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official break up thread


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  • 4 weeks later...

man up, get your mind off it and go do your own thing.

same thing is kind of happening to me too but now that i kind of found my own groove in life, everything is much better. learn to smile and laugh at these sort of situations, it will be a lot better than hanging your head thinking about "if only..."

^ watching vid / listening to songs like that don't help either so avoid. i mean if you can still watch and listen, then smile at the end of it, you're gold. just don't dwell and move forward. it might be especially hard if it was serious and you guys practically did everything together...hardest part is remembering 'wth' you did before you met her and get back into 'that'.

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me in March. This was just after she came back from living with my Aunt for 6 months while doing an internship at an art museum. She told me she wanted to "take a break" a week after my stepdad passed away and while I was stressing about starting my new job. I thought maybe a few weeks to get my life straigthened out would be good and I agreed. In the past a "break" has lasted a month tops.

Come to find out she was seeing some guy she works with at her job here at home (they're "just friends"). It hasn't been the same since. I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line. We've casually hooked up a few times throughout the summer (all while she's still seeing and sleeping with this other guy), typically after having drinks together to catch up and digging up old feelings. Usually it feels like a small victory the morning after but comes back to haunt a week later. The worst is that she's said had I been in a position (financially and otherwise) to propose last summer she would've said yes. That's tough to swallow.

I still feel like a sucker though. Money has been tight for her since she's been back and I've helped her with groceries and other small things every so often. Things will seem okay one week then she stops returning phone calls and making up excuses to bail at the last moment.

Thankfully I'm working full-time at a job I like and taking some classes this fall. Basically I've learned that setting goals and keeping busy is the best way to keep your mind off of things. Go with the flow and don't give yourself too much time to sit around thinking, drinking, and feeling sorry for yourself.


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holy fuck,

This shit is pretty fucking depressing or at least for me it is....

So I just got out of a two year relationship with my girlfriend because we fought a lot. She breaks it off because she believes she is not in love with me anymore,but of course, that isn't the only reason.

I found out today that in the beginning of her summer classes she met a guy in her biology class. They hit it off but obviously she denies him of dates because of me (at least I hope she did). Turns out the guy is super fucking rich, a part time model and is a semi pro kitesurfer. Once me and her break up she immediately goes on a date with him. He takes her to his fucking ranch that his famliy owns, which is next to the ocean or some lake or shit, which turns out to be really good for kitesurfing. It's one of those huge ass farms where people like James Cameron rents out or Jack Johnson goes to relax (i'm serious about that). They have one of those epic generic dates where he introduces her to his family and they go to family dinner/dance there and get tipsy and shit. Eventually, they get into a hot tub together and you can sum up the rest...

This is beyond Marchl depression for me and I don't know how to fucking get my mind of this shit.

Worst part is that we did long distance for a whole year and during that time she cheated on me once....

That was the reason we fought for so long I guess and finding out about this is beyond devastating.

I know I should have broken up with her as soon as she cheated on me but I was stupid.

This shit is going to haunt me for a seriously long time if not the rest of my life....

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I know this sounds stupid and cliche, but the best revenge is living well. You can now take this time to focus on yourself, and finding out what you really want to do with your life, and what makes you happy. You can re-connect with friends, and enjoy being single.

It's definitely going to be hard at first. I remember when I had to break up with my girlfriend of 3 years because she kissed another guy while we were on a "break". I know it isn't much, but while I was thinking about ways to improve our relationship, she was out exploring other options. It was definitely time to man up and pull the trigger.

You need to know your self-worth, and know that there are probably tons of girls out there that would really value you as a person, and would be happy to take her place. I'm now one year into a relationship with a girl whom I've been best friends with for years. It's easily the best relationship I have ever been in, and I actually forgot about my ex up until reading this thread. Life moves on with or without you, so enjoy it while you can.

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alimenator, that sucks.

If it didn't hurt so much, you wouldn't learn your lesson. Think you'll stick with a girl who cheats on you next time? And why do you know every detail about their first date?

Learn to meditate...99% of your pain is from dwelling on every detail of this car crash so learn how NOT to.

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wtf? she's on the pill dude

So is my ex. It's the principle of it. I threw up in my mouth a bit and bailed.

Honestly though, like others have said, focus on other things. Be productive. Set goals. Day to day, week to week and so on. Keep busy so you don't have too much time to dwell. Get out there and meet new people. Put yourself in awkward situations. Keep yourself busy. You'll have those nights every once in a while where you'll have nothing going on and start to sit around and think. But you've got to find something to do. Whatever it is your into, find new music, start a new book, go work out whatever. And treat yourself right. Keeping a consistent sleep schedule, good diet etc. goes a long way in fending off depression.

Like the other poster said, living well is the best revenge.

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Hey Alimenator, I def feel you on this one. It's hard for us to remember sometimes that people around us don't hold themselves to the standards we hold ourselves to, and sometimes they'll make decisions that don't agree with what we think is right. I'm not entirely sure, but are you more bummed that she's gone, or about where she went? I know for me when I lose someone it's not really about us being over, but I dwell on who she's with and what they bring to the table. It's really hard not to feel emasculated when they choose someone that we imagine betters us in certain ways and I've been on both sides of that equation. I've been the guy that's been left for someone I think was better, and just recently I'm the guy that a girl went to that she maybe thought was a better choice than her ex. It's just life...and it's bound to hurt sometimes. It took a while for me to recognize that there are people that are significantly better looking, more successful, funnier, more in shape, more cultured, etc than I am, and recognizing that kind of challenged me to continually try to make myself a more appealing or desired person, and in turn I became more confident (which is the single most attractive feature in a guy or a girl, hands down). If you want to try to get her back for some reason, the only advice I'd give is to work on yourself, give the impression that you're happy and happy for her, and be nice to her if you run into eachother. Dwelling on it or being angry just fuels the fire (as others have said) and honestly makes girls feel more confident that they made the right decision in moving on. Show her that you're totally happy on your own and that you're doing fine. All the pain and anger will definitely pass, and if push comes to shove and you can't shake the feelings...then drop your standards for a sec and go knock out a quick pity fuck with some random. The best way I've found to get over someone is to get inside someone else. It kinda separates those last lingering emotions and reminds you there are other people out there.

I know all of this comes off as probably the last shit you want to hear, and it's not at all meant to make you feel not worthy of her, in fact...you're probably taking a huge step up in separating from someone that isn't on your level emotionally or maturity (you mentioned she cheated before, to me, that's a huge indicator of a sub-par person).

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I already mentioned about how I was trying everything I can to keep busy in the dating thread, such as reading, concerts, friends etc. I have even been on a date with another girl, but hearing this is just devastating to me. It's the fact that she is happier with this dude over me (and rightfully so) because I've been a wreck ever since I found out about her cheating on me. I lost a lot of my confidence as a person and as a boyfriend since she cheated on me, and I know I should have left her but things were complicated. I knew she loved me and I loved her. She traveled over 6,000 miles to be with me and I thought it would work out, but ever since she got here I just could not move past what she has done, I know that should have been a sign that I should leave her but I could'nt and for the longest time she could'nt leave me despite me being a wreck. This went on for a year until we broke up just recently. What hurts so badly is that how much we *used to be in love to the point where we've become so damaged that she could just leave me and move on like this. I don't even know if I love her anymore but that's why it hurts me so much, that I couldn't leave her because I loved her so much and that I fell out of love with her because she has hurt me so badly

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