Superawkward

[mr fluffernutter]

yeah that's pretty much it. plus i can't hold a conversation to save my life, let alone with a (friendly) stranger

don't get me wrong i don't actually hate her. i'm just not good with people like that. she makes me feel awkward (hence)

Edited April 10, 2012 by diamonds

[pepper davies]

I was in the bathroom this morning at school doing my business. I hear the teacher down the hall come in with his cane and rolling cart filled with piano music. Long story short, when this dude wipes his ass it sounds like he's trying rub a stain out of a carpet instead of the (I assume traditional) wipe and fold. Like planting the hand in place and short-fast back and forth strokes... I tried it myself...gotta say I'm gonna stick with it.

I feel awkward writing about wiping my ass, but it was kind of a game changer for my rear end cleanliness procedures.

[funkdoobi]

I was in the bathroom this morning at school doing my business. I hear the teacher down the hall come in with his cane and rolling cart filled with piano music. Long story short, when this dude wipes his ass it sounds like he's trying rub a stain out of a carpet instead of the (I assume traditional) wipe and fold. Like planting the hand in place and short-fast back and forth strokes... I tried it myself...gotta say I'm gonna stick with it.

I feel awkward writing about wiping my ass, but it was kind of a game changer for my rear end cleanliness procedures.

wow.

[bouwnt]

i hate my self

this is some hoe shit... dellete this shit man

does your gf blow u with acondom on ?? tell her you love her

[e0d9n0b5]

the new owner of the neighbourhood convenience store is an uber christian korean lady. she is unbelievably nice and for some weird reason seems to really enjoy her new job. she wrapped my girlfriend's Mr. Freeze in a napkin for her and then swung it around like a sword (lightsabre?) and laughed to herself.

anyway i have had multiple awkward interactions with her and now i am afraid to go back.

last time i went she asked me to read this korean local newspaper (it's in english) and then asked me to go outside and check out th new sign for her shop. i had little to no idea what she was talking about so i pretty much ignored her. inside the paper was an interview with her about her new store and the meaning behind the name, etc. all her answers were very christian and positive... at the end was a statement asking people to come by and chat or ask her about the significance of her logo. i haven't gone back since because i don't want to talk to her about the meaning of her logo.

i hate nice people.

lmao 153 with J owns!!!!!!! it actually means 153 with jesus which you would know if you read her article. . . . .

lol i bought an energy drink from her and she also wrapped it in a napkin so my hand wouldn't get cold. she also spent upwards of 7 minutes wrapping a bouquet of flowers i bought from there and getting the ribbon just right.

but yeah shes hilarious. i hate that they don't sell shrimp crackers anymore, though

[triumph.man]

I was in the bathroom this morning at school doing my business. I hear the teacher down the hall come in with his cane and rolling cart filled with piano music. Long story short, when this dude wipes his ass it sounds like he's trying rub a stain out of a carpet instead of the (I assume traditional) wipe and fold. Like planting the hand in place and short-fast back and forth strokes... I tried it myself...gotta say I'm gonna stick with it.

I feel awkward writing about wiping my ass, but it was kind of a game changer for my rear end cleanliness procedures.

how do blind men know when to stop wiping?

[mr fluffernutter]

lmao 153 with J owns!!!!!!! it actually means 153 with jesus which you would know if you read her article. . . . .

lol i bought an energy drink from her and she also wrapped it in a napkin so my hand wouldn't get cold. she also spent upwards of 7 minutes wrapping a bouquet of flowers i bought from there and getting the ribbon just right.

but yeah shes hilarious. i hate that they don't sell shrimp crackers anymore, though

yeah 153 with jesus... i read the article

[mr fluffernutter]

how do blind men know when to stop wiping?

heightened sense of smell?

[Mr. Rager]

Aight so over the weekend. NYC had this huge pillow fight. Like more than 1000 people showed up. It was awesome.

I got tired of fighting and took a step to the side to rest a lil before going back in. While taking a breather these two random highschool girls walk up and ask for a pic. I thought they wanted me to take a pic of them. So I agree, but then they hand their dad the camera and throw their arms around me.

I'm like, "You want me in the pic?" And they say yea. They want to take a pic with me cause I look like a Tumblr boy. BRUH I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF!!!! I took the pic anyways cause I'm nice and the girls were cute. They hug me and I start to walk away. I hear their dad say I seemed like a nice kid and their mom said I was cute. The girls laughed and said "I know!!"

I'm 20 years old...sucks having a baby face.

[Mr. Rager]

Oh and another story. So today after class I go to subway on my school's campus. Just standing in line listening to music. Then I see this cute girl, we cross eyes, then she starts waving. I'm like who the fuck is she waving at. I turn around to see if someone is behind me, then she runs up and hugs me. I have no idea who this chick is. I have my headphones and she starts to talk. I can hardly hear anything and by the time I took off my headphones she says something about following me and that i was rude for not waving back. Bruh i was so confused. She hugged me again and said see ya later. I'm still trying to figure who she was. I don't know her name or anything. Never even saw her before.

[Wilbur]

So I go to this gym to swim and they have this "executive" locker room they added on recently that is 18+ so that there aren't any kids dicking around in there. I usually use this locker room because it's close to the pool and it has the nicest showers ever.

Anyways I was opening my locker after having just finished swimming (so I was in only a speedo) and there are about 4-5 older guys around me changing and whatnot. So I punch in the code to my locker and open the door... like 6 cut up pages of porn just fall out and fly all over the floor. I'm standing there like "wtf..." while all these 60yo+ men are just staring at me (skinny guy in a speedo) surrounded by tons of different porn. I say nothing because I'm at a loss for words and I just start picking up the cut out images that have fallen near/on some of the other guys' stuff.

Throughout this whole time, no one has said anything and I just left as fast as I could get my pants on.

I have no idea who could have put it in there. Thinking back, it was probably the old guys fucking with me, but I don't know how they would have chosen my locker because there was no one in there when I first got changed.

Edited April 12, 2012 by Wilbur

[Desi]

I take it that it wasn't gay porn? What's the problem du?

[wahwho11]

^^ they want if you play for the other team.

[OkayOkay]

Yo, on the gym locker room note, was at the gym last week and went to the locker room to put my shit away. Walked in and there were 5-6 younger guys, like 17-18, super bros, and they're standing in the entryway in their swimsuits. I think they had just all gotten out of the sauna together. Anyway, as I walk in I see one slap another's ass and they all laugh, the guy who got slapped turns and slaps another guys ass, but it turns to an extended grab, and I stop and give them that "really guys, really?" look as I walk past them. They look embarassed as fuck and get all red. I get my stuff locked up and get on the floor and start telling the GF what happened, we're both laughing and notice they're walking out right behind where we were standing. Heads down, they're super embarrassed, hear one say something like "let's get the fuck outta here". I dunno what was going on in there, but they seemed to feel really stupid about getting caught.

[e0d9n0b5]

the entire "two truths and a lie" scene from "easier with practice" was probably the most awkward thing i've ever seen in a movie/show

[wahwho11]

he mistook my belt for my penis because he turned back real quick, cleared his throat, and looked shook.

sooo; was your belt black, natural, tanned, old and needed to be mink oiled, have metal studs on it, etc?

[home]

he said tan.

[evisu 2000]

So I go to this gym to swim and they have this "executive" locker room they added on recently that is 18+ so that there aren't any kids dicking around in there. I usually use this locker room because it's close to the pool and it has the nicest showers ever.

Anyways I was opening my locker after having just finished swimming (so I was in only a speedo) and there are about 4-5 older guys around me changing and whatnot. So I punch in the code to my locker and open the door... like 6 cut up pages of porn just fall out and fly all over the floor. I'm standing there like "wtf..." while all these 60yo+ men are just staring at me (skinny guy in a speedo) surrounded by tons of different porn. I say nothing because I'm at a loss for words and I just start picking up the cut out images that have fallen near/on some of the other guys' stuff.

Throughout this whole time, no one has said anything and I just left as fast as I could get my pants on.

I have no idea who could have put it in there. Thinking back, it was probably the old guys fucking with me, but I don't know how they would have chosen my locker because there was no one in there when I first got changed.

locker rooms are fuckin wild

dudes pickin lockers right next to me while i'm changing when there are a million free lockers

dudes who instead of rockin their swim shorts underneath whatever pants they're wearing but come through commando and change into them

yo basically every lifeguard (except the asian one ) at the place i go to is fly as fuck

Edited April 13, 2012 by mass

[wahwho11]

shit, missed that part.

[redX]

LOL

[gettoasty]

^fuck that i use stalls only whenever i can. shy bladder problems

[heyheyhey]

When someone in your group says, "Can we not talk about work tonight."

And you realised you group has nothing else to talk about.

[dovo]

Girls at the late night watering holes who expect you to buy them a drink because they smiled at you. fuck outta here. I barely have enough to buy my own drink.

and the first guy in history who walked up to a girl at a bar and was like "hey can i buy you a drink?"

and cover charges

oh, and that t-pain song

and #menswear for bringing back that 60's movie star ivy league gentleman shit. don't they know it was cheaper to take a chick out back then.

peasant level prollems.

[boy better know]

this happened about 2 years ago back when i was an inexperienced chump

i was at my friend's girlfriend's place drinking vodka and smoking weed when i get a text around midnight from girl i was lusting on back then saying she was sitting her friend's downtown apartment for the weekend and she asked me if i wanted to come over to have a drink and shit

i say yes immediately then ask my friend to give me a lift (i don't have car)

i had been drinking 5pm so i show up completely drunk, i knock on the door, she answers wearing booty shorts and a tank and i'm like gonna "ok this is gonna be good"

we go directly to the bedroom, opened a wine bottle and took a couple sips before we started to make out

i somehow realize i'm not drunk enough so i keep drinking until i get wasted, i go to the bathroom and i end up puking in her sink, the sink was clogged and at this point i started to panic and tried to pick up the chunks of mcd i had eaten earlier to flush it down the toilet

she notices i'm taking too much time and she sees the disaster, she gets mad at me and politely kick me out of her place

she stopped talking to me for a couple days, turns out i clogged the sink and she had to call her mom at 3am cause she didn't how to fix it... and of course she didn't have a plunger so she had to get to shove her hands in my puke to unclog the sink

Edited April 17, 2012 by boy better know

[limbo]

Shit meant to rep

[gettoasty]

talking about coachella and the dr.dre + snoop dogg set, mentioning 2pac et al to my coworkers and their reaction was "who is that? i know michael jackson and whitney houston"

(the recently deceased)

i just kept talking about how cool it was to their blank expressions until they changed the subject...

[Desi]

horrible

[t3hcoke]

this happened about 2 years ago back when i was an inexperienced chump

i was at my friend's girlfriend's place drinking vodka and smoking weed when i get a text around midnight from girl i was lusting on back then saying she was sitting her friend's downtown apartment for the weekend and she asked me if i wanted to come over to have a drink and shit

i say yes immediately then ask my friend to give me a lift (i don't have car)

i had been drinking 5pm so i show up completely drunk, i knock on the door, she answers wearing booty shorts and a tank and i'm like gonna "ok this is gonna be good"

we go directly to the bedroom, opened a wine bottle and took a couple sips before we started to make out

i somehow realize i'm not drunk enough so i keep drinking until i get wasted, i go to the bathroom and i end up puking in her sink, the sink was clogged and at this point i started to panic and tried to pick up the chunks of mcd i had eaten earlier to flush it down the toilet

she notices i'm taking too much time and she sees the disaster, she gets mad at me and politely kick me out of her place

she stopped talking to me for a couple days, turns out i clogged the sink and she had to call her mom at 3am cause she didn't how to fix it... and of course she didn't have a plunger so she had to get to shove her hands in my puke to unclog the sink

how do you miss the toilet?

[dovo]

jinxed by bathroom talk

was taking a piss today at school in what is usually a pretty dead bathroom aside from the sculpture hippies who take dumps and the ceramics masters students (who spend the night) take what they consider showers. anyways so I'm standing at the stall and i start humming the beat to heavy by gucci mane. still in piss mode, i started doin a lil dance at the stall shaking around and moving my hips sayin "heavy real heavy so heavy". but who cares cause nobody was in there. well it turns out one of my instructors was behind me almost the entire time and didn't use the stall next to me because he "didn't want to interrupt (me)"

i don't get why he didn't just use one of the shitters. unless there were way more people in there than i thought

[mapclub]

^ should have hummed lemonade..(3)