Djrajio Dating Thread/Advice Column

[pita bread]

She tells me she loves, she tells me that she really cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me, she tells me she doesn't want to see other people, but at the same time she tells me that she doesn't know if she wants to be with and that we need "time apart."

what the fuck does this mean, and do I just give her the space she seemingly wants and wait for her to reach out to me, or like after a week should I call her?

make it seem like you have a life / make yourself less available and she will be begging for you back in no time.

you can do this by living for yourself as often suggested here, or by playing games. i'd hope you choose the former because it can lead to self growth or just some damn good times, but either should get the same reaction from her.

in the end girls just want what they can't have.

[phen3N]

i would treat it like a breakup and get on with your life. enjoy it without her, that way whether or not she comes back, youll be happy

PS lets get some more success stories in this thread

[american_hearts]

She tells me she loves, she tells me that she really cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me, she tells me she doesn't want to see other people, but at the same time she tells me that she doesn't know if she wants to be with and that we need "time apart."

what the fuck does this mean, and do I just give her the space she seemingly wants and wait for her to reach out to me, or like after a week should I call her?

she does not want you to call her. if you do, the best case scenario is she will placate you. the worst case scenario is she will grow to despise you.

leave her alone. you two are not on the same level. do you think she is feeling what you're feeling? if the answer is 'no,' then save yourself the heartache and move on.

[american_hearts]

I only say this because I have been where it sounds like you are. If I come off sounding annoyed, it is with my past self -- not with you. You seem like the kind of person that, even though you're letting this feeling control you, you ultimately know better.

Use your head. Please.

[arem]

She tells me she loves, she tells me that she really cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me, she tells me she doesn't want to see other people, but at the same time she tells me that she doesn't know if she wants to be with and that we need "time apart."

what the fuck does this mean, and do I just give her the space she seemingly wants and wait for her to reach out to me, or like after a week should I call her?

She doesn't want you romantically, but doesn't want the responsibility of being the bad guy and hurting you. Don't give her that kind of power over you. Have some dignity and walk away instead of living in hope for something that won't happen with any woman until you show some balls.

[MharcI]

I feel like what everyone said is the absolute truth, especially American hearts, one part of me really wants her back, but the other kinda knows it's not a good idea in itself.

I won't call her, i'm going to act as if were over, which I'm telling myself we effectively are, if she comes back, good, I'll decide then, otherwise I'm going to live for myself for now.

[Phyziks]

Girls like stringing guys along. They like to have options. Even if they don't want a relationship and they know you do, they will still keep you around and lead you on. The good news is, not every girl is like this. If you feel like you're putting in more than you're getting, it's time to move on. A relationship will never work if only one person is working towards it. Even if you're giving 100%, it's still only 50% of total effort.

There are way too many girls out there to stay fixated on one. I'm not saying be a player, but you need to find a girl that deserves the effort you're putting in. If it doesn't work out, fine. Move on. No problem.

[MharcI]

Im going too. Shit is fucking tough though, it really is.

I feel sluggish and slow, and nothing seems real. Maybe im being a serious bitch, but blah.

What if she never calls?

[riotC]

then move on .

many many fishes out there

[MharcI]

What if i want my shit back?

ahaha, just being difficult.

but seriously, what if i want my shit back

[arem]

It sucks but as the saying goes, charge it to the game. Be more careful who you give your shit to in the future.

[american_hearts]

Of course you want your stuff back. Who wouldn't? But be honest with yourself. If you want a socially acceptable excuse for making contact with her MORE than you want your stuff, then you are in no condition to handle this type of exchange right now.

[fobsquad]

pick it up the morning after you sleep with her sister/roommate/housemate/mom (5)

[RandR]

What if i want my shit back?

ahaha, just being difficult.

but seriously, what if i want my shit back

I've gotten my stuff back before from exes. Just ask her to bring whatever you need to your house or something and leave it in front, or leave it with your roommate or something. Tell her you won't be there, and then just leave and go do something else. When you get home, your stuff will be there and you will have avoided any crucial awkwardness.

Sometimes this is okay - like when the girl has something of sentimental value of yours. Other times, just cut and run because it isn't worth the hassle. It's specific to each situation.

[american_hearts]

Sure, but she hasn't even said anything about breaking up. Do you think he wants to call her and ask her to "drop my stuff off in front of the house" like a drama queen?

[Concerned Parent]

Here's the dating advice template.

1. (insert something specific about this person's problem; i.e get your stuff back)

2. Ignore her

3. Live your life

4. Game other girls.

Overthinking this shit is just going to make you miserable... because A. you'll mope around about it, B. as a result, she doesn't want you back, which leads to C. you'll mope about it more... ad nauseum.

[MharcI]

Sure, but she hasn't even said anything about breaking up. Do you think he wants to call her and ask her to "drop my stuff off in front of the house" like a drama queen?

This is so true, she hasn't said anything about breaking up... I mean she is supposed to get back to me with a decision, I think that is assumed.. But how long should I wait. If like a month goes by, should I contact her?

[fobsquad]

^truth for dealing with breakups/rejection, but let's get back on topic.

no more "____ happened, how do i go on with life?"

and some more "so there's this beezy i know, how do i get her to _____ without having to _____?"

i'll start:

so there's this beezy i've known for about 4 years now. she's pretty shy and basically her only friends are family and one of my social groups (0). within this past year, i've hooked up w/ her a few times in drunken stupors. after the first two times, i've gotten over the fact that it was just the booze. all that aside, i still wouldn't mind having her as a gf cause she's still a good girl and all that. the problem is, i've never really chilled with her 1on1.

so how do i ask this girl out to hang without making it seem date-ish. cuz i know she's got no problem watching a movie or anything w/ me unless she's not free. but i also don't want to have to go through the "formalities" of a date with dinner and all that.

i just wanna get to know her better...outside of our circle of friends. kna mean?

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

^ agreed. Someone help fobsquad and myself out.

So there's this fucking sexy ass girl that I've seen in my university for two years. She's so out of my league, physically speaking. I know nothing about the girl other than that she hot and a pharmacy major.

So I'm thinking of trying to get with her within the next three years. If anyone gives good advice to win her, it'd be greatly appreciated!

I just want a date or something. Girl is supermodel status.

[fobsquad]

But how long should I wait. If like a month goes by, should I contact her?

have you not learned anything? DONT WAIT.

if you are, at least PRETEND that you didn't.

when she finally gets back to you, act surprised like "oh yeah!, what about it?"

let's put it this way, she is either:

a) on her own forum, crying to her bitches about what she should with this *great guy*, contemplating

moved on to other guy(s)

if it's a), showing her you don't care will make her think SHE is the one losing YOU, although everyone here knows the opposite is true.

if it's , she was using you the whole time. you MUST fuck her mom/sister/best friend in return

[american_hearts]

Listen – she wants to call it off, but she also doesn’t want to feel responsible for hurting you. I know she’s being selfish by postponing the talk (or avoiding it completely), but if you want to stay glass-half-full, then feel fortunate you fell for someone who has some semblance of a heart and conscience. Take that for what it is and just try to cut your losses.

I’ll throw my own money down that she will feel uncomfortable (she sounds like she has some sense of decency) and eventually reach out to you for closure – but try not to attach too much importance to that, because it may not come. Be okay with that.

Get your stuff back when you can't for the life of you even remember how it was to feel the way you do right now. That comes with time, but there is no set amount of time. You know all this, I think.

[MharcI]

Yeah... I do. Fuck

[MharcI]

But in any case, you guys think there realistically is zero chance shell come back?

[american_hearts]

if it's a), showing her you don't care will make her think SHE is the one losing YOU, although everyone here knows the opposite is true.

if it's , she was using you the whole time. you MUST fuck her mom/sister/best friend in return

a. yes, if she is an idiot.

b. seriously, the grown-ups are talking.

I won't even get into this 'pretend you feel this-or-that' theory. Unless you are great at pretending, it will smell SAD and PATHETIC.

He is figuring out how to deal with losing someone he cares about. He is not trying to get his god damn DICK WET.

And if you point to that like "yes, that. that! that's the PROBLEM!" well, then... look, you and Patrick Bateman do not have as much in common as you wish you did, I promise you that.

[MharcI]

So no chance of her coming back?

[american_hearts]

If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you right now, and on your level. You will have to take that information and understand what it means. There isn’t “zero chance,” but – let’s say it’s the lottery. There is not zero chance that you could win the lottery. Certainly, it’s possible, but it’s not likely. I’m not saying your odds are the same; I’m saying that you don’t even have the benefit of knowing the odds.

Maybe she will. Maybe she won’t. The in-between scenario? She will come back; partly due to her feelings for you, but also partly out of guilt for hurting you. You will stay together for a few months -- half a year if you’re lucky. But the same reasons she wanted to leave in the first place will still be there. They’ve been there the whole time. It will end again. You will feel this way again.

[MharcI]

To be honest you're not telling me anything I don't know. I know all of this, it's just hard to tell it to yourself...

Now the question is how to begin to get over it?

[fobsquad]

Here's the dating advice template.

1. (insert something specific about this person's problem; i.e get your stuff back)

2. Ignore her

3. Live your life

4. Game other girls.

Overthinking this shit is just going to make you miserable... because A. you'll mope around about it, B. as a result, she doesn't want you back, which leads to C. you'll mope about it more... ad nauseum.

step 3, Mharcl. rinse, repeat.

[Guest jbone45]

Now the question is how to begin to get over it?

First step...grow a pair.

[newaesthetic]

Now the question is how to begin to get over it?

The easiest way is to stop thinking about how to get over it. You'll think about it less and less each day, until you really have to struggle to imagine being as hung up on it as you've been. Then you'll wish you could travel back and tell freshly-single you to stop giving a fuck and go live life.

It sucks at first, but the feeling will pass.