Superawkward

[fruitbute]

the whole place is awkwaaaaaaaaard.com

[igotwmds]

was attending a conference call with a client, and a senior colleague. we start chatting for a while when i see a screen announcement that kind of pissed me off led me to shout "f*cking son of a b*tch" thinking i was on mute, of course i wasn't....

client saying wow whats going on, my colleague making big signs in front of me ... i didnt say a word until the call ended

had to call the client alone ater to talk business and it was quite awkward, we didnt mention the event though lol

[dovo]

at one of my jobs, aside from selling products we sale distilled water to our customers. im apart of the media team and the water is right outside of the main office buildings exit door.

so im leaving work and as i open the door (you can't see whats on the other side and vice-versa) i see this old ghetto dodge caravan with the most hoodest rat i have ever seen in the passenger. whatevs right? so as im making my way around the van i come face to face with this guy with his junk in a tiny see through cup taking a piss.

he looks up at me with one of those "caught me with my pants down expressions" and i mean i literally caught him with his pants down facing me and the door taking a piss.

i didn't know what to do he had his van parked caddy-cornered in front of the door so i couldn't turn around and go around the van i had to walk past him and he starts getting flustered so i just zoom past him get in my car and peace the fuck out.

[merry burger]

I've been looking for apartments in Brooklyn. A guy who looked like a cross between Zach Galifianakis and Marc Ruffalo introduces himself and tells me about the place. He's looking for someone to replace him, because he's moving out. All I notice is that the place reeks of gas (the cooking kind, not the butt kind). He shows me his room, and we sit down to talk about the apartment. I noticed that he was dressed pretty nicely, so I compliment him on his suede chukkas. He gets this weird, sexy look on his face, and starts saying shit about how he can tell I'm a "sensitive" person and "intuitive." Uhh, okay...

Things get really weird so I look around the room and try to find something else to talk about. I see a stuffed frog, so I say, "Hey, nice frog." He says, "Oh yeah? You like my frog?" in this strange, sexual voice. I try to say something silly back, so I notice a bottle of Gold Bond powder on his dresser and say, "Oh, nice powder for your balls." It works. He gets really defensive and says he plays a lot of basketball and that it's for his feet. Then he offers me some of his "really good coke." I decline. At this point I'm feeling pretty disappointed because the guy is actually pretty cute but seems like a total weirdo.

I figure enough is enough, the apartment is basically uninhabitable because it smelled like if you lit a match the place would blow up. And this guy was getting weirder and weirder, so I had to get the fuck out of there. We go downstairs and are talking on the street in front of the apartment. So I thank him for showing me the place, and suddenly he gets about an inch away from my face, grabs me by the throat and says, "You know, if I didn't have anybody else coming over here, I'd fuck you right here."

I did the deer-in-headlights look for a second, then said, "Haha, okay, what the hell is this" (making a hand gesture around his hand on my throat). He lets go, and then says, "You know, I have a six-inch penis." Before I can stop myself, I start laughing, and say, "Is that something people brag about..??" And he gets really defensive again and says, "The average woman's vagina is six inches long." I backed away slowly, waved goodbye, and then speed-walked to the subway.

(I didn't take the apartment.)

[wahwho11]

merry burger, everytime i see you post on this thread, i pray for your safety.

[willy cheesesteak]

POST!

[Ol_Dirty_Btard]

"The average woman's vagina is six inches long" was the best part gonna start using it will let you know if it works in new zealand

Edited September 4, 2012 by Ol_Dirty_Btard

[gettoasty]

that is superweird

can't you charge someone for that?

i think he got confused with vagina length to penis size

[Ol_Dirty_Btard]

So like theres this modern portfolio theory group on facebook and someone was complaining about how the lecturer doesn't put on the lamp thing to show his working for the maths stuff in the lecture recordings and uh idk i wrote "yeah this is fucking shit, the lecturer also assumes we have fucking knowledge of statistical shit beyond the first year when he rambles on for 30 minutes non stop and to make things worse he has the worst vietnamese fob language ever i honestly don't know why this university employs these people when it makes life hard as fuck for english speakers trying to decypher that shit accent and having to go back to the recordings to understand what he says when he does the math fuck this shit lecturer" then the lecturer posts on the same facebook thread like nothing happened and just says he fixed the lamp problem TT probably noted my name down for the tests and exam D+ coming up. I wish he could say ordinary instead of ODEEEEENARY

Edited September 4, 2012 by Ol_Dirty_Btard

[povatix]

i got excited when i saw that you posted, but then realised it wasn't about you using the 6inch vagina line

[ranonranonarat]

I ran out of breath trying to read the whole thing. couldn't find the fullstop till I got to the last line.

[Bluish]

Sat on the train listening to Depeche Mode, dude sits near me, I am trapped in the corner seat. I keep to myself, he taps on my shoulder, I look up, he's a chubby Mexican guy around my age (20), he asks me if I know a guy named Grant, the two had a missed connection type ordeal, he was looking for him, claims I must know Grant because I'm white and so is Grant (I'm Mexican). I retort, "No, I don't know a Grant", we shoot the shit, he's a bit flirty, I'm an aloof, friendly dude trying to make a civil conversation, he asks me how long I've been out, if my parents know I'm gay, I laugh, tell him I'm straight. He thinks I'm playing hard to get, keeps pestering me, once the train reaches the final stop we stand up, he blocks me, asks me if I ever "Want to mess around or something.", I respectfully decline, he keeps dogging me until I tell him rather curtly, "Dude I'm uninterested, back off", he doesn't understand the word uninterested, asks me for money to get on another train, I decline and briskly walk away. Fuck.

Edited September 5, 2012 by Bluish

[broken_dubz]

^lol

[andrewisdope]

why would you climb a wet tree

[Dropt]

I see a huge tree in central park thats calling out for me to climb it as high as I could

Leave the fucking trees alone you unprofessional monkey.

Edited September 6, 2012 by Dropt

[Desi]

Someone had to make use of all that Techninja gear.

[Quiver]

Kudos to u fatbaldman for saying fuck it, i do what I want. Shoulda chilled in the museum in the same vein imo. Would've been a conversation starter at least.

[dismalfuture]

i have a merry burger superawkward story for this thread, will type up later. I can confirm that she makes for the superawkward sometimes

[dismalfuture]

ok, very quick but true superawkward moment with merry burger and friends; in June we all met up at a taco shop, was probably like 15 of us or more; we slowly drank our way up to Soho and eventually got pizza at Lombardi's. There was a bit of a wait, a couple drunk WAYWT shots were taken on Mott St, and eventually two tables for our huge group opened up. I had gone to the bathroom and when I came out and everybody had disappeared and I freaked out, haha. I think everybody was downstairs or upstairs, can't remember now.

Anyway, two tables for the 10 or 12 of us who made it to the pizza stage. Me and some others were at one table; then bows1, tween_spirit, artishard, and merry burger were at the other table next to us. We got our pizza, drank some more beer, life was good. I guess over at the other table they were talking about merry burger's dating life, and suddenly she screams "DID NOT FUCK" in the middle of this conversation. My bird's eye view allows me to see this white family, looking very Midwestern, sitting about 5 ft away from us in complete shock. They had a couple young kids and they honestly looked like they had saved considerable money and vacation time to come to New York and were enjoying some Lombardi's. Merry burger ruined their New York vacation forever, and they literally dropped everything and made a beeline for the door. Can't take her anywhere.

[dismalfuture]

Here you can see the little kid in the back, happily eating his pizza, just moments before merry burger ruined his family's vacation and his father picked him up and grabbed him on the way out as if the building were on fire.

[Mauisnake]

some guy in the locker room stared right at me so i looked back at him and he wasn’t old or anything or weird looking. it was just a passing glance, but as we are making eye contact, he opens up his towel like a fucking theatre curtain and my eyes have never moved away faster from anything in my life.

[Transistor]

My roommate and I woke up extremely hungover and still drunk, respectively, earlier today. I took a gnarly beershit without realizing it so I don't febreeze or set up any incense to clear the taint. my roommate walks into the bathroom a few minutes after i come out and immediately runs out into our kitchen to start puking in the sink.

nbd I took a dump that smelled so bad my roommate puked. he says he can still smell it - its been hours

[cheapmuthafukr]

very last day of summer...

marry me kayodic

...

[cheapmuthafukr]

oh... wait... fuck... thats awkward for a different reason... that is edmond right... if so thats too tame... shouldnt it be "i wanna fuck your toes fapfapfapskeetkeetskeet"

sufu has gone soft huh.

[gettoasty]

i started a dream thread ... somewhere lost in supertrash lol

[andrewisdope]

Was pooping in work bathroom today. A person walks into the stall next to me and starts pooping. It was the I.T. guy. I know it was him because I recognized his voice. I sat and fucking listened in on a phone conversation he had about his day while we were shitting next to each other. He had traveled to 3 different offices today for the company. It was his birthday. It was a long day but a lot of people were wishing him a happy birthday. He had a bleh sandwich for lunch but it didn't cost that much so it's okay. Overall it was a nice day.

I'm sure he recognized me too. I'm the only one in the office who wears a pair of Air Force 1s.

Edited September 12, 2012 by andrewisdope

[Quiver]

I think there are two types of shitters.

The courteous ones who make as little noise as possible, and waits until the coast is clear before he/she comes out and washes up. (I move my feet strategically as well to increase discrepancy.)

And then there are those who will just come out when they feel like it and start a convo at the wash basin. Had a few of those at work. Couldn't help but smile awkwardly whilst trying to act natural.

[Spaghettini]

man in other awkward bathroom notes, nothing like standing up to pull up your pants and making eye contact with someone over the stall walls

[Spaghettini]

I guess your equivalent awkward experience would be getting poked in the eye at the glory hole

[lorem3k]

Trying to grab something out of your pocket and you're fumbling around and it looks like you're touching yourself