official break up thread

[Phyziks]

Look at Ronny D and Sammy Snooks from the shores of Jersey. Breaking up and getting back together like they get paid to do it (probz do). Clearly their relationshit (pun fully intended *high five*), is a train wreck.

In all seriousness though, if it does happen often, you guys do not argue well together, and it needs to be worked on. In many cases of break-up/make-up, the breaking up part happens during an argument, both sides become emotional and irrational, and you get to the point where you really jump the shark and blurt out the words "We're over".

After the first time something like that happens, you both really need to sit down and make a plan for the next argument. As hard as it is to follow the plan, giving each other a day to cool off before things get escalated too far can save a relationship.

If the breakups are happening while in a completely normal and logical state of mind, then getting back together usually happens because you both don't want to see each other with another person, and not necessarily because you love each other and want to work it out.

Also, never get back with a cheater. I believe in forgiveness in general, but that's possibly the most dis-loyal thing you can do to someone, and there's no coming back from it in my books.

[OkayOkay]

^ word on the cheater part. There's some part in a person's mind that rationalizes cheating for people that go that route. I def believe if they do it once, it's gonna happen again, and even if it doesn't, you won't ever really shake the idea that someone else was inside your girl while you loved her.

[decades777]

Question and thoughts:

If a girl wants to take a break under false pretenses and it later comes to light that she had a thing for someone else for sometime which she acts on after she makes the break, do you think it's the same mindset as cheating? Is the crime still the same because she basically lied to avoid being a "cheater?"

[OkayOkay]

check it out, here's my general rule of thumb. Figure out where your line is when a situation is more work than it's worth, and don't cross it. I've seen a thousand different relationship arrangements and there isn't a definitive rule for any couple on what's acceptable behavior or what isn't. I knew a girl that was thoroughly convinced blowing dudes wasn't cheating, but her fiance didn't feel the same way and they split. I also know a married couple that's in an open relationship and they can fuck whoever they want, whenever, and they've been together for years and seem completely comfortable with the arrangement and totally happy. Some of it baffles me, some of it seems bizarre, some of it seems totally normal and fine, but my opinion is grounded in my personal beliefs and level of acceptability, and mine aren't the same as yours or someone else's. I can't necessarily fault someone for acting on something when the boundaries are obvious and stated, if she fucked someone while you guys weren't "together", and your arrangement was mutually agreed upon and accepted by both, then it's tough (in my book) to find a leg to stand on to criticize. That doesn't mean, however, that you have to want to get back together with her or that you can't look at her differently, just go with what feels right. If you're continuously thinking about it and dwelling on it, then it's probably not an ideal relationship and I'd say to cut. In the end it's all just dating, and working these things out and finding your comfort levels are what help shape you for longer term relationships in the future.

Related note, and I always really emphasize this: You cannot expect that anyone holds themself to the same ideals or standards that you do. Doing so would be foolish. Not that you have to be overly cautious or closed, just realize that they are people too and you can't control them or their actions. You just do your best to work together to set boundaries of what you're both comfortable with and always try to be the better person. Hopefully you're able to find someone that shares the same ideals, values, and level of morality with you, just don't go assuming it.

[thomas_collins]

yo, that's what i'm saying. don't know why du's are getting their panties in a knot, maybe they are just mad because they are currently in the same situation? obviously relationships aren't b&w, but GENERALLY if you are breaking up (and i mean 'breaking up' properly) and getting back together numerous times the two of you obviously are not suited for each other for whatever reasons. what's the point? find someone you're more compatible with.

Yeah, I only agree if there is constant on-and-off again shit going on. Kind of a different situation but - My sister broke up with her longtime boyfriend for about 4 or 5 months, and the time they spent apart was incredibly valuable for both of them. They were able to reevaluate what was important to them, he worked on a lot of his jealousy issues. I can honestly say that they both have changed in positively because of their breakup - and they're now engaged.

[mrchariybrown]

this makes me think you've never been in love.

k_U6mWu1XQA

[gettoasty]

Urp0OmTqpVo

word

[Phyziks]

Question and thoughts:

If a girl wants to take a break under false pretenses and it later comes to light that she had a thing for someone else for sometime which she acts on after she makes the break, do you think it's the same mindset as cheating? Is the crime still the same because she basically lied to avoid being a "cheater?"

Taking a break in my personal opinion should be used to reflect on the relationship, to figure out how to improve yourself, and how your sig. other can improve themself to make it work out. This isn't a open invitation to act upon feelings you may have towards someone else. You do that kind of shit when you're not in a relationship at all. Have the balls to break up with the person if you plan on being selfish and exploring other opportunity.

[mbsangs]

10characte

[baizilla]

Here's my long story.

When we first met we bonded over french painter Odilon Redon's work, Japanese photographers such as Moriyama, Sugimoto, Araki and Kurosawa films. She was 15 and I was 17, I was about to graduate high school so it was one of the last parties before graduation, we kissed and talked, nothing else happened. I graduated and went to university. I thought about her now and then, she's 5'8,105lbs, freckles, long ass legs, perfect body and face.

Two years later when I was 19, we met randomly at a club, this time we had both been reading a lot of Nabokov and Raymond Carver, it was all good. We went home together that night and didn't spend a night apart for the next four years (that is how it felt).

We did everything together and she was my best friend, not as in 'because I fuck her and she is my girlfriend, so she is my best friend', but best friend as in general.. of all my friends: She was there when I decided to drop out of university to see the world, she was there when I enlisted in the military, she was there when I graduated from the military academy, she supported me when I thought about going to Afghanistan, she was there when I was invited to meet David Lynch, she sat ringside when I had my first muay thai fight. All the best memories was with her.

A little more than a year ago I had saved up enough money to buy an apartment here in central Copenhagen, she moved in with me and we were so damn excited. It was going to be OUR OWN apartment.

Things went well the first six months, but then she got offered the art director position at a major Danish magazine and I went back to university and had training camps much more often. We started having less and less time to enjoy each others company and when we did, we mostly talked about cleaning, paying bills and making time to see each other again. Suddenly we realised we were just trying to maintain our relationship, but neither one of us wanted to sacrifice anything to make it work, so we ended it.

It has been about four months and we haven't talked since, but yesterday she texted me saying she got a new place and wanted me to come over and see it, but I've declined.

I've fucked a couple of girls, kissed some more, but none of them really do it for me. I hate that we met each other when we were so young, careers and shit got in the way.

[Magsåvningsreserven]

wow, you've done a lot with your life. sorry, ot, but i think it's impressive.

[broneck]

your story is sad.

[american_hearts]

Grown-man story, grown-man attitude.

[poly800rock]

k_U6mWu1XQA

lol..............

[PHAT HEAD CAMEL TOEZ]

The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.

[broneck]

i'm not even sure that constitutes advice in any sense of the word.

"ask yourself am i on the right track here."

great words of wisdom there dr. phil.

[koala]

god damn, baizilla you should write a book.

[deskmemo]

Here's my long story.

When we first met we bonded over french painter Odilon Redon's work, Japanese photographers such as Moriyama, Sugimoto, Araki and Kurosawa films. She was 15 and I was 17, I was about to graduate high school so it was one of the last parties before graduation, we kissed and talked, nothing else happened. I graduated and went to university. I thought about her now and then, she's 5'8,105lbs, freckles, long ass legs, perfect body and face.

Two years later when I was 19, we met randomly at a club, this time we had both been reading a lot of Nabokov and Raymond Carver, it was all good. We went home together that night and didn't spend a night apart for the next four years (that is how it felt).

We did everything together and she was my best friend, not as in 'because I fuck her and she is my girlfriend, so she is my best friend', but best friend as in general.. of all my friends: She was there when I decided to drop out of university to see the world, she was there when I enlisted in the military, she was there when I graduated from the military academy, she supported me when I thought about going to Afghanistan, she was there when I was invited to meet David Lynch, she sat ringside when I had my first muay thai fight. All the best memories was with her.

A little more than a year ago I had saved up enough money to buy an apartment here in central Copenhagen, she moved in with me and we were so damn excited. It was going to be OUR OWN apartment.

Things went well the first six months, but then she got offered the art director position at a major Danish magazine and I went back to university and had training camps much more often. We started having less and less time to enjoy each others company and when we did, we mostly talked about cleaning, paying bills and making time to see each other again. Suddenly we realised we were just trying to maintain our relationship, but neither one of us wanted to sacrifice anything to make it work, so we ended it.

It has been about four months and we haven't talked since, but yesterday she texted me saying she got a new place and wanted me to come over and see it, but I've declined.

I've fucked a couple of girls, kissed some more, but none of them really do it for me. I hate that we met each other when we were so young, careers and shit got in the way.

dude, don't fuck this one up. make it work. best of luck to you.

[sawn-off chef]

I'm sorry but everything has it's time and place, trying to rehash or resurrect it will only end in pain. Things end so new things can begin, let go of old to embrace new. No one said it was easy but that's what makes a rite of passage a damn rite of passage.

[conqueror]

man, i probably thought 'araki' (who i am now a huge fan of) was a city in fucking taiwan or something when i was 15. props to her.

[baizilla]

^ Her father is a professor at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts so she grew up having people like Olafur Eliasson, Per Kirkeby etc. visiting her parents. Kinda crazy. They have some Araki polaroids hanging in their entrance, so the first thing you see when you step inside their apartment is naked ladies in bondage.

Damn, I had no idea how people would react to it, thank you all for the kind words and messages. I just got so inspired when I read all the stories in this thread, be it long or short. I just felt like I absolutely had to join in, even though I wasn't quite sure if I was ready for it.

I think as Scott said, this isn't the time for it. I'm glad to have enjoyed so many years with her and it is good to know that she is out there, so that someday it might be me and her again.

[sawn-off chef]

Baizilla has given me hope for dudes my age, seriously dude you're an inspiration. Stay fly bru.

[on-display]

shutup scott your 22, get bitches

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

god damn, baizilla you should write a book.

hm. i think i'm more of a nerd than an intellectual, now that i think of it.

i bonded with my first girlfriend over astronomy.

and chess.

[souljaboy]

^^^ a computer doesn't count

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

^^^ a computer doesn't count

i don't get it.

[thomas_collins]

It's never impossible to find it in someone else.

[po_boy_fuuma_hatesbargerz]

shutup scott your 22, get money

fixed.

money gets you women.

women take your money.

[jlow]

i think this may be it, after a good 6 months of knowing that we should break up, and trying to break up, but getting back together, and having moments where you think its gonna work, but slip into old habits and know you're fucked..

i think this might be the clean break.

fucking blows too.

dont wanna study for my CA...just wanna snuggle in bed. fml.

must. stay. busy!

[mbsangs]

10characte