today's news

[jayrock]

i hate you guys

not really

[Chicken]

no politics here, guys. just strange news.

that's sufu policy.

[AKMetal]

It's not from today, and I searched and I don't think it's been posted.. but...

Burglar victims wake to spice rub, sausage attack

By Louis Galvan / The Fresno Bee

09/06/08 21:55:06

A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed food seasoning over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

Antonio Vasquez Jr. "It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond said.

Arrested was Antonio Vasquez Jr., 21, of Fresno.

Burrimond said deputies headed to the victims' home in the 300 block of South Thompson Avenue near Kings Canyon Road shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress.

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying "Pappy's Seasoning" to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen.

After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said.

Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

"That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said.

"I tell you, this was one weird case."

http://www.fresnobee.com/263/story/848554.html

[RFKorp]

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Giant_ice_penis_-_is_climate_change_to_blame?&in_article_id=304450&in_page_id=2

Giant ice penis - is climate change to blame?

Thursday, September 11, 2008 If there was any doubt about the terrible threat that global warming poses to humanity, then it can now be dismissed - as this shocking photograph proves that climate change is turning icebergs into giant penises.

The cockberg was photographed by Andy Rouse* in the Bransfield Strait near Antarctica.

Experts now believe** that it is only a matter of time before an armada of penis-shaped chunks begin to break off the Antarctic ice floes, and then roam the oceans wreaking havoc and luring sailors to their doom.

[ROYALEFATALE]

TuIag1agN2A

"She avoided every question except one. Can you find it?

Times up...

Have you ever met a foriegn head of state?

LOL!

Have you ever"

"Unbelievable, if this is how poorly she performs with a 'soft' interviewer, she'd be torn to shreds by anyone else."

can't help but agree, she really needs some interviewing lessons, once the hype wears off and people realize how foolish she is the mccain camp will be in trouble, she's coming off just as they planned, an incompetent/ignorant hockey mom with no knowledge of the world around her

[sybaritical]

no politics here, guys. just strange news.

that's sufu policy.

This is quite strange. Especially when you look at her mugshot.

33 year old steals daughter's identity to become cheerleader.

[ProfMonnitoff]

Ambulance worker 'put prawn on heart attack man's head to see if he could cook it with electric shock'

An ambulance man placed a prawn on the chin of a patient awaiting electric shock treatment for a heart attack and joked: 'Let's see if we can cook this prawn,' a medical panel has been told.

While paramedics prepared to use a defibrillator, ambulance technician John Jones allegedly took a prawn from a colander in the patient's sink and asked: 'Does anybody want a prawn?'

After the electric shock had been given, Mr Jones is reported to have said: '360 joules won’t cook a prawn.'

The allegation by paramedic Darren Claydon comes days after he told the same hearing how a fellow paramedic - called Clive Greedy - had munched on celery while taking part in efforts to resuscitate the same dying patient.

Mr Jones was later dismissed, the Health Profession's Council panel heard.

Chairman Dr Alexander Yule said: 'The panel finds Mr Claydon to be a credible witness.'

Mr Claydon told the hearing Mr Greedy had said 'nice celery' and appeared to be eating from a stick of it that he was holding.

Mr Greedy, who was at first given only a formal verbal warning, was also later dismissed.

He had appealed and gone to an employment tribunal unsuccessfully, the hearing was told.

[Chicken]

^ so i guess roasting a marshmallow during a building fire isn't a good idea either.

This is quite strange. Especially when you look at her mugshot.

33 year old steals daughter's identity to become cheerleader.

good news is, it wasn't a statutory rape. the bad news is...

[hellogoodbye]

http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,22049,24353334-5012895,00.html

A 2cm long fish apparently found it's way into the penis of a 14-year-old boy from India in a bizarre medical case.

The patient was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period. According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home.

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, explained: "While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms."

After detecting the fish in the boy's bladder, Vezhaventhan and Jeyaraman used a technique known as cystourethroscopy to insert a special set of forceps down the patient's penis. Unfortunately, the fish was just too slippery to grip, so they resorted to using a rigid ureteroscope with a tool attached that is normally used for removing bladder stones.

The fish the urologists removed, which Practical Fishkeeping believes to be a small member of the Betta genus, measured 2cm long and 1.5cm wide.

He was later admitted into counseling to help him overcome any trauma.

how the fuck does a betta "slip" up your urethra?

[mrchariybrown]

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/travis-barker-dj-am-critically-injured-jet-crash-2

Travis Barker and DJ AM have been critically injured in a Learjet crash in South Carolina that killed four people.

Federal Aviation Administration spokeswoman Kathleen Bergen tells the Associated Press the plane, carrying six people, was departing shortly before midnight Friday when air traffic controllers reporting seeing sparks. It appears the plane was attempting to take off, ran off the runway through a fence and hit an embankment, according to initial reports. The plane then caught fire.

Sources tell TMZ.com that Barker and DJ AM saved their own lives by jumping out the door of the burning plane, almost immediately after the small jet came to a halt.

Barker and DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Goldstein (and who was once engaged to Nicole Richie), were at a burn center in Augusta, Georgia. Beth Frits, spokeswoman at Joseph Still Burn Center, told CNN both men had "extensive burns."

TMZ.com reports that Barker has been burned from his waist down and that DJ AM's face was severely burned.

Federal officials say two crew members and two passengers have been killed. A coroner has identified three of the victims: Pilot Sarah Lemmon, 31, of Anaheim Hills, Calif.; co-pilot James Bland, 52, of Carlsbad, Calif.; and Barker's assistant, Chris Baker, 29, of Studio City, Calif. all died in the crash.

William Owens, who was driving down the highway when he said he saw a fireball go across the road, told a local TV station that the jet was "in flames and the fuel is running across the road and I had to cross the fuel to get to the two guys that seemed to have been dumped on the highway."

Owens said the two men, believed to be Barker and Goldstein, were in the road trying to extinguish themselves.

He told the station he asked the men if there was anyone else on board the plane; they said four more were with them.

"We turned to the jet to try and see if there was anything we could do, but immediately, there was nothing anyone could do," Owens said.

Barker and Goldstein, who perform together under the name TRVSDJ-AM, played a free concert in Columbia, South Carolina's college neighborhood Friday night.

Other acts at the concert included Perry Farrell and Gavin DeGraw. Representatives for Farrell and DeGraw told the AP they were not on the plane.

Said Columbia Mayor Bob Coble: "It's absolutely terrible and tragic."

[mrchariybrown]

video

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/20/barker.plane.crash/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

[Handlethevibe]

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/nyregion/21lirr.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

Virtually every career employee — as many as 97 percent in one recent year — applies for and gets disability payments soon after retirement, a computer analysis of federal records by The New York Times has found.

John Britt Jr., a former engineer, is an example of someone who benefited not only from the work rules, but also from disability payments. In his last year on the job, during which he earned more than any other engineer, Mr. Britt’s paycheck swelled with $58,853 for tasks that had violated the normal work rules of his union contract, including $2,309 for running diesel and electric trains on the same shift and $3,354 for working through his regular meal period, government records show. He also got $40,553 for overtime, $41,594 for a vacation buyout and $47,337 for a sick leave buyout.

For the year, Mr. Britt received $277,075 — five times his base salary and $100,000 more than the highest-paid engineer at Metro-North. Then, after retiring at age 56 in 2006, he was classified as disabled by the Railroad Retirement Board.

On a spring evening in 2004, Mr. Koerber reported for his overnight shift as a train engineer at the Jamaica Storage Yard. By the end of his eight-hour shift, Mr. Koerber would earn four days’ pay for one day’s work, transportation authority records show.

Assigned to the railyard that night, Koerber was instead sent to passenger service. Under union rules, this change entitled him to an extra day’s pay. Over the next few hours, he ended up operating both an electric engine and a diesel engine. These dual duties earned him a second day’s pay.

Around 2 a.m., Mr. Koerber took an engine in for maintenance. With that came another day’s pay.

These three contract violations resulted in penalty payments that totaled $718. He also earned, among other things, $157 for a few hours of overtime and $15 for not getting to eat during his normal lunch break. The L.I.R.R. was supposed to pay him $247 for his work that day. Instead, he ended up with $1,177.

Shifts like this were not that unusual. Mr. Koerber pulled off seven others like it that year.

One penalty payment agreed to by management proved so embarrassing that the union was willing to give it up. In the 1980s, workers who maintained the track corridors got an extra two hours of pay if it rained. But because the agreement was poorly constructed, it opened the gates to abuse.

The intent was to pay extra for work performed in the rain, but workers got paid even if it rained going to or from the work site. In one year, they got rain pay on 42 days when no rain fell, transportation authority investigators said in a 1989 report. One union official was quoted as saying that workers deserved the supplement “even if a bird flies over and urinates on them.â€

LMAO

“How is it that somebody is occupationally disabled the day after he retires when he wasn’t occupationally disabled the day before he retired?†asked Gary Dellaverson, chief financial officer for the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, the railroad’s parent.

I want to make bank just for punching tickets. Shit.

[mrip]

Los Gatos Girl's Hand Severed In Tragic Accident

LOS GATOS, Calif. -- A six-year-old Los Gatos girl whose hand was severed in a very unusual accident was recovering Monday, and may regain motion in her reattached hand, thanks in part to quick help from a passer-by. Erica Rix was playing with a jump rope in the back of her mother's car two weeks ago when the end of the rope, fluttering out the window, caught on the car's axle. A loop of the rope tightened around the girl's wrist, slicing off her hand. "I heard a thunk and thought, 'What was that?' " her mother Allison Rix, 32, told the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday.With her daughter screaming in pain, Allison Rix pulled over the car over and went to her aid. She was shocked at what she found.Jim Bailey, of Saratoga, was driving by when he saw the girl's mother calling hysterically for help. He made a tourniquet put of his belt to slow the blood flow from the wound. Another driver called emergency services.Meanwhile, another motorist -- Gail Andrews -- located the girl's hand in the street, with the jump rope still wrapped around it, and stood in front of the severed limb to prevent other cars from running over it, the paper reported.Erica Rix was rushed to the hospital where surgeons repaired the bones, veins and arteries in her reattached hand. Authorities said Erica Rix doesn't have feeling or movement, but doctors were hopeful to further repair her hand in upcoming surgeries.After nine days in intensive care, Erica Rix was recovering at home.

[cjbreed]

WATERBURY, Vt. -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow's milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman.

"PETA's request comes in the wake of news reports that a Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing breast milk from nursing mothers and substituting breast milk for 75 percent of the cow's milk in the food he serves," the statement says.

PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health.

"The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn't make sense," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "Everyone knows that 'the breast is best,' so Ben & Jerry's could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk."

"We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child," said a spokesperson for Ben and Jerry's.

PETA's letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield

September 23, 2008

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders

Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc.

Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,

On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's.

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.

Using cow's milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer's health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America's leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow's milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America's number one cause of death.

Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.

And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can't produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can't even turn around.

The breast is best! Won't you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow's milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Tracy Reiman

Executive Vice President

[hamburglar]

AUGUSTA, Maine - Dave Tracy said he can understand thieves snatching ice cream from one of the Hershey's delivery trucks he manages. But stealing a hood off the truck? The branch manager at Hershey's Augusta warehouse said "nothing like this has ever happened."

Tracy said the fiberglass hood, at 7 1/2 by 6 feet and 4 feet deep, is "not exactly small." He said that even if the thieves had a pickup truck, the hood wouldn't be easy to carry off.

Tracy, who's worked for Hershey's for 23 years, discovered the theft when he got to work Monday morning. Augusta police said the thieves probably needed a hood identical to the one on the ice cream truck.

Hershey's Augusta warehouse has six trucks that deliver through Maine and northern New Hampshire.

___

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080924/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hood_heist

[mrchariybrown]

I only drink the finest breastmilks

[Chicken]

WATERBURY, Vt. -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow's milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman.

yes, and we should also stop eating beef and start eating humans instead.

[cabl3]

The human torch was denied a blank loan.

I dont know why but these headlines are still vivid since they were posted:

http://www.superfuture.com/supertalk/showpost.php?p=966330&postcount=27

http://www.superfuture.com/supertalk/showpost.php?p=966330&postcount=28

[sybaritical]

Proof that Cyborgs exist, apparently come from Sweden in pairs, and are better looking than Arnie.

[owl]

DEATH BY TASER

http://www.nypost.com/seven/09252008/news/regionalnews/cops_in_nude_taser_slay_130670.htm

[Handlethevibe]

That's pretty fucked up.

[AliceGlass]

that is fucked up, but he was only 10 feet from the ground. why couldn't they have tried to catch him as he fell?

gotta hand it to the ny post for the detailed photos too. I'm surprised they'd put those up.

[amo te]

I'm surprised they'd put those up.

haha, i'm not. paper is ridiculous.

[amo te]

I'm surprised they'd put those up.

haha, i'm not. paper is ridiculous.

[mrchariybrown]

http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/17589970/detail.html

MIDDLETOWN --

A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit.

A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.

Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.

Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.

The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.

The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.

[RFKorp]

If you're gonna be drunk and disorderly, might as well do it in style!

[WayneGibbous]

http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/17589970/detail.html

MIDDLETOWN --

A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit.

A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.

Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.

Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.

The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.

The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.

thread winner. almost ruptured testicle reading this

[broneck]

Twinkle Dwivedi, 13, has a strange disorder which means she loses blood through her skin without being cut or scratched.

She has even undergone transfusions after pints of it seeped through her eyes, nose, hairline, neck and the soles of her feet.

Sometimes her condition is so bad she wakes up with her entire body covered in dried blood.

Villagers near her home in Uttar Pradesh, India, believe she must be cursed and shout cruel things in the street.

Her frantic family have sought help from numerous doctors as well as preachers from many different religions without success.

"I am desperate to help my daughter," said her mother Nandani Diwedi, 42.

"We are not superstitious people but we became so desperate.

"We've been to temples, mosques, churches and sufi saints, but nothing has cured her."

Indian medics now believe her condition is an extreme version of a rare blood platelet disorder for which they cannot find a cure.

However, a ray of hope has been offered by a British specialist, who believes Twinkle may have a different clotting disorder, for which treatment will be possible.

Last year, Twinkle was a normal 12-year-old who enjoyed school, painting and playing with her friends - but then she suddenly started bleeding between five and 20 times a day.

"I was so scared," she said.

"It didn't hurt. But it was scary and messy, and my friends thought it was disgusting.

"My school blouse went all red. No-one would come near me or play with me.

"I used to cry nearly every time it happened. But now I just keep quiet."

Twinkle was thrown out of one school and another refused to teach her because of her strange condition.

Now she studies at home and rarely sees other children.

Her mother said: "I am very worried about her. She is very weak and pale from the blood loss.

"She is very isolated and depressed. She wants to get better so she can go back to school.

"I now believe doctors in India are incompetent. I don't think they can help her."

The first time the bleeding happened from Twinkle's mouth in July 2007, her parents took her to a GP who suggested a common ulcer.

But then, a few weeks later, the bleeding also started from her nose, eyes, feet and hairline.

Twinkle's parents took her to see dozens of different doctors who could not find a reason for her blood loss.

Her dad Aditya Kumar Diewdi, 47, a railway worker, said: "They told us they had never seen a case like this before.

"One doctor even accused us of making it up. Why on earth would we do that?"

Finally doctors at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in Delhi decided she has Type 2 Platelet Disorder, a rare condition where blood is dangerously low in clotting particles.

They say her blood is watery and has the colour of a light red wine - but they cannot find a treatment to make it thicker.

However, a blood specialist in Britain came up with a different diagnosis and believes there may be hope.

Consultant haematologist Dr Drew Provan, of Barts Hospital in London, said:

"She may have Type II von Willebrand disease and she should see a coagulation doctor for treatment."

He believes her condition is not related to the number of clotting particles, but something called the von Willebrand factor, which helps platelets stick to blood vessels and blood to clot.

But Twinkle's family is poor and unless an actual diagnosis can be found soon, she will continue growing weaker.

She has already undergone several blood transfusions and it is feared she may one day lose too much blood too quickly.

"When I bleed from the head, my head feels very heavy," says Twinkle.

"When my eyes bleed they go really red and sore. It also hurts when I wash it after bleeding."

Twinkle has thee older sisters who are also extremely concerned for her future.

Her eldest sister Parul, 21, who works in a Delhi call centre said: "We pray every day that the doctors will find a cure for my sister."

Her mum added: "My family will do anything we can to help her be healthy again."

Yes. Bleeds uncontrollably.

[mrchariybrown]

^

that's fucking nuts..

I need to see pictures IMMEDIATELY

[broneck]

http://www.themedguru.com/articles/indian_girl_bleeds_without_cuts_baffles_doctors-86112731.html