today's news

[chantheman]

everyones standing around like "what the f"

[sybaritical]

Russian farmer sentenced for planting landmines to deter potato thieves.

[sybaritical]

Unpaid German meat supplier repossesses diners' steaks.

[Chicken]

Russian farmer sentenced for planting landmines to deter potato thieves.

you know, it was his property. nobody had any business in his property.

Unpaid German meat supplier repossesses diners' steaks.

you know, it was his meat, until it was paid for.

[Knugget]

'>a hiker found a body on uci.

smells like homicide and i thought uci was supposed to be safe.

[sybaritical]

*tumbleweeds*

Moving swiftly on ...

A salvo of unencumbered tardation from two prominent men in separate yet equally volatile holiday destinations:

World leader says homosexuality caused by eating chicken.

Iranian cleric says promiscuous women to blame for earthquakes

[Chicken]

^ another reason not to eat chicken.

many of you here probably don't even know what these things are:

Sony to stop manufacturing Floppy discs after 30 years

[redX]

i remember back when games were like 10 floppy discs, crazy shit

[jasutek]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/04/AR2010050401989.html

to g35 drivers!!!

[6ixes&7evens]

AN alleged pervert from Wales is accused of possessing a photo of a man having sex with a squid.

Andrew Dymond, 46, was arrested after police allegedly found a stash of porn on his home computer, The Sun reported.

He was charged with possessing "an extreme pornographic image which portrayed in an explicit and realistic way a person performing an act of intercourse with a dead animal, namely a squid, which was grossly offensive, disgusting or of obscene character".

Prosecutors amended the charge when it was admitted it could have been an octopus in the picture.

The magistrates court in Swansea, southern Wales, heard the sea creature was clearly dead when the man was pictured having sexual intercourse with it.

Dymond was also accused of possessing photographs of people having sex with dogs and horses, and faced 14 charges of making indecent images of children.

Swansea magistrates committed him to stand trial at a later date.

He was given bail on condition he does not access the internet or have any contact with a child under the age of 16.

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/british-man-in-court-over-pornographic-sex-squid-snap/story-e6frfku0-1225865763136

[6ixes&7evens]

A tourist's holiday skinny dip turned sour after he was reportedly bitten on the penis by a venomous spider.

The 22-year-old Canadian fell asleep in the sand dunes after swimming nude at a beach in New Zealand's far north.

He woke to find his penis swollen and painful, with a bite mark on the shaft, news agency NZPA reported.

The case was covered today in the NZ Medical Journal after the man recorded the first known case of myocarditis, or heart inflammation, caused by a spider bite.

Nigel Harrison wrote in the journal that the man had been bitten by a venomous katipo spider, which live in New Zealand sand dunes and attack only in self-defence.

"He woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite," Dr Harrison said in his report.

"He rapidly developed generalised muscle pains, fever, headache, photophobia [light sensitivity] and vomiting."

By the time the man reached Dargaville Hospital, his penis was severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing, NZPA said.

When chest pain and other symptoms developed the next morning, doctors presumed he had been bitten by a katipo.

The man was given anti-venom but his heart problems persisted.

He was treated at Whangarei and Auckland hospitals before he returned to Canada, the report said.

The katipo, a Maori word meaning "night-stinger", is an endangered species of spider native to New Zealand.

Katipos are related to Australian redbacks and North American black widow spiders.

Bites are rare but - The Encyclopedia of New Zealand reports - can cause agonising pain that develops and spreads within a few minutes.

This is often accompanied by profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, vomiting, convulsions, and other effects, the encyclopedia says.

http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/incywincy-spider-causes-world-of-pain-for-skinnydipping-tourist-20100514-v2hb.html

[sybaritical]

Desperate man tweets for toilet paper from Japanese electronic store

[6ixes&7evens]

An amorous kangaroo looking for love has been stalking women in Australia’s Top End.

Police in the Northern Territory have received reports of a lustful kangaroo hanging around a walking track at the Honeymoon Ranges, near the township of Tennant Creek, popular with bushwalkers and joggers.

One woman recounted her terror when the kangaroo, which she said was obviously aroused, followed her as she went for a morning walk along a bike track.

Realising that she was being followed, the woman turned around and found the lovelorn animal staring at her.

“I turned around and saw this big kangaroo behind me, so I hastened my steps,†the woman told the Northern Territory News.

“It seemed a bit odd, but I continued walking and didn’t think much about it. On my return walk he was there waiting for me. With his male pride on full alert, he started circling me.

“There was no doubt about what he wanted, the randy old thing. It was a huge kangaroo and quite intimidating.â€

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article7126055.ece

[Chicken]

Desperate man tweets for toilet paper from Japanese electronic store

glad it worked. i should remember this technique in the future. hopefully, it won't be my friend with a camera showing up when it happens, though.

An amorous kangaroo looking for love has been stalking women in Australia’s Top End.

they should send this horny kangaroo to the squid sex guy. case closed.

[tweeds]

http://www.smh.com.au/...

#smh for real

[Magsåvningsreserven]

where is your god now?

[Bona Drag]

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/27/world/americas/27jamaica.html?hp

whats the over/under on rapper namechecks of this du from here on out

[cyberPUNK]

my guess would be in the neighborhood of 1/99999999999

[Chicken]

looks like i have to go and get myself a 3-D TV, too:

Porn Stars in 3-D Lure Consumers to New Sony, Panasonic TVs

[sybaritical]

Rare SA Vulture under threat from brain smoking football gamblers.

[Chicken]

child fan drinks beer at ballgame

ahh, it's always sunny in philadelphia.

[sybaritical]

Philadelphia got nothing on Scotland.

The scots go the extra mile.

[chantheman]

meg whitman. trying to buy her way to the CA governors seat

[sybaritical]

Prison inmate packs rectum with impressive amount of contraband.

[Chicken]

[6ixes&7evens]

A drunk driver was sentenced to 18 months in jail Tuesday for a crash in Gaithersburg that injured a retired judge who, 11 years earlier in a different drunken-driving case, had spared the man jail time.

Rene Fernandez, 45, will serve his time at the Montgomery County jail and likely be released in 13 to 15 months, prosecutors said.

Last year, while driving with a blood-alcohol level more than twice the legal limit at 3 in the afternoon, the Gaithersburg man swerved into oncoming traffic and plowed his Chevy Tahoe into a Honda Accord carrying Edwin and Ellen Collier.

The case is filled with tragedy and irony.

The former was on display Tuesday, during a hearing in which one of the Colliers' sons, John, spoke at length about how the wreck has turned his parents' life upside down. His mother, who was 81 at the time of the crash, almost died.

And while his father had retired as a full-time member of the bench, he regularly returned to handle dockets, his son pointed out.

"He had worked right up until the accident," Collier said in court, adding that his father would be working today had it not been for the wreck.

His father, 85 when the crash occurred on Aug. 21, 2009, suffered fractured ribs and a broken leg. He uses a cane, and every step is painful, Collier said.

His mother, who enjoyed walking so much that she would sometimes walk 1 1/2 miles to a restaurant to meet her friends (who would drive to the restaurant), now uses a walker. When she goes to the grocery store, Edwin Collier goes in to get the items. "Mom doesn't even get out of the car," John Collier said.

Under an April agreement, Fernandez had pleaded guilty to one count of causing a life-threatening injury while intoxicated. Prosecutors said the maximum sentence was three years' imprisonment.

Montgomery County Circuit Court Judge John W. Debelius III sentenced Fernandez to three years but suspended half of it. That means he will serve his time locally instead of in a state prison, prosecutors said. But because of the way the state parole system works, Fernandez might have a longer stay behind bars than if he had been given three years in the state system.

Fernandez was a lawful permanent resident at the time of the wreck, according to his attorney. The conviction might make him eligible for deportation, but that will be handled in later proceedings.

In 1998, Fernandez appeared before two Montgomery judges on separate drunken-driving charges. He pleaded guilty in both cases. The first judge sentenced him to probation before judgment, in which the matter is not treated as a conviction. The second judge, Collier, sentenced Fernandez to 60 days in jail but suspended the term.

Fernandez's attorney, John Severt, said in court that his client is an alcoholic who no longer drinks, is committed to staying sober and is a hardworking member of the community.

Fernandez spoke briefly, saying that the crash has been a nightmare and that he is very sorry for the Colliers.

"Since then, I asked the Lord to help this beautiful family," he said. "And I hope that it never happens to anybody. That was not my intention."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/08/AR2010060805058.html

[Chicken]

^ some things, you really don't want them to come back around. what a horrible karma.

japanese denim fans might have to learn some new etiquette next time they are in japan:

japanese men are beginning to sit to pee.

[Chicken]

i have a feeling more people will attend church in america, for example, if people were this serious about about their gospel:

S. African killed by wife, kids in TV spat

[sybaritical]

Best. Headline. Ever.

[zenii]

Oil Cap Removed: Oil Spill Now Gushing Uncheckedl

Tens of thousands of gallons more oil gushed into the Gulf of Mexico on Wednesday after an undersea robot bumped a venting system, forcing BP to remove the cap that had been containing some of the crude.

When the robot bumped the system just before 10 a.m. Wednesday, gas rose through the vent that carries warm water down to prevent ice-like crystals from forming, Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen said.

Crews were checking to see if crystals had formed before putting it back on. BP spokesman Bill Salvin could not say how long that might take.

"We're doing it as quickly as possible," he said.

Before the problem with the containment cap, it had collected about 700,000 gallons of oil in 24 hours and sucked it up to a ship on the surface. That's oil that's now pouring into the Gulf. Another 438,000 gallons was burned on the surface by a different system that was not affected by the issue with the cap.

The current worst-case estimate of what's spewing into the Gulf is about 2.5 million gallons a day. Anywhere from 67 million to 127 million gallons have spilled since the April 20 explosion on the Deepwater Horizon rig that killed 11 workers and blew out the well 5,000 feet underwater. BP PLC was leasing the rig from owner Transocean Ltd.

The Obama administration was plotting its next steps Wednesday after U.S. District Judge Martin Feldman in New Orleans overturned a moratorium on new drilling, saying the government simply assumed that because one rig exploded, the others pose an imminent danger, too.

Feldman, appointed by President Ronald Reagan in 1983, has reported extensive investments in the oil and gas industry, including owning less than $15,000 of Transocean stock, according to financial disclosure reports for 2008, the most recent available. He did not return calls for comment on his investments.

SMH is all I can say...