superconfessional

[mr fluffernutter]

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I confess,

I am extremely bored.

So I decided to eat A LOT of food. I hope this works out.

[Servo2000]

I'm playing Condemned right now and it's scaring the shit out of me (and I am not by any means someone who is often frightened by "scary" movies / games / whatever) and I am loving every minute of it.

Why can't all "horror" media be this well done? Everything else seems tepid in comparison.

[Guest thesnow]

Hurricane Chris is my ringtone.

its my voicemail

[Servo2000]

I just ate creamcheese straight since I couldn't find anything to put it on and I'd already taken it out the package.

[crustytheclown]

i once farted and shat myself whilst going down on my (ex) girlfriend. it was thick brown liquid like mulligatawny soup and it went fuckin everywhere. luckily the lights were off so she couldn't see it. i just grabbed my clothes and split before she smelt it. i've never told anyone this before, i still have nightmares about it. i threw away my socks and drawers but i've still got the jeans.

[Guest scruf]

i hope they were raw. it would've left some good fades

[keagan]

my god that is gross.

jeepman pm me.

[sleazie ninja number 47]

i once farted and shat myself whilst going down on my (ex) girlfriend. it was thick brown liquid like mulligatawny soup and it went fuckin everywhere. luckily the lights were off so she couldn't see it. i just grabbed my clothes and split before she smelt it. i've never told anyone this before, i still have nightmares about it. i threw away my socks and drawers but i've still got the jeans.

WORST SEVENTH POST EVER!

fyi, its called "sharting."

[crustytheclown]

i feel like a weight has been lifted off me, so here's another.

when i was 19 i was in a club with some friends, i was drunk and desperate and met this girl who was wrecked so i thought i was in. after a few more drinks i invited her back to my place, she agreed and my friend who didn't drink offered to drive us in his van. when we pulled up outside my house the girl stepped out of the van and collapsed in the gutter. we couldn't get her to stand up, so i just fucked her in the street with my friend standing guard/watching. i then got back in the van and we drove back to the club to brag to my friends and show them the underwear i stole from her. i left the girl lying in the gutter with her skirt round her waist. she was conscious and consenting, but i've regretted it ever since and i'm burning with shame writing this. mea culpa

p.s. because i told my friends what i'd done, and they all told their girlfriends, and they all told every girl they knew etc. i was about as popular as a fart in a lift with the female community..

in fact, now i think of it, this event has haunted my life. i left home 18 months later and after all this time, whenever i go home this incident is always mentioned after a few drinks, which means i dare not take girlfriends home even now.

[homi29]

crusty you're like the reallife casper from kids

[crustytheclown]

WORST SEVENTH POST EVER!

fyi, its called "sharting."

if you want to be technical, it was a Category 5 shart. but i prefer not to give it a name.

[crustytheclown]

i hope they were raw. it would've left some good fades

no, red ear mij

[Guest scruf]

so the name crustytheclown does it have anything thing todo with the crust in your jeans or do you just like clowns?

[crustytheclown]

my god that is gross.

jeepman pm me.

i know it is gross, that's why i'm confessing it, i'm looking for absolution. it was an accident after all. at least it wasn't some kinky shit (no pun intended)

[crustytheclown]

so the name crustytheclown does it have anything thing todo with the crust in your jeans or do you just like clowns?

it's easy to mock, but just pray it never happens to you!

[skeetinmynose]

crusty, please do tell more.

You seem like an adventurous guy. Indiana Bones and the Raiders of the Lost Shart.

I wish I could rep you again.

[crustytheclown]

crusty, please do tell more.

You seem like an adventurous guy. Indiana Bones and the Raiders of the Lost Shart.

I wish I could rep you again.

well, thanks for the kind words

as a thanks here's another.

this better be the last though as i am destroying my credibility.

about six months after the previous incident my parents went away for a few days. i went out with my friends on the saturday night, and after too many drinks it seemed like a good idea to invite a bunch of people back to mine (my friends and some random girls we persuaded to come) . after a while people split off into couples and occupied the various rooms in the house. needless to say, i ended up alone and was pretty annoyed about it. i decided to go for a piss, but when i went in the bathroom one of my friends was screwing a girl in the shower (the shower wasn't on). normally i would apologise, give my friend the thumbs up and leave as fast as possible. but because i was so pissed off because i wasn't getting any, i just walked right in dropped my pants, sat on the pan and forced a dump out (accompanied by copious farting) at the same time chatting with the fornicators as if it was the most normal thing in the world (actually it was a one sided conversation as they were too shocked to speak really(although having said that, they weren't shocked enough to stop fucking!)) after wiping and flushing i washed my hands and left them to it. . when i woke up the next day i think i had the worst "what the fuck did i do" moment of my life.

[Astérix]

Congratulations...that is fucking mind blowing next level shit right there.

[un-]

I just got through drinking a slim-fast (is 5'8",140lbs.).

I can't for the life of me understand why people like Lil' Wayne's music to the extent they do.

[alex_844]

i just hope you aren't questioning the quality of stuntin' like my daddy.

also i confess that i am still working on my last term paper of the summer, which is a week late, though i've told everybody i finished it so as not to have ppl asking about it, and i am so unsatisfied with it still, but i have to finally hand it in tomorrow because its ruining my fucking life at the moment.

[Tiranis]

I think after crusty's confessions, we can close this thread and declare him the winner. Mind-blowing.

[un-]

i just hope you aren't questioning the quality of stuntin' like my daddy.

LOL

I think after crusty's confessions, we can close this thread and declare him the winner. Mind-blowing.

Yeah, I just read it...

[billy dee williams]

i have a deathwish.

[cpaik]

I fell out of touch with one of my good friends and I found out he just got out of rehab for alcohol and drugs (coke, crack, etc.). He changed a lot in the 1-2 years I haven't been in contact with him and seeing him recently has made me feel horrible for not being there. He's relapsed and I want to help him, but I don't know how. This fucking sucks.

[brightbill]

I've never dated a girl shorter than me since entering high school (zero for four...)

I biked home drunk last night, then watched two episodes of Family Feud hosted by J. Peterman from Seinfeld

[Charlie Delta]

This thread has gone to shits, I confess that I find it a pitty!

[alex_844]

i confess i hate puns?

maybe a real confession from sir cotton duck could save the thread.

(a new one, u don't need to tell us what that last one was about)

[shoreman1782]

When I got engaged, I planned to approach wedding planning like a thoughtful partner in a relationship would--my girl isn't nuts about flowers/dresses and doesn't have a scrapbook filled with wedding ideas she's had since she was 10 like some do, so I figured we'd go at it open-minded-like and plan together.

Well, it's fucking boring, I hate everything about weddings after a month. I want to pull a Glenn Gulia and just go to Vegas. I already hate my family, her family, churches, hotels, "creative venues," the concept of catering, flowers, florists, cake, bakers, buffets, seated dinners, bar setup fees, cake cutting fees, fees (general), limos, photographers, priests, officiants, the pope, jewelers, etc. etc.

I still love my lady, but jesus christ I hate weddings.

Sorry, no sharting in this confession.

[iamstarwars]

Last night I had a dream. Denimdestroyedmylife had changed his screen name to Don Denim della Destroya.

[denimdestroyedmylife]

When I got engaged, I planned to approach wedding planning like a thoughtful partner in a relationship would--my girl isn't nuts about flowers/dresses and doesn't have a scrapbook filled with wedding ideas she's had since she was 10 like some do, so I figured we'd go at it open-minded-like and plan together.

Well, it's fucking boring, I hate everything about weddings after a month. I want to pull a Glenn Gulia and just go to Vegas. I already hate my family, her family, churches, hotels, "creative venues," the concept of catering, flowers, florists, cake, bakers, buffets, seated dinners, bar setup fees, cake cutting fees, fees (general), limos, photographers, priests, officiants, the pope, jewelers, etc. etc.

I still love my lady, but jesus christ I hate weddings.

Sorry, no sharting in this confession.

ha! yeah me and the wife just went to vegas, announced our plan to family about a month beforehand, and even then the planning was maddening. i can't imagine planning out everything a year in advance.