An Epic Tale

[Charlie Delta]

With these characters we shall collectively create an Epic Tale.

(highly inspirational illustration by Tom Gauld btw)

Each of us should write a couple of sentences and the next poster continues with those.

The tale will not be finished until all the characters have been featured.

(I'll be ticking the characters off as we go along)

Chapter one:

How the Magic Cow came to be...

One day,

not so long long ago, in a country not so far far away,

there lived an Innkeeper.

Now, as we all know, an Innkeeper is supposed to have an inn to keep.

For otherwise he would just be a "keeper"...

This is where our story starts,

you see, our Innkeeper was so unfortunate to have his last inn burned to the ground, and as such he was currently looking for a new inn to keep.

Unfortunatly, most inns in the country already had someone keeping them.

Wandering from village to village our poor inn-less innkeeper.....

[↓ Is The New ↑]

...stumbles upon three elderly women, all whom are grotesquely ugly. Since these women are practically directly on the path he is traveling he decides to wave hello. With that, he finds himself conversing with the three witches of ancient lore...

[Clockwork_killa]

While many of the myths surrounding witches are unfortunately all too true, let it not be said that they are not without kindness. Upon sharing his plight, the witches took pity on the man an offered him a solution to his most disheartening of problems. It so happened that the witches were in need of certain rare and special ingredients for a potion they had promised to brew. Now given the special nature of these ingredients it comes as no surprise that they were proving somewhat elusive to obtain, wouldnt it be helpful they said, if someone were to procure them in their stead. The inkeeper eagerly accepted the witches most gracious offer, bid them farewell and set off on his quest.

[Charlie Delta]

For several weeks the innkeeper travelled from village to village and apart from some minor adventures not worth mentioning here nothing much happened.

But one day, he had just finished a healthy lunch constisting of bread with cheese and some wine on the square of the small village of Omnom, he overheard some villagers talking about the dancing bear that had recently passed through town.

Remembering what the witches had said about dancing bears, he walked up to the villagers to try to find out more.

It was infact the great ringmaster Stoljan who always visited these parts this time of year, he had just left town that morning, and would go to the big town of Fabrage next.

Our inkeeper already planned to go to Fabrage as he hoped that he would have more luck finding what he needed there and if he left straight away and would walk fast he could probably still catch up.

Or maybe he could even find another means of transport. Unfortunatly he didn't have much to barter with...

[corter]

...but sometimes all a poor traveler needs is a little luck!

The innkeeper knew that he had far too little money in his pocket to purchase even the smallest of steeds, as he had a hard time even buying a bit of dinner the previous night. However there is a magical time of day, as the sun sets behind the hills and the dew lays rest on the reeds, when a right mind and proper reason may make anything possible.

Our innkeeper wandered into a busy tavern. He felt his heart pound as he remembered his own small bar, where most evenings were spent bantering, laughing, and singing over fresh blackberry wine. He stepped up to the counter and ordered a glass, using his last bit of real currency.

Across the bar, the innkeeper noticed an odd looking fellow, and as he looked the gent up and down he immediately realized the man was a Pirate. He got up, and started making his way over to the opposite end of he bar. Maybe this would be his lucky day...

[40ozprophet]

The pirate approached him and offered him ale in exchange for a bit of company and humor in the bleak morning. The inkeeper, exceedingly witty of course, mustered up "what looks like gold and sounds like a pirate?" "Yarr, pray tell," slurred the pirate. "Pyrite!" exclaimed the inkeeper. The pirate sat there for a few moments contemplating the inkeepers face with a look that had frozen a thousand sailors. He turned to the man sitting at an adjacent table and said "that be, without a doubt, the single truest thing I've ever heard! Don't ye see? That mineral's metallic luster makes it look like gold,and it surely does sound like the word 'pirate'. M'boy, youve made yourself a friend." So our traveler drank with down his ale and continued to talk with the pirate...

[↓ Is The New ↑]

Soon enough, it seemed as if the pirate and the innkeeper were two well acquainted friends who were just enjoying one too many pints of ale. The innkeeper was clearly becoming less and less conscious of his surroundings yet somehow still managed to explain to the pirate his situation. Luckily for our beloved innkeeper, the pirate was to journey to the port of Fabrage the following day and so it seemed that things were looking up for the innkeeper. Yet just then, the innkeeper could hold his liquor no more. He excused himself and hurriedly made his way to the outhouse behind the tavern. Needless to say the old wooden excrement booth was by no means sanitary, but the innkeeper only contributed to that fact. After purging what seemed like a week's worth of meals, the innkeeper wiped his mouth on his sleeve and opened the door of the outhouse to exit...

...he was then face to face... with the convict.

[Charlie Delta]

The inn keeper froze on the spot.

Ofcourse he immediatly recognized the man infront of him as a convict, he was wearing a grey shirt and trousers, worn down to the thread and he was indeed dragging the typical metal ball and chain behind him, but he was an old man now, tired and worn down from living the life of the outcast he was.

However the innkeeper soon found out that there was no reason to be afraid of the convict, he had only come to talk to him about the pirate.

"I'm sorry," said the convict "I understood you will be travelling with the pirate?"

"That was indeed the plan." replied the inkeeper, a little baffled. "Why?"

"Well, I couldn't help but wonder what that pirate of yours would be doing in a little village like Omnom, not only for the fact that the only exciting thing that ever happens here is the yearly visit of the great ringmaster Stoljan and his bear, but also since the closest big port is days away. We only have a little stream here."

"Hmmm, this is something I hadn't thought about at all, damn all that Ale, it makes that I can't think clearly! I will see what the pirate has to say to this, thanks for letting me know!".

He bid the convict farewell, thanked him again and with that he walked off to where had he agreed to meet the pirate again.

Had he trusted the pirate too easily?

He was afterall, a pirate.

The pirate waited for him at the end of the main road.

"Harr, M'boy! Why the troubled face?" He asked, for the inkeeper had been unable to hide his thoughts about what the convict had just said. He decided to confront the pirate there and then "Well, a man just told me that there is no port around for days, so I was wondering what you were doing here, and why you had agreed to take me on your ship to Fabrage?"

"Shiver me timbers!" the pirate exclaimed. "surely you know that there are more pirates then just the seafaring kind. Come, all will be clear when you see my ship"

And with that he grabbed the innkeeper by his arm in a rather rude manner (for he was a pirate afterall, and they are only known to be gentle with women and even then not always) and directed him through an alley next to the bookstore and into the fields behind.

What the innkeeper saw there was a sight he would not likely forget, there in the field, stood the most magnificent contraption he had ever set his eyes on.

It turned out that the pirate was infact a road pirate and they were walking towards his land-barge.

"Har har har," laughed the pirate "this here fine ship will take us to Fabrage in no time..."

[Eccles]

...And so the inkeeper clambered aboard the pirates curious vessel. He was instructed to stoke the furnace with coal and once the fire was good and hot the pirate pulled pulleys, spun sprockets and padded pedals until with a great clanking and hissing of steam the wheels of the road barge began to turn and the journey to Fabrage commenced.

You may not be aware but the speed of a land barge with it's considerable weight and breadth is not much faster than a brisk jog and after much shovelling of coal the inkeeper was blackened and exhausted wondering to himself if he really should have trusted a pirate after all the barge having progressed considerably less than he would have hoped.

The pirate bellowed 'keep shovellin boy!, we're gettin up a fine head o steam' as he reclined with his peg leg steering the rudder, just at this moment a a great 'thunk!' sounded against the barges hull. Dropping his shovel the inkeeper peered over the deck rail to see a supine and dazed figure on the road cobbles it was the messenger

The pirate leapt up and pulled a few levers the barge slowed to a halt and the two of them heaved the messenger on the deck and doused him with water until spluttering he opened his eyes and sat upright.....

[40ozprophet]

Man what happened to this epic tale?!?! get back on track!