Superawkward

[Pythia]

this happened when i first moved away to uni and she was cleaning out my old room. she still gives me shit for it (badum tss)

 

[Schoon]

Went to a concert sponsored by my college the other day.  I hadn't heard of any of the bands before so I went into it not knowing what to expect.  When the first band started playing there was only me and 3 other guys in the crowd.  As the show went on around 15-20 people showed up but that was it.  I can get behind small, intimate venues but this one was just really awkward.  the bands kept trying to hype the crowd up and got near silence with a few claps here and there.  At least the music was decent

[Jnutz]

this happened when i first moved away to uni and she was cleaning out my old room. she still gives me shit for it (badum tss)

 

 

wtf..

[bobbyzamora]

http://youtu.be/jDgGKoalXLs

[Scais]

so im traveling through vietnam and decided to get a hot stone massage at the hotel im staying at. Being a relatively nice hotel i assume everything is above brow in terms of masseuses. So i get on the table and im in my boxers and the massage is going well, the stones are hot and the masseuse is strong just like i like. After about 40minutes of working on my back and legs i get asked to turn over and to take off boxers. Meh i think to myself its been good this far, im nice and relaxed and loose, this is great! i thought.

 

So then she offers to massage my gentleman sausage and im like hmmm fuck it. When in rome right? And here this poor girl is jerking me off and I feel this rumble in my belly slowly lumber it's way down from my stomach to my intestines until it finally crests out from between my buttcheeks like a glorious flatulence whale jumping out of the ocean until finally crashing back into the depths from which it came.

 

longest silence only interrupted by the rythmic fap fap fap of her hand working hard on my member. I dont think either of us took a breath until it was over.

 

needless to say. i came. hard.

 

still awkward tho

[Scais]

sufu ratchet boyz club

[andrewisdope]

 

still awkward tho

How dare you do this to my country.

[Fycus]

So I hooked up with this girl at work through June of last year. It was a weird thing but we never dated, just hooked up on and off for 2 months and then I ended things because I didn't want the whole work drama. Fast forward to Friday, I was out at the bars with some girls from work, lo and behold the girl I used to hook up with from work was there with the same group of people. We don't talk anymore because she got really passive aggressive and I didn't want it to affect my or her work. So while I'm flirting with two girls I work with (in a group conversation, mind you) I take a break to go use the restroom. While I am in the bathroom the girl I used to hook up with goes up to the two new girls and says "enjoy having my sloppy seconds". I return from the bathroom not having a single clue that this happened, and wasn't told until the day later. Obviously I'm pretty heated, but at the same time feel totally awkward that none of the two girls mentioned anything. That being said, they are both new at the company so it probably made them even more uncomfortable...

[mr fluffernutter]

1. A cockblock is a slang term for an intentional, or sometimes unintentional action that serves to prevent someone from having sexual intercourse with a partner.

[Jnutz]

http://youtu.be/jDgGKoalXLs

Fking Filipinos man.

Girls are good big tits + cook but otherwise pass

[OCEANSECT]

^neg this guy

i still get neg rep off of this

 

no hate just think its funny

 

neg rep from the two years old grave yard

[Denton]

negged you

[andrewisdope]

Yesterday I ordered a heineken at this ratchet korean club event. Some girl next to me says, "oh so you're a heiny boy." Thinking she was trying to strike up some conversation, I smiled politely and asked her what that means. She says, "I don't know" and then walks away.

 

also had one of those moments where you're dancing with someone and then the music stops because the dj wants to yell into the microphone. I tried to slowly back away from the girl but her hair was stuck on one of my buttons and i tugged on her head. 

Edited January 31, 2014 by andrewisdope

[insted]

i work at a cleaners (environmentally friendly cleaners, anecdotal but makes my job not quite as sketchy) and i was taking in a married couple's clothes; inspecting them, answering questions about the process etc.

the wife pulls out this sweater and starts to mention a stain that's on the front. i kind of lean in to take a closer look at the spot, and i try to say

"we always include prespoting in the price, so we will definitely have that worked on"

when instead,

"we always include pre"SSSPITT and i spit all over the sweater and her arm

i start very nervously laughing, and cover my mouth and look away like a girl, instead of apologizing or offering for a towel or something, and she looks away very slowly and says "oh.... ok..... um...."

the husband just stares at me....

then i get a very serious face on and finish my sentence, i print out their ticket, they walk out of the store.

i wanted to die. i couldn't stop thinking the entire day that if they wanted to, they could go home and write a yelp review

"place is horrible, employee spat on me"

Edited February 1, 2014 by insted

[spacepope]

A couple years ago I worked as a short order cook in a shitty local diner. The place was pretty bad––insane coworkers, scum customers, questionable food, etc. One of the cooks who I worked with pretty frequently was this dude from -local art school- very intense very angry but for whatever reason looked very very familiar. When I meet him I ask him what he's all about

 

"Yeah I work here and at -other local restaurant- and sometimes I do nude modeling at -local art school-"

 

That's where I recognize him from. Without thinking: "Oh yeah I used to take figure drawing classes there."

Things get very tense. He refused to talk to me for the rest of his time there, which ended when he really lost his shit and started throwing his shoes and spatulas and knives at other employees.

 

I remember him having a very angry scrotum.

[madstaxbro]

My roommate moved out 2 weeks ago; he was always a messy dude, kind of an asshole too so we didn't talk much. Like half the time he'd just let dishes pile up for days til they started falling out of the sink. Pubes and dried up piss on the toilet seat etc. 

So anyway he started moving about this time last week and just kinda left the next day. Pretty informal thing, didn't say bye just left a bunch of junk in his room and didn't come back. 

A day goes by and I text him asking if he's coming back or can I throw it away, doesn't reply. 
He did leave some cool stuff like a vacuum cleaner, iron, a cherry(very abused) desk, etc along with tons of trash and a pile of stinky clothes. So I figured he decided to leave shit he didn't want(one mans trash etc.) 

 

Today I decided since I have the place to myself for a bit til I need a new roommate I'm going to cut my hair nude so it's easier to clean. 

I finished up and squatted down to sweep up the hair with a broom/dustpan he left. Then I heard the door unlocking. 

My first thought was it was my buddy from work so as the door opened I yelled 'surprise!'. 

It was my old roommate, his gf and her little sister coming back to clean up. 

We all just stood frozen for a few seconds then I finished up, took a shower and we all loaded up his stuff without a word. 

I loaded up the last box and I felt like I had to say something so I walk over and explain what happened, and they all laughed. 

As he drove away the little girl looks out the rear windshield smiling and waving. 

 

I'm still wondering if I made a mistake. 

[saffronrevolution]

an employee at in-n-out who recognizes you solely because of your "sick 'qlo MA-1!" (not a uniqlo MA-1)

[Dropt]

Back in September the sister of my girlfriend visited her in Paris. One night we were strolling around Notre-Dame (big ol'cathedral) going home. There's no one outside as it's freezing cold at 11.30 PM. We're passing by and our eyes meet the silhouette of this guy 50 meters ahead, dressed in shorts shorts and running shoes. No one's talking and suddenly, we're all realizing that this goofy motherfucker is actually walking in slow-motion. We're starting to joke and laugh hysterically as he proceeds to lift his legs one minute at a time on a good 100 meters, then all at once resets to normal human function and continues his route towards the next alien spaceship.

[dovo]

me and coworker both blew each others covers today in the office. 

I come back in after taking a nice dump (use the ladies single occupant restroom because it has a window and a nice lighting. overall great setting for a work dump) and say "damn someone fucked the restroom up, i think i even sensed a hint of garlic" 

Girl shoots up. "WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THE LADIES BATHROOM?" 

 

All i could say was "how'd you know?" and it got dead quiet as everyone put the pieces together. 
 

she's been avoiding me for the past two days. still gonna shit in there tho fuck it. 

[whitney]

the woman/man bathrooms at work are pretty much same except the sign outside indicating gender. there's only one guy who works at my office regularly, the other two floats, so he pretty much took over the bathroom, he's kind of a ***** but that's another story

anyways he leaves all his shit in there and the plumbing has been fucking up bad..like every other week it breaks down, IF we are lucky, every week more like it

it's become a running joke for the plumbers to say, see you next time, instead of bye

it's the pipes

happened again last week, before his trip..one of the guys decide to work on the pipes while his stuff is still there and shit spewed all over the place.

:x

me, I have to use the grocery store nearby for restroom, it's so bad the guy near the entrance to the bathroom (works in meat counter) starts talking to me cos I go there often enough he starts remarking on it..that got old fast so now he tries to find ways to strike up a convo.

it's always something stupid and random and honestly I just want to get the f out of there but then I'm using their restroom and I feel like I can't be rude and have to talk back, but he's literally pulling shit out of the air..asking me about red envelope is the latest gimmy.

I didn't know how to respond so I half smiled and hurried my ass out of there

the other day I was getting lunch and as I was walking I hear two people behind me, one of them going that's the girl that works at x, I turn around and it's him..he tries to strike convo again and I sorta just one answer hoping he gets the hint, the next block I just turn into a restaurant (I know the owners) just to cut it short, he goes, is that place good? maybe I'll try next time

[dovo]

^^^ poo and pee game crazy but the love game stressful

[gettoasty]

work and restroom problems lol

 

i hate it

 

edit: 

i remember going to the restroom and opposite was another dude walking towards me. the restroom was right in the middle. we both sort of glanced at each. it was like a standoff except we were walking to see who'd open the door first. i did. we walked in and the stalls were occupied. the dude who came in with me bailed immediately (lol) and went downstairs. i went to the sink to pretend like i'm washing my hands. left then went back to the restroom 10 mins later for the all clear. entire building and only 2 restrooms wth

Edited February 7, 2014 by gettoasty

[Spaghettini]

^ another cringeworthy bathroom post from gettoasty

[playgfordisabled]

reminds me of yesterday when i entered a restroom in the student union building. literally 10+ empty stalls and i choose the one that is right next to one that's already occupied. pretty awkward shit 

[Schoon]

speaking of bathroom stories,

 

Last weekend I returned to my dorm at ~3am really needing to take a shit so I used the public bathroom on the bottom floor rather than risk taking the elevator.  About to finish up when all of a sudden i hear the door open, and immediately after it shuts the guy starts belting out some song i've never heard before.  very obvious that the guy didn't notice me and thinks hes all alone.  Every fiber of my being tells me to say in the stall until he's done taking a piss but for some reason I decide to leave.  I flush and immediately the guy stops singing  I exit the stall and i see this really short, obese vietnamese kid staring right at me, eyes wide and frozen stiff. awkward eye contact continues for a few seconds and then i slowly walk out of the bathroom, out of the corner of my eye i can still see this dude's frozen and continuing to stare at me on my way out 

[llobey]

shoulda winked

[flyhigh]

RE: timber's story.

 

Something sort of like this happened to me once. My friends and I were smoking weed in a parked car in an alley. It was pretty cold and late in the night, so the windows were fogged up. At this point I'm not as high as my two friends and I start seeing red and blue flashing lights behind us. I'm like "Dude! is that the police?"

Friend "What? Pffft.. No!"

Then there's this tap on the window and we all look at each other. We're fucked. This cop is really pissed off because apparently someone had stolen a boat from a nearby lake by hitching it onto a trailer and driving off. So the cop thinks it was us (something about them following the dirty tyre marks back to us) but his partner is sensibly not so convinced, one look at my friends and you could tell they were in no way shape or form to even attempt such a thing.

 

Long story short, the cop was so convinced it was us, he even went as far as to get sniffer dogs to follow the trail, which didn't lead to us and eventually they just let us go. But on the way back to his patrol car the cop is still pissed off and just kicks in this steel fence. All of a sudden an alarm starts going off. HIs partner comes up to us and was like, okay you guys better get out of here. We'll take care of this. We had to do a 3 point turn to get out of the alley but going past the police car I look over and that cop is just sitting in his car fuming and staring at us while we drive off.

 

I don't remember the words that were said exactly except for one thing. "I'm gonna get the sniffer dogs out here and if the trail comes back to you, you guys are FUCKED!"

[CASSAVA PIECE]

speaking of bathroom stories,

 

Last weekend I returned to my dorm at ~3am really needing to take a shit so I used the public bathroom on the bottom floor rather than risk taking the elevator.  About to finish up when all of a sudden i hear the door open, and immediately after it shuts the guy starts belting out some song i've never heard before.  very obvious that the guy didn't notice me and thinks hes all alone.  Every fiber of my being tells me to say in the stall until he's done taking a piss but for some reason I decide to leave.  I flush and immediately the guy stops singing  I exit the stall and i see this really short, obese vietnamese kid staring right at me, eyes wide and frozen stiff. awkward eye contact continues for a few seconds and then i slowly walk out of the bathroom, out of the corner of my eye i can still see this dude's frozen and continuing to stare at me on my way out

you didn't wash your hands

[conqueror]

http://www.vice.com/en_au/shorties/we-got-twenty-british-strangers-who-arent-models-to-kiss-each-other?utm_source=vicefbanz

[e0d9n0b5]

http://www.vice.com/en_au/shorties/we-got-twenty-british-strangers-who-arent-models-to-kiss-each-other?utm_source=vicefbanz

that old ass dude with the red scarf was fuck'n creepy m8