RandR Interpersonal Relation Advice Thread/Colum

[echoepidemic]

how are we going to get any honest, helpful criticism if there is no negativity allowed? ya bitch!

[6ixes&7evens]

loves an illusion that humans create to make themselves feel better about themselves.

really overated imo

[echoepidemic]

so is the concept of i, shut up you

[Analog]

Niw94qGLyzM

[thelion1856]

Always comin with the solid shit, its like you take the jumbled pile of exactly what im thinkin, and sort it out so it makes sense.

Like you said what I really need is some time for myself, and self introspection. Ideally a "break" but I really don't want a break for multiple reasons...thing is, I feel like if a temporary break is a time when I go out and get laid, why wouldn't she? Not so much because she needs it want its whatever, but feels hurt and feels like I may not come back.

And if that isn't the case, I don't want things to be different between us when I do come back. She really is absolutely perfect, and I don't want her to change.

But otherwise, its really hard to have my space, how do I do that when shes used to having a phone call from me every night, texts during the day, me usually orchestrating the plans to see each other since we usually work around my schedule. You know, if I stop doing these things as much she'll notice, and from there it can be weird, she might bring it up like "oh whats changed..."

Bottom line is she will definitely notice if im not myself, or at least acting like myself, cause being like this isnt myself im just covering it up well.

It feels a little cramped, I cant find my space, and like I said I really dont want a verbalized break.

I think it is some sort of itch after not being single for a minute, when that is what i'm used too.

Im just wondering if its merely an itch that can go unscratched, and ill realize I am much better off staying with this girl, which is what my gut is telling me, or if its something thats true and I need to bounce.

I just think I know very well that I will regret it if I leave, shit is weird.

I dont know if I say it now, cause I havent done it, but im not so sure that I would feel a lot of guilt or bad if I just cheated on her. But thats before the fact, after the fact I might be guilt ridden and shit will crumble cause of me, then Ill realize the dipshit mistake I made. Blahhh.

Maybe I just want my cake, and too eat it too...

you need to talk to her about how your feeling if you still wanna be with her. it will most likely lead to a break up but whatever. i predict u wont be with this girl in a year from now anyways because the longer you have this feeling grow in you then she WILL notice it herself without you even sayin shit.

I was just like u in a 4 yr relationship, its not just an itch that will go away. u need to break up wit this girl it aint fair for her and it aint fair for u. Plus u will feel like ur real self once you do, freedom to do whatever u want when u want. Ya ur life will be boring as fuck but take it like this, say yes to anything that people offer you. Party on a monday night? yes. Rock climbin yes whatever, make your life interesting.

oh and the chicks u think r into you now, will not be when u break up.

[Magsåvningsreserven]

Hang in there Mharcl – don't listen to all the haters !! Love can be a bitch, but it's worth it !!!

you !!

p m s l

[RandR]

Negativity should be fine in this thread too, honestly. Sometimes people need to be called out on being stupid about things like this, especially with relationships. We invest so much of ourselves into them that we end up being distracted the veil of our own ego - the outline of our problems is less clear when we are not aware of how much of a bitch we are being.

Mharci, take thelion's advice. Talk to her. Explain that you need space, because you need to have a small part of you that is for you alone. Tell her you don't want a break, you just need some time to yourself. Explain your thoughts and your worries and I'm willing to bet she feels that way too, you know?

In the end what happens happens, and we shouldn't be saddled with "if only I had or hadn't done this" or "I wish this would have worked out". Wishes are for D&D tabletop games where the DM is mad lazy and probably works at Gamestop. Reality is pretty clearcut, and honestly all you have to do is be okay with the fact that life and time moves on whether you like it or not, and maybe once in a while realize that you actually kind of like who you are.

In any case, don't get too torn up about these things. You're young, and when you're young you should be a tortured soul. Just don't go all Meurseult on us, yeah?

[shufon]

You're young, and when you're young you should be a tortured soul.

:confused:

Is that a typo?

[RandR]

:confused:

Is that a typo?

nah. youth means the escapism of "what ifs". To go through that when you're older is spiritual suicide - the pull of years becomes gravity from hedonism and cynicism. Better to suffer young and grow up unbent then to end up with twisted and bare branches later in life.

[haploid]

She really is absolutely perfect

Yet again, here is your problem.

[MharcI]

Solid advice once again, but being me ill stupidly ignore it all, thanks to all though.

This is probably a mistake, but I pretty much booty texted this somewhat skanky girl who was all over me, but then I met my gf and deaded her.

She seems dtf, I have a nervous,jittery anxiety about it all, but at the same time it feels thrilling.

Made plans with her, she knows the deal. Dont know if when it comes down to it ill go through with it, but I want to see. Consider this a self experiment.

I really have no idea what im doing here.

[echoepidemic]

I think you're a sociopath

[lintmunro]

So about a month ago I was visiting a friend out of town and he had these broads over. We went to some dive bar and I ended up hooking up w/ one. We met up a week later, went out as a group again the one night (hooked up again), then went to see a movie the next day. We went on an actual date a week later, and went and grabbed tea a few days after that.

Outta nowhere one night I get a text asking what I "consider her" which I knew was a trap, so I said something along the lines of "the girl I'm seeing". After she didn't reply for a few hours I said, "dating?", because what the fuck do I know? I figured either worked, since she kept telling me how much she dug me and how she was telling all her friends (and mom, which is odd) about me (going so far as to say, "what do you tell people about me, if you have at all"). We grabbed dinner the next night and she laid this on me "I want to make sure we're on the same page. I'm not looking for anything serious right now."

What's that actually mean?

Like I said, we've gone on a bunch of dates. We talk all the time, either text messages or absurdly long phone calls. She's called me more than once at stupidly early/late hours just 'to talk'---we're talking 5 in the morning here. We went out this weekend with some friends and spent the night together, and it certainly feels like we're "dating". I don't get the sense that she's stringing me along either, moreso that she's hyper-defensive. She lives a bit out of the way and we're both stuck at home right now, so it could get complicated if it were to actually 'get serious', but it really hasn't gotten anywhere near that yet.

Should I just go with the flow at this point and get what I get out of it, or confront her, or what? She's a hilarious girl, I like her quite a bit and I'd probably like to keep her around.

[fallen angels]

put the phone on your butt, it's a booty call

[MharcI]

I think you're a sociopath

Id say that is a bit extreme.

[echoepidemic]

You would, wouldn't you?

[6ixes&7evens]

i just looked up sociopath and i think i have it.

[narwhal]

I think you're a sociopath

me2

Like you said what I really need is some time for myself, and self introspection. Ideally a "break" but I really don't want a break for multiple reasons...thing is, I feel like if a temporary break is a time when I go out and get laid, why wouldn't she? Not so much because she needs it want its whatever, but feels hurt and feels like I may not come back.

this is fucked up. after wrestling with (and claiming to have gotten over) the issue of her sexual experience being greater than yours you now say that part of the reason you don't want to separate from her is cuz she might have sex with other people

[TTM]

i just looked up sociopath and i think i have it.

i concur. you come off as a user and abuser, no hate (0)

[american_hearts]

Id say that is a bit extreme.

You're either a sociopath or a crybaby. It's one or the other, so you figure it out.

Love doesn't mean you never want to stick your dick other places. Love means making the decision not to.

If you love her, be a man and stay faithful. If you don't love her, be a man and let her go.

Honestly, though, the real problem is that you don't know love yet. For you, love is this feeling that feeds your ego and self-esteem. Now that you get it from your girl all the time, you don't get the same high from it, so you're off looking for that feeling from strangers, all to boost your own miserable self-worth.

If you were just trying to get your nut, that'd be one thing. But the gratification it sounds like you're looking for is more twisted, self-involved and messed-up.

[MharcI]

Im probably a sociopath.

I know she wont leave me.

But I made it seem like I was breaking up with her the other night.

Seeing her break down completely and cry was terrible, but at the same time made me realize this girl really does love me.

I should be with her, things are sticky now, she kept telling me I was making a mistake (which I knew)

I acted well, made it seem like I really did make a mistake. Stellar performance in general by me, I would say so. Through and through.

Things are a little weird now, shes acting a little bugged out, which is reasonable. But putting the pieces back together is fun for me.

I know theres something wrong with me.

[shufon]

Dude that is fucked up. Why the fuck would you "make it seem like" you're breaking up with a girl?? That's just cruel and unnecessary.

I still think you should break up with her, especially at this point because it seems like the relationship is just tainted now. You need to figure yourself out before fucking up other peoples' lives.

Just my .02

[into the rain]

if you keep it up she will probably leave.

no hate or anything Mharcl but everytime i see your post it's something like:

i love her

i know she wont leave me

but i asked her how many guys she fucked and stressing out about it

i love her

i know she wont leave me

but i pretended like i was breaking up with her just to see her reaction

i love her

i know she wont leave me...

(insert trifling/cruel shit)

but a day will come if you keep doing shit like that man. im sure you are a nice guy in person but you come off as someone miserable to have around as a boyfriend. good luck though seriously.

[echoepidemic]

Mharcl, real men don't play mind games.

[TTM]

Im probably a sociopath.

I know she wont leave me.

But I made it seem like I was breaking up with her the other night.

Seeing her break down completely and cry was terrible, but at the same time made me realize this girl really does love me.

I should be with her, things are sticky now, she kept telling me I was making a mistake (which I knew)

I acted well, made it seem like I really did make a mistake. Stellar performance in general by me, I would say so. Through and through.

Things are a little weird now, shes acting a little bugged out, which is reasonable. But putting the pieces back together is fun for me.

I know theres something wrong with me.

i'm going to try my best to find your girlfriend "IRL" and fwd her this thread.

[FADEtoDARKNESS]

i'm going to try my best to find your girlfriend "IRL" and fwd her this thread.

Oh god no....don't do it...he loves her...right? well I mean she wont break up with him...so that must be love, right?

right?

[shufon]

Hrg2OLcXqxo

[TTM]

Mharcl is a fucked in the head sociopath who should eat shit. I've dealt with his kind and they are the most insidiously unpleasant people in the world.

[into the rain]

arent sociopaths hannibal lector-like people? i think Mharcl is more insecure than anything crazy.

[echoepidemic]

I think behind closed doors Mharcl eats kittens alive.