today's news

[Chicken]

^ nice to know he's in the running. yeah.

warning, do not visualize this article. i repeat, do not visualize. sorry if you do:

Seniors Having More Sex Than Ever

Study finds big jump in number of those over 70 who are 'doing it'

When it comes to sex, grandma and grandpa are having more of it these days, new Swedish research suggests.

According to the study, the last quarter century has seen a dramatic rise in the frequency of sex among the 70-year-old set, whether married or unmarried. And as an added bonus, seniors today (particularly women) say they're much more satisfied with their liaisons than the previous generation -- facing less sexual dysfunction and feeling more positive about the experience.

"Our study shows that a large majority of elderly consider sexual activity and sexual feelings a natural part of late life," said study author Nils Beckman, a doctoral candidate with the neuropsychiatric epidemiology unit at the Institute of Neuroscience and Physiology at Gothenburg University. "It is thus important that health professionals and others take sexuality into consideration, irrespective of age."

The findings are reported online in the British Medical Journal.

[jayrock]

h2KRDgtutzU

[sybaritical]

Too late, boys.

Famed Indian penis growing Grandma dies.

[dismalfuture]

Nah, she comin back to make huge shalangalongs. R.I.S.pect the R.I.S.surection.

[landho]

July 11, 2008

Police answer call of family fight, find marital bliss instead

THE STAR PRESS

NEW CASTLE — A report of a family fight Wednesday afternoon in New Castle didn't turn out to be what police expected.

A nine-year-old girl called 911 after she awoke from a nap and heard her mother screaming. She went to her mother's bedroom and thought her mother was being attacked.

Turns out, her parents were just enjoying marital relations.

But the New Castle Police Department responded to the little girl's call, and even filed a report, noting "Mom and Daddy were involved in a romantic moment and daughter mistook them as fighting."

[broneck]

that's horrendous. if you have a 9 year old daughter sleeping in the next room, please refrain from sex that is so loud and angry it would be perceived as a fight by anyone in the vicinity.

[hamburglar]

kinda old but still crazy

Wednesday, October 28, 1998 Published at 14:51

World: Africa

Lightning kills football team

Lightning also struck a match in South Africa

All 11 members of a football team were killed by a bolt of lightning which left the other team unhurt, a Congolese newspaper has reported. Thirty other people received burns at the match in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

Kinshasa daily newspaper L'Avenir said local opinion - known to believe in charms and spells - was divided over whether someone had cursed the team.

The two sides were drawing 1-1 in the match in eastern Kasai Province when the lightning struck the visiting team.

"The athletes from [the home team] Basanga curiously came out of this catastrophe unscathed," the paper said.

There was no official confirmation of the report - a rebel war affects much of the east of the country.

The first strike

In a similar incident at the weekend, a premier league soccer match in Johannesburg was brought to an abrupt end when lightning struck the ground. Half the players from both teams - the Jomo Cosmos and the Moroka Swallows - dropped to the turf.

Several writhed on the grass holding their ears and their eyes. Spectators and coaching staff ran onto the pitch to help. Fortunately no-one was killed.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/203137.stm

[broneck]

^^^ that's fucking weird

Woman backs over her elderly mother in driveway

A Toronto woman ran over and killed her elderly mother on Sunday night in an accident police are calling a tragedy.

They were in the driveway of a home near Bathurst and Dupont Streets when the younger woman asked her 87-year old mother to wait at the end of the driveway while she moved the car.

As the driver backed up, the elderly woman who regularly uses a cane to help her walk, lost her footing and fell behind the vehicle, police said. She became stuck under the Mercedes Benz and was removed by emergency workers once they arrived on the scene.

"The family was visibly distraught to put it mildly," said Sgt. Tim Burrows in an interview with CTV.ca. "It was chaotic because the mother was pinned beneath the car. The fire department had to use jacks to jack the car up."

Police are advising drivers to be aware of pedestrians when reversing their vehicles.

"If there's any message I can give, it's maybe instead of backing toward somebody, have that person stand at the front of the car and you can back away from them instead of toward them," a police officer attending the scene told CTV Toronto on Sunday.

Police say no charges will be laid.

*tries not to laugh.

[ThugLife]

oh my god.

i dont know how that woman will be able to live anymore knowing she killed her own mother. that is tragic.

[WayneGibbous]

From CNN.com: News of the dead U.S. troops came after a suicide bomber riding a motorcycle killed at least 21 people, including four police officers, in southern Afghanistan Sunday.

The latest incidents are part of a deadly wave of weekend attacks that also included a suicide attack at an army camp in Helmand province and the death of two coalition soldiers.

The motorcycle attack occurred in the southern Afghanistan city of Tarin Kowt on Sunday, Afghan Defense Ministry spokesman Gen. Mohammad Zahir Azimi said.

The suicide bomber blew himself up in a market, authorities said.

Full Story

This was misstated as 'Tarin Kowt' but it actually happened in Der Rawood about 10 minutes from here. Many of the wounded came to our clinic here. I am a medic so imagine what that was like. Little kids and stuff. These people are tough though - many had massive trauma and barely made a sound.

[WayneGibbous]

Me the other day before pounding some Taliban ass.

[le_chic_garcon]

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — An upstate New York man says he's still upbeat despite losing the same leg twice. Scott Listemann told the Poughkeepsie Journal that he laughs about losing his foot and lower leg "both the first time and the second time."

The Poughkeepsie man lost his leg below the knee in a November, 2007 accident. Listemann, 47, lost his prosthetic leg last month while skydiving in upstate New York.

The lower leg below the knee, with a foot clad in a running shoe, flew off after he jumped from the plane but before the parachute opened. Listemann says he's sure "it will show up eventually."

Listemann has distributed flyers throughout upstate Gardiner and hopes someone will find his prosthetic leg and call him.

[broneck]

Me the other day before pounding some Taliban ass.

no homo?

Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Grover Beach. Matthew Craig Pillers and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge.

Prosecutors say the 22-year-old Pillers, a parolee, was sentenced to two years in prison and the 19-year-old Keiffer got 45 days in San Luis Obispo County jail.

Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man's groin and set him on fire on Jan. 18. Tuleja had second-degree burns on his testicles.

not today, but amazing.

[Chicken]

3bXoa0y7zNk

chick fight!

[Le Buttsecks]

i was hoping to see some breast.....sigh

[please underestimate]

that's horrendous. if you have a 9 year old daughter sleeping in the next room, please refrain from sex that is so loud and angry it would be perceived as a fight by anyone in the vicinity.

happens to asian kids with horny asian parents all the time,

putting the pillow over my head does not work at all.

[m1sterko]

eww. thats nasty.

my parents dont know what sex is. i hope.

[Chicken]

happens to asian kids with horny asian parents all the time,

especially in place like japan, where space is scarce.

[broneck]

3bXoa0y7zNk

chick fight!

this is the only exciting thing to ever happen in womens basketball

[RFKorp]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7522952.stm

NZ judge orders 'odd' name change

A judge in New Zealand made a young girl a ward of court so that she could change the name she hated - Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.

Judge Rob Murfitt said that the name embarrassed the nine-year-old and could expose her to teasing.

He attacked a trend of giving children bizarre names, citing several examples. Officials had blocked Sex Fruit, Keenan Got Lucy and Yeah Detroit, he said, but Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence and Midnight Chardonnay had been allowed.

One mother wanted to name her child O.crnia using text language, but was later persuaded to use Oceania, he said.

'Social handicap'

The ruling, in the city of New Plymouth on the North Island, was handed down in February but only made public now.

The name issue emerged during a custody hearing for the young girl - who had refused to tell her friends her name and went simply by "K".

"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," Judge Murfitt wrote.

"It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii's name has now been changed and the custody case resolved, court officials said. New Zealand does not allow names that would cause offence or that are longer than 100 characters, Registrar-General Brian Clarke said.

Officials often tried to talk parents out of particularly unusual choices that could embarrass their offspring, the Associated Press news agency quoted him as saying.

[cuddlysheep]

lmao, that was dope when rick mahorn shoved lisa leslie on her flat ass. leslie threw a right hook on him,but she missed so rick had to put the smack down detroit badboys style.circa 89

3bXoa0y7zNk

chick fight!

this is the only exciting thing to ever happen in womens basketball

[please underestimate]

eww. thats nasty.

my parents dont know what sex is. i hope.

haha you know damn well if they're your parents,

they definitely smash alot before and after they had you.

whats worse is when your parents tell you they're going grocery shopping, but instead you see their car in the parking lot of a cheap motel ...

[skiniks]

http://www.wndu.com/localnews/headlines/25988819.html

Police say a 20-year-old Three Rivers man dressed up as the Joker and attempted to steal movie memorabilia and posters related to the newest Batman movie.

Three Rivers Police received a disturbance call at the Three Rivers Cinema 6 Theater just after midnight Sunday morning.

Police say when they arrived on scene the movie theater staff was restraining a man dressed in full costume as the Joker from the box office hit “The Dark Knight.”

The man was identified as 20-year-old Spencer Taylor of Three Rivers.

Taylor was arrested and booked on felony larceny and malicious destruction of property.

[Charlie Delta]

Honestly, why so serious?

[broneck]

Two Ont. Women Claim To Have Spotted A Sasquatch-Type Creature

Tuesday July 29, 2008

CityNews.ca Staff

Two women in northern Ontario believe they've seen the stuff of legend first hand.

Helen Pahpasay and her mother were blueberry picking on July 22 about 25 kilometres north of Grassy Narrows, a community northwest of Dryden, when they claim to have spotted a tall creature about 15 metres ahead.

"It looked about eight feet tall and it was upright," Pahpasay explained. "We were scared ... I had no idea what it was. It wasn't a bear or a moose. It was upright and walking."

The large creature darted into the bushes and the frightened women decided to head back to Grassy Narrows. When they returned they told friends and family about what they'd seen. Pahpasay's brother, Randy Fobister, persuaded the women to go back to the scene of the reported sasquatch sighting to pick up any clues.

They claim to have found a massive six-toed footprint near a beaver pond. Fobister made a plaster cast of the print and has shipped it off to have it examined.

People in the community reported similar sightings years ago in an area north of Grassy Narrows.

"I've been hearing about it since I was a kid, so when I got the chance close by here I jumped right on it," Fobister said.

Pahpasay said she'd heard the stories, but never really believed them.

from City news.

[Chicken]

what's going on in canada?

Do you believe? Canadian UFO sightings climb in 2007

Ont., Que., N.B., N.S. reach record-high numbers of reports

Canadians in four provinces reported seeing a record number of unidentified flying objects in 2007, according to an annual report released by a Winnipeg-based non-profit organization that has recorded UFO sightings since 1989.

The UFOlogy Research Institute, which compiles data from sources including Transport Canada and the Department of National Defence, said researchers examined 836 alleged UFO sightings in 2007, an increase of almost 12 per cent over 2006.

While B.C. typically has the highest number of reported sightings, the 2007 compilation found that New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Ontario and Quebec all pulled in all-time high numbers of UFO reports.

The reports were filed by witnesses with government and military agencies, police and several online UFO websites. Witnesses ranged from farmhands to airline pilots and included teachers and police officers.

[broneck]

Put away the Gulf Stream and park your Lamborghini, the ultimate in transportation accessories is on the market and will be yours for just £50,000, if you are prepared to wait one year for delivery. This is the machine that will really impress your friends – assuming you don't mow them down upon arrival.

Meet the Martin Jetpack, a contraption unveiled at a US air show yesterday. It is a real-life version of the toy we all fantasised about as children (and some of us as adults) and which Sean Connery as James Bond got to wear in the early minutes of Thunderball. Simply attach, the manufacturers claim, and up you go. No more traffic jams as you slice through the air at speeds of up to 186mph.

Developed in secret over the past 10 years by Glenn Martin, an inventor based in New Zealand, the jetpack made its public debut at AirVenture, an annual experimental aerospace show in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. The pilot yesterday was Glenn's son, Harrison, and he showed it off without mishap. The company, that also launched an accompanying website, calls it the "world's first practical jetpack".

Mr Martin may have succeeded where many others have failed. In the US, the now defunct Bell Aerosystems attempted to bring the dream of jetpack travel to reality in the 60s and 70s, notably with the so-called rocket belt. It never came close to being pursued commercially, however. In the 50s, the US military tested something called the Hiller Flying Platform. It didn't work too well either.

But Mr Martin is apparently serious about getting your business. Pay no attention to the not-so-sleek looks of his invention. Take to the skies in his jetpack and onlookers might assume Superman is passing overhead with a drum kit hanging from his shoulders. Nor will there be any music system options. Commuting with the jetpack will be noisier than a visit to a two-stroke lawnmower derby.

Just so there is no misunderstanding, there are no actual jets involved here. The thrust of a jet tends to be a little trickier to tame than the power generated by the two piston-engine fans that you will find in a Martin Jetpack. But let's not quibble, it looks like the real thing. Technically, it is an ultralight aircraft that, according to the website, is already in compliance with regulations of the Federal Aviation Authority in the United States. As such, moreover, buyers will not need a special licence to fly one. If that sounds alarming, rest assured that Mr Martin's company will insist that every purchaser take a training course before turning the ignition key.

"To attempt to fly any aircraft without professional instruction is extremely foolhardy," the site says under a headline, "How do I learn to fly?" And while it may be an "ultralight" be aware that what you will be tying to your back weighs a good 250lb and generates 600lb in thrust.

A company official in New Zealand said yesterday that the books were open for orders at once at a price tag of $100,000 (roughly £50,000). "We are not going to guarantee an actual delivery date," Jan Harvey said, "but we are saying 2009, roughly 12 months from order."

In truth, Mr Martin does not seem seriously to be suggesting his jetpack will one day replace the automobile as the transport mode of choice. He is hoping instead that it will become more of a sports toy for the very adventurous. "I've made the jetski for the sky," he said in Oshkosh.

So far, Mr Martin has kept test-flights at super-low altitude, usually between 3ft and 6ft off the ground. (A demonstration video shows a pilot gunning the pack while two helpers cling onto its sides to prevent man and machine zipping up into space.) In theory, however, the pack can fly unimpeded for 30 minutes and go as high as 8,000ft. Instead of airbags, the jetpack comes with a parachute deployed by a small explosive in the event of disaster aloft.

Worried that if you buy a pack you may fail the training? Never fear, Mr Martin has thought of that. "If for some reason they're not co-ordinated enough, we'll send them their money back and give it to the next person in the queue," he said.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/what-traffic-go-to-work-on-a-jetpack-880308.html

[Chicken]

^ fantastic!

23CXxSVtjhw

[Chicken]

Eel drink launched in Japan

Unagi Nobori, a fizzy drink made from Eels, has been launched in Japan.

The beverage, which translates as "Surging Eel", is a vivid yellow liquid and contains eel extract and vitamins found in the fish.

It has been launched this month to coincide with the start of Japan's annual eel-eating season, which peaks this year on 5 August.

Many believe the fish boost energy during the summer's hot and humid conditions.

(even i think this sounds gross)

[dolly]

Thank you, Photoshop Disasters for this latest bit of nightmare fodder. Yes, there is a disembodied hand on that mustachioed Olympian's shoulder. Possibly a ghost. Possibly some poor athlete who wasn't deemed Milk-worthy. Possibly a sly comment on China's mutation-high pollution levels. Possibly some poor photo editor who's about to get fired. Whatever the case, really makes the case for hormone-free milk...