superconfessional

[dismalfuture]

I've lost interest in this girl I've been seeing for a few months now, though she has begun to really cling a lot as of late and will come over once a week or so. Somehow I've not lost interest in browsing this website though, so more than a few mornings I've caught myself waking up earlier than her and sitting here at my desk smoking a cigarette and browsing new posts. I then try to hide the SF pane if she wakes up, but I think I maybe have shown her a couple pictures on here that I liked when I was drunk or something.... it'd be bad news if she was reading this right now... because of that, I feel safer knowing that she can't speak English that well....

I don't when I'll be able to but I hope to unload aforementioned girl soon, because I've met another girl last week that I feel some chemistry with. So far, we've only met for lunch once, but I feel like something big could come of this one, she'd probably change my life a lot too... first time I've felt like this about a girl in ages... Meanwhile I don't really have the nads to let the other one go yet, have always let girls do the breaking up with me in the past cos I'm spineless...

-Lately I have been enjoying cooking for myself as a means to blow some steam off, and use my ample free time to go out to the supermarket, and come home and cook up feasts, but I'm still rather depressed and without much of an appetite, and so I always cook way too much and end up having to throw it away. I especially hate eating leftovers because I'm so OCD about food, so I probably end up flushing $500 or more a month down the drain for the benefit of my cooking practice.

Meanwhile whenever I have girls over I can never be fucked to get off my can and cook anything for them. I haven't cooked for a guest in ages.

[showbiz00ditc]

craaaaaaaazy ex girlfriendddd

[red]

i went to school drunk today. wait i should post this on the are you drunk thread. i will later. my fingers are typing up a storm. theyre on fire. well almost.

i got even more smashed after school. ill post this on the drunk thread too. this is a quality post. its beautiful. aesthetically pleasing if you will. the lines. the colors. it belongs in the smithsonian.

i feel like writing a song but im too lazy. im still tipsy. like chingy.

goodbye. im headed for the waywt. the acronym is confusing. is acronym the right word?

[red]

wait. before i go there. i was going to say something. i forgot.

oh. now i remember. but now i dont feel like typing it.

to wawystaayta.

[Guest Airjamie]

I really hate when i go toshows and see some six foot monster motherfucker in a throwdown shirt trying to fight someone a third his size and probably half his age. This shit is just socially unacceptable.

[cheapmuthafukr]

ive decided to stop smoking herbs.... at least on a regular basis. for the longest time its just been my habit, but im realizing that i dont want to be the way i am when i smoke. it makes me very quiet, antisocial. i always thought that that is just how i am, but yesterday i realized that its not. i do like to talk. i do like to do things besides be high and chill. i do like to carry on good conversations with poeple who are not stoned.

so, it gonna be a rare treat now insted of what i do. i have a feeling im not gonna miss it at all.

[denimdestroyedmylife]

you are weirding me out, man. i've been cutting back a lot. realized that herb is cutting into my denim/clothing budget. herb just goes up in smoke and you've got nothing to show for it. i'll smoke if it's around, but shit is too expensive anyway. been smoking consistently for 10 years now and it is getting me nowhere. still love it. we can still be friends.

[cheapmuthafukr]

you are weirding me out, man. i've been cutting back a lot. realized that herb is cutting into my denim/clothing budget. herb just goes up in smoke and you've got nothing to show for it. i'll smoke if it's around, but shit is too expensive anyway. been smoking consistently for 10 years now and it is getting me nowhere. still love it. we can still be friends.

stop. seriously. dammit...

mods... ok... check this please, i need to know if im blacking out and posting as someone else... namely jon lennon up there.

[djrajio]

I've lost interest in this girl I've been seeing for a few months now, though she has begun to really cling a lot as of late and will come over once a week or so. Somehow I've not lost interest in browsing this website though, so more than a few mornings I've caught myself waking up earlier than her and sitting here at my desk smoking a cigarette and browsing new posts. I then try to hide the SF pane if she wakes up, but I think I maybe have shown her a couple pictures on here that I liked when I was drunk or something.... it'd be bad news if she was reading this right now... because of that, I feel safer knowing that she can't speak English that well....

I don't when I'll be able to but I hope to unload aforementioned girl soon, because I've met another girl last week that I feel some chemistry with. So far, we've only met for lunch once, but I feel like something big could come of this one, she'd probably change my life a lot too... first time I've felt like this about a girl in ages... Meanwhile I don't really have the nads to let the other one go yet, have always let girls do the breaking up with me in the past cos I'm spineless...

-Lately I have been enjoying cooking for myself as a means to blow some steam off, and use my ample free time to go out to the supermarket, and come home and cook up feasts, but I'm still rather depressed and without much of an appetite, and so I always cook way too much and end up having to throw it away. I especially hate eating leftovers because I'm so OCD about food, so I probably end up flushing $500 or more a month down the drain for the benefit of my cooking practice.

Meanwhile whenever I have girls over I can never be fucked to get off my can and cook anything for them. I haven't cooked for a guest in ages.

Dude. I totally understand how you feel man. It's been a year since I dumped my last gf. I personally think that if you are considering/feel its time to break up, you probably should have done it a long time ago. At the time I broke up with my ex, a part of me didn't want to cuz I thought she was perfect. Now looking back, I realize that I was just denying the flaws in the relationship and evidently it wasn't meant to be. Since then I've been through quite literally 30-40 girls. This is not an exaggeration and I'm not saying this to get cool points and to brag but I've come to slow realization that evidently women aren't going to make me happy and that I've got to be content with myself first. I'm starting to realize that the majority of women, at least to me, have no ambition and quite literally boring. I haven't really met a girl with a distinct personality, style, etc, that can relate to the type of experiences that I've had to deal with in my life. And as a ressult I've lost interest in a ton of girls and then I find a new one and think she's "the one" and go through the whole process again. It's draining. I thought sex and other stuff will make it better but it doesn't, so I've slowly been withdrawing and focusing on myself. I've been cooking a lot too and started working out like crazy. I dunno if its gonna make things better but it certainly has helped me save money...

[dismalfuture]

^ Yeah, I guess we're in the same boat. The girl I'm talking about dumping I never intended to be a keeper; she is one of the asides in my life.

I have about the same story to tell, except that I broke up with my one serious girlfriend two years ago. That girl kind of came and magically fell into my life perfectly and left me just as quickly and in a mess, so I've been kind of picking up still and spending the past two years figuring out what to do next.

To be completely honest, I came back to Seoul because we met and did our thing here, though she ended up back home in Tokyo after college and I had to finish up back in America. I kind of blindly came back because it was easy to fall into the offer of being able to wallow in my sorrows in the same places and I was at my lowest at the time so I kind of mindlessly came back. Now I obviously regret the decision to come here as it's done nothing but slow me down and trap me in heartbreak, and I hate living here to boot. I hated living here when we were together, but I just get drawn in...

I've got nothing to show for my past two years of being single besides a trail of girls in tears. I go into each one semi-earnest at least but they all fizzle shortly thereafter, there's about two more to be added to that pile soon. I like to think I'm not that bad of a human being because I try to treat them all well, but looking at it third person I'm probably a piece of shit.

It's been tough with this one girl because I've never felt bad about any of the other girls I've seen in my life, which is quite a few, so the one making me feel this low has really fucked with my head continuously.

At the moment I'm packing my stuff so I can move flats, but I'm finding all this exgf stuff and it's finally come time to toss it, it's fucking hard.

I have a lunch date with a girl tomorrow who I'm really into at the moment but I need to be honest and say that I'm into her because she resembles my exgf the most of any girl I've met in two years. I think if I can keep the cynicism out of it there might be some real potential.

[keri]

^honestly, I think this new gal business you have, attracted to her because she resembles your ex, is disgusting. Leading that girl to think that you like her when you really like an idea of someone else is cruel.

And I have no sympathy for the "a girl boke my heart, so I now have an excuse to be a man slut and make girls cry." That's cowardly, you're hiding from your problems, which you should be attacking head on. I would have no issue with it, but not only are you lying to and hurting yourself, you're lying to and hurting other people, and that's bull. And you might not even set out, oh lets make em cry, but you're so blinded by your need to lose yourself that you can't see you're being awful, which is just as bad or worse, cause that's pure selfishness.

[damnIam]

I quit a few month back and I don't miss it a bit. I was at work (the laundramat 2nd job) and went in the back a took a monster rip off my bullet and suddenly my heart starting beating like a jackhammer, I thought I was having a godamn heart attack. Waited a week and tried again, same fucking thing. So, I gave my bag to my roomate and swore off the stuff (been a fiend for about 15 years). I feel so much better now and have a lot more money. Best thing I ever did. I actually was able to quit the second job and I still have more money. ( I always smoked the $$$ high grade and that shit costs a grip). Fuck it, I am better for it. Good luck on quitting. Good man yourself!!

[dismalfuture]

To keri; I figured someone would post in regards to this, I should've put it another way or into more detail.

I'm not, or at least I think I'm not using people as bandages; I'm going into these realizing that one is done and that I ought to try something new, honestly. I don't expect anything from any of these girls from the outset, and they are finding their way to me because I don't play the dating game or haunt the pubs nightly.

This new girl I mentioned resembling my exgf, I'm not gonna end taking as a replacement, because my exgf is forgotten by now. I just meant that this girl has struck a chord inside of me that I haven't felt in a long while, and has the same agreeable traits as my previous exgf who I got on with so well. My exgf and I, we always got on right, never fought, and always had fun. I'm a month away from turning 25, and haven't felt like a girl was this special since perhaps I was 20 and still feeling like a kid.

You're probably half-right keri, as I do still need to do some introspection to fill myself back up. I just needed to paint a little bit of color into my previous post, which I admit was a bit black and white.

edit: on quitting, I did a few years ago and am happy with my decision. Smoking had escalated for me from catching a lift before or after school with my jr high friends to devoting myself to smoking far more than was necessary by college. By the time I quit I was having to give up hours of my days due to me being laid out and unproductive, most of what little money i had, and made my social life into these weak ties to people merely because we'd smoke together and do nothing else, it all became robotic and mindless. Life got a lot fresher after I changed scenery a bit and stopped smoking, haven't felt like lighting up since either.

[cheapmuthafukr]

I quit a few month back and I don't miss it a bit. I was at work (the laundramat 2nd job) and went in the back a took a monster rip off my bullet and suddenly my heart starting beating like a jackhammer, I thought I was having a godamn heart attack. Waited a week and tried again, same fucking thing. So, I gave my bag to my roomate and swore off the stuff (been a fiend for about 15 years). I feel so much better now and have a lot more money. Best thing I ever did. I actually was able to quit the second job and I still have more money. ( I always smoked the $$$ high grade and that shit costs a grip). Fuck it, I am better for it. Good luck on quitting. Good man yourself!!

yeah... i only smoke the high grade, and ill probably smoke it in social situations, but im not buying it anymore, and it is not gonna be my crutch anymore. i just realize i need to make some real changes in my life, and this is the start. if i can do this i know im gonna be fine.

[denimdestroyedmylife]

^ the thing that sucks is i don't listen to music half as much if i don't have smoke. plus, herb allows me to really focus on the bass parts when i'm listening to dub!

[damnIam]

^ the thing that sucks is i don't listen to music half as much if i don't have smoke. plus, herb allows me to really focus on the bass parts when i'm listening to dub!

I had a hard time enjoying things like movies and music after I quit and to be honest, I still do sometimes. It is a trade off I think. I find that I am reading alot more now and watching less television. I could never read high. I play my guitar more now instead of listening to music. I eat a shitload less junk food now for obvious reasons. I still have no moral qualms against herb, I think it is far better than alcohol. I just think my body can't really handle it anymore. Good luck on your changes CMF, I think you will be better for it and will miss it less and less as time goes by.

[jpgm]

i needed to go for a piss, but i thought the toilet was a boring option. i pissed alfresco style. it's a lovely night.

[damnIam]

Pissing Alfresco....always a refreshing option as long as it is not against the wind.

As I goes through my life

Two rules shall never bend

Never whittle toward yourself

Or pee against the wind

Or when in a boat

No matter how much

you jiggle or choke

the last few drops

go in the boat

[viv1984viv]

yeah... i only smoke the high grade, and ill probably smoke it in social situations, but im not buying it anymore, and it is not gonna be my crutch anymore. i just realize i need to make some real changes in my life, and this is the start. if i can do this i know im gonna be fine.

hey cheap I quit all that stuff smoking and drinking just over a year ago and im soooooo tempted to go back to my old ways, you find you have sooo much more cash when you stop.

God i dont know if i want to or not.

edit, yknow stopping isnt just gonna solve all your problems, apart from the obvious pros, more energy, focused etc its hard and when you have stopped for ages you just find something else to fill the hole, hopefully beneficial to you. Stopping doesnt make you calmer or happier, not nessesarily more social even. It does make you slightly less introspective and less selfish, with more empathy.

[cheapmuthafukr]

hey cheap I quit all that stuff smoking and drinking just over a year ago and im soooooo tempted to go back to my old ways, you find you have sooo much more cash when you stop.

God i dont know if i want to or not.

edit, yknow stopping isnt just gonna solve all your problems, apart from the obvious pros, more energy, focused etc its hard and when you have stopped for ages you just find something else to fill the hole, hopefully beneficial to you. Stopping doesnt make you calmer or happier, not nessesarily more social even. It does make you slightly less introspective and less selfish, with more empathy.

well... ive noticed that i am more social when i dont smoke. thats a big thing for me, because i always thought i was just antisocial, but i was just insecure. now im not so insecure, and when im not smoking i feel better about myself, in my mind....

ill still drink, but i dont really drink now anyways. smoking was an all day every day thing, and yeah, it was expensive. i was spending at least 200 a month on herbs.... i may not be such a cheap motherfucker now that i can free up that money.

[viv1984viv]

thats a good point, smoking certainly takes the extrovert side out of one, but I guess when everyones smoking its easy not to notice. The all day smoking is terrible but so easy to fall into, and if you smoke during the day you dont really want to do much other than smoke in the evening, I know its allways best or was (!) for me to smoke after a night out, not before.

[showbiz00ditc]

yea i love coming home from the bars all drunk n smoking a fatty

unless yur too drunk and smoke too much that when you go to lie down in bed you get the spins

[denimdestroyedmylife]

ugh. HATE the spins. hate it. uuuuugh.

[cheapmuthafukr]

ugh. HATE the spins. hate it. uuuuugh.

yeah... first time i got high i got the spins real bad... i had been drinking segrams 7 and fruit punch powerade, then smoked a bunch of dank. went back to my friends house, put on a skate vid, and some wu-tang, and the celing fan was on... the combination made me throw up all over his room.... everything was red.

[showbiz00ditc]

hahahaha yea thats fucked... one month i got the spins like everytime i drank n smoked in conjunction we'd order deep dish pizza... haha i think it was the pizza that put me over the edge... ive been fine since then though... but yea i'd lie down to go to bed and itd feel like i was falling back through the mattress... ran to the washroom n threw it up

[keri]

Puking and I have a close personal relationship, and I really dont mind puking, I hate being nauseous so much I welcome it when I can finally puke it up, but puking from drink is horrible, because the nausea does not go away!

[Carl]

well... ive noticed that i am more social when i dont smoke. thats a big thing for me, because i always thought i was just antisocial, but i was just insecure. now im not so insecure, and when im not smoking i feel better about myself, in my mind....

Thats the way it was for me in high school. As soon as the lunch bell rang everyone ran out to the parking lot to find out whose house we were going over to to get high. And at parties i never really talked to anyone if i was high, it made me really anti-social and, as you said cheap, self concious.

You'll find that you miss it, but after a good break you begin to learn control. Now i smoke maybe once a week, usually with close friends or relatives that i dont mind doing goofy things in front of or to talk with openly.

Its not something to completely give up on. Its just way more fun to do it "recreationally".

[cheapmuthafukr]

Thats the way it was for me in high school. As soon as the lunch bell rang everyone ran out to the parking lot to find out whose house we were going over to to get high. And at parties i never really talked to anyone if i was high, it made me really anti-social and, as you said cheap, self concious.

You'll find that you miss it, but after a good break you begin to learn control. Now i smoke maybe once a week, usually with close friends or relatives that i dont mind doing goofy things in front of or to talk with openly.

Its not something to completely give up on. Its just way more fun to do it "recreationally".

exactly... im not gonna say ill never do it, but not in the same way i have for the past 10 years.

[poly800rock]

exactly... im not gonna say ill never do it, but not in the same way i have for the past 10 years.

i smoked for the first time in 4 years 4 years ago and literally remember immediately why i quit. I seriously wanted to sit in a corner by myself for the remainder of the night and just be in a ball. I don't know how people smoke, as if I wanted to be antisocial and suicidal, It would be cheaper just to think of things that make me sad...not pay $20 a gram....

[poly800rock]

Thats the way it was for me in high school. As soon as the lunch bell rang everyone ran out to the parking lot to find out whose house we were going over to to get high. And at parties i never really talked to anyone if i was high, it made me really anti-social and, as you said cheap, self concious.

You'll find that you miss it, but after a good break you begin to learn control. Now i smoke maybe once a week, usually with close friends or relatives that i dont mind doing goofy things in front of or to talk with openly.

Its not something to completely give up on. Its just way more fun to do it "recreationally".

agree totally with you carl.