superconfessional

[Baeyer-Drewson]

Speaking of this morbid death talk... I had a run in with an alkylating reagent (ie, mutagenic, probable carcinogen, etc.) whereby an amount of it in a pretty good carrier solvent went past my glove (possibly a small amount? possibly a lot? A few millitres? not really sure)... I washed the shit out of my hands with soap and water for like 20 minutes.

This happened like over 3 months ago, only I've just heard a few cancer/tumor stories from friends and friends thereof, and I can't stop fucking worrying about cancer/tumours.

I'm usually a pretty rational person, and I keep telling myself that even IF something were to develop there is no point worrying about it now. But fuck it, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm talking like bordering-on-hyperchondria levels of anxiety. I try to calm my mind by reading scientific studies about related agents but they only confirm my fears (in animals, in doses that may/may not reflect my transdermal exposure) and make shit worse... Fuck anxiety. So counter-productive.

[dismalfuture]

Think I got bit by a spider in my sleep or something, right foot is swollen up really bad and is hot and pink. hope I don't die in my sleep tonight.

[Sugar Mountain]

I just saw the boobs of the girl at my lunchtime coffee shop when she leaned over to clear a neighbouring table.

[Leonard Leroy]

After watching salvia trip videos on YouTube this morning for 2 hours with my co-workers they thought it'd be really funny if we smoked it and filmed it and here's a video of my trip, see you guys on the other side!

CCvlt2oT53o

I'm fuckin DYING

[Spastic_Koala]

A girl from college that I used to hook up with a bunch hit me up over the weekend. She's going to be in town for a few weeks and wants to get together. It's pretty clear that it won't be to just reminisce. I gotta tell her that I'm married cause I'm not the kind of guy who cheats. But it's hard cause she's pretty damn hot and crazy fun in bed.

[sean_]

I just saw the boobs of the girl at my lunchtime coffee shop when she leaned over to clear a neighbouring table.

always a good day

[Lozinski]

I just saw the boobs of the girl at my lunchtime coffee shop when she leaned over to clear a neighbouring table.

Really? Sounds so damn childish to be posting this online like you accomplished something. Get her digits, write a 50 line story Clopek style about how fucked up your night was with her.

[haploid]

hes just confessing cuz he feels slightly guilty and slightly aroused, duh

[julzkind]

retweeting this

Go for it...He's a pretty sexy jew.

I'm sure you all agree

[Sugar Mountain]

hes just confessing cuz he feels slightly guilty and slightly aroused, duh

Exactly. Thanks.

[MharcI]

Man, I know you're not having a good time, but basically, this:

1) you're like 20-22? You haven't even lived a third or maybe even a quarter of your life, so killing yourself is frankly kind of el oh el on the weakest tip

2) From your posts, I'm pretty sure therapy isn't going to help man - you don't listen to anybody. People were telling you to break up with that girl like last year, as a consistent daily thing. Listen to what people are telling you, they're not trying to drive you off the cliff.

In the same vein, don't take up drinking as a solution to your problems - take it from somebody who has been there.

3) You should go read Norwegian Wood and find the line where he says 'people who feel sorry for themselves are assholes' .... Go have your sympathy drink, read your post again, and then go on cnn and look at the pictures of those 90 some dead people in Norway or something. You thought you were having it bad? Please.

Reaching the point of suicide means you are now at a point where you can do ANYTHING with your life. Just drop shit and go and do the thing you've most wanted to do, but had too many things holding you back. If you were prepared to end it all, who cares about anything else? Ditch everyone you know, your possessions, your obligations etc and move to Spain and become a bullfighter - however it goes has gotta be better than being dead, right?

also, Mharcl, I'm gonna leave your quote up there so maybe you'll come across it in like 5 years, and you can look back on it and see how you're sounding right now.

summary of your problems-

"broke up with girlfriend"

"i drink a lot"

"I lost my job and the other money making venture i was doing isn't doing so well"

If the rest of the world's population offed themselves for those kinds of reasons, we'd have nobody left on earth over age 25 or so.

Look guys, I completely understand what you are saying.

I am 19 years old (20 in a week) the chance that this girl I was in love with being "the one" is quite fucking slim. Theres plenty of fish in the sea, and i'm young, relatively good looking, and not awkward, I should just play the feild and enjoy myself.

This is all obvious. But at the same time, as unrealistic as it is, it still fucking hurts when the girl who at one point spoke of having children with you, wants nothing to do with you.

In a similiar matter, it's kind of sad to realize that all of the people who I call my friends, arent really my friends. They've just been people i've gotten drunk with for the past couple of years.

Of two people who I can honestly call my friends, one of them is drifting away, and the other lives 10 hours away. So thats shitty.

I just feel like I have no ambition, and no drive. Like at one end of the spectrum, I hate the fuck that i'm stagnating, I havent done anything with my self for the past couple of weeks except sleep, and drink. Its disgusting. My room is a mess, i'm constantly under some form of intoxication. I dont even shower for a couple of days at a time.

I feel like the task of going and looking for a job is ruthless, school starts back up in a month and I dont know what the fuck im going to do with myself education wise...

I just feel really lonely, and like I have no one and nothing....

And I know its pathetic, and I know its silly. I dont reallyt need anyone to tell me that, I know I should be fucking grateful for what I do have...but its like man, who cares that the grass is always greener, cause im where I fucking am and I feel like shit.

I just need to somehow attain that drive, or motivation, or whatever you want to call it, but I dont know how, and I feel like I need to fall really low before I get it...

And I really am fucking suicidal, i've been researching ways on how to do it....I know I probably wont, but theres some solace in the fact that I can. Last night I called the suicide prevention hotline and spoke to some one there.

I dont fucking know anymore.

[MharcI]

Bruv, take it easy. Start up a blog or something.

Look, I'm pretty much the exact same age as you (turning 20 in 2 weeks), and honestly, I've felt pretty much EVERYTHING you've described in your post above. Like literally EVERYTHING. And I'm sure everyone around this age has felt the same shit too.

YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU ARE NOT SINGULAR IN YOUR FEELINGS.

(I, for one, would never commit suicide though. That's just fucking weak, plus I don't want to put that sort of burden/pain on my family/close friends.)

I've actually written a lot of responses to your posts before but I've deleted all of them because I know that you'll probably just brush whatever anyone says to you aside.

Nonetheless, my advice is to hit the gym, go exercise, go for a morning run. Seriously, the best anti-depressant is exercise. Keep yourself occupied, it'll get your mind off things. I find myself the most depressed when I'm at home laying around doing nothing. I think up of the most depressing shit when I'm alone with my thoughts. But the next morning, it's always a new day and all my inhibitions just melt away.

And I recognize that man, I reiterate it more than once that I in a way feel stupid for feeling like this, and in a lot of ways its unwarranted. I just cant shake the feeling.

[Augustus]

Im assuming the girl broke it off? Does she know how you feel atm?

[bryanayrb]

And I really am fucking suicidal, i've been researching ways on how to do it....I know I probably wont, but theres some solace in the fact that I can. Last night I called the suicide prevention hotline and spoke to some one there.

I dont fucking know anymore.

just relax

[MharcI]

Actually I broke it off, but just because I knew shit was dying. I know its the right choice, and she actually messaged me the other day saying she misses the good stuff about us.

But that relationship is over and done with. I want nothing to do with her...not for a little while anyway. Distance is the best cure.

[broneck]

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”

If you're truly suicidal (and you probably are, as I imagine you're not coming to a group of mostly-strangers with this confession in order to seem brooding and dark), then the problem isn't all the shit that everyone deals with - it's you.

Yes, everyone loses their job, or a girlfriend, or friends...the difference is the way your mind copes with these things.

That quote is from David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest." The man killed himself at the height of his life, not the trough. If you're depressed (not just sad, depressed), dealing with all the "normal shit" that life gives you is 10000x harder, so no I don't think you're a pussy - but you're definitely coming to the wrong people for advice. The people on this board don't empathize because they can''t. No one giving you advice has felt the flames coming toward them.

Don't kill yourself. Tell the most important people in your life that you feel this way, and that you need their support to move past it. Hopefully it gets better.

[syed]

1 in 3 adults require help from mental healthcare services at some point in their life. There are people who understand what you're going through and can help you through it. Most of all you need to find someone to talk to. Not on the internet, but a family member, a friend, heck even a stranger. Talk out your frustrations and feelings, it helps. Better yet see a professional and hopefully learn to cope through what I am sure is an absolutely dreadful situation. But please, don't give up.

[ke1]

Rep wouldn't even come close to doing Clopek justice.

[ohsnap]

no offense, but let's be as blunt as possible here.

mharcl, you're not going to commit suicide. why's that? because almost everything you wrote in that post describes me last month. i've been in your spot. you and i are the same age. whereas you find solace in the possibility of killing yourself, i find solace in the possibility of me finally figuring shit out and paving my own way. i honestly yearn to know where i will be 5 months or 5 years from now.

you are not alone, brobocop. i look back at the guy i was in june. i fucking hate him; he was a bitch who needed some drama in his life in order to feel any sense of worth. guess what? i took that guy out back and shot him. that guy is not me. that guy is not you. you know this, i know you know this, and you need to keep pushing.

wallowing in sadness is not getting you anywhere. your ex is gone? so what? you need to re-evaluate what is important to you.

keep #based.

[boy better know]

i'll add this: we become what we think about

edit: ie attitude makes all the difference

[DüM]

IdQOHPG-z58

[wrong_move]

i've been generally mopey the past few years and thought that i hit the proverbial rock bottom more than a couple of times

recently read this book

and started working out regularly. now, the only time i get depressed is when i remember that i have to start paying back my student loans in the fall

i didn't want to get heavy on this subject, so there

[wrong_move]

squat your sadness away~

[jayrock]

i've been generally mopey the past few years and thought that i hit the proverbial rock bottom more than a couple of times

recently read this book

and started working out regularly. now, the only time i get depressed is when i remember that i have to start paying back my student loans in the fall

i didn't want to get heavy on this subject, so there

good book. i really liked that routine when i was doing it for awhile, but i couldn't keep up with the food requirements and i fucked my back up so i'm off the squats

[Lozinski]

Oh my god barbell training is by far the best training possible.

On a lighter note, if you don't regularly exercise, consider becoming more active. It truly helps the mood and also allows you to meet people depending on what you're doing.

Oh and it also gives you an opportunity to take out some frustration!

[wrong_move]

My back's a lot better now thankfully but going heavy on deadlifts and bent rows still give me a scare. But yeah knowing that you're in shape really does make you feel good about yourself

[xerrox]

I just started doing squats and I love it. I'm still a scrawny fuck, but at least there's some definition now instead of just skin and bones. Feels great.

[gfunkdocta]

Mharcl, if you're contemplating Suicide, you are either taking too many pills or drinking too much alcohol. Nothing in life is that bad where you have to take your own life.Get over yourself, and grow up. I have to go to jail for a while pretty soon,(up to 2 years) and this aint nowhere near an option. The only time i thought i wanted to die I was on Xanax tripping. I'm from Aruba, and have had a WAY WORSE life than 99.9 percent of Superfuture. (probably the whole 100 %) Not only where we poor, but my mom was 16 when she had me. She didnt have the patience to raise a kid being one herself. She would whoop my @$$ for any LITTLE thing I did. (not spank, whoop me like a grown person, with hands) I had to do all the chores in my house, from my room, Living room, kitchen, bathrooms, trash duty, yardwork, wash dishes, wash ALL clothes, dry clothes, fold clothes, and put them where they belong. Back to being broke, one year I got a 12 pack of Brisk Iced Tea for Christmas (favorite drink at the time.) Been kicked out of every school in my life damn near. Basically all I'm saying is that We have all had it rough, Pain should make you a bigger and better man, not break you down. If you feel like dying you are way too emotional. This aint even a 100th of my story, too many bad things went on in my life, I Just keep on Gunnin'

[dovo]

Yeah Mharcl, pretty much what everyone else said.

We all have times were things aren't appearing to get better. I actually just went through that. And I found that no one can really help you but YOURSELF. I mean you can go to counseling, call hotlines, tell friends, tell random dudes on the internet but everything these people do or tell you arent going to do shit until you decide you want a change. That will just take some growing up and you have a ton of life ahead of you.

And like alot of people have been saying, get up and start doing things. I started working out, working more, doing small projects, reading and a host of other random shit and it really helps take your mind off of things and it also helps to find out a little more about yourself. Life is going to have its ups and downs but thats all apart of life man. Suicide should never be an option. And I know that things seem to be in the shit right now (and like Clopek said, only you really know what youre personally going through) but things will get better if you allow them too.

Good luck man, don't give up. I hope things turn around for you and that everything works out.

[broneck]

i really hope mharcl didn't kill himself