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Saturday mornings I work at an acupuncture office and I pretty much surf the internet on my phone.

I am going to pull a no show for work in the afternoon though because my friend from HK just arrived and will only stay in sf for a day before heading to visit her family in LA.

I am horrible with listening to my voicemails and I blame my phone.

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havnt had inet for awhile now, in transit on my way to homer alaska..

confession: i wore my brothers crocs for a river /hiking trip (i guess thats ok, but i really dont like crocs)

I wish i had some of those chaco sandals, they look pretty intense.

z2aquastealth.jpg

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I just had a very peculiar experience.The city I live in is quite a popular tourist attraction, since its really old and close to stockholm.

When walking downtown I was stopped by an old man (85+) that asked me about the size of the city, in english. I answered to the best of my knowledge and tried to be polite. He said he was canadian .

He then continued asking me about buildings, history, the university, what I study, how old i was, my racial background, other parts of sweden and showed me his tourist groups travel plans. After perhaps 20-30 minutes he said he had to go find his group, shook my hand, introduced himself as Jim, patted me on my stomach and said "You are a very beautiful man". :D

nice old gay chap indeed.

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I miss my ex. But perhaps for the wrong reasons. I miss that sense of close friendship that I developed with her. I miss being content about talking about absolutely nothing. I thought about pursuing her again, but that's not what I want. I really just want to be friends, I guess.

I feel awful about the way we ended things. I was such an asshole. I've tried contacting her to apologize through email and facebook, but I'm too scared of calling her. It's been roughly a month since it ended.

Advice, sufu? Am I a pussy?

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Heres my real confessional...

So... Me and my 9 week pregnant girlfriend have a lot of petty fights. But we can get past it and blah blah blah.

Last nite, didnt sleep well together. I was up hunting a mouse in the house. And she was getting upset because she didnt think I wanted to sleep , and wanted to stay up and hunt the mouse. Which I did, I mean, how can you sleep wen you have a mouse running around your house/clothes/etc etc...? So I say fuck it, and I go to bed. Shes upset, doesnt kiss me goodnight, none of that. We fall asleep. I wake up somewhat early... half awake-ish... Feel her hold me while were sleeping. It was nice, warming, loving...

Morning comes, we wake up and everythings good. We shower, get dressed, and get on our way to our plan for Sunday. Eat at DADS (all you can eat Filipino/Japanese), watch a movie, and go to the mall next door for Sunday MASS. Everything goes well...

We eat well, watch Bourne Ultimatum, head over for MASS. I didnt pay attention to the preaching but watever.

We start heading out to the LRT station. Everything is well. Transfer out to the end to hop on MRT... She walks far ahead of me, not looking back for me, not reaching for my hand, nothing.

We get to the exit. Im in a bad mood because of that, I have temper in my tone and ask her "What the fuck is your problem? If you wanna walk alone, then be alone. Dont be with me and not want to walk with me."

She says with a dead tone "I have no problem, maybe you..." Which pisses me off, because with her, I could tell something was up, something running through her mind, but she wasnt telling me.

Blah blah blah, get upset, argue argue argue. She starts fighting me in public. Security are watching. People are watching. Im calm, just asking her wats wrong. Police come, and talk to me. She takes the opportunity and leaves and catches a cab. Where to? No idea. Stupid police. Didnt even try to seize her wen she was leaving.

Basically... She left me...

9 weeks into being pregnant, I bought her a dress for wen she gets bigger, and she leaves me for no reason.

I know, if I just kept my mouth shut, nothing woulda happened. But I didnt.

Im keeping my composure, but it sucks to think... I cant see my first kid...

I dunno... I dont think Im overreacting... Because this is life... Theres no acting...

No clue wats gonna happen tmrw...

Hard to walk down the street with my head up, because... I jus dont know wat to do right now, basically...

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Heres my real confessional...

So... Me and my 9 week pregnant girlfriend have a lot of petty fights. But we can get past it and blah blah blah.

Last nite, didnt sleep well together. I was up hunting a mouse in the house. And she was getting upset because she didnt think I wanted to sleep , and wanted to stay up and hunt the mouse. Which I did, I mean, how can you sleep wen you have a mouse running around your house/clothes/etc etc...? So I say fuck it, and I go to bed. Shes upset, doesnt kiss me goodnight, none of that. We fall asleep. I wake up somewhat early... half awake-ish... Feel her hold me while were sleeping. It was nice, warming, loving...

Morning comes, we wake up and everythings good. We shower, get dressed, and get on our way to our plan for Sunday. Eat at DADS (all you can eat Filipino/Japanese), watch a movie, and go to the mall next door for Sunday MASS. Everything goes well...

We eat well, watch Bourne Ultimatum, head over for MASS. I didnt pay attention to the preaching but watever.

We start heading out to the LRT station. Everything is well. Transfer out to the end to hop on MRT... She walks far ahead of me, not looking back for me, not reaching for my hand, nothing.

We get to the exit. Im in a bad mood because of that, I have temper in my tone and ask her "What the fuck is your problem? If you wanna walk alone, then be alone. Dont be with me and not want to walk with me."

She says with a dead tone "I have no problem, maybe you..." Which pisses me off, because with her, I could tell something was up, something running through her mind, but she wasnt telling me.

Blah blah blah, get upset, argue argue argue. She starts fighting me in public. Security are watching. People are watching. Im calm, just asking her wats wrong. Police come, and talk to me. She takes the opportunity and leaves and catches a cab. Where to? No idea. Stupid police. Didnt even try to seize her wen she was leaving.

Basically... She left me...

9 weeks into being pregnant, I bought her a dress for wen she gets bigger, and she leaves me for no reason.

I know, if I just kept my mouth shut, nothing woulda happened. But I didnt.

Im keeping my composure, but it sucks to think... I cant see my first kid...

I dunno... I dont think Im overreacting... Because this is life... Theres no acting...

No clue wats gonna happen tmrw...

Hard to walk down the street with my head up, because... I jus dont know wat to do right now, basically...

I don't know what the fuck to tell you about the woman, cos the woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with pretty much hates me now. But can say even if she/you hate, hate all you want, but don't let that be an excuse to not father your kid. Kids need dads.

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I kno...

But its hard wen the parents live on opposite sides of the world.

I was gonna move here in the Philippines for: Her, School, and building a family.

How can I live in a foriegn country, without support of a family like that?

I had plans on wat I HAD to do, to make ends meet. I asked her, what about the plans we made?

Her... "Fuck those plans."

Kids need dads and kids need a FAMILY. Mom + Dad is a family to a kid. They dont need a brother or a sister. Just a mom and dad to be there for them. Thats my view on how raising a family should be. Put aside anything and everything, just to make the family work. Thats wat Im willing to do.

But... I couldnt just NOT ask her WTF her problem was. Because, it would jus piss me off later in the nite.

My style changed, my weight/body structure changed, but my beliefs in love/what a FAMILY should be, have always been the same.

I knew that I wanted to be with her, wen I saw that the engangement ring (different story, young and ignorant...) on my necklace, fit her finger PERFECTLY.

Reason for the diamond ring (I ALWAYS bullshit people about it, but wat the hell... No use keeping secrets forever.) For my ex (I was... 15 HAHA.) But I didnt see the ring as JUST FOR YOU BECAUSE YOURE KOREAN AND MY GIRLFRIEND AND WERE YOUNG AND I WANNA MARRY YOU BECAUSE YOURE MY FIRST REAL GIRLFRIEND blah blah BULLSHIT.

I bought the ring thinking its for someone I love, and would build a family with. It was a ring that helped me explain my beliefs on love. My past girlfriend didnt want to try it on, because of her belief. That the ring was for my ex and it was a reminder about my ex. But like I sed... Its a reminder/the definition of my beliefs on love.

Real time...

This girlfriend wanted to try it on, she did. I was just in awe at how perfect the ring fit. Wasnt snug, wasnt loose, just sat right on her finger. (right hand because I sed so.)

But yea...

Iono... I have no idea wats going to happen for the rest of my stay here.

No clue if shes gonna call me while Im still here or not.

She thinks Im gonna leave her, and have no plans to come back here for her/our baby. For no reason at all, I keep explaining to her and keep reassuring her... but she still has doubts in me.

If she doesnt call me while Im still here, pretty much done for. So I have no idea wat to expect.

Ramble ramble ramble.

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I kno...

But its hard wen the parents live on opposite sides of the world.

I was gonna move here in the Philippines for: Her, School, and building a family.

How can I live in a foriegn country, without support of a family like that?

I had plans on wat I HAD to do, to make ends meet. I asked her, what about the plans we made?

Her... "Fuck those plans."

Kids need dads and kids need a FAMILY. Mom + Dad is a family to a kid. They dont need a brother or a sister. Just a mom and dad to be there for them. Thats my view on how raising a family should be. Put aside anything and everything, just to make the family work. Thats wat Im willing to do.

But... I couldnt just NOT ask her WTF her problem was. Because, it would jus piss me off later in the nite.

My style changed, my weight/body structure changed, but my beliefs in love/what a FAMILY should be, have always been the same.

I knew that I wanted to be with her, wen I saw that the engangement ring (different story, young and ignorant...) on my necklace, fit her finger PERFECTLY.

Reason for the diamond ring (I ALWAYS bullshit people about it, but wat the hell... No use keeping secrets forever.) For my ex (I was... 15 HAHA.) But I didnt see the ring as JUST FOR YOU BECAUSE YOURE KOREAN AND MY GIRLFRIEND AND WERE YOUNG AND I WANNA MARRY YOU BECAUSE YOURE MY FIRST REAL GIRLFRIEND blah blah BULLSHIT.

I bought the ring thinking its for someone I love, and would build a family with. It was a ring that helped me explain my beliefs on love. My past girlfriend didnt want to try it on, because of her belief. That the ring was for my ex and it was a reminder about my ex. But like I sed... Its a reminder/the definition of my beliefs on love.

Real time...

This girlfriend wanted to try it on, she did. I was just in awe at how perfect the ring fit. Wasnt snug, wasnt loose, just sat right on her finger. (right hand because I sed so.)

But yea...

Iono... I have no idea wats going to happen for the rest of my stay here.

No clue if shes gonna call me while Im still here or not.

She thinks Im gonna leave her, and have no plans to come back here for her/our baby. For no reason at all, I keep explaining to her and keep reassuring her... but she still has doubts in me.

If she doesnt call me while Im still here, pretty much done for. So I have no idea wat to expect.

Ramble ramble ramble.

All this story is kindda weird. Were you guys getting along fine before that night? Was everything okay or were you fighting all the time? 'cause if everything was perfect, I guess that she had a reason to leave.

Maybe it was only her hormones that were fucked up because of the pregnancy... Or maybe she was just looking for a reason to leave?

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But... I couldnt just NOT ask her WTF her problem was. Because, it would jus piss me off later in the nite.

i don't know your situation except what you posted, but it's pretty obvious that her problem is you're an ass who doesn't treat her very nicely. do you have a clue what it takes to keep a woman happy? hint: it doesn't involve chasing mice at night, nor does it involve taking and framing a photo of you 'mock' punching her in the head.

at any rate it certainly doesn't sound like you are in love with her. if you are, go back to her and try to convince her of that. i suspect this whole thing may just be a test of your commitment. if you give it up that easily, you have failed the test.

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Wen we have arguements, I set aside the reason why IM pissed off, to make sure shes not pissed off. I set aside watever, for her. Whether its not having enough money for both of us to eat a lot, just make sure she has enough to drink or eat. Basically, Id do anything just to make ends meet FOR her.

No ones perfect, I get mad, she gets mad, EVERYONE gets mad.

Im sleepy, so my story telling isnt really on point right now.

The way she acts towards me, when shes upset, it really does seem like shes just finding an reason to leave...

Shes really confusing, I wish I had a mutual friend who I could talk to. But I dont.

Iono...

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i don't know your situation except what you posted, but it's pretty obvious that her problem is you're an ass who doesn't treat her very nicely. do you have a clue what it takes to keep a woman happy? hint: it doesn't involve chasing mice at night, nor does it involve taking and framing a photo of you 'mock' punching her in the head.

at any rate it certainly doesn't sound like you are in love with her. if you are, go back to her and try to convince her of that. i suspect this whole thing may just be a test of your commitment. if you give it up that easily, you have failed the test.

Dont question my dedication/love/ME, because you dont kno me, but of course, youre just JUDGING by wat I posted.

I kno how to treat a woman right. Youre right, it doesnt involve chasing mice or a WDYWT picture in a picture frame. Thats just OUR humor we share with each other.

You have no idea how many times I go to her, to convince her EVERYTHING all over again. Its not easy for me to keep chasing a girl, who seems like she doesnt care about me, wen shes upset. Remember, girls act different when theyre upset.

Stop the chase? Like I sed... I have no idea wats gonna happen tmrw. Let alone, the rest of my days while Im here.

Of course it seems like Im giving up, I have less than two weeks, to make things work. Will I try everyday? Of course I will. Do women need time to think and clear their head? Of course they do/EVERYONE does. But how long will it take?

I have less than 2 weeks, if she keeps this up, what can I do when Im back in the US?

Get in my position and think about my situation. How will you handle it?

Flowers and candy? PLEASE...

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women get all crazy during pregnancy because of their hormones and shit..it's just something you gotta deal with during it.

maybe she will calm down and come back to you in a few days, but if she is really tryin to leave you, i dont know what to say

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i dont remember anyone resembling them in the movie, but then again i was pretty high when i watched it

confession: my short term memory is shitty from smokin too much, will it go away if i stop?

The beginning of the movie, where the guy goes to his house, and Bourne is inside. As he is entering, he looks JUST like Mike Lowery... Bournes dead girlfriends brother...

Confession...

When I read Mike Lowery, I think its pronounced the way Martin Lawrence pronounces Will Smiths last name in Bad Boys.

"Cuz Im Mike... LARRRRRRRRRRY... Ya kno, cuz thas who I am... Mike... LARRRRRRRRRRY..."

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Did you like Bourne, cause I loved it, all three. Fucker had my knuckles bare white, tightly wrapped around the armrest. In this case, I really hope that there's a fourth.

stunt...don't think you're necessarily doing anything wrong. you CANNOT underestimate the chaos that results from a pregnant woman's hormones. It is not cliche.

But, you indicated that you're leaving. This sounds like it's the trip wire. Was she supposed to join you in the U.S (sounds like not, since she's worried about you coming back). But that could be it...it's her/your first? & will you be around for the baby's birth? Scary as hell if she doesn't have much of a support group in the home country, especially without you. That would fuck with anyones emotional balance, not to mention her's.

As mentioned, perhaps she's testing the waters, throwing out these breaks to test your tenacity & loyalty. You're a player (honestly, from what little I've seen on this board, no offense) - you know it & she does to. Being that far apart for how long is messing her up right now.

You've chased after her incessantly. If it's that important to you, you'll do it again. But somehow, convince her (if convinced yourself), that you've manned up & this is the world to you - more directly than ever before.

bit of advice...perhaps indulge her and give her those moments. I know it rubs everything you've stood for before, but nothing before is ever quite like what's about to happen from now on. good luck.

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