketing class was talking about a new kind of shoes that have a arced sole and all. Well they're pretty ugly shoes. So I raised my hand and talked about how it would only appeal to old people and those who don't care about how they look and all but then I realised she was wearing a pair and sort of shut up.

[RandR]

I was at the beach the other day, next to a group of bros. One bro says "sometimes when I watch law and order SVU I totally get a boner" and the other bros all had a good bro laugh, just broin out, laughing and slapping.

[freecat]

so... he had a broner.

[fallen angels]

at my work, we have single-use bathrooms, like there's just a toilet and sink, and only one person can use the bathroom at a time. the lock on the door is the type you push into the door knob, and if u twist the lock button, then it stays locked even after you exit the bathroom.

sometimes when outside people come here for meetings and need to use the bathroom, they accidentally twist the lock, not knowing it will keep the door locked even after they leave. there's one guy i know who unknowingly does this everytime he comes for a meeting. he just arrived for a meeting today with my boss, and i see him use the bathroom before his meeting started.

a little later, i needed to use the bathroom. i brought my keys with me, thinking he probably accidentally locked the door again. when i get to the door, sure enough, its locked. so i take my key out and unlock it. as soon as i open the door, I see the president of my company taking a shit right in front of me. he just said "Hello" and i shut the door asap.

Edited March 21, 2012 by fallen angels

[broken_dubz]

Dropped a mecha-deuce at work the other day. Used up so much TP that it clogged the toilet when I flushed (you know when the water comes up and stays up?). Walk out of the bathroom feeling like i'd acheived something great to my horror the senior nurse from ED who I dont get along with very well in the first place is standing outside waiting to go in. I just said "wouldn't go in there if i was you." She did and now she looks at me all weird.

[Wilbur]

dovo sounds like he should be a character on seinfeld. his life is like straight from a script.

[Nov Spur]

I know that I am not fit to fill the dovo-shaped chasm in all of our lives at the moment but nevertheless;

Today at long last I made it to a physical therapist for a problem with my hip/lower back I've developed from running too hard over the past year. After checking in and being made to wait in an isolated room for the therapist for a while, I proceed to get bored. In my understimulated state I naturally turn to my phone, which grants me access to the wonders of the internet. Now it's getting to be close to half an hour that I've been waiting, and I just happen to stumble upon some fap-related materials in my history. A few seconds later, the therapist (dude, mid thirties, horribly bald and pudgy) walks in, and within minutes is groping my trunk in an effort to diagnose the problem. At this point I attempt to calm myself, drawing upon my experience with breathing exercises and meditation in an attempt to quell my erm.. excitement, all the while being forced to reply repeatedly to the query, "Does this hurt?" After a little while, the therapist exclaims with some enthusiasm, "Wow, you're really tense! You must have some serious issues going on down there." I only manage some unintelligible affirmation and spend the next twenty or so minutes in tortuous silence before exchanging pleasantries and scheduling another appointment (which I have no intention of keeping).

tldr: waiting room + fap = awk

[mapclub]

i have a phone based story too.. its from awhile ago but is actually directly dovo related

i am at a cafe where the waitresses are always pretty and like everyone else while waiting to place an order i am on my phone.

i try refreshing my tumblr feed and while its loading i put my phone down to give my order to a nice blonde euro girl.

I changed my mind and asked her back to add something to my order and she stuttered for a second which seemed really strange. she had a french accent so i dunno.. maybe i spoke too fast or something..i hold out the menu to explain and then i realise why she had lost her words.

i had clicked on dovos icon and loaded his tumblr by mistake. I was holding the menu right next to several dat ass pics dovo had just posted - very very not suitable for work. all nice and big

it would have looked like i was trying to show her these pics on purpose because i had called her back over .. and the phone had very helpfully flipped the ass and tits pics to face her way.

[gettoasty]

Today I entered an elevator behind a middle-aged asian woman. She picked her floor as I was walking in, and then scooted back maybe a few inches. As I leaned in to pick my floor, she said, "you know, there's a set of buttons on the other side." Then she felt stupid because I used a proximity card required to access the floor I was trying to get to and there was only one sensor located next to the buttons on her side. She scooted back a little more and didn't say another word. The fact that the elevator was going up 20 floors made it worse.

i can't help but think that i would've reacted by just saying "oh but only this side of the buttons have the card insert"

would've made her feel kind dumb while keeping you cool and level headed

[vunilla]

2 weeks ago i was walking home from school and i'm walking casually to my house when i notice this dog was following me. i knew it had an owner but i thought it must have slipped away when the owner wasn't looking or something. anyways, i thought it would be a cool little dog, but no... it starts barking and running towards me faster and faster. so, i walk a bit faster and try to avoid it. the dog comes pretty close to me and barks pretty violently and i thought it was going to bite me so out of impulse/fear kick it in the face with my clark DB's. out of nowhere, i see this old guy yell at me from his house (he thinks i own the dog) about animal cruelty and threatening to call the cops. i try to tell him it wasn't my dog and that it was trying to bite me so i defended myself. i walk away and the dude yells back, "go back to china and eat your fucking dogs you chink!". his neighbor (he's asian too), was also outside at the time watching us argue and then hears the racist comment and then they get into an argument when i leave lol

[baldy]

one time i was helping my girl at the time put something up on the wall. i had to get on a chair and to the left of me was the door. i was all stretched out n shit and she thought it'd be funny to pants me. i only had basketball shorts on with no shirt. not only did she pull my shorts off but my boxers came down too and just as that happens her bro decides to walk in.. i couldn't even jump off the chair cuz pants shorts around ankles wtf

[vunilla]

hahaha i remembered one of the funniest stories of myself today while i was taking a crap. so, 3-4 years ago, my family and i decided to go black friday shopping at 1AM. i ate one of the biggest thanksgiving dinner/lunch (turkey, gravey, potatoes, some raw ass asian food, pie, ice cream, etc.) that day and was pretty tired but i ended up going anyway. we arrive at the mall and there's a shit ton of people waiting. we wait like 10 mins in line and then the doors open. we walk for like 10 minutes browsing at random shit when all of a sudden, my stomach is in so much pain that i have to sit down. i ask my mom where the closest bathroom is (felt like i had to puke) and i discover that it's in sports authority. i run there and go to the bathroom (thank god there were no lines). i go to the only stall and am so stoked that it's clean as fuck. sadly, i close the stall door and realize there is NO FUCKING LOCK. fuck it, so i take one of the most painful and smelliest shits of my life while trying to hold the door closed with my foot. then, this fucking dude decided to knock on the stall and then the fucking door opens. he stares at me for a split second embarrassed and then apologizes and splits out the door. i was on toilet for about 20 minutes consecutively crapping, talking on the phone (my mom thought i was out of the bathroom and went exploring some where else), and holding the door with my foot. now, here comes the worst part; i flush it, and that shit won't go down since i used a good amount of toilet paper to clean up the mess. my mom is worried sick about me so i keep on flushing and flushing. eventually i gave up, washed my hand, and left. a week later, i come back and notice that the men's bathroom has been shutdown/closed due to "excessive flooding".

[travisio]

every single time i leave my office, after taking 3-10 steps i realize that i forgot something and i awkwardly stop turn around and walk back. i think my co workers just think i'm ocd or something but occasionally i'll realize i forgot something right when i make eye contact with someone and i turn around. i think this makes them think i can't stand the thought of walking in their direction to the extent that i'd rather hide in my office than see their fucking stupid face.

[dovo]

I've been seeing a lot more of this girl that I've been crushing on for a while now. I think she's actually somewhere in this thread matter of fact. Since i been bout that semi hermit life, apparently that translated to me not giving a fuck about anything (to her at least) and she finds that sexy i guess. So a group of us go out that night, and her and I are all over each other. her friend was there too, this chick is cooler than a cucumber but i heard she can be a lowkey emotional wreck. The nights goin good and shit and we get to talking about sexual partners. I don't even know how. So the emotional wreck chick (whose drunk now)just recently lost her virginity to some super douche.

She asks me, "dovo how was your first time? and i go well, it was pretty awkward" we all laugh and the attention is now off of her. All of a sudden, this chick just starts crying her eyes out hysterically. nobody knows what to do. The chick i like is just standing there like a deer in the headlights and everyone else is too. she's still crying and we just hope its going to die out eventually. nope, more tears. all of a sudden she gets quiet as fuck. Then she looks up to the girl I'm diggin and goes, you know, dovo is a really cool guy like he's so cool, and everyone trying to be there for her now that she's stopped crying goes ooh yeah dovo, yeah he's a real cool guy, yeah we love dovo. im just standing there basking in my compliment shower and she looks up and goes, you know, you're really cool, i like you, why don't you come around more often, you should come around more often you cool guy. you know, (to the chick i like) he's a really cool guy stop being a bitch. So the chick i like just clams the fuck up, then i clam the fuck up and we don't talk for the rest of the night.

Now that i think of it, that was kinda way more awesome than awkward.

(one more)

So my friends and i decided were going to hit the strip club. We fuckin manage to find the most hood ass strip club in LA. That place was filled with fuckin tattooed face gangsters and hood ass strippers (mmmm hood rats). So im chillin watchin the chicks shake the tits and shit. When this waitress comes over to our table. She seriously looked like your little cousin. You know, the one that wants to be a nurse when she grows up. i know this is a strip club so i figure she's tryin to get some money out of us. Turns out, she just wanted to talk. so I'm sitting here, with a semi, talking to some chick in a french maid get up about life and shit. We tried to shake her, but she could not catch a fuckin hint. She even got in my line of view. I missed some girl shakin dat beautiful ass. Im sittin there, and this bitch is just goin on and on and on and on. Eventually a friend of mine kops me a lap dance from this sexy hood rat so i got to leave just knowing this girl would be gone when i got back. So I'm gettin my lap dance on and the stripper starts twisting the living shit out of my nipples. then she takes my glasses off and gets on with it. I'm blind as a bat so all i saw was some tan blob moving up down and across my crotch who'd twist my nipples periodically. lap dance is over, i get back to the table and that bitch was still there talkin bout nothin asking us shit like "why are you here", "did you guys know you're all kind of different races?". I still cry for the ass I missed.

Edited April 8, 2012 by dovo

[limbo]

I've been seeing a lot more of this girl that I've been crushing on for a while now. I think she's actually somewhere in this thread matter of fact. Since i been bout that semi hermit life, apparently that translated to me not giving a fuck about anything (to her at least) and she finds that sexy i guess. So a group of us go out that night, and her and I are all over each other. her friend was there too, this chick is cooler than a cucumber but i heard she can be a lowkey emotional wreck. The nights goin good and shit and we get to talking about sexual partners. I don't even know how. So the emotional wreck chick (whose drunk now)just recently lost her virginity to some super douche.

She asks me, "dovo how was your first time? and i go well, it was pretty awkward" we all laugh and the attention is now off of her. All of a sudden, this chick just starts crying her eyes out hysterically. nobody knows what to do. The chick i like is just standing there like a deer in the headlights and everyone else is too. she's still crying and we just hope its going to die out eventually. nope, more tears. all of a sudden she gets quiet as fuck. Then she looks up to the girl I'm diggin and goes, you know, dovo is a really cool guy like he's so cool, and everyone trying to be there for her now that she's stopped crying goes ooh yeah dovo, yeah he's a real cool guy, yeah we love dovo. im just standing there basking in my compliment shower and she looks up and goes, you know, you're really cool, i like you, why don't you come around more often, you should come around more often you cool guy. you know, (to the chick i like) he's a really cool guy stop being a bitch. So the chick i like just clams the fuck up, then i clam the fuck up and we don't talk for the rest of the night.

Now that i think of it, that was kinda way more awesome than awkward.

(one more)

So my friends and i decided were going to hit the strip club. We fuckin manage to find the most hood ass strip club in LA. That place was filled with fuckin tattooed face gangsters and hood ass strippers (mmmm hood rats). So im chillin watchin the chicks shake the tits and shit. When this waitress comes over to our table. She seriously looked like your little cousin. You know, the one that wants to be a nurse when she grows up. i know this is a strip club so i figure she's tryin to get some money out of us. Turns out, she just wanted to talk. so I'm sitting here, with a semi, talking to some ugly chick in a french maid get up out life and shit. We tried to shake her, but she could not catch a fuckin hint. She even got in my line of view. I missed some girl shakin dat beautiful ass. Im sittin there, and this bitch is just goin on and on and on and on. Eventually a friend of mine kops me a lap dance from this sexy hood rat so i got to leave just knowing this girl would be gone when i got back. So I'm gettin my lap dance on and the stripper starts twisting the living shit out of my nipples. then she takes my glasses off and gets on with it. I'm blind as a bat so all i saw was some tan blob moving up down and across my crotch who'd twist my nipples periodically. lap dance is over, i get back to the table and that bitch was still there talkin bout nothin asking us shit like "why are you here", "did you guys know you're all kind of different races?". I still cry for the ass I missed.

it's been too long. welcome back.

edit: quoting for new page.

Edited April 8, 2012 by limbo

[OkayOkay]

hired the GF, training her today...told her I'd treat her like any other employee...she said that's what she wanted, so I did. Now she's like "you're being an asshole, you should be nicer" :/ This is a terrible idea. I don't think it's gonna make any sense to have her work here, especially if she can't handle how I am as a boss. Much rather keep her as a GF than an employee. Shit was way awkward today.

[wahwho11]

i'm sorry okayokay, but that was probably one of the biggest mistakes ever, no hate. it's like that golden rule to never open a business/partner with a family member/best friend. shit goes south.

good luck with it tho.

Edited April 8, 2012 by wahwho11

[home]

a week later, i come back and notice that the men's bathroom has been shutdown/closed due to "excessive flooding".

when is bathroom flooding not excessive?

awkward for them.

Edited April 8, 2012 by home

[heyheyhey]

hired the GF

Been there mate. Shit gets awkward quick, good luck with it.

-

Went to a small party last night, turns out my very recent ex and a girl I made out with a lot both turn up. They both know who the other is and I was basically stuck in a room with them both.

Yeah, that bad.

Thank God I had alcohol.

[mmfood]

Been there mate. Shit gets awkward quick, good luck with it.

-

Went to a small party last night, turns out my very recent ex and a girl I made out with a lot both turn up. They both know who the other is and I was basically stuck in a room with them both.

Yeah, that bad.

Thank God I had alcohol.

I had a somewhat similar situation a few years ago. Had a party at my place. I was making out with this girl and my recent ex girlfriend shows up uninvited. She comes up to me and the girl, pushes the girl, slaps the shit out of me like 3 times, then throws a drink in my face. this is in front of about 50 people.

Edited April 8, 2012 by mmfood