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I'm not sure whats happening..

 

For the past couple months i've been feeling on the low. Waking up feeling worthless and pathetic. I don't know what other words to use, or if I should even be posting in this thread. Its really strange because this summer has been very rewarding to me: show opportunities, new experiences, even got a girl i've been seeing regularly. I can't get out of this funk.

 

I have a knack of not telling my close friends about stuff like this. I don't want them to worry about me. 

Edited by tac0tron

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Been really depressed about my life for the past five months or so. I just entered my second year of college and I've made almost no friends that I can call close. Also broke up with my girlfriend of 3+ years about a week ago because I know for a fact it's not going to go anywhere. So here I am, feeling pathetic about myself trying to get through college with no friends, no support, and no one to talk to. No matter how hard I try to make friends or put myself out there, I always have end up having anxiety/panic attacks. I feel like I'm always going to be alone. Like I'm just going to go through college unfulfilled and enter the professional world miserable.

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playgfordisabled, don't put so much pressure on yourself to make friends, ok?

 

let it come naturally, organically, smoothly, etc. that way you'll make it last forever--friendship never ends.

 

but at least you're trying, you're giving and participating--because for most other people taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.

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On top of the regular feeling like shit I realized I slip into EXTREME depression when people flake on me

 

Friend asked if I wanted to hang out then stood me up around 5pm today it's 4am and I've literally been sitting in my room the past 11 hours not doing anything and feeling beyond shitty like I'm about to go insane, constantly checking forums and websites every few seconds non stop

 

Everything about the world feels fucking wrong and disgusting fuck I can't handle this

 

same problem man, feels like people dont like me and i start overthinking stuff like they dont wanna hang out with etc why should i even bother to get in touch with people. I need to find a way to get out of this funk man

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I'm not sure whats happening..

 

For the past couple months i've been feeling on the low. Waking up feeling worthless and pathetic. I don't know what other words to use, or if I should even be posting in this thread. Its really strange because this summer has been very rewarding to me: show opportunities, new experiences, even got a girl i've been seeing regularly. I can't get out of this funk.

 

I have a knack of not telling my close friends about stuff like this. I don't want them to worry about me. 

Is it the fear that it all falls away ?? I know it's easier said then done but start living in the moment a bit more..Enjoy the good things that are coming to you.  It seems like it is coming your way ..There is enough time  left to worry and mope about the bad things .. and to get it in balance..

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My life is spiralling out of control and I feel miserable. I'm almost one year behind in my engineering degree, have shit grades(don't even know how the fuck I'll get an internship), zero social skills and people probably assume I'm unfriendly/can't speak English because of my shit social skills. My SA is killing me and in an unfamiliar situation all I can do is smile awkwardly and literally feel like I want to run back home and I spend too much time lying in bed just sleeping or browsing the Internet. I think my brain has rotted away because I literally feel dumb as fuck in comparison to three years ago. Like seriously, I go through some days feeling like I'm in a drug-induced stupor and I seem to take an awfully long time to grasp an easy concept. I feel like the only happiness I seem to get is binge-browsing Internet fashion forums and watching stupid shit. I went to see the school-therapist for a while but she's useless as hell. I'm gonna sell off some stuff and see a doc/hopefully get meds instead.

I know this sounds lame and probably already proposed by your school therapist but have you thought about getting a bike ?
It still is my mode of escape when I want to run away from everything but gets me back a bit more focussed and ready for tasks that lay ahead..

I am having troubles getting myself motivated for my long term goals lately. I have been quite well doing short term stuff along the way but that is where I seem to wander off the track off when to get to my long term goals. They're things that need to be done but not helping in my long term vision. Sort life is happening while you are making plans stuff. Any tips to get my shit back in gear?? It is getting me down a bit Edited by aso2004

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"But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back.  A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn't going to work.
"

Read this.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.de/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

and this.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.de/search?updated-max=2013-10-02T14:53:00-06:00&max-results=10

 

It made me feel a little less miserable and hopeless whenever I was in the worst condition.

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After about a year I think I'm in the clear (for now)

 

Sometimes I think I'm going insane but the difference now is I let everyone know

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Having the presence of mind to realize that you're not doing well, and being able to let the people around you know what's going on, is a big thing... Sounds like you're doing pretty good.

That's become a big thing for me... Realizing when I'm not doing well, and being able to realize what is a symptom of whatever crazyness my brain is throwing at me, and what is really going on. Being able to realize that when I feel things are hopeless, when I feel worthless, it's just a symptom of the disorder. Being able to rationalize it like that helps me get through it. It doesn't stop the feelings and thought from happening... But nothing will. It's all about learing to live around whatever your brain throws at you.

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Exactly. Being able to recognize the severe mood swings for what they are and finding positive ways to cope--for yourself, at least--is the most important part of the struggle. Friends and family might not understand at first, but you can't get bogged down in what others might be thinking. Gotta be selfish sometimes...

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Deleted my instagram a while back and noticed I overall feel happier and focused (not saying it's direct causation but "lifestyle porn" doesn't help). Just deleted my Facebook too after realizing I'm usually pissed off after reading through my newsfeed and it felt like taking a weight off of my chest. 

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lost my medicaid when my son started getting ssi for his bi-polar... so when i went to refill my scripts about 2 weeks ago it got denied.  not having the cash to pay for it i just didn't take my lamictal... its been a rough two weeks... within about 4 days i noticed my mood shifting to a more depressive state... concentration was gone, shit was hopeless, and i was irritable as fuck. wednesday i started feeling manic, full of energy, didn't need to eat, and spent probably 5 hours looking at vintage boots on ebay. i knew i had to get it refilled.

 

its funny... when I'm taking my meds, lithium and lamictal, i don't even notice them doing anything... i just feel normal and clear headed... its only when i stop taking them i realize how quickly i start to feel shitty, which was normal for me for a long time. weed helps... always has... but only to an extent.

 

modified my student loans so i can stress about that money a few years for now and i got my shit refilled. hopefully ill be back to normal by finals week next week.

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my anxiety has been out of control for the last 6mths, i think it's time go to back on medication. :(

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does anyone have tips on how to meet people in a new city? i don't really like partying/getting drunk and it seems like that's all people my age (young 20s) want to do on the weekends. i think the lack of a fulfilling social life is a big part of my depression. 

Edited by littlemike

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Volunteer for charity or similar work, visit some events(art galleries, modelkit conventions, readings or even the gym) or about any shit you're passionate about on your own and look for people who are on their own, too. Talk up some people. You'll never know who'll stick around so dont be shy.

 

Just remember everyone's looking for friends and people to get along with, not just you.

It's not like they've got a list in their head that says 'nope, full'.

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Exactly... Whatever you're into, someone else where you live is too. Going out to bars and shit like that is actually a horrible place to meet friends.... Something that you can do sober is always better. For me it's always been skateboarding, which goes against the whole sober thing, but still...

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Having the presence of mind to realize that you're not doing well, and being able to let the people around you know what's going on, is a big thing... Sounds like you're doing pretty good.

That's become a big thing for me... Realizing when I'm not doing well, and being able to realize what is a symptom of whatever crazyness my brain is throwing at me, and what is really going on. Being able to realize that when I feel things are hopeless, when I feel worthless, it's just a symptom of the disorder. Being able to rationalize it like that helps me get through it. It doesn't stop the feelings and thought from happening... But nothing will. It's all about learing to live around whatever your brain throws at you.

^^+1^^ for self- awareness. when I get too deep into a negative-thinking cycle, I try to interrupt it: i take some deep breaths and remind myself that I AM not the emotions.

it's usually my old thought patterns taking over, and instead it's a good choice to be gentle with myself and step back from "becoming" the emotions. i see an MFT regularly, not a psychiatrist, and feel that she is helping to support me in a much broader way than i could expect a friend to be able to do. i did not have a lot of emotional support and positivity when i was a kid, but sometimes this can be made up for later--and it feels good.

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does anyone have tips on how to meet people in a new city? i don't really like partying/getting drunk and it seems like that's all people my age (young 20s) want to do on the weekends. i think the lack of a fulfilling social life is a big part of my depression. 

 

Shared activities.

  From trivia nights, to any kind of athletics, volunteering at doggy shelter is always good things too.  But at the same time, just passively showing up to these events won't get you anywhere.  You gotta throw yourself out there and just recognize that you'll get a lot of false leads and just keep trying. good luck :)

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thanks for the comments guys, i guess i just need to force myself to be more outgoing, instead of blending in.

 

 

does anyone here ever use meetup? been thinking of attending some as a way to meet people. 

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It's been over a year since I started talking medication for anxiety and depression and I finally feel like I'm at a point where I really have got my life back. 

 

As a sort of milestone celebration I did something I'd been wanting to do for a long time: I enrolled in this crazy intensive volunteer program for a suicide hotline. It's six months of training and then you commit to three hundred hours during the following year. They accepted me at the end of the interview, and I'm super excited to start. I really feel like it's something I'm going to be good at. 

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congrats timber, i work in a similar paid role now but it's more DV and child safety concerns as opposed to suicide (although it does come up every so often). very rewarding.

Edited by conqueror

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Turn out my depression is bipolar bear. Been sleeping for like 2-4 hrs everyday since I moved town,I've been going nuts at clothing stores and became part animal central for like 1.5 weeks. I have also been drinking like the whole day-ish and staying almost sober and waking up 2-4 hrs later. Manic episodes+jawnz I'd left behind+alcohol have not borne well for my renewed social life here

At least I saw a new doc today and updated him about the new changes.

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Turn out my depression is bipolar bear. Been sleeping for like 2-4 hrs everyday since I moved town,I've been going nuts at clothing stores and became part animal central for like 1.5 weeks. I have also been drinking like the whole day-ish and staying almost sober and waking up 2-4 hrs later. Manic episodes+jawnz I'd left behind+alcohol have not borne well for my renewed social life here

At least I saw a new doc today and updated him about the new changes.

 

ey man look, from the other evening where we hung out - you're a nice guy but you ain't helping yourself out. whatever it be you've got diagnosed depression or bipolar, you can take the medication go to the doctors grab any sort of external aid and support but the only aid that's gonna get you through this is internal. it's gotta' be you, thats the only person right now that's gonna help you out.

 

you're sleeping 2-4 hours a day man, no doctor needs to tell you that you're going to face some if that's what you submit yourself to on the daily. drinking ain't gonna' help either, you want to be in control not out of control. moreover, put that cash to good use, get regular meals. you're on summer break man, go for a run - you don't need a destination, just a journey. set your priorities right, these are the basic nescessities that you have to provide for yourself...sleep, food, physical activity. being on the road to good physical health might not sort out the other side of things but at the very least, you're going to have a good platform to work on.

 

have a good think about it. and if you ever need a running partner, man just give me a buzz.

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It's been over a year since I started talking medication for anxiety and depression and I finally feel like I'm at a point where I really have got my life back. 

 

As a sort of milestone celebration I did something I'd been wanting to do for a long time: I enrolled in this crazy intensive volunteer program for a suicide hotline. It's six months of training and then you commit to three hundred hours during the following year. They accepted me at the end of the interview, and I'm super excited to start. I really feel like it's something I'm going to be good at. 

 

this is awesome, good looks. 

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