i need opinions

[so_CLE4N]

so, after being sick for a day, i had a lot of free time

during that time, i decided to write

opinions please

I have failed spectacularly in the pursuit of solace. I have made mistakes and have tried to contend with them as best I can, but again I've been reminded of my own striking, and inherent character flaws.

For the last few months I've had an overwhelming urge to write something, anything, at all worth reading. I've racked my brain for some sort of conscious flow of brilliance. A beautiful string of words that would help alleviate the pressure that an accumulation of thoughts can create in the psyche. I've tried to figure out why I've had this irresistible feeling to communicate. And I guess I've reached an impasse, a point at which certain events have caused me to reevaluate myself.

It's difficult for me to make connections with people. The amount of actual, close, and meaningful relationships I've had with people is such a small number that I'd rather not share it. I'm not close with my parents and have never had a more than cordial relationship with the people who I have shared a house with for the last 17 years. My relationship with them is something more like that of a debtor to a bank; they have provided for me for my entire life, and my pursuit of some sort of perfection in both academics and social life has been, in some way, an attempt on my part to reconcile this debt.

But perfection is as elusive as it is unattainable. It's a perverse concept, unnatural and alien.

However, my pursuit of perfection only led me to notice the less than admirable qualities of people. I noticed their faults, their imperfections, their "meanness". The egotistical and childish attempts to "one-up" someone else, the lack of honest discourse among people who even considered themselves friends, the hatred and the maintaining of grudges that I'd thought only the smallest people could be capable of, and the rampant and disgusting disregard for other people's boundaries. The things I've noticed over the years, obviously don't just include this, but the meaning behind these actions led me to form a less than agreeable opinion about people generally.

So I wrote a lot. I wrote, because I didn't have an avenue to express my opinions. I didn't have friends who I could trust, because, my observations of the inherent flaws of people had left me disgusted even with the most innocuous of persons. For the longest time, my communication consisted of an ethereal relationship with no one in particular, only the objective opinions of the paper which played canvas to my ink and Microsoft Word which played host to my words.

I didn't hate people, but I distrusted them greatly.

Three years, I've been at Palo. Three years since I went to military school and three years since my grandmother died and I've reached an impasse in the evaluation of people.

My friend, Catherine, from middle school once described my beliefs as that of an Idealist. The way she phrased it, she said that I was an "optimist by nature, but a pessimist by experience". Even with my distrust of people, my total disdain for their propensity for hatred, and my own lack of trust with anyone, I realized she was in a horribly ironic way, right.

My disgust was always coupled with a degree of attachment. I always tried to be a good person, because I believed that the world needed as much help as it could get. I have tried, tremendously, to be honest with people. I've tried to not insult people, but have developed it as a tactic so people, whose own indecency led them to insult me, would leave me the fuck alone.

I've had an overwhelming urge to write recently, because I have fully realized that I was wrong.

People are no more apt to be perfect than the world that we live in. Because other people are not good, doesn't mean I should fault them. Because I'm not perfect, doesn't mean I should fault myself.

In the end, I've always maintained that I am a collage of the people I have met and interacted with over the years. An overlapping of personalities, egos, intelligence, and idiocy that have culminated in the affirmation of a creed that I have grown to know well: because I am so obviously not perfect, that people are not perfect.

My friends, a circle of great people, have helped teach me this. That the character flaws that I have, that others have, are something that is in every respect as fantastic as it may be imperfect. All I can do, all anyone can do, really, is to attempt to work past their flaws in the pursuit of, not perfection, but a more readily and accessible person. That in the end, we are human, and that our flaws are something that contribute the unavoidable beauty of our characters.

So, if I forget to ever remind anyone of this. If I'm in a particularly bad mood, or if certain events lead me to be unable to communicate this to any of my friends, please know that I am thankful everyday that you are my friends. Thankful that you have helped me reach and move beyond an impasse of my life and made me better for it.

[Fabulaz]

I thought you were going to sneak in buy cheap free viagra cialis wholesale nike jordan dunks after the first paragraph

but you didn't

[geekbonchic]

Is this meta or not meta?

Also, can someone tell me if my question is meta?

[Pandemonium]

my opinion is that you should play xbox more.

[Pandemonium]

gbc: if you can answer your question then it is not meta.

thanks.

[junglejane]

[villain]

duh

:confused:

[redgrail]

This seems like a statement.

What exactly do you need opinions on?

Also, SUFU is not for therapy. Go see a pro, you won't regret it (unless you get a shitty one).

[playdisonlyatnight]

suicide note concept (?)

[homi29]

cliffs notes??

[artificialsky]

[mrjuby]

[nicotine]

^^ hahahahahaa