NYC Subway Stories

[Billy.Barbados]

the black israelites called my friend a white faggot last week and he was sad

What are the black Israelites, do they just stand around and talk shit to everybody or something?

[Darkadious]

I ordered a philly cheesesteak, but it's not part of the $5 footlong menu. =/

best post in the thread

don't know why no one's noticed

one girl turns to a guy and says: dude, i think my mom is a virgin or something...

also obviously the worst

[cernunnos]

subway too, but not new york subway.

this guy (not girl) can be often seen here:

he is probably several inches taller than jeepster.

[homi29]

lol not nyc subway but toronto subway

i saw this homeless lookin black duuu lookin all haggard eating mcdonalds. He was halfway through his fries when he hit the floor and started foaming at the mouth and having a seizure. Some lady tried to help him but he was just flailing his arms almost hitting her..

the funny part to me was when he woke back up he picked up all the fries off the floor that fell and ate them..

[DaBestSpoona]

One time I was on the G train late at night and I see two thugged out dudes duking it out, but the were actually a pair of homothugs just having a heated moment of passion.

[amo te]

one time i walked into the downtown 6 and some pretty "normal" lookin dude was standing in front of me, kind of leaning against one of the poles when he turns, looks at me dead in the eyes .. seriously like he was peering into my soul, and projectile vomits ALL over the floor. he then wipes his mouth off and just keeps puttin' out the vibe like nothing ever happened.

this isn't a subway story but whatever. my and my girl were at this ice cream joint across the street from 99x (scoops and sundaes i think it's called) and we're sitting outside on the bench munchin on our food when this chick in clown makeup who was walking down the sidewalk stops dead in her tracks, squats, and pisses all over the sidewalk and then walks away like nothing happened. right before this we saw a dude running down the street with 2 12 packs of heineken being chased by a duane reade security guard. the guard catches up to him and ninja kicks him right in the back, knocking a few beers on the ground. the perp looks at the guard and just goes "you just kicked me!" and then runs away laughing with the beer.

[dino might]

subway too, but not new york subway.

this guy (not girl) can be often seen here:

he is probably several inches taller than jeepster.

Unless he's 7 ft tall he ain't taller than jeep, motherfucker gotta bend down to get through my door.

[Bigyen]

This random dude once asked me for a dollar so he could break up his weed and so we could smoke a blunt but i didn't want to smoke a blunt in the subway and i knew i would never get my dollar back so i kept saying i will not give you a dollar and he kept asking and being like NO but we're going to smoke this blunt until he finally realized i was for serious and was not going to give him a dollar he cocked his fist back and began to throw a heavy punch directed towards my face but stopped and tapped my nose lightly with his knuckle i said you CRAZY and we smoked a blunt.

[amo te]

What are the black Israelites, do they just stand around and talk shit to everybody or something?

i still have no idea what their agenda is, if any. all they do is yell nonsensical crap and try and get people off. the best way to deal with them is to just smile at them as you walk in the middle of their little congregation .. gets them so heated.

[Billy.Barbados]

This random dude once asked me for a dollar so he could break up his weed and so we could smoke a blunt but i didn't want to smoke a blunt in the subway and i knew i would never get my dollar back so i kept saying i will not give you a dollar and he kept asking and being like NO but we're going to smoke this blunt until he finally realized i was for serious and was not going to give him a dollar he cocked his fist back and began to throw a heavy punch directed towards my face but stopped and tapped my nose lightly with his knuckle i said you CRAZY and we smoked a blunt.

Did you get the dollar back?

If someone did that to me I'd just hit them, but then that would make it an awkward situation. But then I could just take his weed and his blunt .

i still have no idea what their agenda is, if any. all they do is yell nonsensical crap and try and get people off. the best way to deal with them is to just smile at them as you walk in the middle of their little congregation .. gets them so heated.

I'm not even going to front, I'd probably die laughing if I went up to New York and seen those guys. Talking shit with them would be funny for a minute but I don't think I could keep a straight face.

[Bigyen]

I didn't give him the dollar i didn't flinch when he threw the punch respect gets respect

[villain]

I didn't give him the dollar i didn't flinch when he threw the punch respect gets respect

haven't you seen enough youtube knockouts to know that not flinching just gets you knocked out worse

if some dude swings on me im ducking/blocking it and coming back with one of my own

anyways i've got a ton of stories to contribute to this thread i've been riding the subway since i was a baby when i got time i'll write some

[gas prices kill]

this has become my favorite thread of 2009

[dino might]

^seconded kuy6f78i

[Bigyen]

I get knocked down all the time but that just gives me an opportunity to slash some Achilles tendons.

[Guest Snackman]

Peep the signn

[longrun]

kids -- not a personal story

http://ihnl.ytmnd.com/

[ROYALEFATALE]

Anybody ever run into these guys ? lol

i walked through these dus in times square a few times, they were just spitting random bullshit as usual

[amo te]

being a 6'4 irish kid, i think i should ask if i could join the black israelites.

[jeepster]

I think Dino should write a guide for homeless subway people - he knows how to utilize the in-between cars space like no other - smokes, pee's, uses his iPhone. I mean shit, he could probably live out there.

I do not suggest he write a book on how to jump from one platform to another, though.

[capa]

alright this girl told me this story about how she was sitting down on a subway car's bench and this was guy was holding the rail above her and his crotch was sort of in her face. she was looking down for a bit and when she looked up again the guys dick and balls were out but the pants were zipped up to like the bottom of the balls. she looked up at the dude and he was just staring straight with a dead ass serious face.

[mp.]

riding on the 2 uptown...

young hot tourist blonde (to me): does this train stop at chambers street

me: yeah, but you have to get on the downtown train to get there

dumb young hot tourist blonde: what do you mean

me: we're going uptown, chambers is downtown

dumb young hot tourist blonde: what?

me: what do you mean, "what"?

dumb young hot tourist blonde: the trains go in two directions???

[Orion]

A buddy of mine went to NY for the first time and he was waiting for the train when a guy comes up to him and convinces him to pull $200 out of the ATM, saying he'll turn it into $300 without leaving his sight. I guess he puts the cash under a rag, shakes it, and hands the rag with his money inside as he pushes my boy onto the waiting train. Doors close, he opens the rag, and it's a bunch of newspaper rolled up. When he told us the story we pretty much reminded him how much of a fucking idiot he is. Guy got took.

[amo te]

seriously who falls for this type of shit? i remember when my little brother went on his senior trip and he was telling me how some girl in his class got took for 100 bucks just like this as SOON as she walked off the bus. she was literally in nyc for no more than 5 mins and she'd already been got.

[jeepster]

easiest marks are the ones that look up at all the buildings. You just put your head down and fucking keep walking, otherwise you'll get shaken down easily.

[amo te]

i work in times square and i literally run into at least 2 or 3 people everyday because they are staring up at shit in the middle of the sidewalk. people also love to walk and then come to a dead halt out of nowhere when i'm walking behind them. that's always fun.

[Orion]

For real. He's telling us that the guy "seemed so legit". I'm like, motherfucker, say the sequence to yourself and let me know if it sounds right?

[dino might]

^^ in regards to what amo te said, FUCK that. i want to push them the fuck down when that happens. im like 10 blocks down of times square and i avoid it like the plague because of stuff just like that, huge pet peeve

[Vs Toto]

^^ in regards to what amo te said, FUCK that. i want to push them the fuck down when that happens. im like 10 blocks down of times square and i avoid it like the plague because of stuff just like that, huge pet peeve

typical big city folk

[Billy.Barbados]

alright this girl told me this story about how she was sitting down on a subway car's bench and this was guy was holding the rail above her and his crotch was sort of in her face. she was looking down for a bit and when she looked up again the guys dick and balls were out but the pants were zipped up to like the bottom of the balls. she looked up at the dude and he was just staring straight with a dead ass serious face.

Man, you made me choke on my water. This is probably the funniest shit I've ever heard of.