The Mens Room of 1000 Lives

[dismalfuture]

Yes, another thread regarding the influx of recent newbies, and yes, attention to those of the fairer gender. A bedtime story for you guys, if you will.

There were no signs hung when this house was built, but we men tended to go for the door on the right, other men would casually observe and follow suit, and queued accordingly. With a few drinks in us and the seal broken, we'd swing that battered oak door open and hope there weren't any nasty surprises, vomit on the floor, backed-up toilet Chinese knockoff Nike SB thread overflowing messes spewing shit on the tile floor rendering one less head in service, and that the people in line were friendly and efficient. Things got bought and sold quietly in the privacy of the bathroom, dirty stories shared amongst the strangers in line, small talk exchanged, new friends made and invites to afterparties tossed around, pornography and graffiti admired in each stall, the occasional gay pass made, the occasional push and shove, the quiet Orientals who queued, went about their business, washed their hands to sterility, and left without saying a word, and the lost stares, quiet introspection and sudden cessation of urban slang amongst those in line when men of color entered the queue of this downtown dive's men's room. I think the place was called Wayne's.

The clock on the wall read 12:45, plenty of time to get a couple more drinks in before the whole thing was to go to shit. The real party crew, the KKK, had just entered the bar and had dispersed throughout the premises, gaining new friends and fans, starting the occasional scuffle with the patrons, and slowly depleted themselves in numbers when the part-time bouncers had to throw them out. Some KKK members hadn't even gotten around to buying a beer before they were back out on the street.

Back in the toilets, the left side women's room had been packed all night, and frustrated girls slowly started queuing in the men's room hoping to get a quick shot at a stall. When the first girl, canice, swung that door open and entered, men were in awe and politely stayed quiet, understanding her purpose, but not before exchanging a few choice words regarding shemaghs with Milspex, who was in front of the line. The scuffle quickly blew over and canice went her turn, and Milspex apologized and followed up by making a pass at her before she left.

Other girls started popping up in line; tg76 came in defiantly, with assertion, so much so that some of the boys in line accused her of being a bra-burner. will.i.am, being awfully proud of himself, brought his girlfriend along on his men's room run, and everyone got a comment in. samsikle entered bravely, waited her turn patiently, and when she went to shut the stall door, red, who was at the front of the line, turned around to everyone and incited a snicker when he curled his fingers up and made some jabbing gestures at his mouth. When samsikle emerged, red shouted out a marriage proposal, which was ignored. Keri, who had been in a dark corner of the bar all night fighting with her boyfriend, decided to give the men's room a try and ended up striking up a lengthy conversation with cheapmuthafukr, where they discussed denim, and love lost. They quietly exchanged numbers and cheapmuthafukr invited keri to his place after the bar let out, but keri slipped out back into the depths of the bar to get another drink and resumed arguing with her boyfriend, and cheapmuthafukr quickly moved on to vowing eternal love for the fashionable junglejane, a brunette who'd just entered the bathroom with much fanfare. By this time cheapmuthafukr had nearly made it to the front of the queue, and jj was last in the line, so cheapmuthafukr's conversation with jj became public platitudes and everyone else in line joined in the fun. The rotation through the stalls and urinals was slow at this point, so junglejane got a good conversation in with everyone, and suddenly the party was decidedly happening in the men's room.

Down the street at the sleepier bar and grill Authenticforum, a woman named bizzy had heard from her friends that there was an interesting fellow named haptronic drinking at Wayne's, so she left her friends at Authenticforum and ventured into the dark Wayne's, asked around for him and was told he was in the loo, and entered the men's room swiftly, without a word, like a black cloud in a dress, and found haptronic pissing at the head. She waited for him to finish and took him aside silently, and they left the men's room and stole away to a corner of the bar, where they were seen attached to each other for the rest of the night.

The Singaporean exchange students, who were out celebrating as a group, had been in and out of the men's room all night, and when soepom saw that other girls were using the men's room and emerging safely, she decided to give it a go. Whilst in line she noticed that tweedlesinpink was also in line and they shared a quiet conversation, and later emerged from the men's room holding hands. They were seen caressing each other in a booth, behind a table covered in food. Some single guys in other parts of the bar got jealous and made sly remarks about the new couple, some even recognized the girl from her Idol performance a few years back. A spunky Korean girl, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, whom no one had seen in the bar, suddenly appeared in line and started making small talk with anyone and everyone, perhaps she'd had just a few too many drinks.

Eventually, the bouncers and bartenders got word that women were using the men's room and that things were getting a bit mixed up, and with the confusion that the KKK and a cheeky Indian fellow named TKC were causing throughout the bar, they decided to lock up the bathroom doors and hung up 'closed for cleaning' signs. Everyone who had to use the facilities was a bit frustrated, and the closing lasted for months. Some people were slipping the guys behind the bar small bribes to let them use the staff bathroom, and people waiting for their turn at the bathroom shared choice words regarding the management and the last of the satisfied people trickling out of the bathroom.

FInally, the management had thought they'd organized the bathroom situation a bit and gotten the bar calmed down, and reopened the men's room. Capacity of the women's room (by this time, nicknamed 'TheFashionSpot') was quickly reached, and again a few brave souls came to give the men's room a try. Now that a new crowd was queued up, everyone was quickly surprised when jmatsu, who'd been ejected from the bar earlier but had sobered up and been allowed to re-enter the bar on his own, came to butt heads with intodeep, who had just come to use the Superdenim stall. The rest of the line, which at this point seemed to consist mainly of quiet Asian students, was entirely taken aback when jane, a blonde-locked beauty opened the door to the men's room.......

[mellowbonsai]

dont forget timber and the enigmatic heartbrokensoulshakened or whatever her new name is now

[sleazie ninja number 47]

pretty much...

[dismalfuture]

dont forget timber and the enigmatic heartbrokensoulshakened or whatever her new name is now

addendum:

Diamonds, who had been in the bathroom for an awfully long time, mucking around with his friend DUM, caused worry to his girlfriend timber, enough so that after thirty minutes of waiting, she entered the men's room to check up on him. Just as she entered, a urinal opened up, and diamonds used the opportunity. With his back turned, all of the men in line gave timber a grin, and artificialsky, who had been hanging out in the back corner of the men's room for some unknown reason even shouted out to diamonds that he was stealing his girlfriend. diamonds seemed unfazed and continued yapping with DUM and Servo2000.

[DüM]

sticky this thread.

[Liberation1945]

there was this one black chick...

the chick with the tattoos...

uhhh...i think that's it...not sure.

[billy.]

justhaja?

something like that.

i remember she masturbated while lying on her stomach.

[dismalfuture]

there was this one black chick...

the chick with the tattoos...

uhhh...i think that's it...not sure.

addendum #2:

Everyone who had been bursting at the seams waiting to get a chance at the toilet became silent, confused, and scared when SirLadyRad entered the men's room, and cleared out. SirLadyRad finished her business in record time and was never seen again.

[billy.]

.......pearlnecklace?

how she was a tranny.

[tg76]

actually.... tg came in first and milspex said KAWAIIIIIIIIIi untill canice came and stole his heart,,, and you missed sir lady rad and seraphim and beatle and lots of others

ok you got s l r

[Liberation1945]

::looks up at sky and prays::

is there a mensroomusinglady for every man on sufu? i sure hope so...

=*(

[DüM]

seraphim had been in the bathroom for awhile, completely unnoticed until she took off her hood.

or what about when lyingonyourdriveway came in wearing only a bagel.

[dismalfuture]

.......pearlnecklace?

how she was a tranny.

Addendum #3

A big sunglassed Asian girl from the Alpha Phi Gamma chapter dressed in that week's AA lamé with an LV monogram glued to her bent elbow, who was out on a date with her Amjack boyfriend, saw girls going into the men's room and thought she'd use to opportunity to pop her head in and call everyone an asshole. She didn't bother staying for long and closed the door after herself when she left.

actually.... tg came in first and milspex said KAWAIIIIIIIIIi untill canice came and stole his heart,,, and you missed sir lady rad and seraphim and beatle and lots of others

Addendum #4

Seraphim and her boyfriend Spike were seen in the men's room together earlier in the night, but Spike seemed out of it and it seemed to be upon seraphim to make sure that he made it to the toilets properly. Whilst in the bathroom, seraphim's tattoos caught the attention of everyone and friendly banter was exchanged, until Spike was done with his business and seraphim had to take him home.

A denim-clad woman with short hair named beatle nearly missed the attention of everyone in line, due in no small part to all of the leather baubles hanging off her men's belt and her workboots. When cheapmuthrfukr let out the notice that she was a woman, all madness ensued and the customary request for a titty flashing by all in line followed.

A quiet Asian girl in a skirt and mary janes slipped into the men's room unnoticed, seeming a bit lost. When some of the people asked her name, she replied 'I am heartbreakenedsoulshakened.' Later, as the line cycled forward, she kept to the back and everyone became a bit nervous. When new members of the queue asked her what her name was, in a schitzophrenic turn of events, she replied that her name was whitney. She never used the superdenim toilets and everyone eventually figured out that she had just stopped in because she was curious as to what went on in a men's room.

[geekbonchic]

I very much like the tags on this.

[fndmybetterhalf]

theres a huge chunk of story missing regarding some of the characters mentioned...but i wont snitch.

[Guest jmatsu]

this reminds me of the superfuture movie thread.

anyway could you make fun of that shithead datasupa in your story? takes place in a bathroom so....

[dismalfuture]

datasupa, who was a senior living in the engineering college's all-mens dorms, became frustrated with studying and threw on his dirty Sambas and a 6ths tee from off the floor and went down to Wayne's, hoping he'd make the $1 draws special. In his rush to get a beer at the bar, he unknowingly brushed jmatsu's elbow, causing jmatsu to spill Cristal on his boxfresh fuschia Lanvins. It was said that later that evening, a fluorescent blur of neu-rave colors shifted about like a dust cloud, and when the colors dissipated, datasupa was found bloodied in a dumpster, asking 'why me???'

[datasupa]

datasupa, who was a senior living in the engineering college's all-mens dorms, became frustrated with studying and threw on his dirty Sambas and a 6ths tee from off the floor and went down to Wayne's, hoping he'd make the $1 draws special. In his rush to get a beer at the bar, he unknowingly brushed jmatsu's elbow with his knee, causing jmatsu to spill Cristal on his boxfresh fuschia Lanvins. It was said that later that evening, a fluorescent blur of neu-rave colors shifted about like a dust cloud, and when the colors dissipated, datasupa was found bloodied in a dumpster, asking 'why me???'

fixed for truth

[Charlie Delta]

Please don't exlude SatanOmenDeath from this, she is cute as a button!

There are a couple more but can't think of all of them right now, Hannah, Soepomsslut, MiniatureMouse with her cute drawn Waywts, SisterSuzie ?

[whitney]

A quiet Asian girl in a skirt and mary janes slipped into the men's room unnoticed, seeming a bit lost.. her name was whitney. She never used the superdenim toilets and everyone eventually figured out that she had just stopped in because she was curious as to what went on in a men's room.

I prefer to be quiet rather then that loud cantonese lady that almost made everyone deaf..in united states..can you imagine the lawsuits? I'd be working my butt off for the next..*shudder*

[dismalfuture]

Please don't exlude SatanOmenDeath from this, she is cute as a button!

There are a couple more but can't think of all of them right now, Hannah, Soepomsslut, MiniatureMouse with her cute drawn Waywts, SisterSuzie ?

I can't come up with anything for them. People might like to chip in a bit, yeah?

Addendum #5

It was well known that ordo across town was probably the best at making fake ID's, which explained Corbin Law's presence at the bar seemingly every night. Khoiphan92 got himself his own, and entered the bar for awhile, got lost trying to find the men's room, and was dragged out by mike lowrey who suspected him of being a minor. After a little while, he was let back in through the back door.

Back in the men's room, a nude midget wearing a bagel on his phallus came through the door, babbling something about eating breakfast and Levi's shrink to fits. He was swiftly kicked in the ass with a handsome horsehide zip-up boot of unidentified make by ddohngo, and everyone had a laugh as the nude midget stumbled back out the door, with a few Gauloises butts (left on the floor by Fuuma and mass) stuck to his asscheek.

[projectdenim]

Insomniac?!

[samsikle]

It was well known that ordo across town was probably the best at making fake ID's, which explained Corbin Law's presence at the bar seemingly every night.

hahaha. ordo could do a side business irl.

[dismalfuture]

Addendum #6

After the show up the street let out, the late-shift crowds came through bar. insomaniac, who was with several pale-skinned, tan-cardiganed boys, was quickly preyed upon by the Japanophiles visiting from Seattle, who had been holding an anime meetup in the back of the bar. Some drunken hajimemashites were shared and it made for an awkward time.

[tweeds]

what's the last we heard of passant?

[dismalfuture]

^Addendum #7

Another quiet Asian girl, sitting on a stool at the bar, seemed to have entered the bar alone. She was quietly sipping her drink and seemed to be enjoying the people-watching, when suddenly some commotion outside was heard. It turned out to be djrajio, demanding doorfront valet parking for his liquid gold metallic Murcielago on 20" BBS's with gold-plated bolts. In the midst of this row, selectivebeef saddled up next to this quiet girl at the bar, passant and they quietly slipped out the side door of Wayne's together.

[billy.]

\

Back in the men's room, a nude midget wearing a bagel on his phallus came through the door, babbling something about eating breakfast and Levi's shrink to fits.

LOL.

that pic still haunts me.

[dismalfuture]

Addendum #8

A fairly well-endowed Asian girl named Ricebunny in a tired houndstooth coat showed up at the door of Wayne's, only to be turned away quickly due to the 'no flip-flops' policy. Later in the evening, neptunecitylocal fell victim to the same rule.

[samsikle]

this is turning into a massive super-fanfic

[masuerte]

Okay gonna give this a try... (AND BECAUSE OF SOME FUCKWlT time warp psych major)

ADDENDUM 10

Andrewfuncrew and hannah made up one of the highest profile couples in town for the shortest amount of time. They were seen and looked for it seemed by everyone, unfortunately the male in the equation held more attention, even causing samsikle to squeel in envy at one point. The good times came crumbling down one night when they ended up at the bar, one got too drunk and accused the other of seeing a certain girl during a trip to Italy, an arguement that started in the men's room and ended out in the street. To everyone's awe, it lead to their jealously fighting for carl's attention and (after numerous catcalls and gauding from ayn) sloppy flashing from both parties. Pictures were taken and are still posted to this day on the men's room mirrors... azn80i stated dissapointment on behalf of everyone by saying out loud "AW MAAAN! that's some hair over the nip shit"... however, nobody admits to looking at andrew's n00dz.

there I'm done... ugh it's terrible!

Someone try doing the whole chris x bed incident.