superconfessional

[Bona Drag]

i am very sorry to hear that

i'm not trying to sound cold, or tell anyone how to feel, but...i think that 'live each day like it's your last' stuff is terrible advice

i think it's almost a relief that you never know when that day might come

i would be perfectly content if my last day involved showing up to work a few minutes late, getting some stuff done, having a decent burrito for lunch, maybe swinging by the gym at the end of the day, watching fifteen minutes of sportscenter, posting some (attempted) lulz on sufu, tossing my jawnz in the corner like i always do, reading whatever magazine i have by the bed at that time, and then turning out the light

i'm lucky enough to have a pretty good relationship with my folks (who are still together), and i think a last conversation with them that didn't involve much more than work, the weather, and a quick 'love you too' would be good enough

not every moment needs to be like something out of a movie

ime it's about appreciating the small stuff after the fact

[cernunnos]

i really love my parents but i've never had any sincere conversation with them, nor did i ever express my feeling of love to them. i hope they know it. i am a freak, i guess

[Bona Drag]

it takes living on your own for a while (college does not count) to really appreciate them, ime

pops was my worst enemy from the end of high school through the middle of college

now we good like that

also, not everyone has parents worth appreciating

sometimes it's ok to recognize that and stay mad at them

[cash]

For what it's worth, my mother-in-law is a drug addict and it is ridiculously difficult to have a meaningful relationship with her. The addiction has really flared up in the last five years, so I knew her when things were "normal." It's heartbreaking to remember how things were vs. how they are today. In my experience with addicts, as that disease progresses it becomes very hard to have a meaningful relationship. Their soul is dying very slowly.

[inaya]

of course it's ok to recognize it and keep your distance to a comfortable degree, but it i just meant that in the end, you do yourself a disservice to actively stay angry and completely shut them out.

in retrospect, i see that this only brought more stress and negative energy into my life, and in the end once nothing matters anymore and they're gone forever... the regret will never leave you, no matter how justifiable it feels at the time.

the feeling of not being able to see your parents ever again, no matter what ... is very different from the feeling you have when you make the potentially reversible choice of shutting them out.

@ cash - you're right 100%. my mother was a total addict, bankrupt, leeching from family, etc... but still, if i could do it again, i'd still call her and tell her i love her on a semi-regular basis ... instead of trying to pretend she didn't exist, so that she wouldn't hurt me anymore.

i should stress i am not trying to give advice, because everything is subjective and advice is therefore pointless, just sharing my own personal feelings.

/posting

[Bona Drag]

yes, you're right that the negativity is a problem in itself

also, i haven't experienced any of this shit firsthand so maybe i should stfu

i guess the point was it's ok to forgive yourself for not forgiving them, if that makes any sense...

[cinderella]

I fully understand that it isnt doing anyone any good to keep him locked away, but I truly can't justify speaking with him either. It's this bizarre duality: I want my dad back so badly and I miss him terribly. The fact that we've been seperated like this has been eating me constantly for months now

but at the same time, the person who I know is there now isn't who I thought my dad was, and I really dont think I want anything to do with this new person.

Its stupid because he hasnt even done anything that unheard of, but it is just so shocking and repulsive to me that I can't imagine ever getting over it...

[Bona Drag]

it's probably obvious, but i'll just add that a lot of emotions are too complex to be adequately explained/solved in superconfessional

(edit: this is why shrinks make $$$)

but if writing about it on a tite pants board helps, no reason not to keep doing it

[inaya]

haha yes it is pretty weird and i always regret it later, but it's ok i like repping people usually cause in public is scary for me but some things are just too long. and also sometimes i dont want to seem like i am trying to impose my opinion on people cause that's so annoying. x_x

[Bona Drag]

ironically, much of the rest of this board is about trying to impose your opinion on others

anyway, if i ever sound like i'm doing that it's because i'm a) older than a lot of yall and therefore foolishly believe i have some perspective to offer, and surrounded by lawyerz at work

[Bona Drag]

ps lol @ cindy's heavy posts on top of her sig

[cinderella]

lol i know I was thinking about that earlier.

Posting here is useful, because there are tons of ppl on the board and maybe some of them can offer useful advice, like inaya just did. It probably seems really attention-whoring of me but it ended up working, so yeah..

[inaya]

aww ^^ it doesn't seem that way... but i feel the same way whenever i post anything so i know what you mean.

[DüM]

I think I got this from my dad...

Whenever I'm driving and it's raining (which is often sufu pnw ftw) I always seem to take note of the speed of everyone else's windshield wipers and (sort of) intentionally set mine lower. to show off my driving skills I guess? sometimes I can't see shit but I will still just use the manual wiper even though I know nobody is looking at my windshield or would give a shit anyway but somehow I've associated higher windshield wiper settings with being a pussy.

always a competitive driver concept

[Bona Drag]

that's one of the most bizarre ocd jumpoffs i've ever heard

[jeepster]

I feel like I've been sinking lower and lower into a blue funk lately, more so than before. Must be something to do with waiting for the outcome of my applications, but also Spring fever creeping up on me, feeling lonely and disconnected during my day-to-day interactions, and just generally being in a haze about everything.

Anyways, my day was pretty ho-hum until I got to Painting this afternoon. As we were constructing our new canvases, my teacher came in, jacket, bag and all, and instructed us to put everything down that we were working on, grab our jackets/bags/etc. and follow her out to the parking lot. So I get out there, and everyone else is about 20 steps behind me, I see she has one of the school vans on. Obviously field-trip.

We all pile in the van and ask her where we are going, but she refuses to tell us. Finally as we're nearing our destination, we notice we've arrived at the Staten Island Zoo. The moment I realized we were going to the Zoo, my day perked up (infinitely).

So we go in, and it's probably the most pathetic zoo you've ever seen. Cracked plexi-glass on the tanks, depressed animals, smells like shit - basically anything that could be wrong with a Zoo while still allowing it to function at the base levels was going on at this place. But just the sheer fact that it was so bizarre, so utterly and ridiculously run-down and ghetto, and straight up CHEESY made me grin ear to ear.

We stuck around for about 45 minutes and did some drawings for possible subjects of our next painting, but my day got 100% better just by seeing what a ridiculous and bizarre place Staten Island is.

EDIT: if I could, I would post the pictures I took on my phone of how hilarious the Zoo is.

[Bona Drag]

i would be more interested in seeing the type of people who you run into at the staten zoo on a wed afternoon

[jeepster]

Stat-rats, single mothers, immigrants, homeless, the mentally challenged, and many, many poorly behaved children.

[cinderella]

Zoos have been ruined for me utterly. There is a weird little zoo on the way to my cottage called "Jungle Cat world" and these dudes have tigers and shit in cages on their lawn...

ok its a bitttt more legit than that but the fact still is that they have fucking lions in 50x50 wire enclosures....no wonder animals in zoos are all depressed and insane.

[Gouf]

that's one of the most bizarre ocd jumpoffs i've ever heard

I was gonna say the same thing. My OCD has been in overdrive lately. Everything from making sure wires aren't touching any boxes or fabric under my bed (so a fire doesn't start and kill me in my sleep) to walking a block down the street then walking back to make sure I locked my car (which I always did).

When i'm with company I can keep it in check by forcing myself to ignore myself , but i've been solo dolo more and more lately and haven't been doing a good job controlling it. I never let it get seriously out of control, but this sort of thing tends to come and go with me.

[ko]

I think I got this from my dad...

Whenever I'm driving and it's raining (which is often sufu pnw ftw) I always seem to take note of the speed of everyone else's windshield wipers and (sort of) intentionally set mine lower. to show off my driving skills I guess? sometimes I can't see shit but I will still just use the manual wiper even though I know nobody is looking at my windshield or would give a shit anyway but somehow I've associated higher windshield wiper settings with being a pussy.

always a competitive driver concept

Crazy, I'm the same way. Especially when its like sprinkling/lightly raining and people have there wipers on full blast; I just think to myself pussys, I don't need that shit.

[mrip]

yo me too

i thought i was the only one crazy like this

[Handlethevibe]

I hope you're all driving stick too...cause anything else isn't even driving.

[lak]

Zoos have been ruined for me utterly. There is a weird little zoo on the way to my cottage called "Jungle Cat world" and these dudes have tigers and shit in cages on their lawn...

ok its a bitttt more legit than that but the fact still is that they have fucking lions in 50x50 wire enclosures....no wonder animals in zoos are all depressed and insane.

You're not talking about the Orono Cat Zoo are you?

[cinderella]

i dont think so... it is literally called jungle cat world and it has corny ass signs with panthers all over the highway. they have a domesticated wolf who just chills?

[redgrail]

^ahahaha

post pics to "chillin" threak.

also, sad

[capa]

I'm getting sick of this city.

[lak]

Same place. Kinda fucked how they let people like this get super close to the babies.

[Gouf]

LOL wtf tiger petting zoo is this?

[cinderella]

supersecret: dolly went to day camp at this place when she was a bb...

dunno if she got to pet tigers tho.