THE GROSSEST FOOD YOU EVER ATE (or couldn't eat)

[denimdestroyedmylife]

i could never eat BALUT (again)

As a writer, my biggest professional shortcoming is that I'm not very professional. I can't maintain objective distance from my subjects. Relationships that begin as interviews often morph into friendships, or the opposite of friendships. I've always known this habit of mine would lead to a bad end. But I never dreamed that end would involve eating a duck fetus.

Balut, as the dish is formally known, is a Filipino delicacy made from an embryonic duckling boiled alive in its shell, one week before birth. Not being a regular consumer of fetal fare, I'd never heard of balut until I traveled to the country to do a magazine story about an American rafting expedition down a remote river in the highlands of Luzon Island. The group I was with ranged from a purple-haired programmer to a soap-opera actor who thought that a wilderness adventure might help him give up the bottle. Our team leader was Gretchen, a tall, strong-willed woman who claimed to be sponsored by an adventure swimwear company.

From the start, the journey was cursed. First there was a snafu with customs over the importation of rubber rafts, then things got completely derailed when Maoist rebels closed the only road leading to the river. Tensions flared.

More specifically, tensions flared between Gretchen and me. Apparently, her sponsorship by an American corporation not only dictated that she constantly wear an assortment of bulletproof-looking bikini tops, but also that she enforce the strictures of "culturally sensitive eco-tourism" with the grim seriousness of a Sunday school teacher.

Without even trying, I violated most of Gretchen's rules. In the name of journalistic curiosity, I inquired about the cost of an elderly prostitute in Manila; I found a screaming deal on local rum and made a large purchase; I attended a cockfight; I wheeled and dealed with an artisan for a wooden phallus with an ashtray scrotum.

The situation came to a head when Gretchen and I got into a screaming fight about ugly Americans. She said I was the definition of an ugly American; I countered that the "Ugly American" is actually a good guy in the 1958 book of that title, by Eugene Burdick and William Lederer, which lambastes U.S. foreign policy. She'd never heard of the book, but that didn't stop her from suggesting that I was fucked up in my interpretation of it.

That argument unresolved, soon Gretchen and I were locked in a war in which we each tried to live out exaggerated versions of our own travel ideologies. She expressed moral outrage at poverty and scowled at artisans who peddled trinkets made of rare species of trees. I indulged a budding fascination for a bar called the Hobbit, which only hires dwarves and midgets and serves up nightly doses of British rock played by drug-addled expatriates.

Enter balut. It was the one thing Gretchen and I agreed on. Or, rather, the acceptance of balut was something we agreed on. Me, because I'd been bragging about how I'd eat anything the country had to offer. Gretchen, because any American who was worth his or her passport would never scowl at a token of international goodwill.

Our showdown came during a meal hosted by government tourism officials who hoped to make up for our thwarted rafting plans. Two duck eggs arrived at our table along with an explanation that it was the national dish. It was clear by the amused looks on everyone's faces that we were in for something interesting.

Eager to land the first punch, I followed the chef's instructions and tapped a hole through the shell. I poked through a gauzy membrane coursed with blood vessels, then sucked out the broth.

As the liquid met my lips, I overheard someone say "amniotic fluid." Nausea rolled through me with the image of a little duck fetus, curled up and sucking its thumb. Mind over matter, I told myself. Gretchen was still prodding her egg while I ripped into mine with gusto, blindly packing the brackish contents into my mouth.

I now know that balut has many powers: It's an aphrodisiac; it replaces lost sleep; it wards off Aswang, which are super-scary Filipino monsters that attack at night and suck out your guts. But at that moment, with balut in my mouth, I was aware of nothing except its wretched taste. A duck embryo contains 176 milligrams of phosphorous -- which, believe me, is plenty. It tastes the way the air smells after a night of fireworks have been lighted off.

The only thing that stopped me from regurgitating was the intense look of jealousy on Gretchen's face. My lips had curled into a grimace of disgust, but as I turned to face her, I stubbornly replaced that expression with one of enjoyment. I knew my face also had to show something deeper still: an enlightened awareness that traveling to a new land meant nothing unless you were willing to embrace it fully.

But the second phase of balut eating -- which involved sorting through the contents of my mouth with my tongue, isolating boney bits to decide which could be swallowed whole, which should be chewed first, and which should be plucked out -- threatened to compromise my carefully arranged expression. After discarding a section of beak and one leg, I struggled the duckling down.

Our Filipino hosts erupted in applause. It was all for me. I'd done America a good turn. Gretchen's egg was untouched. My intent was to let the applause die, and then go into the bathroom to purge. But Gretchen did something puzzling.

She passed me her egg. "You like 'em so much," she grinned.

To this day, I wonder: Did my charade so fool her that she buried the hatchet and surrendered her egg for my enjoyment? Or was she screwing with me? At the time, I didn't analyze it. Instead, I did what any trigger-happy, red-blooded American would do in a foreign land.

I choked it down. And smiled.

GO!

[damnIam]

Could never get past the smell of kimchi (sp?). You know, the fermented spicy cabbage I think it is?. Man when I was in the service, guys that ate that shit just sweated it out on the flightline so bad. Smelled like they had walked naked through a dump.

[poly800rock]

Deep fried Tarantula in the way to Phnom Penh Cambodia. you only live once right?

[lil brown brother]

i have eaten balut .. and will still eat balut ... but i only eat it at night never could eat it during daytime ..

[greentea]

i only eat the yellow and white part.

[lil brown brother]

gotta love the juice though ...

[mike lowrey]

haha awesome story, that sounds fucking disgusting though.

[sell veg]

wow. just, wow. that picture says it all. i've heard of balut before but that's the first grotesque look at it. i had this great story all laid out about eating giant silkworm pupae, which are pretty good actually.

[red]

funny. i saw the title of the thread and immediately thought balut.

[almondcrush]

i figured it was about balut too

don't knock it until you've tried it though

i would eat balut every day if it was more available

i think the only part of an animal i wouldn't eat would be the genitals

brains, intestines, ears are all fair game though

[beefcake]

great story ddml!

i'd never eat that though. not without throwing up atleast.

[Jaw Knee]

i would never try balut.

also HATE the taste of bitter melon.

[red]

i would never try balut.

also HATE the taste of bitter melon.

bitter melon (or goya as they call it here on okinawa) is what these okinawans live on. literaly. it has been known to increase ones lifespan.

they worship goya here.

[__3xL]

Goya is good ..

balut is fucking gross and quite foul ..

Just like the other day watching fear factor I thought to myself " everyone that eats teh shit on this show should be shot dead "

nasty .. just nasty ..

[lil brown brother]

i figured it was about balut too

don't knock it until you've tried it though

i would eat balut every day if it was more available

i think the only part of an animal i wouldn't eat would be the genitals

brains, intestines, ears are all fair game though

spoken like a true pinoy ...... i on the other hand had goat balls before...

[herpsky]

i think twizzlers are pretty gross

but that's just me

[honghonglulu]

ate homemade marinated pig ears thai style every christmas and thanksgiving. never knew what it was. it just tasted soooo good. now i know. i still love it.

never thought i'd like homemade frog leg fried rice. i still miss it.

tried natto. not my thing. stickier than melted cheese. but i'd eat it again on a dare or a small wager.

uni is alright depending on the combination of other small dishes. never thought i could stomach it.

blood sausage is number one! never liked the look. over time curiosity can be a very good thing.

and the right aperitif will wash all your sins away.

on the other hand, despite growing up singing jingles and talking to imaginary friends like the hamburglar, after reading Fast Food Nation, I could never eat anything from a fast food joint ever again. not even malt liquor can wash away that sin. i miss the happy meal toys though, when they were good.

[junglejane]

[Westbrook]

I ate some raw fish brains in Fiji. That shit was wild. Thinking about it makes me wanna vomit.

[@work]

My pops is crazy about balut. Looks freaking sick. Dinaguan (Blood Stew) is nasty too. Looks like chocolate meat.

[sam113]

Tofu and Capers are unacceptable.

[lil brown brother]

ohhh man ... dinuguan is the shit you dont know what yr missing

[soultek]

I passed on goat brain curry in India, it was more the color than anything: grey matter indeed...

Fish brain doesn't sound so bad though, and I love bitter melon.

[notesee]

When I went to china back like 8 years ago, they served me a whole pidgeon roasted with the head and eyes and everything on it. Could not eat that.

[Chicken]

i'm proud of you, ddml. balut is definitely one of many things on my list i want to try. my philosophy has always been along the line of acting like romans when in rome. if local people eat them, i'll try them. which brings me to one of my experience:

i think the only part of an animal i wouldn't eat would be the genitals

there's a place in shinjuku, right on the edge of kabuki-cho that serves sashimis like pig brains, nuts, shaft and head (the one with third eye). you can also get interesting yakitori-style skewers of pig and cow parts like esophagus (a little crunchy because of the cartilage surrounding it). they slaughter the animals in the morning and serve until they run out of items. eat fresh!

it's not a sit-down place but more of a "bar" where you can order some good sake and shochu (vodka) while you stand around little tables while you eat and drink. quite surprisingly, i saw many groups of young japanese women there enjoying such seemingly scary menu when i went. they were out of the heads by the time i got there, but i was able to try just about everything else. i have to say, i thought pig nuts were their best item, even better than brains.

i must add, though, that unlike ddml's experience with balut, the presentation of these sashimis were quite elegant, believe it or not. if they didn't tell you what they were, i think a lot of people would not even notice what they were eating.

[denimdestroyedmylife]

i have a feeling many people think i am the writer of the article i quoted in the inaugural post, but it is from salon.

HOWEVER, i have eaten balut.

and despite being vegetarian, i've eaten a wide variety of "strange" foods, to include turtle, shark, fermented baby shrimp, blood pudding...

[red]

i have a feeling many people think i am the writer of the article i quoted in the inaugural post, but it is from salon.

HOWEVER, i have eaten balut.

and despite being vegetarian, i've eaten a wide variety of "strange" foods, to include turtle, shark, fermented baby shrimp, blood pudding...

so im guessing youre not vegitarian for ethical reasons.

[paradigm_shift]

Durian. Chewed on it, and spit it out. It smells so bad, you can taste it arleady, and I couldnt bring myself to swallow something that smelled/tasted like a bag of armpit.

[Chicken]

"cook's tour" by anthony bourdain is a good read, if you're into this stuff.

[vee]

ohhh man ... dinuguan is the shit you dont know what yr missing

das da bomb man! i love dinuguan! give me my pig's blood!!!

durian on the other hand, stinks so bad i cant even get it close to my mouth.

my pops loves it and i know he's eating it cuz i can smell it before i enter the house...