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scoki

Superawkward

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My mom just called and asked me if the porn industry is big in Japan, cause my dad told her so.

:confused:

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That is fucked up.

word. she brought up the subject. not me.

It's probably because you're 21. She still views you as young and immature. And being a 21 year-old, she's probably right for the most part. Which is okay. Assuming you stay with this girl and don't do anything to piss her or the mom off, then by the time you hit your mid to upper 20s, the mom will be okay with you two getting married. If you two are looking for that kinda long term commitment in the future, of course.

I mean thats a good guess, and probably part of it. but the real reason is because Im mormon haha isnt that weak? total hater, she didnt have any other reason btw. I asked. anyways...

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A strong believing, practicing Mormon? Not a weak reason imo. Religion (typically) is a crucial and very large source of one's ideals, way of living, and I'd like to think, a clear indicator and what kind of person he/she is.

Unless you're just a Mormon "by name". In which case that bitch is trippin.

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awkward situation in the making... I had a dream last night that involved this girl I from highschool. Even though I haven't talked to her in years, I figured I should post about it on her facebook wall. I wrote:

"Last night, I had a dream that you and I were eating shish kabobs with pineapples and apricots. Also, it had something to do with punk rock. I'm not really sure what the significance of all this was, but I thought you should know. Also, how's life? I haven't talked to you in a while."

Now that I think about it, that's kind of a weird thing to post. She hasn't responded yet and that makes me think I might have creeped her out.

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word. she brought up the subject. not me.

I mean thats a good guess, and probably part of it. but the real reason is because Im mormon haha isnt that weak? total hater, she didnt have any other reason btw. I asked. anyways...

prolly cuz lots of mormon guys get married at age 21? jus sayin

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my neighbor saw me smoking weed on the 2nd floor bathroom window from the 1st floor. made eye contact then slowly pulled down the blinds.

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repeatedly making mistakes with names.

i keep calling this girl caitlin caroline, embarrassing yo

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dude, I called my friend caroline "kaitlyn" several times this summer... I know how it feels.

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Im just a weird ass guy lol

Everyone at work already thinks im a bit off. Now dat gossip girl of the building caught me going buck and cookin in one of the stock rooms screaming "woop wooop wooop wooop"

I was going to explain to her that I was listening to some music and theres this dance where you pretend like your cooking somethh,,,,, then I stopped because how do you really explain anything like that to a girl who only two steps to John Mayer, Jack Johnson, and Alanis Morrissette whose new fav band is Lady Antebellum.

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in the elevator with the lady to go for a walk. just goofin around and she is bent over pushin her booty around. I start spanking her saying loudly, "spank that juicy booty" (as if I had 'swag'). Elevator abruptly stops at the floor underneath ours and the door opens revealing an extremely large old man. He walks in with the dirtiest smirk on his old perv face - clearly heard me. Out of all the stupid shit I have said and done, that was probably the most awkward.

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was at a restaurant and the cute asian waitress comes by and asked my friend, "can i get you something to drink?"

friend was about to answer his phone and just said in the most serious tone of voice,"COME BACK IN 5 MINUTES" It was so awkward after we told him what he said and how the chick looked pretty pissed about it. i straight up lol'd when it happened.

fast forward to 2hrs later when the restaurant was about to close...this chick changed in to a red top,tits hangin out and mini skirt before she leaves work...walks by and gives us the "you guys look at how hot i am but you'll never have a chance" smirk on her face. my friends jaws dropped and we said..man u done fucked up...apparently she was going clubbing after work with 2 other smokin hot chicks who came to pick her up.

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i was at a work luncheon and my coworker introduced me to this manager to get some exposure. after lunch i get back to the office and need to take a shit. there's a wait for all the stalls but finally a dude comes out all nonchalantly. i rush in the stall cuz i need to go bad, but the dude runs back and yells "no wait!" because the automatic flusher lagged. so basically i see his turd right before it flushes. dude was the manager i met earlier.

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damn, just remembered a good one.

so i'm like 15 and in chemistry class and i start to get this nosebleed. and y'all will probably remember how awkward it is for the kid who has to stop class and say "miss i got a nosebleed or whatever". so i was like, i will just keep sniffing it back up and maybe it will stop.

so i did this for a minute or so but it just got heavier so i tried to stop it with the cuff of my sweater but by this time i looked like the Andrew W.K. I Get Wet cover.

so i was just gettin ready to tell the teach and take the walk of shame when the teacher asked me a chemistry related question and i turn around to face her with all this blood on me and she goes *GASP!*

i just walked out of class.

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I got so mad at someone tonight, I was at a loss for words, but we were still kinda yelling, when I just blurted out "SHUT YOUR FUCKING FUCK!"

Argument ended in confusion.

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So im at work and I usually work in Customer Service doin returns and what not but this day they have me on that regular register swag. All good.

So im doin my thing .."Hows it going?....bleep bleep bleep(scanner sound)...peace" same routine with everyone to keep my line moving. So all of a sudden this lady is up next. Gorgeous to say the least. Had to be a model back in the day. She was probably like 6'4 with the heels she was wearing.

Everything is going fine when this super short du walks up (had to be like 5'3 ..not that theres anything wrong with that.) but du had the balls ( and I will definitely give him that) to try and hit on this lady. Guy is just throwing line after line after line and chick wasn't havin it. I even slowed down a little to try and give him a chance to regroup after the punishing blows he was taking. And all of this is happening in front of me.

Excuse me, I dont mean to be rude but you are just absoulutely beautiful..Hi im (dus name)

"Oh (awkward laugh) thank you, Nice to meet you"

"Thats a lot of stuff, what are you buying?"

"Oh you know..just some stuff"

"Maybe we can get some coffee"

"...No thanks"

And it just got worse from there. And he starts talking about height. I guess he was getting kind of mad.

Out of nowhere du decides to tag me in by saying "what do you think man? heights not a really big deal right?"

I couldnt think of what to say so I was like I dont see anything wrong with it I dated a few GIRLS that were WAY shorter than me and it was cool. The girl just busted out laughing and said "Yeah see, I like guys taller than me" dudes face went from hopeful to destroyed and he just gave up. The chick left and I had to ring him up after all of that.

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Hell nah. Chick was taller than me too.

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damn, just remembered a good one.

so i'm like 15 and in chemistry class and i start to get this nosebleed. and y'all will probably remember how awkward it is for the kid who has to stop class and say "miss i got a nosebleed or whatever". so i was like, i will just keep sniffing it back up and maybe it will stop.

so i did this for a minute or so but it just got heavier so i tried to stop it with the cuff of my sweater but by this time i looked like the Andrew W.K. I Get Wet cover.

so i was just gettin ready to tell the teach and take the walk of shame when the teacher asked me a chemistry related question and i turn around to face her with all this blood on me and she goes *GASP!*

i just walked out of class.

so

when im talking to my class about where silk comes from and how it was discovered and in the middle of taking about monks i say by the way jess you have a blood nose

that is awkward for her?

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She was probably like 6'4 with the heels she was wearing. "Yeah see, I like guys taller than me&quo
Who the fuck does she date? Yao Ming?

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Guest Methimphibian
Who the fuck does she date? Yao Ming?

she is probably 6' feet without heels on, which is not that tall.

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my roommate got back from a week long trip and the first thing he did after opening the door was shout, "I'm going to have a furious masturbation session right now!"

we just moved in and had the girls down the hall over for the first time. i think that was the last time they'll be over

btw fuck tall girls

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Found out by tumblr post that my friend is smangin' this chick I know. (The tumblr part is the awkward part)

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she is probably 6' feet without heels on, which is not that tall.

Still taller than a majority of Superfuturians.

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My mom just bumped talked to one of our neighbors who she hadn't seen in a long time. The neighbor was talking telling my mom about how cute I was when I was little and how she remembered when my friend and I dressed up as OJ Simpson and Judge Ito for Halloween one year. That's all fine and good except for the fact that I was never OJ Simpson for Halloween... it must have been some other black kid.

Also, the whole idea of two little kids dressing up as OJ Simpson and Judge Ito in the mid-nineties seems a little awkward in and of itself. They would get no candy from white people.

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