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Pandas


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As a Chinese person I feel the need to say that pandas are some bitch ass creatures. These guys are not smart, unhygenic, not particularly friendly, and contribute nothing to their ecosystem. Pandas live better than 90% of the people in China and they still can't get the population up? These things just take and take with very little to show for it.

Pandas are the equivalent of those spoiled bitches on My Sweet 16 in the animal kingdom.

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Narrator: I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

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