today's news

[StrangeLove]

High school student ask porn stars to prom!

http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/317275/20120321/megan-piper-mike-stone-prom-twitter-porn.htm

[blm14]

You neglected to mention the best part of the story which is that TWO of them accepted.

Two white rose corsages - $70.

Two plane tickets from LA to Minnesota - $700.

One stretch limo rental - $80

One tux rental - $80

Bragging rights from showing up at senior prom with one porn star on each arm - priceless.

[blm14]

An update to the above story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/21/megan-piper-porn-star-cant-attend-prom-mike-stone-school-says_n_1371140.html Worst possible blue balls ending ever

Also this, related: http://gizmodo.com/5905648/woman-kills-man-squeezing-his-testicles

The man on the graphic photo below is a 42-year-old shop owner in the Meilan District of Haikou City, in Hainan, that big island south of mainland China. He is dead. A 41-year-old woman killed him. By squeezing his testicles.

Update: Yes, you can die from extreme testicular pain. Here's the scientific explanation, by urologist and San Diego Sexual Medicine's director Dr. Irwin Goldstein.

According to witnesses talking to China News 24, the woman was riding a scooter and tried to park it in front of the man's shop. She was going to pick up her son, who attends the elementary school in that neighborhood.

The man went out of the shop and told her that she couldn't park her scooter there. She protested and a the shouting match started. After a while they started to fight physically. The woman called her husband and brother, who came to the scene. But things got a lot worse than just a few smacks here and there: the woman grabbed the man's testicles and squeezed them so hard and long that the man shutdown. He collapsed on the ground out of the pain and, worse, he was dead. Yes, people. dead by ballsqueeze.

The paramedics tried to revive him on the spot to no avail. He was rushed to the hospitals, but doctors couldn't do anything for him. I really want to know what the death certificate says. And I really want to know how the hell one can die from ballsqueezing. [China News 24]

[its always cloudy]

Bragging rights from showing up at senior prom with one porn star on each arm - priceless.

du: so, guys, guess who got herrpeeeess!

du' friends: omgg!!!!

[blm14]

Pffft @ herpes. Like 85% of adults carry one form of it or another. I'd be more worried about HPV or some shit.

[its always cloudy]

well, whatever your dick disease du jour, my point remains valid

[baconzilla]

Dentist pulled out ALL boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her (and new girlfriend leaves him because of his empty mouth)

revenge is a bitch

Edited April 29, 2012 by baconzilla

[Vampyrvargfesten]

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/college-student-claims-left-cell-five-days-without-153200359.html

DEA agents apologize for forgetting college student in cell for four days

The Drug Enforcement Administration extended an apology to a University of California engineering student who was locked in a holding cell for more than four days and forgotten about. The studentdrank his own urine in desperation and attempted to kill himself, before agents returned four days later and found him, he said in a news conference covered by NBC and other outlets.

"I am deeply troubled by the incident that occurred here last week," DEA San Diego Acting Special Agent in Charge William R. Sherman said in a statement provided to Yahoo News. "I extend my deepest apologies the young man and want to express that this event is not indicative of the high standards that I hold my employees to. I have personally ordered an extensive review of our policies and procedures."

An earlier statement from the San Diego DEA office was less contrite, with spokeswoman Amy Roderick saying that the student was caught in a drug raid because "he was at the house, by his own admission, to get high with his friends."

Daniel Chong, 24, said that he was taken to the local DEA office after he was caught in a drug raid where he was smoking marijuana on April 20. The agents didn't charge him criminally and even told him they would drive him home, but apparently forgot about him in a tiny holding cell, where he languished for days without food, water, or a bathroom. Chong says he finally gave up on screaming for help, and eventually tried to kill himself with the glass from his spectacles and drank his own urine, sure he would die there.

A DEA agent discovered him days later and quickly called an ambulance which drove him to the hospital, where he spent three days in intensive care because of his near-failing kidneys, he said.

Chong's lawyer, Gene Iredale, tells Yahoo News his client could hear agents talking and other sounds from his cell, but no one answered his screams. He said Chong was handcuffed. "I believe it was, at best, inconceivably indifferent negligence" Iredale said of the incident. "I have dealt with cases in which police have abused citizens, but I've never seen anything as egregious as this." Iredale plans to file a civil suit as soon as possible.

San Diego DEA agent Amy Roderick said earlier on Wednesday in a statement to Yahoo News that Chong was caught in a home raid on a "suspected MDMA distribution organization" that also netted several weapons, 18,000 MDMA ("ecstasy") pills, marijuana, and hallucinogenic mushrooms. "The individual in question was at the house, by his own admission, to get high with his friends," she wrote. She admitted in the statement that Chong was "accidentally" left in one of the holding rooms, while eight other suspects were either released or transfered to the county jail. Chong also told agents he ate a packet of white powder he found in his cell, which turned out to be meth. "DEA plans to thoroughly review both the events and detention procedures on April 21st and after," Roderick wrote.

[Augustus]

http://www.myfoxny.com/story/18058426/pet-parakeet-returned-to-japanese-owner-after-telling-police-his-address

SAGAMIHARA, Japan -- A pet parakeet was returned to its Japanese owner Wednesday after the brainy bird told police its home address near Tokyo.

The male bird, called Piko-chan, escaped early Sunday morning from his home in the city of Sagamihara and remained at large before being coaxed into perching on the shoulder of a guest at a nearby hotel.

He was handed over to local police, but Piko-chan did not speak until Tuesday evening, when he blurted out the names of the city and district where his owner's home is located, a police spokesman said.

The stunned cops then listened as the parakeet produced the home's block and street number.

His owner, a 64-year-old woman, once lost another parakeet after it flew away and was determined not to make the same mistake.

"So the owner decided to teach the address to this parakeet after she bought it at a pet store two years ago," a police spokesman said. "The bird's name was found to be Piko-chan as it said, 'You're pretty, Piko-chan."

[merry burger]

Zookeeper Saves Tiny Monkey By Licking Its Butt Until it Poops. Seriously.

...

So Zhang Bangsheng takes care of this monkey, and several days ago he let him enter the monkey exhibit for the first time. The following day, Zhang noticed that the monkey had "indigestion and difficulty defecating," and it was then that he noticed there were peanut shells on the ground in the exhibit. He realized that zoo visitors had tossed some peanuts to the monkey, and "the toothless monkey swallowed the peanut whole." Eeeee. Zhang knew that if the monkey couldn't pass the peanut quickly, it could be in danger of dying. So, he did what any professional would do, something that generated what is perhaps my favorite paragraph ever to be typed in the English language:

50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng used warm water to clean a small Francois' Leaf Monkey's buttocks, then began using his mouth to lick it, not stopping for over an hour, until the little monkey defecated a single peanut. Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction.

[Augustus]

http://www.dailymail...st-seconds.html

A new gadget is designed to get people drunk INSTANTLY.

The makers claim, however, that the 'harm' is limited, because you sober up equally rapidly.The alcohol is delivered via an aerosol spray, so people feel briefly drunk, then sober up.

But however quickly people might recover, drunkenness can lead to accidents - and it's also unclear how the device could be misused by alcoholics.

Two American scientists designed the device - a small spray that gives you that instant drunk sensation from less than a drop of alcohol. The feeling lasts just seconds - but when it fades, you are sober and able to carry on with your day.

Edited May 4, 2012 by Augustus

[Vampyrvargfesten]

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/archives/old-news-pages/dead-boy-wakes-up-and-asks-for-water-at-own-funeral-in-brazil/story-e6frf7n6-1226386975762

‘Dead' boy wakes up and asks for water at funeral in Brazil

From: Daily Mail June 07, 2012 7:50AM

A TWO-YEAR-OLD boy sat up in his coffin and asked for water before laying back down again lifeless, according to a Brazilian news website.

Website ORM claimed that Kelvin Santos stopped breathing during treatment for pneumonia at a hospital in Belem, northern Brazil.

He was declared dead at 7.40pm on Friday and his body was handed over to his family in a plastic bag.

The child's devastated family took him home where grieving relatives held a wake throughout the night, with the boy's body laid in an open coffin.

But an hour before his funeral was due to take place on Saturday the boy apparently sat up in his coffin and said: "Daddy, can I have some water?".

The boy's father, Antonio Santos, said: "Everybody started to scream, we couldn't believe our eyes. Then we thought a miracle had taken place and our boy had come back to life.

"Then Kelvin just laid back down, the way he was. We couldn't wake him. He was dead again."

Mr Santos rushed his son back to the Aberlardo Santos hospital in Belem,where the doctors reexamined the boy and confirmed that he had no signs of life.

He said: "They assured me that he really was dead and gave me no explanation for what we had just seen and heard."

The boy's family decided to delay the funeral for an hour in the hope that he would wake up again, but ended up burying him at 5pm that day in a local cemetery.

Convinced that his son was victim of medical malpractice, Mr Santos has now registered a complaint with the police who have launched an investigation

He said: "Fifteen minutes after rushing him away for resuscitation, they came and told me he was dead and handed me his body. Perhaps they didn't examine him properly. Dead people don't just wake up and talk. I'm determined to find out the truth."

The local state department today confirmed the boy had been admitted to hospital in a critical condition and was declared dead after suffering cardiac-respiratory failure.

[blm14]

http://gawker.com/5921416/man-eats-dog-high-on-synthetic-cannabis-waco-man-consumes-family-canine

A 22-year-old Texas man was arrested yesterday for allegedly attacking a neighbor and eating his family's dog alive.

Michael Terron Daniel was allegedly high on a designer drug known as K2 at the time and was said to be "going crazy."

Witnesses say Daniel informed residents at the Waco home where the incident took place that he was "on a bad trip from ingesting K-2" — a type of synthetic cannabisknown to exacerbate existing psychoses — before getting down on his hands and knees and "chas[ing] a neighbor while barking and growling like a dog."

He then proceeded to beat and strangle the family dog before biting into it, "ripping pieces of flesh away." The dog was later pronounced dead at the scene.

According to Waco police Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton, officers arrived to find Daniel on the porch covered in blood. He asked the officers to fight him or use the stun gun "to help him get off his bad trip."

Daniel was charged with felony cruelty to a non-livestock animal and booked into McLennan County Jail where he remains.

[blm14]

http://www.telegraph...Dutch-town.html

The schoolgirl had only planned a quiet celebration with a small group of friends to celebrate her 16th birthday party.

When Merthe Weusthuis organised the gathering at her family home, she sent out invitations via the Facebook social networking site.

But she made one mistake - she forgot to mark the event as “privateâ€.

As details began to circulate, a trickle of acceptances became a flood - and on Friday night the event turned into a large-scale disturbance as 5,000 gatecrashers clashed with riot police outside the Weusthuis family home, on a quite suburban street in a small Dutch town.

This was not how it was supposed to be.

Miss Weusthuis’s initial mistake, in using open-access settings on Facebook, meant the electronic invitation sent two weeks ago was eventually seen by 240,000 people, of whom 30,000 confirmed online that they planned to attend.

But that was not all. An unauthorised campaign was launched to promote the birthday party, reaching high levels of sophistication with the setting-up of a website, as well as a Twitter account which received hundreds of thousands of hits.

Over the following days the party become known as “Project X Haren†- inspired by the film “Project Xâ€, released this year, in which three high school students throw a birthday party which spirals out of control.

Scenes from Project X and footage from dance festivals were used to produce film “trailers†for the party which were posted on the YouTube website.

At one stage during the build-up Miss Weusthuis, realising that things were getting out of hand, complained online that T-shirts with her face on were being produced and sold.

Her father, Coen Weusthuis, a management consultant, told her to remove her original Facebook invitation and call off the party, but the momentum proved unstoppable. Local media reported on the forthcoming event, while day-trippers began turning up to have their photograph taken outside the Weusthuis family home in the town of Haren (population 18,000), near Groningen in the north of The Netherlands.

Fearing the likely outcome, Dutch police were placed on high alert on Friday as thousands of teenagers, many drinking beer and spirits, began gathering around the house.

By the afternoon, hours before the party was due to start, Miss Weusthuis – who was pictured in a T-shirt with the slogan “We Gonna Party†shortly before her birthday – was seen being driven away from the house by her mother Frieda, a training consultant, to a safe retreat.

As darkness fell, tensions rose when it became apparent that there was no house party for the crowd to gatecrash. Violence broke out and 500 riot police were deployed, with officers equipped with helmets, shields and batons moving in to club some of the would-be partygoers in the attempt to clear them away from the property.

The disturbances spilled over into Haren’s town centre, where shops were vandalised and looted, journalists attacked, a car set on fire, other vehicles overturned and street signs and lampposts damaged. During the melee shop windows were smashed, fires started and supermarket trolleys turned into makeshift barricades.

Officers, who had travelled from surrounding towns and cities for the event, took more than five hours to disperse the crowd. They made 34 arrests, while six people were injured, two seriously.

Haren’s chief police superintendent Oscar Dros said yesterday: “My team had to confront aggression seldom seen in the Netherlands.â€

Robert Bats, Haren’s mayor, said: “Scum ran amok in our town. An innocent invitation on Facebook for a party led to serious rioting, destruction, plundering, arson and injuries in the middle of Haren.â€

He said that a core group of the rioters “were very violent and well-prepared, and deliberately sought confrontation with the policeâ€.

The scenes of chaos dwarfed even the mayhem surrounding a number of recent 'Facebook parties’ in Britain, including one in April this year when more than 400 gatecrashers invaded the 16th birthday party of Bradley McAnulty at his family home in Poole, Dorset, causing extensive damage.

Edited September 23, 2012 by blm14

[blm14]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2263190/Donna-Lange-51-smothers-boyfriend-death-breasts-drunken-row-caravan.html

A buxom 14st woman faces manslaughter charges after allegedly smothering her lover with her breasts during a drunken row inside a mobile home.

Donna Lange, 51, from Everett, Washington, is reported to have thrown herself down on top of her boyfriend at midday on Saturday.

Police arrived at the scene following reports of shouting coming from inside the mobile home and found Lange lying on top of her boyfriend, 51, who weighed a stone less than her.

[wrong_move]

A stunning Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MFA) report on Prime Minister Medvedev’s [photo top right] agenda at the World Economic Forum (WEF) this week states that Russia will warn President Obama that the “time has come†for the world to know the truth about aliens, and if the United States won’t participate in the announcement, the Kremlin will do so on its own.

http://www.eutimes.n...ens-or-we-will/

[blm14]

http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/01/29/popes-dove-of-peace-attacked-by-seagull-of-irony/

The release of a white dove is a traditional symbol of peace and tranquility. Like the olive branch, and more recently the peace symbol, the white dove is recognized worldwide as an icon of hope, love and friendship. That is, until it almost gets eaten by a seagull.

On the final Sunday of January, 2,000 young people from Rome marched to the Vatican for the annual Caravan of Peace. These youngsters, members of Youth Catholic Action, went to hear the Pope speak and watch him release two white doves following the Angelus prayer.

Accompanied by two children, Pope Benedict XVI stood before the crowds and released the first dove into St. Peter’s Square. Slightly disoriented, the bird eventually succeeded in flying up to a ledge above the Pontiff’s window.

The second bird was not so lucky. Soon after it had landed on a ledge below the window, it was attacked by a seagull who happened to be taking an afternoon flight through the famous plaza. Fortunately the dove, maybe owing to some sort of divine intervention, was able to fight off the much larger seagull and fly away.

Perhaps it could be time for the Vatican to reconsider the release of these birds given last year’s incident, when both doves turned and flew straight back in through the window. “They want to stay in the Pope’s home,†Pope Benedict said at the time, according to the Daily Mail.

[blm14]

http://in.news.yahoo.com/japanese-man-served-genitals-guests-charged-indecent-exposure-074418062.html

A man who cooked his genitals and served them up to diners at a Japanese restaurant has been charged with indecent exposure, it has been revealed.

Mao Sugiyama had his penis and testicles surgically removed by a physician in March.

They had been certified free of infections and were frozen for two months before being served up at a banquet in Suginami, a residential area in western Tokyo.

The 23-year-old charged guests around 160 pounds per person to eat the meal which was garnished with mushrooms and parsley.

Tokyo's Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) said criminal papers against Sugiyama and three other people who helped organise the event were sent to the Tokyo district public prosecutors' office.

Sugiyama who describes himself as an 'asexual' illustrator, could not be arrested for cooking or selling his genitals as there is no law against cannibalism in Japan.

If convicted of indecent exposure, Sugiyama, who has also had his nipples removed, could be jailed up to two years and fined up to 2.5 million yen (32,000 pounds).

Mao, who goes by the nickname HC, said he had initially considered eating his own penis but decided to serve them up instead.

He cooked the genitalia, which were removed in early April shortly after his 22nd birthday, himself while being supervised by a chef.

Guests were made to sign a waiver so he could not be held responsible if they became ill.

Announcing the event on Twitter he first offered to cook his penis for a guest for 800 pounds. However, he ultimately decided to split the 'meal' between six guests.

"I am offering my male genitals (full penis, testes, scrotum) as a meal for 100,000 yen (800 pounds). I'm Japanese," the Daily Mail quoted him as tweeting.

"The organs were surgically removed at age 22. I was tested to be free of venereal diseases. The organs were of normal function. I was not receiving female hormone treatment.

"First interested buyer will get them, or I will also consider selling to a group. Will prepare and cook as the buyer requests, at his chosen location. If you have questions, please contact me by DM or e-mail," he had tweeted.

While 70 people attended the event in the Suginami ward of Tokyo, only five people tucked into Sugiyama's genitalia and the rest of them ate beef or crocodile. (ANI)

[wrong_move]

breaking news

The Pirate Bay Moves to North Korea

The Pirate Bay says it has been offered virtual asylum in North Korea. The move comes after the Norwegian Pirate Party was forced to stop routing traffic for the infamous BitTorrent site by a local copyright group. “We can reveal that we have been invited by the leader of the Republic of Korea, to fight our battles from their network,†the Pirate Bay says. A traceroute indeed suggests that The Pirate Bay is now being routed through the dictatorial country.

[blm14]

The @floridaman and @floridawoman twitter accounts are pure gold for this shit.